I'm sorry to hear you're struggling so much!! The one thing I will say, is that you seem to be talking yourself into an anxiety attack (saying you WILL have one later).. It seems like it almost is dooming you to having one.. does that make sense? That being said, I SO understand how hard it is not to do that. Can you do something to distract? I know something that has been surprisingly helpful with my anxiety is working out in some way. Because it releases all those feel good hormones, it really lowers my anxiety. I have done this when I'm suffering from high anxiety before a trip, and it's amazed me how much better I feel for hours afterwards.

For the nausea- I take peppermint altoids, those things are lifesavers for me!

And the final thing, if you feel like you will be in serious danger of committing suicide tonight, please please PLEASE call someone near you to come stay with you, or a local hospital or helpline if you don't have a close friend or family member nearby!

*hugs* I hope that this fear winds up being unfounded, and that you manage to sleep tonight!