Oh my god, honey. I am so sorry! You have a lot going on. I am going to tackle the few big issues here and give you my advice, take it or leave it.

First of all, it sounds like you stumbled into another abusive relationship from just reading what you wrote about last night and his comments to you today. NO ONE deserves to be talked to that way. No one. You have three children, I imagine, under 10. Right? They cannot and should not see their mother talked to in that manner. NOPE. I don't care if you walk around wrapped in saran wrap with a tin foil hat on your head speaking in tongues. That is unacceptable. Have you considered leaving? I imagine this kind of lack of support and verbal abuse is not helping you.

Second, I am sorry about last night. Drunk people are terrible and drunk ADULTS throwing up are even worse. He is a grown man. If he wants to drink to oblivion, fine, but go sleep somewhere else and clean up your own v. Good lord. Does he drink like this frequently?

Third, I am sorry you suffer from such bad OCD. I do as well, but not 100% to that degree. I wear winter gloves to pump gas, even in 100 degree weather. I wash my hands a ton, maybe 50 times a day. I find that gold bond hand lotion is THE BEST. I have eczema and my hands bleed but this stuff makes my hands look healed after one application. Go get it! I also never ever eat out. Not even a fountain drink. I haven't eaten out properly in like 10 years. No shame in that. I go to the grocery store and buy the same 20-30 foods for my son and I.

Fourth, there are ALWAYS options and solutions. Do you see a therapist? Have you read any books on anxiety and OCD? I have a ton in my house and can send you a few titles to get from the library that may help a bit. I understand it is so daunting, especially when you have kids that need you. Who has time to work on themselves, right? But it is important that you try to make a few small steps, if only for your kids. Does that make sense?

I am here if you want to PM (private message) me anytime, ok?

HUGS HUGS HUGS