In a VERY bad place. HELP

[acarl5]

I need your help anyone who will listen. I have struggled with this fear almost my whole life. The last year has been extreme though. My life has been completely altered. Sadly I had just gotten engaged almost a year ago today and my now fiancé got the SF. That was the beginning of things starting to get out of control. In the last year I have 1) Lost more than 30 lbs just because I simply have been scared to eat anything that isn't bread, cereal or pasta. "Safe foods" I have been going to counseling on and off but I haven't had the strength to face this demon in my life. The real issue here is that I am engaged to married and I am not well. My fiancé doesn't understand this fear - I feel ashamed and so terrible that I can't get it together. I don't see my life getting better and honestly I am headed in a bad direction. I feel like if things don't change I am going to either end up starving myself to death or end up in a hospital. I don't know where to go or what to do and my relationship is falling apart right in front of me. I am scared to death of life, I have isolated myself and am in such a dark place in my life. I am pushing away the people that love me because I don't know how to handle this.

Any help?

[mdgirl1977]

oh honey, I'm so sorry. I've been in your place for quite a few years and ironically my diet almost mimics yours. I don't date at all and rarely socialize because of this fear. Definitely take control of it before you get to a place where you end up like me. How often do you see your therapist? Do you take any medication? Are you able to maintain a job? I'm sorry your fiancé is it more supportive. Has he gone to therapy with you? would you consider doing couples counseling to see how we can assist you in managing some of these fears? The problem is once you get married the next step usually is having children and if you think it's bad at managing this now, wait till you have kids. I have a son who is almost 8. my fear is substantially worse. It's manageable but it's always there. I wish I had better words for you but it seems like therapy is the best route for you and you need to push forward with that and if the visit do you have aren't working, up them. find a new therapist, a better therapist. Consider medication. Consider lifestyle changes. Maybe a change in job would help you. Find a hobby. Exercise more. I'm happy you found us and hope you post more. Private message me anytime you want

[NicManri]

I would suggest finding a therapist who has worked with emets before and take your partner to a session with you, he might understand it better if an outside party explains it