Re: It's all too much :(
Emzee
Please don't say negative things about yourself. You aren't a waste-you are a scared person with a phobia. Like sdd said, your phobia does not define who you are as a person. Its a small part of you, albeit a small part that has the propensity to jump up and take over sometimes, but you are much more than this stupid phobia-don't forget that!
I think you are having horrible anxiety and are overwhelmed about your Grandma. I recently went through a similar thing about a month or so ago with my Grandpa. He passed away at the end of January and when I heard I immediately freaked out. Would I get sick on the plane? I was going to be staying with my uncle-what if someone in his family had noro? There were going to be lots of people at the wake and funeral-what if someone who'd had noro gave me a hug? I think I preoccupied myself with those thoughts to take focus off losing my grandpa who had been the most important man in my life up until I married my 2nd
husband! I think that's what you are doing now and your anxiety is going haywire and spiraling out of control with all this extraneous stuff. In some ways, I think our emet is a weird type of coping mechanism if that makes any sense.
Don't worry about kids, morning sickness, and all that stuff. Deal with that when you have to-all in good time, my dear
Take care!
Jennifer
“The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven..”
― John Milton, Paradise Lost