Finding people like me

[optomisticinlkld]

There have been so many times that I have felt completely alone in my phobia, although I wish no one else in the world would have emet. I am encouraged to know that I am not alone.

I have a question though, was it hard to tell the first non-emet person in your life about your phobia? I told my husband only a few years ago and it felt quite liberating, but I told my sister and now she makes comments here and there that make me feel judged by her, she is always so supportive of everything else in my life, but I know she just doesn't understand this part of my life and how crazy it makes me feel.

[Dxxr]

I found it a big relief to start telling people, like u I told my partner first he says he understands but I know he doesnt really really get how bad it actually is. I told my family who didn't really get it either and told me I need to see someone to get help and still continue to go into detail about their sickness. But I get why they don't understand because this time 10 years ago I wouldn't of understood it either I used to hug my partner when he had been v all night and it wouldn't bother me but now I'd aboid him like the plague. But anyway I find it helps to tell people because were not crazy and It really is a common phobia

[optomisticinlkld]

Most of my family just thinks that I am claustrophobic, which I am in some ways but of course it is emet which is the real truth. But a while back my niece was playing in the band and my whole family went to the football game to see her, but the stands where everyone was sitting was so packed and I just couldn't make my self go up there to sit, so I just stood at the bottom and watched and when they came down after the performance my sister said, yeah I knew there was no way you were coming up there. She then said, someone asked me why you weren't coming up and I said because you were afraid someone was going to get sick on you. But the way she said it.....it felt so condescending and since she said it to someone else that I don't care to tell my business to, it really felt like she was betraying me. Of course I said nothing to her about her comments because I don't want her to know exactly how much she upset me.

[Dxxr]

Aw that's awful if it had of been me if of probably told her how upset I felt at that, I hadn't actually considered the fact that people I have told might be telling others. I don't blame u for not wanting to sit in a crowded place like that I avoid all places where it's going to be packed as I'm sure most emets do but at least you went regardless of where you stood that's an achievement in itself Ive turned down so many invites to places just because there's going to be so many people and I'm afraid I might be ill so you should be proud of that. But maybe explain again to you sister so she doesn't make you feel like that again as it's hard enough without that

[optomisticinlkld]

Thank you Dxxr : ) I know I have had this phobia since I was probably about 10, but I didn't know that it had a name and other people felt the same way until about 3 years ago. I have been with my husband since I was 16 and I only told him about 3 years ago, but I'm certain that he doesn't understand that it is a constant challenge in my life. I do have to constantly talk myself into doing daily activities that my brain tells me are harmless, but my fear is speaking to me super loudly most of the time telling me different.

[Dxxr]

Yea I've had it since I was about 17 - 10 years now and I've found out this year there's even such a thing and other people suffer! I'm planning congnitive behaviour therapy and hoping that will help I wanted to try everything else before I go down the route of medication hopefully something will work for us all but in the meantime I'm finding this group helps a little bit

[optomisticinlkld]

I only just joined a few days ago, but being able to chat about it does help : ) Good luck with the therapy!

[mdgirl1977]

both of my exes got it and never gave me a hard time. my family misinterprets is as straight germaphobia, which I guess it is to a degree, but not really. It is tough to have someone close (like your sister) and then have her not get it. my family gives me a hard time so I just keep to myself a bit more. the one that is affected most if my 8 year old son. He struggles a bit with me driving him crazy but I have had to give up some of that control over the years.

[optomisticinlkld]

Both of my kids are older, so when they are sick they are on their own....I will hand them a wet rag and a bottle of water and freak out from behind the other side of the door and then immediately begin the obsessive cleaning. My kids know I have a few strange things that I do, but I know they don't know how hard it is for me, I try to shelter them from my craziness. I went to a movie with my daughter and my mother-in-law over the holidays, it was a early movie so not a lot of people were there, but my mother-in-law wanted to sit higher in the theater and all the way into the middle so I hung back trying to go into the row last so I could at least be the first one to be able to leave if I needed to but my mother-in-law was trying to be on the end too and when I made up about every excuse I could to be on the end my daughter rolled her eyes and said you are so ridiculous sometimes........yeah I guess I am, lol.

[jsquared]

Finding this forum has helped me tremendously. Just reading words, thoughts, phrases from you all--stuff I say and think ALL the time makes me feel like I'm not alone. My emet has manifested mostly with panic/anxiety in general, but at the heart lies the fear of v* and not being at home. I've had it since I was around 8 years old (I'm 39). I actually got a sv in 2010 and did v* one time. People in my family thought "oh, well, that should cure it." Sure, it was so bad when it happened and I kind of felt relief that I finally did it after like 15 years but...hello?! The phobia is still alive and well!

The part I love most about this forum--being able to try and comfort those in a panic. Because hey, advice feels better coming from someone who feels the same way, right? I'm just happy to be here.

[jsquared]

I actually meant to say "it WASN'T so bad when it happened and I kind of felt relief"

[optomisticinlkld]

Yeah I also struggle with always wanting to be home. My family always jokes about me being an old lady already because seriously when it's dark outside I need to be home. I cannot remember ever getting sick anywhere but at home. I am a morning/early afternoon person, I feel like I can do more things comfortably and with less anxiety in the morning than the afternoon for some reason.

But when I really think about where my phobia began I am not certain because I have a few situations of other people getting sick around me beginning when I was probably about 5, then another incident when I was around 7, and then a few more growing up. I remember telling my mom when I was about 10 years old that some days I just didn't feel right, but I couldn't tell her anything specific about my anxiety. For the longest time I just thought I was claustrophobic, but in my mind I always knew there was the v* factor but I never told anyone. As the years went by I started developing my own little rituals like always carrying gum or a bottle of water. If I go to dinner I ask for a to go water just in case on the way home I get sick. I despise booths at restaurants because I feel like I won't be able to get out in a hurry if I need to. I always feel the need to sit on an aisle if we go anywhere. I always know where the bathrooms are no matter where we go because it's the first thing I look for when we walk in. I really don't like big inside malls, I feel like I won't be able to get out quick, my panic always ramps up when I go shopping. Does anyone else do some of these same things?

[shoeee]

I don't think I've ever really told anyone "I have a fear of v" or "I have emet" flat out like that, because I feel like they'll think it's weird and crazy and not want to hang around me or something. A couple of my close friends know I really don't like thinking about or talking about v but they don't get how big of a deal it is, which seems to be pretty common. I'm still not old enough to drink or think about being preggo, but being so afraid of doing these things just because of this one thing really gets me down. This site has helped me a lot and I've already learned so many things about the fear and how it works, and it's really comforting to read about people that go through the same things I do.. makes me feel less alone.

optomisticinlkld, I do a bunch of these things. I always have to have ice water on me, and I never go anywhere without mint gum or some wintergreen lifesavers. I have to sit in the outside seat whenever I go to a restaurant or a movie theater, and hate small places with a lot of people because I feel like I won't be able to escape if I start to panic and need some air. I also will never step barefoot in dressing rooms, never touch doorknobs directly with my hands, and have a whole "ritual" for disinfecting my phone every other day or two.

[stopthissong]

I find there are two reactions that we get when we tell someone about our phobia: they are either supportive (they don't understand but they try to and they are there for us when anxious), or people that say well no one likes being s* and kind of thinks you're some weird person who is a bit mental. It's hard. I remember telling my boyfriend, firstly I told him I suffer from anxiety and then I kind of slowly dropped clues that I have a phobia. It's so frowned upon to have a mental illness. I'm still a person you know.