It's Back...need to vent

[centipede]

I used to post frequently on this forum many years ago, when my emetophobia was worse. I've always been afraid of v* but it never controlled my life until about 10 yrs ago and that's when I found this forum. I've always believed that it worsened due to anxiety and stress in my life. I was having financial problems and other stressful things going on in my life. Then over a few years time the stress dissipated and my emetophobia, while it never went away, mellowed out and I took back control. Every once in a while I would still get a panic attack over fear of getting sick but overall I was doing well.

Some of the things I did to cope were to get active with hobbies (crafting and baking) and physical fitness (martial arts, running, working out). I also started a blog about emetophobia and anytime I was feeling panicky or just inspired, I would post in it. And it worked for me. That is until now. During the past month I've had 3 panic attacks. I'm now facing similar financial stress and the stress of aging relatives, regrets and other anxiety driven emotions which I believe is bringing the emetophobia on again.

I tried therapy last summer and I found it overpriced and it didn't help me much. Working out once a week at the gym with a personal trainer actually made me feel better than the therapist and those session are much cheaper. But lately my training sessions are leaving me feeling queasy and this evening right after my training session my stomach started feeling bad. To top it off, my sister, who hasn't v* in 18 years, got hit with stomach flu last week and so did her entire family. Now I'm extremely paranoid I'm going to get it too. I was so panicky that I was sitting outside on my balcony in freezing cold temperatures to try to calm down before writing this.

As I write this, I'm sucking on a piece of ginger and starting to feel a little better. But I'm just so upset with myself that emetophobia is coming back. My doctor recommended yoga but I'm so unbalanced (physically and mentally) that I'm intimidated to take even the beginner classes.

Thanks for letting me rant.

[jkl81]

I remember you from when I started looking at emet forums. IDK if I was a lurker or had joined already. This phobia is definitely worse in times of stress in my experience. I'm 33 and I've had severe problems with it several times 1) around 8/9 years old after a bad SV when I first started obsessing about it 2) around 13-14 in 8th grade...that convinced my parents to make me seek treatment 3) As a high school senior...more talk therapy but it didn't work that well 4) When I started upper division university courses. This coincided with a bad noro outbreak which I did manage to avoid, but I wasted 6 months of my life at least with debilitating anxiety and barely eating 5) A couple of years at the beginning of grad school...toward the end of this, my grades were in trouble and I was feeling really bad about myself..I founjd the forum in 2008. It helped some but mostly in not feeling alone and meeting some good people from here. I didn't allow myself to feel QUITE as sorry for myself as I had, but I still go there sometimes.... I digress...I agree with you that the phobia ebbs and flows. From what I remember about you, you've had a pretty interesting life and you were always a positive contributor here. Feel free to chat with me if you think it would help. You'll get through this!

[mhartse]

hey there. I know that feeling when you feel "normal" for a while then it hits you like, what the hell is this? IT sucks, doesn't it. Im kind of at that point too where I feel therapy doesn't work and is expensive and I'm still fearing things. I just wish this phobia never existed and never got tot us!

[NicManri]

I get my yoga videos off of YouTube, I'm too intimidated to go to an actual class