Dr Phil Emet Folder - Post Stories Here

[aguerra29]

Personal Stories of Emetophobia - Due by 5/31/05
No limit to length

Don't have to use real name(s)

Possible Topics to address: your age, sex, marital status, how long you have suffered, how long it has been since you last v*, how this phobia negatively affects your life, what sort of support do you have, crazy habits you have because of it, etc - just to name a few feel free to write whatever you want to, just trying to help you all out.

[shiva]

My name is Beth. I am 27years old. I have been uncomfortable with vomiting or being around those who were sick since as long as I can remember. I wouldn't have actually classified this discomfort as a phobia until I was about 10 years old.


For me, emetophobia has come with ups and downs. Some years I seem to cope better than others. However, since the birth of my daughter it feels I have let this phobia consume me. I was handling things okay until my daughter's first stomach virus. She was 3 years old and as she was being sick I was running away from her. Well, that was nearlysix years ago and I fear that I am letting this phobia consume my world. I also fear that it makes it hard for me to be the kind of mother that I would like to be. I think that is what bothers me most about being emetophobic. I feel like a failure as a mom. I wish I could send my daughter off to school each day without hounding her about washing her hands and not touching her face. I don't fear that I will pass this phobia on, but I do feel that I must be doing some damage by constantly pressing the washing and germ issues.


I have taken care of my daughter when she gets sick, it just comes with a lot of fuss and worry. It is very stressfull for me and I am sure that she can tell that I would rather not be around her when she is ill. I would love to someday be the kind of mommy who is able to comfort her sincerely and sit with her, cleaning her face and rubbing her back while she is sick. I would love to be able to cuddle on the couch with her (as she would like me to do) when her tummy hurts, but I cannot. I have limited contact with her, and I begin to obsess over washing my hands and spraying lysol obsessivelyaround the house.


I am in therapy with a wonderful psychologist right now and we've justbegun my desensitization. This year, since the onset of finally finding the right therapist, I have made a lot of progress in my own head. I feel internally stronger, but I still manage to panic and behave like a total ass anytime I feel that my safety (as far as emetophobia goes) is threatened. I really hope that this fear can once and for all be conquered because living with it day to day is 100% pure hell. I am so ashamed of myself that I have let this monster take over my life and consume me as it has. I want to live one day without obsessing over vomit or germs. It is sometimes the first thing I think of when my eyes open in the morning and has before been what has kept me up all night. Every day of my life I obsess over "what if's" What if my daughter gets sick? What if I get sick? Logically I know the answer should be "Who cares? Live your damn life already!" But, for some reason, that reality is really hard to grasp some days.


I have not vomited in over 10 years. There have been times that I wish I could have because I know I would have felt better, but instead I choose to battle nausea for hours on end. My daughter has been sick a handfull of times, and I have made it through, but like I said before, not in the fashion that I wish I could. I feel really bad for my friends and family. I am sure it is a challenge to deal with me from time to time. I actually have my friends check bathrooms for me before I will enter and will call them up and ask how they are feeling before we will go to their home for a visit. I will no longer eat out in resturants and I quit eating meat because of my fear of food poisoning. I don't like to go out much, when I see people I just see germs. Again, I realize this is not logical. I am capable of understanding the logic. I understand that e. coli is also present on vegetables, I realize that I have an immune system and that viruses are constantly around us. I just cannot get a certain part of my brain to coopera

[kate1966]

Hi...my name is Kathryn...I am 39 years old....I have had emetophobia since the age of I believe 7...it started when I was in the first grade....my best friend got sick and V sitting right at my table....she cried and seemed to be so embarassed and upset over getting sick...I believe this is where my fear and shame began.....from that incident....I noticed every single time someone got sick....and avoided them for as long as I could....all through elementary school I did this.....then on the way home from school...still in elementary school....a friend V on the bus home....it was awful...it smelled very bad....I was trapped...couldn't leave the situation....that is where my claustrophobia comes in...along with emet....I feel sometimes like I could run and hide in a hole for years without coming out.....


I have been married for 16 yrs...my husband does not know I am an emet....i doubt he even knows such things exsist....I am too ashamed to tell him...he does know that I do not like V....but he has no clue that I am terrified of the whole situation.....


I have two sons.....15 and 12.....and they have had their share of V episodes in their lifetime....somehow I have gotten through it....as I stand behind them when they V....holding a towel over my face and holding my nose and trying to plug my ears at the same time so I won't hear them V...or gag....it's the most awful feeling in the world to be scared of something that you have no control over....luckily I don't think I have passed this on to my kids....they show no signs of thinking about V at all....in fact they make light of the subject....you know how boys are....I thank God they do know about me...and thatthey are not scared....Neither one of them have V in around 4 yrs for my oldest son and 2 for my youngest son....every single I pray that they don't get sick....my husband works 3rd shift so I am faced with the dreaded fear that it's going to happen "tonight".....it usually happens during the night....at least in the past it has.....





Myself...I have not V in 15 yrs.....there have been millions it seems almost V......it does not scare me as bad as if it were my kids...but scarey none the less.....the feelings I get when I am going to V is that I wonder if it will stop....like V more than once or twice....I think I could handle just once or twice....but more than that I would panic......The last time I V was when I was 9 months pregnant and two weeks overdue...I don't know the cause of my V...but I did about 10-12 times.....honestly it was not that bad.....I didn't like it...but it didn't kill me either.....I just wanted it to stop...I was tired......I don't know if it was a sv or what....they told me to go in to the hospital and they gave me a shot and it stopped...so that was a bad experience....but I also know it didn't kill me....I am scared my time will run out.





My fears about V effect every part of my life...I avoid places and restaurants...malls...amusment parks... movies....I do these things...but am terrified I will see someone V.....it's all consuming...and takes over your mind. It can have you frozen to where you cannot function...I have resorted to going on xanax for my stress levels...from emet and other things....but it takes a medication to help.


In closing...I would just like for everyone to be aware of this phobia....learn about it...someone close to you may have it and need your support....and your help...I for one have found tremedous help on this website...have found many freinds...and a terrific support group. Emet makes you feel like you are dying and that you would rather die than V yourself...witness someone else V....you would just rather be dead than go through it....so please Dr. Phil....help

[aguerra29]

My name is Amanda and I am 29 years old, married with no children. I have had emetophobia for a long as I can remember, probably since I was 4 years old. I did not have a name for it until about a year ago, before that I though I was a nutjob.

Starting at 4, I have been terrified of throwing up, seeing other people throw up, or being around anyone who has thrown up. When I was 4, I got a stomach virus. I remember standing at the sink in my parents bathroom getting "sick" repeatedly. I don't remember much about it, but the next day I remember "blaming" the mints that I ate and have not had that type of mint since.

I became very frightened of the night and had trouble falling asleep without my mom sleeping with me. I wanted to fall asleep before she did. When I would get scared I would say a little poem I wrote over and over again in my head.

When I was nine years old, I went to a slumber party on a Friday the 13th. I felt ill all night and told the hostess and she blew me off. When everyone got in their sleeping bags to go to sleep, I started saying my little poem in my head. Well, it didn't work. I threw up on the floor and had to run upstairs to the nearest bathroom. I felt fine after that and the girls parents were great about it, but none of the girls at the party would lay next to me. I tried to tell them I felt fine, but noone believed me. Even the next morning, noone would talk to me.

