If you wanted truly wanted to die, chances are you wouldn't admit it. This is a cry for help and we're trying to help you. Don't just try and sweep this issue under the rug, pretending it doesn't exist. It doesn't work that way. I've been in that dark place before and I know it's hell. I got help and I'm doing much better now. Help yourself or no one else will be able to help you. PM me if you need to talk. Definitely don't hesitate. Call the hotline or go to the emergency room.