I think this is it

[metronoid]

Hi everyone, this is my first post on here for a while... I thought I had recovered from this phobia but tonight showed me I haven't. I felt fine all day, made dinner then did a workout and about an hour or 2 afterwards my heart starting getting palpitations from nowhere. I thought it was an anxiety attack for something but then I just knew that that 'it' was going to happen, I just knew. The whole episode lasted maybe 30 minutes, my heart has slowed down a bit now but I'm shaking like a leaf. I managed to fight it off, but I'm scared for night time now. I feel a bit bloated and very shaky now.
I haven't been sick for over 30 years, I can't think why it's going to happen now. I can't focus on anything and I know that this message is very badly written but I'm just terrified.

[Sjg333]

Hi there Im so sorry to read this post. Has it happened by the time you're reading this? I went 14 years V free and when it happened 2 years ago there was no fighting it, it was literally impossible. I have had times similar to what sounds like you're going through where it should have happened but I was able to fight it, I felt rotten and so sorry for myself but even during the night it didn't happen. Since my episode 2 years ago I now believe, if it's gonna happen, it will happen straight away as soon as you feel that way. If it still hasn't happened by now I think you will be fine, just take it easy and keep thinking each minute is a minute closer to the whole ordeal/feeling being over!! Xx

[metronoid]

Thanks for your response. It hasn't happened yet. I feel much calmer now which has maybe helped. But I'm staying awake tonight to be "on guard". It was so strange, the build up just felt like a panic attack but then I "knew" it was going to happen but I just managed to get through it. I don't have a temperature or feel ill, just a little bit bloated. It was the closest I've come to it for such a long time and mentally there was some sort of acceptance but physically I just wouldn't allow myself to gag if that makes sense? I get that if it really has to happen, it will. I just hope not! It's been around 4 hours now so I'm keeping my fingers crossed...

[leahmarie7269]

Sometimes after a hard workout I will feel "it" and just reassure myself that it is just because my adrenaline was going and I pushed it harder than I normally do. It could have just been post exercise n*

[metronoid]

Sometimes after a hard workout I will feel "it" and just reassure myself that it is just because my adrenaline was going and I pushed it harder than I normally do. It could have just been post exercise n*

Thanks for that! I feel much better today, just a bit low on energy. I was awake pretty much all night because I wanted to be "onguard". I used to be on this forum constantly years ago when the phobia was literally ruining my life. But I managed to move past it, I now travel regularly (still get nervous on planes), eat out regularly, live in a different country running my own business and generally have never been happier. There was a stage when I didn't leave the house for months because I was worried I would catch a bug, but if anyone is reading this I want you to know it's possible to live a normal life even WITH this horrible phobia.
Last night was strange for me because it's the first time in over 30 years I've come close to doing the deed. I wasn't as panicked as I always imagined I would be, obviously I was very scared but again it passed.
I haven't eaten much as I don't have much of an appetite, just drinking some tea and will maybe try something light later on. I want to wait a little while longer just to be absolutely sure!

[thecheesecake17]

Well congrats!
Some nice inspiring words there. Plus you justify the fact that if it happens it happens, even though deep down I think we think we can stop it even if its inevitable haha.

I am kinda like you in that I'll still do crazy things like travel and eat out even though I'm a mental freak about the smallest of n*.... I think we all know and want to feel normal its just plucking up the courage.

Sounds like the working out made things ALOT worse, sooo many people talk about v* on Facebook after work outs!!
I think if you feel super fine you're superfine.

Well done for getting through it too - Another moment of closeness rejected!

[thecheesecake17]

Ps - May I ask if you're male or female?
If you're a female and have gone thirty years, that is very very impressive....seeing as though hormones mess us up haha

[metronoid]

Hehe, I'm a female! 33 years old now. I have picked up bugs and things in the past but haven't actually come close to being sick, I'm usually very proud of my immune system! Maybe one or two bad colds a year. I think that I live alone helps too, nobody else is around to spread their germs, hehe. The workout could've been a factor, my heart rate didn't seem to go down so much after I had finished so maybe that brought it on? I think if it was a real virus, I'd be absolutely KO'd right now but it was just so strange because stuff like that doesn't happen to me!
When I thought "it" was just about to happen, I breathed deeply and just kept whispering to myself, "no, no, no, no". And I think I meant "no" in terms of freaking out about it rather than doing the actual deed. I felt like my body had taken over and as unpleasant as it was, there was weird acceptance. But, anyway! It hasn't happened since and I'll eat lightly tonight for sure!

[thecheesecake17]

You are my inspiration! That's awesome.
I like the no,no,no,no thing haha kinda metaphorical for anxiety.

Hope this was just an unexpected rare visitor and won't return anytime soon. That was probs one of the closest calls you've had and you were fine and don't seem too traumatised so well done. Glad you're better!