I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Your son sounds like an awesome kid! That's great you got to watch it on the DVD with him, and great that he understood. Maybe use this (how you felt missing his graduation) to push you to try different avenues for help, ex: medication, new counselor, new type of therapy, etc. so this way you can be determined not to miss his wedding etc. by the way, I don't fault you...I almost bailed on my own wedding ceremony be wise I was so afraid I was going to vomit in front of everyone! I'm divorced now so maybe I shoulda bail (haha j/k!). Anyway, good luck and use this experience to better yourself!