After that the sleeping issues continued. This whole throwing up thing only happens at night (in my mind).

Throughout elementary and junior high, I could tell you every person who got sick, even if I didn't see it. I never told anyone any of this of course.

Once I got a television in my room, I no longer needed my mom to sleep with me. I would just leave the TV on all night, even throughout high school.

I always needed constant reassurance from my mom about why I felt sick or what caused it. My mom and I even discussed chemotherapy. We decided that deat was better than chemo therapy.

The phobia weakened a bit during college. I didn't think about it constantly, but if confronted with vomit, would avoid it like the plague.

On February 23, 1999, my mom passed away. I had the unfortunate experience of discovering her in my parents home. The first feeling I had was wanting to throw up, but I didn't.

I grieved the loss of my mom for several years, so there was no room for emetophobia. That changed when my dad got remarried. Two days after he got remarried, I woke up feeling like I was going to throw-up, or so I thought. (Now, I know it was a panic attack). Of course, I did not throw up, but that incident brought the emetophobia to the forefront.

Even though the emetophobia was a big part of my life, it was not all consuming. That is until February 25, 2004. My husband, then fiance, woke up in the middle of the night (imagine that) feeling incredibly ill. He had thrown up since we had been together, but I had not been around it since my emet was back. We lived in a tiny one-bedroom condo at the time with very little sound barrier. He proceeded to throw up mutilple times every hour and a half from 3 am to 7 am. I had to go outside so I would not hear it. We only had one bathroom, so I had to go to the restroom by the complex pool. I finally took him to the emergency room at 7AM. The whole time we were there I didn't lick my lips or take a deep breath in. I made the doctor tell me I couldn't catch it. Nevertheless, I lysoled everything in the condo. I brought my hubby home about 2PM that same afternoon. By 4PM, he was wanting something "substantial' to eat. Are you kidding me? For the next 5 weeks, I didn't eat and lost about 10-15 lbs. I knew what the problem was. I was afraid to throw up and it was consuming my life. It was like living in hell. I though about throwing up 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.Every decision I made, was made with

[spilled_milk]

My name is Anya, and I am fourteen years old. I have lived with this fear ever since I was a few months old, but I think that it really turned into a phobia around the age of six.


Going to school as an emet is very hard, because viruses run rampant in schools. Everywhere you turn there is someone getting sick, and it is very difficult to hide emetophobia (or any other phobia, really) from anyone while you are having a panic attack in the middle of class! You are constantly sanitizing things, and avoiding the nurse's office at all costs.


I don't specifically know how my phobia started, but I have a few theories. When I was only a few months old, my parents found out that my esophagus had not developed correctly, so the flap on top that prevented food from coming back up was not working properly. For the next month or so, I threw up at random times, a few times a day. Many people might think that this would de-sensitize me, but I don't think so. Somehow, i think that this experience just hardened me to the thought of vomiting. I can't say another experience that may have really caused my phobia for fear of revealing names of people who do not want to be mentioned, but someone that I knew well was very sick for a long time, and was very weak, and as I was so young, I think that this may have taught me to be careful of sickness. When I was around six, my phobia really came into being strongly when my father started choking in the car, and he spit it into a bag, but I thought that he had thrown up into the bag. I started to freak out, scream, and jump out of the car while it was moving! He had to lock the doors. At this point, my fear of vomit was stronger than my instinct to stay in the car and stay alive.


I have been going to a psychologist since I was eight, and he has really helped. I stopped when i was twelve, and then last summerI had such a full-blown panic attack (screaming, crying, running out the front door again) that I went back to him. I am starting to see him less, and although by no means is my phobia cured, I am going to try to deal with it on my own. He hasn't prescribed me any medicine, and i am thankful to him for that. I don't want to start to depend on medicine, I want to cure this with my own mind.


Emetophobia affects my relationships. It makes things stressful with my parents, and sometimes it makes me feel that my friends aren't telling the truth. My parents are very supportive, but sometimes get very annoyed, and tell me to "just get over it" "I wish that you would just throw up" and "I like the fun, old Anya". I know that they say this just because they don't know what to do, but this makes me feel kind of hurt. With my friends, I think that it's good that they know about my phobia, but sometimes it makes me doubt their honesty. Are they lying just to spare my feelings? I would rather be told the truth and panic then have people lie to me, and risk exposing me to a virus. Please, please, just be truthful!!


This phobia causes me to do many things, some funny, and some not so funny. I now have very good balance, because i stand on one foot to flush public toilets. I also have very good lung capacity, because I hold my breath while in bathrooms, or if I'm walking past a place where someone just coughed. I will often feel nauseous when I have a panic attack. I am not a compulsive hand-washer, but I interrogate people if they "look off", and am a slight germaphobe. I also check use-by dates on all food, and won't eat them if they're past their date. I have a slight bit of OCD, but those few rituals are only so I won't get sick.


I'm not going to go into detail about how much I hate this phobia. Everyone hates this phobia. All I'm going to say is that i would really like to see this phobia disappear.


AnyaEdited by: spilled_milk

[alliecat]

Hello, I'm Allie and I'm 19 years old. I have had emet for as long as I can possibly remember. I have not been sick to my stomach since I had a terrible bout of food poisoning back when I was seven years old and on vacation. Although I have always been weird about vomit and/or vomiting, it hasn't always been as bad as it has been recently, as in over the past year or so. I can recall every single time I have been sick, or when I've smelled it, or when I've seen someone else be sick.


I know that when I was little, my behaviors around people who have been ill, or if I felt ill were strange. When it came to other people being or feeling ill, I felt like I had a sixth sense. I always "knew" when someone was not feeling well or was about to be sick, thus, most of the time, I had time to run away and hide or "take cover". But until about a year ago, the only time the phobia would rear its head is when someone was sick, or I myself was sick.


Now, its more like the thought of vomit or vomiting is on my mind 24 hours a day, 7 days per week. I get flashbacks of being sick or seeing someone else be sick. I get nightmares from it sometimes. I have behaviors that help me "prevent" myself from getting ill. I always make sure there is a path to the bathroom before I go to bed at night, "just in case". I am skiddish about food. I am paranoid about whether or not my food was cooked or prepared properly. I don't like to try new restaurants most of the time.Now, since being sick is such a huge problem, cleanliness is also something that makes me nuts. Hand washing constantly, not using public restrooms unless its a dire emergency. I will not touch bathroom door handles outside of my own homes. Any weird sensation in my stomach I assume is nausea. Sometimes I feel like I'm going togag because my throat feels nauseous.If I feel the slightest sense of malaise, I think I'm going to get sick and I get into panic mode. Then I test myself. If I havean appetite, then I think I will be okay and I make myself eat something, usually something starchy. If I don't have an appetite, I make myself eat something anyways because I'm afraid that if I don't eat, its a worse sign of the fact that I could get sick. If someone I know has no appetite, I get nervous. If someone I know has had anything related to a stomach problem,I get nervous. I'm 19 years old, not in college, and a lot of the reason is due tothe party scene and how out of control so many people get due to drinking and/or drugs. They could get sick any moment and they are unpredictable. So my social life isn't all that great. I am always looking at people, studying their behavior and facial expressions to make sure they aren't ill-looking. When I hear someone say that they aren't well, I quiz them. There are so many more things that deal with on a daily basis. The first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning is,"Thank God I didn't get sick last night... oh gosh, what if I get sick today!?" and the last thing I think about is, "I'm so scared to sleep... I hope I don't wake up sick." Its the worst obsession EVER.


