Update and goodbye for a few days....
So my heart is functioning at about 70 percent but my heart muscles are weak and my aorta is slightly enlarged.... They are going to go in tomorrow and take a better look at things through mr groin??? Very weird. Anyway since I came clean to the doctors I'm gonna come clean to all of you.... I've lied to my doctor for the past 15 years... I never told her about my phobia just made up stories that I was nauseous all the time so I could get pills so I wouldn't get sick.... I've had tests there is nothing wrong with my stomach not even IBS... It is all purely anxiety over this life altering phobia... Due to my actions I have done harm to my body that hopefully in time will go away.... All these pills have been my crutch for the last decade and a half.... Well that all ends tomorrow... When I go to sleep for my surgery I am gonna stay "drugged" up for the next 36-48 hours until there is no more drugs in my system. The doctors think this is the best way to get me off of the pills without giving me a heart attack from sheer anxiety.... I will b here for the rest of tonight and then not for a few days... I don't know if this site helped me or hurt me but I do know I am comforted by your genuine caring and support and knowing I'm not alone.... Thank you all and see you soon!!!!
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I'm so sad that this phobia wreaked so much havoc on your system!!! I will be thinking of you. please take this time to reflect and come back and let us know how you are doing.
