I'm so sorry you are in such distress. I also get the lump in my throat and *D when I panic. It's a natural body reaction with all the adrenalin running through your body. The lump in my throat is directly related to feelings of when I was sexually abused. I'm not saying this is the same for you but I will say that knowing has helped me. I also work with my inner children which is a tremendous help. I highly recommend anyone find a therapist who understands inner children because working directly with them speeds along recovery. I had a panic attack today and what I do is 1.) belly breathing - this takes lots of concentration 2.) talk to my inner children and let them know that they will not be hurt in any way 3.) I rub my stomach or my thigh - whichever is more comfortable - this is very comforting to the inner children. Inner children work is not for everyone but if you want to look into it I am a believer that it helps. I hope you are feeling better soon. Remember what Anna S Christi says "*V is not dangerous or harmful in any way. It can't hurt me, so I don't need to fear it."