I have been in and out of therapy over the past year for this condition, but no one has been able to help me. Notherapist that I've seen knows anything aboutEmetophobia, andI've been told by them that they are going to look into it, but they never do. The only support I do have I foundby looking up "Fear ofVomiting" online and I found this support group at www.emetophobia.org, and then another one was offered to me, which is a privategroup in yahoo groups. Andeveryone who are members at thesetwo support forums are awesome people. They are always there for you no matterwhat.
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[luckistar2]

My name is Carly. I am 25 years old and married with no kids. I believe my problems with emet started when I was about 5 years old. I had taken too many chewable vitamins and my Mom had me take syrup of ipecac. After that incident I can remember panicking whenever I felt that I might throw up or when anyone around me was sick to their stomach. I am uncomfortable with seeing or hearing someone throw up. I am also bothered by actually seeing or smelling vomit.


This affects my life because I am teacher. There are many days when I am afraid of what may happen in the classroom if someones gets sick. I actually have nightmares about this topic because I have no idea how I would react in that situation. I can only hope that I would keep my calm but history tells me that I will probably launch into a panic attack, which isn't good for me or the students to go through.


I find that I have strange habits including not eating certain foods that I relate to throwing up, such as anything orange, hot dogs, pizza from one particular location orhamburgers unless they are cooked by someone I know and trust.


I can remember every time I have ever thrown up after the incident when I was younger. I also remember every time someone that I have known has thrown up and anytime I have witnessed anything having to do with vomiting.


I realize that this fear is irrational and that is why I would love to get help so that I can feel 'normal' and not be afraid.

[mak79007]

I am 26 years old and have been deathly afraid of throwing up since I was 5. I dont have a clue why. I know it has become so bad the last few years because stomach viruses seem to be on the rise. I cant eat out anymore. I do not seem to have a single moment where I am not thinking about vomiting. I have lost so much joy in my life. It feels hard to breath sometimes. I feel like I dont want to ever get out of bed. I cant even remember the last time I felt relaxed or happy. Not only do I have this phobia, I am extremly depressed because of it. I was excepted to medical school this year and I am not even excited anymore for fear of the pressure and getting sick from being too pressured. I am also afraid of rotations in hospitals for pediatrics and family medicine. I dont have any faith that I will make it through at all. I am terrified. I dont feel stable anymore at all. I am even afriad to get my immunizations for med school for fear of adverse reactions from them. I am also afraid to go to the Dr.s to get them because stomach viruses are going around in Michigan right now. HELP US DR PHIL!!!! I cant live like this anymore.

[HDogg]

Dear Dr. Phil,


My name is Heather and I'm 25 years old. I've had emetophobia, the fear of vomiting, since I was very young. It has ruined my life because I am too afraid to do many things "normal" people my age do because it might lead to vomiting.


My mother herself is emetophobic, and when I was young, she used to tell me if I was sick with the stomach flu that it was because God was mad at me for being a bad kid. I had better stop being bad, or he would punish me by making me sick! She used to be very jittery and scared when me or my younger sister would throw up. Her fears rubbed off on me, because she would hound me day and night for information, like "Was anyone sick at school today? Are your friends sick? Did you wash your hands? Does your stomach hurt? You look pale. Are you all right?"


Panic attacks from my phobia developed when I was 20. I began taking different medicines for anxiety and depression and went to counseling from a licensed therapist and another counselor. Nothing seems to help. I just struggle day by day to get by.


Though I haven't vomited since I was 7 years old, I worry everyday if THIS will be the day. I find it hard to sleep at night, because I'm worried I'll wake up sick in the middle of the night. I avoid eating certain foods, because they are commonly linked to food poisoning. I won't eat seafood of any kind, chicken at any restaurant, macaroni or potato salad, etc.


I am married to my husband of 2 1/2 years, and I'm very scared to have children. I'm scared of morning sickness with pregnancy, plus I'm terrified of our children getting sick and me not being able to deal with them. I love children dearly, but I don't know if I will be able to go through with motherhood. I would hate to miss out on this chance!


Some other unusual behaviors are: washing hands obsessively to avoid germs, avoiding public bathrooms for fear of catching a disease or hearing others vomit, not eating at restaurants, not going to big public events, like ball games or concerts. This phobia affects my life in so many negative ways. I would give anything to live a normal life. Please help me Dr. Phil!





Heather

[mitch04133]

Hi my name is Michele I am 26, and I have been suffering from emetophobia for as long as I can remember. It has gotten worse in the past year. I have lost about 20lbs over the past year, and I am at a dangerously low weight of only 92lbs. I can not recall why or when I first started being scared of vomiting, I just know that I am now, and I will do anything I can to avoid being sick or being around others that are sick.


This phobia has prevented me from doing many things. I will rarely eat out, I refuse to go on vacation, I will not eat any meat, chicken, fish, basically anything that has to be cooked thourghly. I am terrified of getting food poisoning. That has become my biggest fear. I will only eat my "safe" foods, which basically consists of bread, crackers, canned foods, or noodles. I do not consume enough calories in a day, on average about 500. Everytime I eat almost anything, I am scared thatI will get sick. I cannot tell the difference between being hungry or feeling sick, therefore I just don't eat. If I do decide to eat something out of the ordinary like a hamburger, I have to repeatdly check the experation date, and I have to be the one to handle the food, for fear of contamination.


In the past year I have developed OCD, and I find myself constantly washing my hands numerous times, and using hand santizers. When I go grocery shopping, I have to check the experation dates on all the items I buy even if it's a box of cereal. When I do buy dairy products or lunch meats, I look thru all the packages to find the one with best experation date, and I always buy the item that is furthest back in the fridge. I fear that the ones in the front are old, or aren't fresh enough and have been exposed to room temperature. I am always constantly asking friends and family members if they feel alright. I always make sure that they are constantly washing their hands.


My family knows that I am scared to vomit, but they don't know the extent of which I go through. I have recently just started dating someone, and I came out and told him of my fears right away. He wants to understand what I am going through and wants to help me, which I find very comforting. I wish I could get some professional help, but I am currently unemployed and have no money due to other medical conditions.


Fears of vomiting are in my mind everyday, almost every hour. It is constantly on my mind. Even though I haven't vomited in 5 years, and from what I can remember of it, I don't remember it even being that bad. I just want to be able to live with this phobia, gain some weight, and not have it run my life. I am tired of constantly thinking about who has a stomach bug, if I can eat a steak, or if I can go to the bar with my friends without feeling sick. I would rather die than have to vomit, and this fear is so horrible, that I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Thanks for listening.Edited by: mitch04133

[mystikal star]

My name is Ashley. I am 17 years old and I reside in <st1:State w:st="&#111;n"><st1lace w:st="&#111;n">Ohio</st1lace></st1:State>. I have suffered with emetophobia since I was approximately eight years old--possibly younger.

