Daughter with emet

[summer]

I have been emet for as long as I can remember. It has morphed from being afraid of v*** myself to being afraid of others v***. My 10 year old daughter is definately emetophobic (hey, takes one to know one!). The symptom that is most frightening is her obsession with stomach sensations. I have read that emets commonly cannot differentiate feelings of true nausea with other feelings and that many do not even know what it means to actually be nauseaus. I never had this problem, even as a child. I can tell the difference. Anyway, during any given week, for one or two nights on average, she will tell me right before bed that she doesn't feel good, that her tummy hurts, etc. (Of course, you aIl can imagine how this makes ME feel!) Last night she was worried because hed had several loose bm's (can I say that?) and was afraid of diar****. I can see the terror in her eyes.I know what anxiety or panic attacks look like and she is certainly there. She physically shakes. She has verbalized her fear to me - she associates nighttime, and sleping in her own room especially when her father and I are already in bed and the house is quiet with getting sick. Then she may go weeks w/no problems, fear at all. She knows I have some kind of problem w/v*** as I have told her in an off hand kind of way as to not make a big deal out of it but I know she senses something deeper. My husband has had to travel quite a bit and I have on several occasions been alone w/her or her sister as they have been sick and it's hard to hide something like this. Last Sat. night when we were vacationing with my parents I had to take my husband to the emergency room. We suspected it was kidney stones (it was) and he had been in severe pain, nauseaus and v*** once before we got in the car. She knew something was up when she saw us get into the car w/the bowl. Fortunately my mom stayed at the house w/her & her sis. Needless to say, I was a wreck but again hiding it pretty well. I think that incident may have caused this last bout of emet for her. My question to all of you is how do I initiate a conversation w/her today w/out making things worse? How much do I reveal about my own struggle? She is very open w/me and doesn't seem to want to hide this as I did for so long. Lastly, is there any way I can "catch this early on" before it gets any worse? I think I know the answer to that already. She hasn't developed any food obsessions (I never did really) and I hope it doesn't get to that. I have such tremendous guilt that I am responsible for this although I can find no evidence that my relationship w/my parents as a young child casued my own emet. It just seemed to happen, like I was born with it. Anyway, thanks for listening, This is my very first post.

[sage]

Summer,


Thank you for your heart-felt story...I can only imagine your distress.


The thing is, your own anxiety (in general - not just as a phobic, but also your "worry" about your daughter) will fuel her phobic tendencies. So there really isn't any "conversation" you can have with her that will help. What WILL help is for you to get some therapy and begin to reduce your own anxiety. This will in turn reduce hers. When her eyes go wide with terror, mum's eyes mirror hers, which tells the child that there really IS something to be afraid of. If mum can alleviate her own anxiety, this mirroring will stop, and her anxiety will calm down.


This will be a long journey for you (and your family). I know because I've been there. But it is worth the trip - the time, the money, the commitment to it. If your daughter had cancer, and this was the cure you would do it - you'd go to any length. Your daughter's quality of life is similarly at stake here. And this isn't a problem with her - it's in your hands.


All the best to you. Please take advantage of the articles written at the top of the "Treatments" thread about general info to give your doctor, as well as how to find professional help.


Keep us posted - or send me a private message at least.

[jennyleigh1975]

sage, it is always so good to "see" you on the boards .......... with your wisdom and support.

summer, welcome to the boards, you will find lots of support here. I have three children, and so far, I havent seen any emet behavior in my children. My oldest daughter is 10 also. They do know that I dont like v*, but I dont think they know the extent of it though.

[summer]

Thanks guys! We talked and she told me that the only time she gets afraid of "getting sick" is when her stomach is already hurting for whatever reason. These episodes have actually decreased since she began lactose free milk. They seem to come in cycles. She told me she did have a hard time distinguishing one stomach discomfort from another but that she could definately distinguish hunger. All the others including when she has actually been sick feel the same. Thats enough to make anyone a little anxious I guess but I just can't imagine not being able to differentiate true nausea from heartburn for instance. My anxiety has actually decreased over the years although I have "relapses". Most of my progress has probably come from within - a mental ability to somehow convince myself that I will not let this control my life. It works pretty well and I would catagorize myself as mildly emetophobic in that it does not "Consume" me. I find evenings to be anxious but not overly so. The anxiety increases when my 10 year old is going through her own thing. I rarely worry about my other daughter. I still have serious anxiety when I'm in the situation, taking care of some who is sick or even being in the same vicinity but since I have been in precisely that situation many times since having children I guess self imposed exposure therapy has helped to some degree. I have really learned alot from reading the posts regarding the possible origin of this illness!