Cured

[Miri1984]

Hi all,
I used to post on here years ago - or at least I think it was here. It could have been another emetophobia message board. Up until about eight years ago I had crippling, horrific, utterly disabling emetophobia, anxiety and agoraphobia. I'd been terrified of feeling sick since I was a very young child, but it developed into a proper phobia during my early teens. By the time I was 16 the related agoraphobia had got me completely in its grip - between 16-21 I would only leave the house on very rare occasions. I was housebound for months and months at a time over the years - not even setting foot outside the door.
This was entirely down to my fear of vomiting. The panic attacks were daily - I didn't know what it felt like to be without them. I'd get night panics every single night. I'd panic before I got into bed because I knew I was going to wake up feeling sick. And I wasn't wrong - every night, that's exactly what happened. I'd wake up in the early hours with stomach ache, and would be in the midst of a panic attack before I even opened my eyes. It was all just the result of the anxiety - the stomach ache, the nausea - and I knew that. But knowing it didn't help at all. It was utter despair.

I didn't have any form of life throughout those years. I couldn't finish my schooling (things got bad just before my GCSEs), didn't go to college, didn't go to university. I was copletely and utterly convinced that the only thing I had ahead of me was a life of loneliness, fear, isolation and depression. I couldn't ever live a normal life - there was simply no chance. I was a broken human being in every sense of the word.

Fast-forward eight years though, and things haven't worked out how I was convinced they were going to. I got better. I got (and eventually got-rid-of..) a boyfriend, then I got a social group, friendships, an education, a career, a flat - in short, I got freedom.

I wish I could go back in time and tell the complete wreck of a girl I was aged 18 about how life was actually going to pan out. That one day I'd look forward to spending six weeks every summer living in a field and sharing two quite honestly horrific barn toilets with 40 other people. And that I'd move to London, get a job I loved, get sent out and about around the country for work, and really just have lots and lots of fun. That I'd go on planes, get drunk with some regularity (yes, even drunk enough to throw up on rare occasions), and experiment with the odd wonderful substance which might (might!) make me feel sick.

But of course I can't go back in time, so I shall post on here instead. It was CBT that did it for me - although not in the conventional sense. I'd been offered it by psychologists very frequently over the years, but I always resisted. The spur was meeting someone I really fancied. I didn't want him to know the state of my anxiety.. But I really liked him. And I knew that if I didn't just occasionally spend some time outside of the house with him, he wouldn't be interested. I wanted to be normal around him!

I still remember our first date - he cooked dinner for me at his house. It was the first time I'd left the house in months. And I still remember what an absolutely terrifying prospect it was - the whole time, battling down intrusive thoughts and panic. It was a huge effort. But it was a start.. At first I tried to convince myself I'd just found some miraculous inner strength from somewhere, but I hadn't - it was bog-standard conventional CBT.

In short, it continued, and I got better. It wasn't easy, but that's the point - and each sniff of freedom, fun and real-life I experienced was all the motivation I needed. I'm not particularly strong, and I'm not particularly motivated. No more than any of you. If I can emerge from the horrific depths I was in eight years ago, anyone can...

[butterfly91]

This is such a positive story well done for overcoming emetophobia you should be so proud of yourself! X x

[Pigatron]

Thank you for sharing your very inspiring story. May I ask, do you still have emetophobia at all, or has it totally gone away? I ask because I used to struggle with anxiety and panic attacks, and CBT helped me to drastically cut back on the panic attacks and gain some control over my anxiety on a day-to-day basis. However, my emetophobia remains, and even though I am able to function and generally enjoy my life, eat, drink, fly, enjoy my job, etc., I can't imagine ever totally getting rid of my phobia.

[callmejessicag]

Really inspiring story!! It's been really good to see how drastically you've managed to change your life around. Given me hope! I started cbt but had to stop as work would not allow me the time off so how do you manage now? Have you v* since? What were some key things you got taught In cbt that you think really helped?

[mdgirl1977]

thank you for sharing your story! I hope to add my own success story one day...for now I take it one day at a time!!

[KimberlyP]

I was a broken human being in every sense of the word.

Such a sad but very relatable quote for me.


Thank you so much for coming back to share your story. I think a lot of emetophobes believe that it's an incurable or rarely cured phobia because most people who do overcome it leave and don't come back to share their story. So thank you very much! It gives me hope because my anxiety when it comes to V has gotten drastically better but every day my mind tells me it's a matter of time until I slip back to who I used to be. I will fight it though! As afraid as I am/was to V, I'm a million times more afraid of being afraid of it. Thank you so much.

[jbsmom]

is there a cure for being afraid of being cured?this is a serious question. sometimes I think that if I get cured then I will not be cautious and I will get sick and fall right back to where I am today

[ILoveMySon]

This is such an interesting question for me and one I have wondered about before. I feel I have a similar concern: when my son vomits, I usually take some kind of anxiety medicine (xanax, etc) and then I will generally be angry at myself to remember the next morning that I did something to put myself at risk for illness (i.e. eating without washing hands, etc.).

[ILoveMySon]

I would think that there is a cure for being afraid of a cure just as there is a cure for emetophobia itself. It is all fear/anxiety, at it's core.

[KimberlyP]

I will consider myself "cured" when I'm able to catch a stomach virus and treat it like non-emetophobes. Nobody wants to get sick but I want to be able to know I'm getting sick and not lose my mind worrying and then be able to bounce back after it's over and not obsess over it. To me that is cured.

[Sicky-Ricky]

Wonderful triumph well done