The incidentthat I believe triggered my phobia happened when I was approximatelysix or eight years old. I remember it as if it had happened yesterday. I was playing on my mother's exercise bike with my friend Kayla. I was snacking on M&amp;M's while we raced in imaginary races. I felt perfectly fine. I knew that shortly I had to leave with my mom, my brother and his friend, and my aunt to a hockey game. I loathed hockey games. It wasn't the sitting in a chair for a couple hours that bugged me, or the fact that I hated all sports, but it was the loud siren that went off whenever the team scored a goal. That siren pierced through my ears and sent chills up my spine. I hated it.

Before we left for the game we stopped at my aunt's house. I remember sitting in front of her television set trying to figure out the odd feeling I was feeling in my stomach. I couldn't comprehend what it was that was ailing me. I ignored it to the best of my ability and ate the steaming bowl of chicken noodle soup that my aunt had generously prepared for me. When we were all done eating we left for the hockey game.As we departed for thegameIwas totally oblivious to the fact that within forty five minutes my life would be changed forever.

At the hockey game I noticed that the odd sensation in my stomach was still ailing me. I kept how I was feeling to myself though because I never liked to share my feelings with others since I was so shy. Before the game started I glanced up above me at the huge timer on the ceiling and noticed it was set for twenty minutes. I knew that I would never make it through those twenty minutes. I knew something was wrong and that something was going to happen, but I didn't know what. I had surprised myself though and I did make it through the twenty minutes, but I didn’t make it through the nextfive to tenminutes after that. During intermission my mother asked me if I needed to use the restroom and I stupidly told her I didn't have to go. Then the odd sensation in my stomach rapidly became much more severe and by this time I knew what was going to happen. I stood up very qu

[roxxi277]

My name is Carrie. I am 28 years old. I have been an emet
since I was about 16, although looking back, I can remember a few times
in my childhood that I was very frightened of being sick. I can
remember laying on my parents bathroom floor and just shaking.

I graduated high school, but only after 2 years of home schooling
during my Junior and Senior year. I had been diagnosed with
agoraphobia because of my emet, and only left the house to go to
doctors appointments. For a few years around the age of 21-23, I
thought I was cured. Then it came back full force about 4 years
ago, and has only gotten worse each year since then.

Like most emets, this fear consumes my life. I live in constant
fear that I am going to be sick. I never was able to get through
college, so I work for a deli delivering food. It can be quite
embarrassing doing that at my age, but it is the only thing that makes
me feel comfortable. Driving around in a car all day makes me
feel safe....this way, if I am going to be sick, at least I'm not
around anyone. I won't go anywhere where I can't see an exit
sign, and always have to have the closest parking space. I won't
go to malls, movie theaters, department stores, bars, or clubs.
My emet is the first thing I think about in the morning and the last
thing I think about at night. I am up until at least 2 am every
night pacing around my bedroom worrying that 'tonight is the
night it's gonna happen'. I carry a plastic bag and a small
bottle of Pepto in my purse at all times. ( just in case) I will
never go in anyone else's car, nor can I have anyone ride with
me. I need to be alone a lot. I think this comes from my
agoraphobia.

I can also remember every time I was sick in my entire life. I
can give the dates, times, even tell you what I was wearing. I
constantly think about these times, and often give myself
nightmares. If my stomach so much as gurggles, I panic. I
can't breath, and I pace. If I get to the point where it gets too
much for me to handle, I will dig my fingernails into my wrists and
pant until my hands, toes, and lips go numb. Those are the nights
I dread the most.

The last time i was sick was 2 and a half years ago. I got sick
about 7 times that night. It was from food poisoning and it was
horrible! I worry every day that it will happen again. I
think the fear of not being in control and knowing that "it' can happen
anywhere at any time is what scares me the most.

I would give anything to lead a normal life. I have been on 10
different medications through the years and seen many doctors.
Nothing has worked so far. I have said to my boyfriend many times
that I would cut off my arm right this second if it meant not having
this phobia anymore.....and I meant it. There are so many things
I want to do with my life! Thank you for your time.





Carrie

[matmysunshine]

Hi, My Name Is Christy and I am 30 yrs old. I currently reside in Miami, Florida with my Dear Husband Bert, and My son Mathew (14 months old). I have always been afraid of being sick, but did not really have a phobia till Last yr.


I have thought over and Over what could have caused this fear to just come out of the sky.. So here is what I gathered. When I was 6 my father got re-married, to a woman who at the time I thought was a great person, and I was SOO happy. But there was a dark side coming, I just did not know it. My father worked ataPest control Company and was always out of the house by 6Am, I was always left alone with my stepmother, and my step sister. As soon as my dad would leave she would turn agaisnt me and Physically abuse me. I was Scared. I remember one time at night, Iwoke up feeling sick, and I was not sure what I was feeling, so I ended up vomiting in my bed.. She got so angry at me, and said I had to sleep on the floor and she was going to leave it there to show myfather. I think this is what started me to be scared of being sick.


From this time on, things with her just got worse, she still beat me. And I was scared out of my mind. Until I was 13,my dad and her serperated, and I went to live with my grandmother. I still feared being sick, but it did not over power me. I thoughtfor sure my life was going tobe normal again. Ihad alot of healing to do, but felt this was going to be theend of the abuse.


When I turned 29, I got married.. and a few months later I got preganant. I new that Morning sickness was part of it, but again it did not bother me. I just knew it was a temporay thing, and after all was said and done.. I was going to have a baby, witch was a dream I had since I was alittle girl. I always thought if I could not have a good Mother, then I will make sure to be a good mother. So March 16, 2004.. Here came my pride and Joy Mathew.. Three months after he was born, I remember my husband telling me one night he felt ill..I started to panic in away I have never done before.. Asking him a million time if he was going to be sick, and if he was I was going to sleep else were with the baby, incase it was Stomach virus. He might pass it on to us, I did not sleep the whole night, I was in fear my Husband was going to get sick, this is when I knew something was up. And looked up Fear of Vomit and found this site. emetophoba.org.I started coming her and sharing my low points and started to feel alittle bit better knowingthere was a name for whatIhad and Iwas not alone.I went through a phase were I thought about get sick all the time. After everymeal, I would think what if I get sick.. I have tried to look at from a different point of view, mainly that this is no big deal, and if I do get sick so be it.. I have also tried to think that my son is going to need me, he is only 14 months and does not know, and I do not want him to be scared of this like I am.. HE needs to know its ok, to get sick and I will not be angry with him for doing it. I think that before my son came into the picture, I never had to worry about anyone around me being sick that could not take care of themselfs. So if I got sick ok, and if my husband go sick ok.. NOW I have to worry about taking care of someone. Someone I love so much it hurts, someone I want so much to love me too.. and think his mother is some FREAK for having this fear, and not being able to be by his side. Someone who will probably rather run and hide. I cant be this way, and I dont want to be this way. I know what it is to be rejected by your ownmother, I was rejected when I was 6 months old.. and have lived with that pain all mylife. Now I have the chance to give to my son, more and all of what I did not have.. and I want to be normal.


