New here & Looking for help :)

[EllyyMayy]

Hello everyone,
My name is Elly and I am 19 years old and have been suffering from emetophobia for as long as I can remember. Recently I have had probably the most difficult time I will have in my life and my emetophobia has taken most of the shock. It has got so bad now that I rarely eat.. Maybe once in 24 hours if I feel like it.. Sometimes longer than that. I hardly ever get out of bed and fear going out into social situations and public. I spend most evenings in bed crying my eyes out because I feel so ill. I normally only panic at night because I associate being sick with night time as I have never been sick in the day. I struggle if my mum goes out and when she goes to work I can barely even nice as I get so nervous when she isn't around. I hardly see my fiancé anymore because I am to embarrassed incase I have a panic attack infront of him. I've got to the point now where I see no point in living anymore. I'm not living a life. I feel like there is no point in living anymore as I have no reason to be here. I cannot work because of my phobia and I can't get help really because I am so nervous about leaving the house so I think now is the time to talk to other people in the same situation as me. I have never done anything like this before so this is a huge step for me and I hope you all welcome me into the community and I can't wait to hear from all of you.
I just pray there is a light at the end of the tunnel because right now I see no point in carrying on.

[Stephanie48]

Hi, I went through the same thing about 20 years ago. I was in my early 20s. I never left my house except work but i had to take pills to keep me going. I barely ate cause I was frightened I would throw it up. I received no help as back then panic attacks were not that well known and even though I rang up eating disorder clinics desperate for help they were confused with my issues so I felt i was on my own. I was in my own private hell! No one knew what was wrong with me as I kept it a secret.
I found it hard to be around people in case I threw up in front of them! I eventually became more social. I preferred people visiting me so I didn't have to leave the house. I got a flatmate in too but I kinda hid in my room alot. I ate small meals for a long time, sometimes I'd panic after sometimes I didn't.. It was very unpleasant though. When I think back at that time I call it my "dark days"
anyway I met my neighbours ( 3 young guys ) one of them liked me and I sorta started seeing him. I went to his house abit. It was good as they lived next door so it wasn't far from home if I got anxious. Anyway I eventually moved away and I shared with a guy who I met through the neighbour ( we lived as flatmates ) he had no idea I had issues as I kept it hidden. He helped me eat again without realising. He used to cook all the food and I found it easier to eat if it was put in front of me ready to go. I used to panic before when preparing food as I was dreading eating it while I made it. After we ate we would sit and watch movies which was a good distraction. Before I used to eat small, sit alone and panic.
I hope u feel better soon, it's hard to advise what to do as I know when the panic sets in nothing helps. I have found that since that time in my life that telling people close around u is good. Sometimes when I panic I call a friend who tries to distract me and we make jokes to snap me out of it..
anyway I'm rambling so I shut up! Good luck