Hello again, dear Emetophobes and friends,
Remember me? I don't blame you if you don't! It's been so long! How I've missed you guys, and this site. Sheesh...I may not have been here, but you all have been in my thoughts and prayers! I've chatted to some of you over MSN messenger but other than that, haven't been here for what seems like ages! I just couldn't stand it any longer. I had to come back. I want to say something real quick and then I'll get to what's been up.
Welcome all you new guys who haven't a clue who I am,the our lil IES family! (Hope I haven't been voted off ;-) I'm sorry I wasn't here to offically welcome you with open arms on your first day here, the day that you'll never forget, the day you realized you were normal and that there were so many other people like you. I'll sure never forget the day I realized that! So, all you newbies (and I remember how I hated that word!) I truly hope that you find all the TLC, comfort, and re-born hope for the future thanks to all the wonderful people here.
I believe one of the last times I posted here was when I had the flu back in December. That was some dark times, yet some enlightning ones, if that makes any sense!! Well since then, I've been up and down and all around. My anxiety, thus far, has improved, thanks to the help of both the medication I am on and the physchiatrist I am currently seeing. A lil while ago my OCD kind of faded, only to come back now when I'm having difficulty again. My anxiety is back and bigger than ever, maybe because of all the stress lately, I dont know, and I feel like I'm starting to get into my old pattern that I had worked so hard to bring myself out of. OCD, Anxiety, IBS, Depression..the things I hate most in the world and was so proud to conqour has come back to bite me in the bottom. Today I stayed home from school with bad nausea, is it anxiety, IBS or the flu, that is the question. But I suppose I can't really blame myself, as I've been working a little too hard.
February was unbelievably busy. I had to register and do course selection for high school, that was stressful, too many options, too overwhelming, overbearing. Then there was all the work they packed onto us and boy oh boy that hasnt' slowed either. Socially, I went down the drain last month, and am stuck at the bottom this month. Its really hard. I'm in dark times again, the place I dont want to be.I don't want this 24/7 anxiety nausea back to ruin my life again. I just don't want it! And right now I'm supposed to be working on a 25 page essay on Chemotherapy that is due Thursday and I haven't even started, but I'm too anxious too. Same with this book I have to read. I'm on page 54 out of 320. Has anyone read Airborne? lol..that's due tomorrow too. And I havent' been sleeping well either. Oh bah humbug to it all.
Gr and don't even mention my love life. Its almost like now I am too scared to love, because everyone I love I loose. I want love, but when it comes around to me, I get petrified. Abnormal, I know, just like me. Its odd. But why bother any way? It's just gonna hurt me like it did before.
Well enough of me blabbering as I tend to do. How are you guys? I hope ya'll are good..what have you been up to? I want you to know that I sincerely have missed each and every single one of you. Your the best friends I could ever have, and I feel aweful about leaving you. But I'm back, and it feels like worse than ever.
Laura
[b]PS/Edit: Did I mention that I feel like I don't belong *anywhere* anymore? Not even on silly pages of pixles on the internet..not even