WHY did my life just change overnight, what made me freak out over something that I never really bothered me. How can I get on with my life, and have another child? DR. Phil please help us,

[Babydoll]

Dear Dr. Phil,


My Name is Jillian Bain. I am 22 years old and currently a Bacholar of Science student majoring in pyschology. I have a happy family life, a wonderful boyfriend, amazing friends. I come froma middle class family and love my studies at school.


You would think my life is perfect, but it is not. I suffer from emetophobia and horrible anxiety because of it. It all started a few years ago, when I was very little. My mom would throw up, and I would hear her. I was only 5 years old, and she sounded like she was dying to me. She did not know that because she cried and moaned when she got sick, it would stay with me for years to come. I guess when your 5 years old, your mother is your world, and hearing her in such pain may have traumatised me. My mom was diagnosed with OCD before i was born.


I went about my life as normal untill highschool when I started noticing I would stay away from anyone who looked sick. My fear progressed and got worse untill today whereI have horrible panic attacks and cannot rationalize to myself that there is nothing to be afraid of. This fear has held me back in many ways. I wanted to be a teacher, but I do not think I could handle all kinds of sick kids everyday. I want to be a mother someday, and the thought of morning sickness and birth scares me to death, as well as my own child throwing up. I fear germs everywhere because theymight make me throw up.I panic when anyone is my house has a stomach virus, especially my mother.Emetophobia is a different fear because you cannot run from your body, you cannot control it. You can control a fear of flying by not going on planes. I have not thrown up since i was 10 years old, which makes it 12 years since Ive been sick.


I am at my wits end with this phobia. I am learning new things about it everyday through my classes, but I have no idea how to help myself. I have seen doctors and psychologists, and a few have told me I have OCD. I do not want to take medication. I believe medication is somewhat of a quick fix, and I want to change the way I think, and be able to be rational. I really hope you can help me, Doctor Phil. I believe you are the best, and I really trust what you say.


Sincerley,


Jillian Bain


email is [email protected]

[sus0321]

My name is Susan. I'm 29, married, and do not have any kids. My husband and I have discussed having children, and I'm paranoid with dealing with morning sickness and my child being sick and not being able to be there for him/her. Even my gyno knows about my fear and said that there are tons of drugs that can battlenausea, butI'm still scared.


This phobia is horrible because like other people have said, you can't avoid it. All you can do is wash your hands, eat safe food, and stay away from sick people. I've been sick with the flu and food poisoning and was so close to v'ing, but fought the nausea for hours, even days. I had d* instead - which doesn't bother me at all.


I believe my phobia began when I was 9. My parents were divorced and my dad was dating my soon to be stepmother. After dinner (hamburgers), I didn't feel well so I slept in my dad's bed. I woke up and got sick everywhere - on the bed, on the floor, and in the bathroom. All I remember is my dad running to the bathroom to make sure the toilet seat was up. I slept on the couch that night and my dad left the V until the morning - when my stepmother cleaned it up. She didn't make me feel bad about it and neither did he - except he left it there for 12 hours. That might have done it. Since then, I haven't V'd - it's been 20 years - knock on wood - but have been dealing with Emetophobia ever since.


Like others, I'm constanting worrying about it. I check expiration dates on EVERYTHING I eat. I throw a lot of food away because I'm paranoid. I stay clear away from people that have the flu. I'm afraid to take any medication because of the side affects (v'ing). I'm "okay" if someone is v'ing as long as it's from food poisoning - nothing that I can catch. BUT, if it's a flu bug, I'll worry about it for a good 7-10 days. I too look at the clock when I eat out - I know that if I get past 6-8 hours without getting sick, I'll be okay. I won't eat what made me sick (hamburgers) - not even McDonalds. I worry about any kind of meat that I eat.


I once told someone that if I knew that the next 50 years of my life I would be V free, I feel like my life could be so much different - better. I wouldn't be afraid anymore. But, we know we can't predict our future. The last thing I want is to keep myself from having children because of this phobia, but I have a feeling it will.


What makes me frustrated is that it seems that even talking to a therapist, it doesn't cure you. I went to see a therapist and he told me that this is linked to my relationship with my father. He said that towards the end of our sessions, I would eat a Big Mac - I never went back. I don't want to go on meds because if I do decide to have a child, I'll have to go off of them. AND, a side affect of meds is V-ing! UGH!


Edited by: sus0321

[junglemonkey]

Dear Dr Phil,


My name is Lesley, I'm 17 years old, I live in Scotland,and I'm currently on a waiting list to be treated for a phobia of vomiting. The realisation of how much this was disrupting my life happened a long time ago, but I was afraid of the treatment for so long I delayed treatment. On a recent holiday, I panicked and broke down on a boat (even though I do not get sea sick!) and started crying in front of everyone, including my family. We had to stop them leaving port so I could get off. I felt so ashamed and knew right there and then I had to seek treatment.


From a young age, I can remember engaging in strange behaviours relating to this fear. I would refuse to wear the same pyjamas I had vomited in, or eat the same foods I had eaten prior to vomiting (to this day I cannot eat super noodles!). I can definitely speculate on why this phobia has developed in me. There have been many embarassing and painful events involving vomiting, for example being sick in front of my entire school class at 11 years of age... Into a bin. My gran had cancer, and this involved her being sick an awful lot, and she went through a period where she refused to speak because she was afraid she would vomit. I could go on forever speaking of these times that I believe have contributed to my anxieties today!


Although I am grappling with this phobia at the moment, anxiety is nothing new to me having suffered from chronic generalised anxiety disorderwith frequent panic attacks for years and years. This is a life-altering phobia that leads to a lot of negative lifestyle changes and strange behaviors for the sufferer. For example it is extremely painful to not be able to care for a friend or a family member when they are ill, even when it is non-contageous! I find that the most painful, because at a time where I want to care for a loved one I can only avoid them and everything they touch or are near... It would take me hours to go into detail on the behaviours, but that is definitely the most painful.


I have a sort of "double whammy" of anxiety because I have GAD which causes a lot of nausea, stomach pains, intestinal spasms andworst of all - catastrophic thinking! So couple that with a phobia of vomiting, and it's a direct downward spiral. There have been many nights spent sitting on the bathroomfloor, crouched beside the toilet "just in case" shaking and crying!Many times I've ran out of class panickingjust to spend 15 minutes in the toilets "just in case".


Dr Phil, I cannot explain to you the suffering and anxiety and fearthat emetophobia causes everyday. Please help sufferers everywhere to reclaim their lives from this horrible affliction!


Yours,


Lesley

[alison03]

Dear Dr. Phil,

My name is Alison and I am 20 years old. I am currently finishing up my sophomore year of college and I have had emetophobia for my entire life. The thing that is different about me, is that I am not afraid of myself vomiting at all; however, I amextremelyafraid of others doing it.


Myparents and familyknew about this fear I hadmy whole life, but it never truly got in the way of things. I have always been extra afraid of things like being on a plane, bus, or any public place where the risk of someonevomiting is more likely. I have always found ways to avoid the situations, however.


I would say I hit my all-time "low"during winter break 2003. I was a freshman in college and camehome for the break.Over Christmas, both my parents got sickwitha stomach virus, and I was forced to be in the same house. It was hard because I felt like no one really understood where Iwas coming from. I felt like people were unfairly juding me as being "selfish." This caused me totake action as far as my phobia was concerned. The rest of that school year, I went on the internetand researched my phobia, I set up anappointment with a psychologist who specialized in phobias for the summer, andthat is when I found this site.


That summer, I went toa psychologistevery week.He believe in cognitive behavior therapy and had me look at pictures and watch movies.However,this didn't help me at all because I wasn't afraid of those things. He said he couldn't arrange for me to actually be around someone vomiting, so after a lot of money down the drain, I stopped going to him.


I've tried everything to try and conquer this phobia, andI'm not sure where togo from here.I talked to my general doctor and she prescribed me Xanax,just to get me through "tough" situations. That has helped a little. I have only had to take the pills twice--it is just reassuring to know if Ineed them, they are with me.


Thank you so much for your time. I think others out therereally need to know that they aren't alone. It was so helpful for me to find this website and know that I wasn't crazy likeI thought Iwas. Thank you!

[kellybean]

Dr. Phil


My name is Kelly and I am 25 years old. I've been emet since I've been a little girl. I don't knowwhat triggered it. I always remember being in hysterics everytime I was sick to my stomach or anyone else was for that matter. I was never able to help my mom when she was sick, and that makes me feel terrible. I am afraid to eat certain foods, i have OCDand I hate leaving the house during the winter time because of stomach bugs that go around. I get very depressed.


I will be getting married this coming September and would love to start a family with my future husband. Although, I'm not sure if I will be able to do that. I don't know if I wil be able to get through the morning sickness or be able to be a good mother to sick children. I don't know how to fix this problem, I hope you can help all of us.


Kelly

[terified girl]

I am going to make mine very short and sweet. I am 25 years old and I currently live with my boyfriend who is somewhat understanding of my fear, yet annoyed at times where he needs me to be strong and I can't be. We want to have a child together and I can't because I am afraid. Afraid of the morning sickness, afraid of when it grows up and catches bugs at school.


I've had this fear for as long as I can remember, I don't know what caused, some say its probably not even vomitting itself I am afraid of, and that it has something to do with my father and being insecure.


I am afraid of vomiting and am afraid of seeing or hearing it, or being around someone sick.


I want to live a happy peaceful life. I don't want to think of vomiting every single minute of every single day.


I could go on about how this fear has ruined my life but I won't because its written in every other post here.


Thank you

[chibi]

I am Stephanie I am 21 years old now as of 2005. I have had my phobia
for an unknown amount of time. I have had OCD tendancies all my life,
since early childhood. I was not diagnosed with panic, anxiety, and OCD
until I was in the tail end of high school, so I missed my good window
of opportunity for treatment. I still suffer from all three problems in
my adult life. I did not have any particularly traumatic incidents as a
child that led to emetophobia. I began having actual panic attacks when
I was about age 10, when we moved to a new town and kids were mean to
me. I would wake up in the middle of the night in a sweat and
uncontrollable shaking in my legs and thinking I was going to V*.
Doctors didnt know what was wrong with me and dismissed it as 'a touch
of the flu'. Later in high school I was going home frequently because I
'didnt feel good'. A death of a close friend caused me to visit the
schools social worker to cope, and there I learned that I also had
anxiety disorder, and promptly was sent to a psychiatrist and diagnosed
with OCD anxiety and panic disorder. I have been through many
treatments and tried many medications, none of which has had any
lasting effect, though I have had better times than others with coping
with emetophobia. I am currently taking xanax which helps to curb my
emetophobia related panic attacks. I only have panic attacks upon being
triggered. Triggering situations include: hearing people talk about
having stomach viruses, being around someone who was recently sick to
thier stomach (within the last weeks, days, or hours), feeling full,
feeling stomach pain, feeling nausea, thinking about vomiting in
general. This phobia does not currently inhibit my work or school life
in any way except for the occasional panic attack. However at one point
I was so traumatized from being sick off of medication that I would not
leave my house and had to have someone drive me from place to place or
stay with me at school. I also do not eat when I am feeling anxiety, as
I am afraid of having food in my stomach if I get a virus. Moments of
extreme panic still haunt me at times, and in general I have anxiety
daily about touching surfaces, I wash my hands constantly, I work full
time so I have to use public restrooms and each time is a moment of
terror and holding my breath. When in a panic, I am inconsolable and do
not want anyone near me, so my family and boyfriend have a hard time
coping with my anxiety as well. Therapes I have tried include cognitive
behavioral therapy, EMDR, relaxation excersizes, meditation, and many
more. I have given up on trying to be cured and currently see a
psychiatrist on a 3-times-a-year basis simply to get my perscriptions.
If I am panicking, I often go for a walk if I am at home, and every
night I force myself to eat fresh chopped garlic on toast because it is
supposedly an 'anti-viral' remedy. In times of sheer desparation, I
have consumed half or whole cloves of garlic, which is unpleasant to
say the least. I also scratch my arms with my nails and cause bleeding
when I am anxious or feeling obsessive-compulsive. These tortures plus
starving myself are the things I do on a regular basis due to the fear
of being sick to my stomach.
Overall, the phobia is not ruining my life at the moment, but it has
made me miserable in the past and still continues to do so at times. It
also makes me depressed and irritable any time I feel anxious, further
harming my social life. As one last note I just want to say how real
this is to me and to everyone else that posts at emetophobia.org- this
is terrifying to us, and the fact that stomach illnesses are frequent,
and most people are ignorant of them and are not hygenic, we are
constantly exposed.. afriad to go into public or eat at restaurants. It
is a nightmare for all of us. Some people do not understand the feeling
of complete and utter terror we get from this phobia. I try to explain
it as the moment you realize you are going to be in a car crash, your
heart is racing, you are sweating,

[steph77]

I am 27 years old and have lived with this phobia since i can remember. Although I am not sure of the trigger, I theorize it began when I was a toddler of crawling age and I swallowed a large carpet staple.I have no memory of this, but my mother believesthis was 'the incident.'I have vague memories of preschool through elementary school isolating myself from other children, not eating until I got home from school each day, and trying desperately not to have to go back.


The last time I can remember vomiting (and it is a vivid, horrible memory) was in, I believe, first grade. I fought very hard not to, but failed.In the second grade, there was ateacher whocalled a meeting with my mother to discuss my very obvious problems (I wouldhold onto the fence around the playground in the same spot crying about 'it's like being in jail..' never eating my lunch or participating in group activities, especially parties where there was food...etc.) When the meeting was held, my mother tells me, the teacher mentioned the word abuse and this so offended my mother, she stopped the meeting short and refused to get me any help. I showed very strong OCD symptoms at this age - constant hand-washing, checking and re-checking my alarm, etc.- until my mother screamed at me for myover-washed, bleeding hands. From then on,I internalized my OCD. (If this happens, then I won't vomit...praying, always in my head, to not vomit, etc.)


By high school I had the phobia more under control, partially do to the fact that there was much unrest and dysfunction going on at home...I preferred to be at school. But I was very depressed and suicidal- to the point of self-mutilation. After graduation, I got out of there as fast as I could.


