I'm going to be a train wreck by the end of the week

[aquariTerrible]

Hi I'm new

I've been worrying for the past two days about a get together with friends. I'm not that badly off with my fear I guess? But I'm going drinking with friends this weekend. I want to go, I really do. I've already sunk money into it. But I'm scared that someone will go past their limits and end with me freaking out. I've mentioned it to my best friend today, who is going as well, and she said she can leave with me if I have to. She knows her limit etc. I know shes fantastic and probably does, but I'm planning that I'm going to have to leave alone or go lock myself somewhere far away from them.

I've been on edge from that, and then my brother woke up crying maybe half an hour ago. Hes 2. Dad brought him downstairs. I knew what was wrong with him and I just ran. Like Got up and bolted for my room. So now, not only am I stressing over this weekend, I'm trying to not panic over this right now. I really dont want to have to resort to begging to go to my grandmother's this late. Its what I did last time.

I'm really trying to keep calm, but I don't know if I can go this weekend now. My hands are itching, im trying not to cry, i feel like I might freak out more than a reasonable amount. Im trying to prevent that by listening to music and reading, but its hard. I'm itching and want to pace and want to shower in hothothothot water and i just feel like im going to sob. I don't want to. I dont want this to ruin my friend's birthday this weekend. I dont want this to make me hide away more.

It doesnt help that my mom gets mad at me and laughs about this. I'm 21, I feel like such a failure for this sort of stuff.

[Eveningstar]

first off.. you are not a failure. You can't help it. She should be more understanding. I am always afraid when I got out that someone is going to get sick. I always tell myself....don't touch my face. Don't drink out of straws that the drinks came it. And I wash my hands frequently. I would always order a glass of ice to go with whatever i ordered. Chewing on ice always helped calm my nerves. Everyone just thought I was silly or horny (lol truth...myth is if you eat ice it means you're sexually frustrated!) Just do little things that will help keep you calm. sometimes i would twist a napkin to help keep me calm. Pay attention to the conversation not everyone else. I am not going to lie....I have only experience a person getting S once, while going out. Another thing to think about....leave a half hour to an hour before bar close. that is the drunkest time for anyone. avoid that time frame. Good luck. I hope your brother is well.

[WoofGirl]

I'm almost in the same boat.(friends want to get together this weekend) I've only drank once before, I was a nervous wreck, but I just tried to enjoy myself and I ended up having a great time! Don't let fun times like this go by just because of this stupid phobia. You can beat it! And Eveningstar lol I never heard that about being horny and eating ice before haha. That made my night because I eat ice too >.<

[aquariTerrible]

Eveningstar: Lol I never knew that myth about ice. I just like the cold in general so I eat ice. I realize I shouldn't be so worried, I've drank with one of them before and like I said they're all pretty good people. And I did manage to share my fear with one of them, so she'll be able to help me out a bit if I get too nervous, hopefully. My problem is my calming tactics have always involved me touching my face. Since I was a baby. I'm an adult thumb sucker, not so proud of this- but it works for me. And I chew on things when I'm nervous/anxious/etc. I also rub at my eyebrows or hair. I have purell though, and I wash my hands a lot if I'm not sticking to just my bedroom (even then I wash em a decent amount). I'm going to bring some of my favorite shirts with me and my ipod and maybe some books to read or draw in- depends what fits in my backpack. We're drinking in a hotel room with out own booze, so there really is no 'ending' time. There may be an "aquari hides the booze because people are getting out of hand" time if I'm brave enough and it gets to that point.

And my brother was fine this morning. I slept until noon, but I slept lightly and heard everyone wake up at around 7, and kept waking up through until 9:30 when they all left. He has a tendency to bust into my room in the mornings and I wanted to be able to keep my door shut. He was running around and everything, so I think he is alright. Still going to spend the day in my room I think though.

WoofGirl: I'm glad you had a great time! Thats really awesome you got to enjoy yourself despite being so nervous, I really hope I can do the same!

It must be a thing for emetophobes to eat ice. I have rarely heard of anyone else doing so other than because they just had something done where they couldn't use a straw lol

A general update: I ended up not having too tough a time last night. I was really tense but playing Elvis was a really good choice lol. I ended up taking a shower at midnight ish anyway, but it really helped. Afterward I was able to fall asleep with minimal fussing over my set up and read a little to give me something fresher in my mind to think about (peter pan, yo. and the first three pages of pride and prejudice because I've been meaning to read that for years). I'm spending the day being a massive suck just chilling in my pillow pile and blankets like a goof. I have laundry to do, but I only hafta be out of my room for a little bit at a time so its okay.

I'm hoping I can sleep decently tonight, and if I can't I was planning on drinking arseloads(probably 2 or 3 cups, whoo non-coffeedrinker) of coffee on saturday anyway- mostly because if im awake with all of the energy I will find stuff to do.

[aquariTerrible]

well I went and it ended up being a pretty eh time anyway. managed to not freak out too much, though i ended up leaving the room because there were too many people and one of them- literally right before we went to sleep- mentioned they werent feeling well. :I loads of other reasons too probably. but I was proud I did pretty okay

oh but now the person I laid face-to-face with for a good two hours (and the only one i really hung out with) said they've been feeling crampy and stuff all weekend. GREAT. Im more mad than anything right now, so I'm going to hold on to that so I don't turn into a wreck.

Safe to say, I overestimated how "great" they were for different reasons and probably won't be offering to hang or taking them up on their offers for a while.

But i went, so I'm proud of that. (I even used the public washrooms and went to a packed dancing area!)

[Eloyie]

I'm 26 and I still want to cry when I have panic attacks or worry about *v. I have 2 young children and I feel like every single day I'm afraid they will get sick /: My anxiety has been through the roof the last several weeks and I don't know why, but I feel like I can't live being so afraid all the time! The fear has nothing to do with age, it really is a mental disorder that we have /: