So there's other people like me?

[BrandNew]

I'm surprised that so many people suffer from emetophobia, and that there are resources like this out there. If you don't mind, I would like to share my story.

I'm a 24 year old male. The last time I v* I was 11 years old, and I remember every vivid detail of it. I lost control.. made a mess everywhere. I didn't know how to react and I was just scared. I couldn't breathe, my body just would not stop. And as soon as I was done, even though I felt better, I was terrified of it happening again. It was to the point where I felt sick with fear for the next couple of months before finally snapping out of it and living normally. I haven't v* since then and it's been almost 13 years. I've always been afraid of it happening, but it never affected the way I lived my life. I ate what I wanted when I wanted, drank excessive alcohol from time to time, and didn't let the anxiety ever really get to me. But the fear recently came back in full force.

Three weeks ago, I had started taking an antibiotic for an infection. As I went to lay down and fall asleep, I suddenly started to feel sick. I was nauseous and my head was spinning. I didn't have a stomach ache at all but the thought "what if I have to throw up?" came into my head. It was horrifying. I tried to lay down but my body jerked my head back up. Everything was spinning. I was shivering uncontrollably. I ran to the bathroom and tried to force myself to have a bowel movement. I told myself that if I could do that, it would mean I wouldn't have to throw up. After that though, I still felt scared. I was too dizzy to lay down, so I just paced back and forth for hours trying to talk myself out of it. I began to doubt if I would even survive the night. I don't know what it feels like to need to v* because it has been so long. I don't know if I actually had to and I kept it down, or if it was all just fear.

Since then, it hasn't gone away. My appetite has decreased because I don't want to eat too much and get sick. Occasionally at work or when I'm out I will start to feel a little sick and the panic will set in that I'm going to v* in front of everyone and make a fool of myself. But the worst part comes at night. I toss and turn in my bed every single night. I feel my face turn beat red and my body tremble and shake. I feel like if I let go, then I'm going to v* everywhere. My stomach tosses and turns relentlessly. I was hoping it would pass but it's been three full weeks now.. so 21 sleepless nights. I don't know how some of you put up with this for years!

I made an appointment to see my physician later today, and don't know what to expect on that front. I'm starting a very demanding full time job in a month and really want to have this all under control by then.. I can't imagine living like this for the rest of my life! Thanks for your support.

[mhartse]

yikes. I know its rough. But yeah, most of us deal with weird, scary symptoms everyday. You could possibly have a full blown phobia, and your anxious about it and that anxiety is whats killing you. Definitely talk to you doctor, they may know more, but maybe not. You may do a lot of searching to find your answers. I hope it helps.

[psalm139]

Welcome to the group Brandnew. We are glad your here. I was diagnosed with Emet six years ago. All of us live daily with this fear. For most of us it ebbs and flows. I went almost four years with no panic episodes, but than two months ago my youngest son got sick and I ended up in the hospital. I struggle with depression and thoughts of suicide. All due to this phobia. Recently I decided to get therapy and start telling my friends about my phobia. Amazingly they have been supportive. They even came over to my house last week when my youngest got sick...again. The best way to deal with this is to get help. Sometimes meds can be used to help combat the paralyzing anxiety. Find a good therapist that can help you deal with the anxiety that comes from this phobia.

You made the right step by getting on this site. Talking with others that understand helps you to see you are not alone. I use to struggle with feeling like a freak or weirdo but I have found out by sharing with others they share with me. All of us have burdens, trials and even fears. You can message me anytime or chat when you see me online. Again welcome to the group

[Mamafear]

Welcome to the group. This place is a great support when you figure out which bits are most beneficial to you and just knowing you're not alone is a tremendous relief.

[horsewoman]

Brandnew, you sound so much like me.. I do the same thing. I'd guess that your phobia has creeped up to distract you from something (maybe the new job?) When this happens to me, I have to re-set myself. I take a low dose xanax and zofran for the nausea and go to bed, read this site or you tube some guided relaxation. Search relaxation session by Lucinda Bassett on you tube, it really helps me. Usually after I knock the panic out and get a good nights sleep, I feel so much better! By the way, I do not use the meds unless it's really bad and I can't get past it on my own, if it gets to the not sleeping and trembling all over I know I have to take the meds and go to bed. You'll feel better after you get past whatever is bothering you.. You can get past this and you will, best wishes!

[wanted]

Welcome. Yes there are many people lile you. It's really hard. I was also doing okay these years but in April I suddenly felt so naseous and I thought I have a sv and I've been feeling naseous almost every day now These days I've been fine, thanks God..

[NicManri]

Welcome. I was exactly like you, I was afraid of v during my teen years but it never effected my life. I'd freak out if I felt ill or if someone around me had been sick. Then 2 years ago when I was 24 it turned into a full blown phobia. I'm ok for the most part during the summer but I'm a wreck in the winter. I'm OCD about washing my hands, I hate going out, I won't eat anyone's else's cooking. I feel n* a lot due to some mysterious stomach problem I've had since I was 14 but I've never actually v* from it, us emets are good at not v*

[chlo-bo19]

http://myemetophobiajourney.wordpress.com/ Have a read of this, this is my first ever blog about my Emetophobia journey, you're not alone!