After a very bad living and financial situation, and a terrible relationship, my phobia, which had never really gone, got really out of control. I refused to eat. My weight dropped to 82 lbs., but I am 5'6". I could not leave my house. I could not sleep. I quit my job and applied for temporary disability and saw a slew of doctors psychiatrists, and therapists. Some helped, some did not.


Iam now in a supportive relationship and on Lexapro, which has really helped. My weight is at a healthy 120 lbs. I have two jobs and plan to go back to school this fall. The phobia is still very much present; I believe it always will be. Knowing this has made it very difficult to want to advance my life. Will this get bad again? Will it ruin the plans and responsibilities I will have? I don't know, hence my reluctance. I do not ever expect this to go away, but if it can, it wouldtruly be a blessing.


Sincerely,


Stephanie

[harmonygirl72]

Dr. Phil,


Well, if you have read this much, you know what a debilitating fear this is! I am Mary and I have had this fear for as long as I remember. I am currently 32.I think mine stems from the fact that my mom left when I was 8....basic abandonment issues. We think this might make a good topic for your show, so more people don't think I'm nuts when I try to explain it to them!


Thanks,


Mary ([email protected])Edited by: harmonygirl72

[samara's on tv]

My name is Monica, I'm 21 years old (Well I'll be 21 in September) and I have had this phobia since I can remember.


I didn't know what the name of the phobia was called until about a month ago and that's when I found this place. I think the reason why I have this phobia is when I was in kindergarten a boy got sick and he was taken away in an ambulance. I soon found out it was because he had appendicitus but I have always associtated being SICK with something REALLY BAD. I have always thought that if someone was V*ing it was really bad. I know that in every grade in school there was always somebody who threw up in class. I remember I went to this one private school where there was a bathroom in the back of each classroom for "Emergencies" and I was always SO SCARED that someone would run back there and be sick. I remember one day there was a kid that was sick and he was very LOUD about it and the teacher just kept teaching...I could have just DIED.


I don't really have much SUPPORT when it comes to this phobia. Growing up I had a sister that would get sick like three or four times a year with a SV. She was really loud and dramatic when she V*ed and it scared me. When she was sick I wouldn't even be on the SAME FLOOR that she was on. I would sleep on the couch in the basement while she was on the THIRD FLOOR just so I wouldn't be able to hear her getting sick. After she went to bed I wouldn't use any blankets she touched or used and I wouldn't go near any of the plates or cups she used until they were washed in the dishwasher.


The last time I V*ed was back when I was in 9th grade which is about 6 years ago. I remember sitting by the toilet for an hour or so trying to convince myself that I wasn't going to be sick but I was. It was terrible because I wouldn't just LET it happen I struggled through the whole thing and it was mostly bile. It was Passover when it happened and to this day I won't eat Matzah or anything with Matzah in it because I'm afraid that's what made me V in the first place.


I have a lot of strange behaviors. I won't eat at resturants unless I've eaten there before. I always frequent the same resturants that I've been going to for YEARS...just recently I've started doing this. A few years ago I would eat out at ANY new place but recently I can only eat at a select handful of places. When I do eat out and I eat meat I have to make sure it's WELL DONE. If I see any pink in my meat I can't finish it. Also I won't let anyone else cook for me I always have to make food myself. The only person's cooking I will eat is my mom's and even then I'll only eat the stuff she makes that DOESN'T have meat...I RARELY eat her meatballs or hamburgers. I also have this weird thing where after I Eat ANYTHING I have to wait a half hour before i feel "Safe". I always carry a watch to time this and if I don't have a watch with me I won't eat. When I'm done eating I ALWAYS have to have a cigarette. I think that's why I haven't quit because for some reason if I don't have a cigarette after eating I think I'll be sick. I wear this necklace that my mom put on me last year and it has a good luck charm on it and I'm afraid if I take it off I'll get sick.


Right now I'm in therapy. I'm not working with a specialist or anything but my therapist is very nice and is good at discussing the topic with me. She won't use the word "Vomit" in front of me either...or any other word that means Vomit...she will just say "V" and I know what she's talking about. Next time I'm with her I'm going to get on her computer and show her this website. I'm also going to show her the site for "Exposure Therapy" and hopefully we can go through the pictures together. Anyway I know I wrote a lot and thanks for reading all of this. I feel better reading everyone elses stories because it makes me feel like I'm not alone. Thanks Everyone!


~Monica

[charzysbebe]

My name is Charlotte, I am 33 years old, and I have been an emet for as long as I can remember; but having it get worse (obsessing) back in 1993. I cannot begin to even tell you how this phobia has taken over my life! My kids and family are affected by it every day. All of my decisions are based around my fear.


That is all I am going to say for now. I just want to say how unhappy emetaphobia has made me, and everyone around me. [img]smileys/smilies_12.gif[/img] Charlotte

[dranzersflame]

Dr. Phil,



I am fifteen years old and I have been an emetophobe since I was eight.



When I was eight years old, I vomited up my cereal exactly two hours
after I ate, because I had a fever. I experienced a horror I never felt
before. I was nauseous and I felt helpless. I couldn't control my own
body.



Now, I take my temperature before I eat, and I watch the clock for two
hours after I eat. I am nervous and anxious and constantly think about
it.



I have rituals that I follow to ensure that I won't vomit. After I eat
I have to blink, yawn, sniff, swallow, and breathe in certain patterns.
Even as I write this, my stomach is twisting up and I am yawning
profusely.



I am so terrified of vomiting that I would rather die or undergo torture then vomit.



This fear runs so deep that I would put others in danger or myself in danger to get away from vomit.



It is something that I have to deal with every day of my life. It ruins
a lot of chances for me. I don't go on amusement park rides, eat new
foods, and a variety of other things because of this controlling,
obsessive fear.



If I could make one wish, it would be to get rid of my emetophobia. I
detest it beyond all belief and what's worse, I feel as if this fear is
my fault.



~Ariana

[zane2673]

My name is Cheryl. I'm 31 years old and have been emet for as long as I can remember. I only vomited a handful of times in my life. I had a 20 plus year streak going on until this last March when I vomited once. My fear goes both ways myself vomiting and someone else. I have two children 4 and 2. My four year old (knock on wood) has only had astomach virus twice in his life. My two year old has a sensitive stomach. She has helped meface my fear, but it's the apprehension leading up to the event. I'm fine when it's going on but then after it's over I'm a basket case. My kids were sick this past march every two days for over a week with throwing up and I literally thought I was going to lose my mind, but I made it through. Now, I just find myself waking up in the middle of the night wondering if there going to be sick again, I faced a lot of sleepless and aniexty filled nights since then. Everytimethey get up crying in the middle of night I think it's because they are going to be stomach sick. I have major panic attacks now, that me nauseous. I'd like to be able to accept it for the bodily function that it is, but no matter what anyone says it just doesn't seem natural. My daughter who's two is so cool about it when she does throw up that I admire her self control. She doesn't cry or anything.


I've tried real hard to hide my fear from them, but me asking them all the time how their bellies are must be a pain in the butt. The washing of the hands and making them carry around anti bacterial wipes, avoiding public bathrooms, wiping down resturant tables, silverware, and chairs. Santizing my bathroom with bleach after company has come over, washing down light switches with wipes, spraying toys with lysol, and warning my children about having to close of physical contact with someone are all the things and more that I do to try to protect myself from potential exposure.


