I've posted something like this before but I just need to say it all again.

I've really had enough. I'm sat in tears because I just am so fed up with this fear and I long for a life without it. I think about v* constantly, every few minutes. I'm already panicking about winter and Noro and planning to starve myself to get through the season. I feel scared to sleep every night as I think, this could be the night I wake up and it happens. Every night. I'm so drained. I daren't drink really either. I'm obsessed about date checking and food being really hot. If someone says they've been ill and it's recently I want to run away and hide. I feel plagued by thoughts of v* and the dread of the next time I will v* and knowing that that is inevitable makes me feel suicidal.

Can someone tell me how to get through as ice never been this bad, ever. Please someone help x