so unstable at the mo

[ejb199]

Hey friends,

i really need to chat - i feel so muddled and mixed up right now. i feel like im taking a step back with the emet at the moment. perhaps is due to my reduced effexor - who knows. i just feel more 'scared' and keep thinking and focusing on emet more each day. ive started the excessive handwashing and have had more obsessive thoughts about food lately.

I read Lauras post - and usually i can focus on the positive things abt such an experience - but lately i just think omg - id rather die. i cant go on like this - i just want to be NORMAL!!! it cracks me up because on the outside - i am SOOO normal - but my pathetic crap excuse for a brain is so ABNORMAL and ruining my life.

i have just received the phobia and anxiety workbook - so i think im going to work thro that.

i know its horrible - but the thought of being sick is so so scary - and after reading Lauras story - it just makes me think - where does IT all come from.....? does it just keep getting produced so u cant stop....its just awful [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]

ems [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]

[ontariogirl]

ems I am sorry that you are going through this. I used to be scared everyday with this phobia and it does suck. I just changed my thoughts. When I was scared and nervous about being sick I would do something else. Do you have any hobbies? This phobia consumed me so much and I know what you are feeling. Read that book, it must have some suggestions in there. I think as I became older and more things to do, this phobia hasn't consumed me as much as it did. I want to be normal to but we are normal, we just have a phobia that has consumed us, reeking havoc on our life. What hobbies do you have? I paint ceramics and when I am feeling anxious I take out my paint and brushes and paint and it helps so much. I hope you feel better.

[madisonsmom]

Wow, I am sorry you are feeling like this. I know how it feels. It sounds like the Effexor was working for you. Do you plan on trying anything else or are you going to try to deal with it on your own.


Please keep us posted and let me know if you need to talk.[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[sunshine16]

Aw hunn I'm so sorry that you're going through this and I am sorry that if I caused you to be a bit down[img]smileys/smilies_16.gif[/img]



Anyways, hunn, I do believe that the thing that is most aweful about
the whole act of v* is that you don't always know where it comes from,
and that the question of "Who What When Where Why How" Is terrible when
it comes to v*, and unless you have answers, you feel so upset. But I
suppose that just like in "What came first, the chicken or the egg?"
There are no answers- Just theroies.



I really hope you are doing a bit better, try just to calm down and
count your blessings, even though it may be hard to do when your down.

Thinking about you [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[Hale]

Hi Emma,

I am coming off effexor too. I was having a reall;y awful time. I was so bad that I completely broke down at the hynotherapist in the middle of a session and she did me a freebie. Luckily I am coming through the other side and I know you can do it too. Thinking of you, take care. PM me if you need a chat.

[ejb199]

thanks guys - for your kind words.

i know what u mean about hobbies and usually i try and read - but i have been at work and just been feeling poo. i hate feeling yuck at work coz u cant stop thinking abt the worst! i really wanna do some painting again tho...

Laura - aww ur post didnt get me down - it just kinda made me think that despite fighting everyday against this - it an still happen and be so horrid! i really feel for u and i hope ur feeling better soon - please please post and tell me what positive things u are gonna try and get from the whole experience!

after i posted at work today - i had a really bad tummy ache and then d* - great. i feel ok now and i think it was just my period playing havoc. came home and did some yoga - and i might have some crackers and cheese if i feel up to it later...

ohhhhh
ems xx

[nicki]

hi, do you have msn messenger, i do and am always on, i can add u if u like in case u ever need/want to chat

[trickyvicky]

hey Emma,I'm sorry to hear u are feeling like crap!!!!! i think we have to take a step back and except that some days or weeks are going to be hard in our situation with emet....having your period will not help.....feeling anxious and down....but i know u can get through this....I just try to look at these times as a lesson in life....U have done so well since being ill last year with the V* issue....just give yourself some credit for what u have been through and were u are now....I have felt strange for the last few days....feeling down slightly and forgetting things....I'm sure its to do with the weather,as its been dull at times but humid with low cloud bases....this can surpress your mood.....Hey if u ever need a chat just e-mail me and i will come on msn just for u LOL!!!!!!


u have been good to me with some really positive words so i know u can get through this....take care sweetie


Vicky xxxx

[ontariogirl]

Are you feeling any better ems? It breaks my heart when someone who has this phobia is going through such a hard time, because I know , we all know what you are going through mentally and physically.

[charzysbebe]

Awwww, I know what you are saying. I had sort of a hard time reading throughLaura's post about being sick too.[img]smileys/smilies_12.gif[/img]


One of the side effects of weaning/stopping antidepressants, is increased anxiety, mood swings, depression, etc...


I weaned of Paxil a couple of months ago, and until my body got used to the decrease in the SSRI, I felt like I was always on the edge, and my emet was much worse.


Eventually you will learn to cope once more, once your seratonin levels are more stable. In the meantime, just tell yourself that the added anxiety is from the chemicals in your brain trying to level out; that is what I had to keep telling myself and it worked!I am much better now I am "levelled off"! [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]


Good luck, and remember...take 1 day at a time!


Matthew: 6:26 Worrying about the future hampers your efforts for today.


6:34 Living one day at a time keeps us from being consumed with worry.


Charlotte