If there was one thing I could change about myself it would not to be emet. I wish I had a fear of heights or something I could definitely avoid for the rest of my life. I'm hopingDr. Phil and his staff read these posts and realize what paralyzing phobia this is. No matter if you have it mild or severe it's a terrible thing to live with.

[jesskali]

Hi Dr.Phil!

My name is Jessica and I am 25 years old. I have had emetophobia since the age of 9. I fear both myself and others vomiting. It seems as if I vomited quite frequently as a child--I can remember nearly every time it happened. When I was 9, I was on a field trip with my class and on our way back home, several kids started vomiting on the bus. I remember being in such a panicked state at that time. Fortunately my mother was there to help me calm down because she was afraid that I was about to vomit! Then at the age of 12 I was on vacation and got a horrible stomach virus causing me to vomit every few minutes for about 12 hours. Since that time emet has plagued my life, although I didn't even know there was a name for it until about 6 months ago. A funny twist to my story is that I decided to become a nurse when I graduated high school. I really believed that going through nursing school and working as a nurse would help me to overcome my phobia. It didn't! In some ways it made it worse. I was able to get through nursing school without ever dealing with anyone vomiting near me. I even worked at a doctor's office for 2 years after I got my nursing license. It was stressful every day I worked there since I lived with the fear of someone vomiting around me. I now do a nursing job to where I have very little interaction with sick people. Although I enjoy my job, I still feel that I am less of a nurse and less of a person because of my phobia. It consumes a large part of my life. I wash my hands 20-30 times per day. I am extremely careful what I eat due to the fear of food poisoning. I also have nightmares about vomiting. Everywhere I go I am constantly thinking "What if it happens".

I have tried to explain this fear to my husband and family members, and while they are supportive, I don't believe that any of them can comprehend how real the problem is to me. I have never been through any kind of formal therapy and have never taken any medications for this phobia. I would give anything to be completely cured of this phobia and never have to think about it again. In fact, I envy "normal" people who can deal with vomiting. My husband and I are planning to have children soon and I would love to try and overcome this phobia so that I will not pass it on to my children!

Jessica

[swiftette]

Dear Dr.Phill, My name is Donna and I am 33 years old.This phobia has stolen my life from me. I'm not even sure where to start so here goes:I was terribly sick from my Italian dad over feeding me zappolies(like fried dough knots) and orange juice when I was about7 years old.After that, Ihad these "rituals" that I had to perform so I would'nt throw up again.Such as-I could never leave the toilet seat open at night, For some strange reason I was afraid of oil-of-olay(thinking it was a frying oil)and I coul'dnt watch musicals(still ca'nt) or Wild Kingdom(they must have been on t.v. the night I was sick).And worst of all, I became afraid of nighttime.I avoided sick people at all costs all threw my childhood.I had all these false beliefs in my head like"I'm an "earache"person-you're either an ear and throator a stomach sickness person"or"I had the stomach bug once so now I am immune".I was picked on very severely in grade school which zapped me of my self esteem.When I was in high school things got better untill I turned 17. My freinds and I were kind of wild and we got drunk off whiskey( at my house no less). I had to clean up after one and listen to the other vomit all night long. Something just snapped because after that I got very afraid. I did'nt want to go out with my freinds because I thought we'd get in a accident, I became anorexic, I started suffering from panic attacks. I got into a mentally abusive relationship which took me 3 years to come to my senses and ended it. I struggled threw ocd and many anxiety related problems. I managed to overcome anorexia and married and had two beautiful daughters that are my shining stars. I am an at-home-mom partly because I have my elderly mom and dad with alzheimers that I also care forbut mostly because come flu season,the first time I hear that someone has thrown up, I quit the jobs.My girls get stomach flus at least once a year, and for as many web sites I go on for information and prevention and anti-bac wipes that I send them everywhere with , I still can't figure out how to protect them and usfrom it. And the only way I can deal with it is to wear gloves and a mask(which my mom thinks I'm a freak, and my husband throws it up to me in arguments with him)And I ca'nt give them the love and comfort "normal" moms do when there kids get sick. My 6year old is starting to show ocd and germ-phobia traits and I feel so guilty. My marriage is on the verge of divorce and my only support system other than this web site is my therapist. I'm afraid to take meds because of side effect fears so all I take is xanax and I always need to have a fresh perscription of compazine just in case. I'm afraid from Oct-jUNE to get to close to anyone and my husband has had to move to the parlor couch. I tried hypnosis, I do'nt think exposure therapy would help because having kids, I am Always exposed and I'm Always scared. If you could do something to help people like us, it would truly be a miracle. I watch your show every day and I believe in you, please help, Donna

[danforth]

Hi my name is Daniel. I'm 19 and i live in Australia. I've had a fear of vomiting for a while now. I believe my first experience was at my grandparents place when i was 8. I had a stomach virus and half way through the night i woke up and threw up all over my self. I was so ashamed and scared and ever since then, if there is a stomach bug going around or anything like that i immidietly get worried and have a panic attack. Whenever i eatfood i never touch it with my hands. I nevertouch my mouth or eyes when im out or at work. Idon't drink. If some food has been made for me i immidietly ask how long its been out forand the expiry dateof all the ingriedients so i don't get food poisoning.It's hard to disguise this kind of phobia although i have done so well for about 9 years now I dont feel i'm progressing well. It has been around 9 years since i last vomited. I can talk to myself and say "hey it's only vomiting it's not that bad" but when i start to feel nauseas i worry and start shaking and it's just an all round horrible feeling. My parents know now and are very supportive of me and i do feel that in time, i might grow out of it. But until then, I'm still very much an emet. Thanks for reading my story. Edited by: danforth

[bexcelica]

My name is Becky and I'm 21 years old. I am an emetophobic, and have
been since I was about nine years old. I ate a cupcake from Stop and
Shop one night, and went to bed. I couldn't fall asleep, but finally
did. When I woke up, I was in the living room (I must have slept
walked) and I just threw up. My parents came down and cleaned it up. I
sat down and was okay until I had to throw up again. I ran to the
bathroom and the last thing I remember is looking at the toilet. I
fainted because I gagged on the way to the bathroom which affected my
Vesovegal nerve, or somethign like that. I fainted and woke up to my
mom saying "Oh my God Jim come in here!" to my dad. Every since then, I
have been SO afraid of getting sick. I avoid things because I am afriad
if I get sick I might pass out. i avoid driving my car to places more
than a half hour away because I'm afraid if I pass out or get sick, I'm
not going to be able to drive home (because I have a manual shift car
and most of my friends dont know how to drive manual.) I get nervous
when my cell phone goes out of service, or runs out of battery because
if I throw up, I won't be able to call home. I was afraid to go
on a trip to London because of the fear I would catch the flu
that was going around my town at the time. I ate only Ramen Noodles and
anything sealed and American when I took a trip to Barbados because I
was afraid to get sick off the food there and be so far away I couldn't
come home. My parents won't go away by themselves (remind you I'm 21)
because whenever they go away I have a panic attack and they come home.
I am a complete mess and wish I could just get over this. People say
"just get over it, its just throwing up" but to all of you that are
emetophobics, it is NOT just throw up, and its VERY VERY VERY hard to
get over.