Dudes. Ya Wont Believe The Night Ive Had!

[Eternity]

(Not graphic or anything) There should be a thread icon thing for graphic. dontcha think? Then ya could tell which ones where just by glancing down.


ANYHOW


So there was a dead fly in my food. Christ, how is that even possible? S'the last time I eat ANYTHING fried ever- I had these weird crispy noodle thingys that curl up like quavers, and there was a pile of them, n i ate one or two n then there was this fly. EW (excuse all the caps n pointlessness Im hyper- I'll get to the point in a minute) Im just hoping that its been fried (n therefore devoid of germs?) but it didnt look fried. Its wings would have melted right? Ugh, I dunno how thats possible, my mothers cooking rocks.
n for some reason Im not specially worried about this.. I guess I will be if I feel ill tomorrow.


Anyway, after that I didnt eat anything all day n just lay on the sofa sulking.. sort of and because I just want to sleep if I dont eat for a while, somehow lack of food affects me really badly- I guess my bodys in such awful condition anyway it cant cope, neways, there was a spider, and my mothers terrified of them, so I got up and took it outside, and as I was walking down the yard everything started spinning and I fell into the wall (f***ing pebbledashed walls) and cut up my arm pretty badly, n came back in and got attentionnnn Haha ironic isnt it? I spend weeks cutting myself to bits on purpose FOR attention and noone notices. Fall once because Im dizzy, entirely by accident and finally someone notices that all is not okay and..


My mother now wants me in therapy =/ Heh. I did actually tell her some stuff, because she asked me, n shes never taken much of a interest like that before. And she says Im depressed. Am I depressed? I dont think so- I think Im reacting pretty rationally to panic attacks and emet myself. Anyway, shes going to do some finding out for me. She says that theres no way a doctor will come out and see me, and I say theres no way Im going in there, but maybe theres other avenues I dont yet know about, like community nurses or something? All I really need is a sick note and some drugs. lol. I dont need a doctor to tell me whats wrong, I already know.


What are you guys on? Anti anxiety meds only please, I dont want anti depressants. My mother says drugs are a bad idea because my dads been on errr I cant remember the name of it.. some very strong anti depressant for 30 years and hes utterly dependant.


Err. /rant.
Im just.. hyper.. utterly hyper right now
And terrified about tomorrow- I haveto ring my inbiz lady (jobcenter scheme im on) and explain that Im still too crazy to go in there. Aghhhhhh save me?

[shiva]

For one thing, a Doctor can help you to realize why you are doing this to yourself and help you change your thought patterns, helping you through times like these.


In the UK do they have mental hospitals? I would say that at this point in time, if you cannot leave your house, you might want to consider checking in for a while. I don't mean for that to sound harsh, but if you're refusing going to a therapist for office visits and refusing to leave your house and cutting yourself, then you definitely need to have some intervention. Ask for help. At the point you are right now I don't feel like there are any words of encouragement I can really give unless you get help for yourself.


I will say this.. If you truely want to be better and enjoy the life you've been given, you are going to have to work hard to change the way you think. You are going to have to feel uncomfortable and challenge yourself. You have to trust the professionals and those around you who care. Otherwise, just admit to yourself that you are like you are because you choose to be and be done with it. I really want you to get some help. Others here have offered the shoulder to cry on, now I've offered another perspective. You shouldn't be hurting yourself and you need help whether you realize it or not. Earlier in a response you mentioned you did not want medication and you did not want therapy because you felt that you were able to fix this yourself. Sometimes people need helpand there is no shame in that. use Using meds temporarily or seeking the help of a professional does not make you weak. I would say at this point it would make you intelligent and responsible.

[Eternity]

I will take medication but Im Not going in a doctors office no way.
Wheeeee Ive always wanted to be committed. See evidently Im quite mad =/ Haha. I think its the thing that terrifies any normal person most of all. For me I think itd just be relief- not having to worry about money or going out to get food or.. anything really, life could just go whistle for a while, thatd be nice.. But I think Im still too sane for that though, most ppl I know whove been in mental hospitals are manic depressive at the very least, and Im not. I dont genuinely think Im crazy either- at least, not dangerously so, so theres no reason for it. Im not going to kill myself, or anyone else, so Im ok.



And Im happy.. because this is what I wanted- I do want something.. to happen. Some therapy or drugs, but under my conditions sort of? So that I still feel like I have some control. And I really and truely cant cope with going in a doctors, if I can possibly get a home visit then I shall. I just need for someone else to be involved for the sake of motivation- I cant do this by myself. Hopefully mum being involved will mean something will happen now.


Edit: Also I HATE my doctor. Hes a mean man, and hes scary =/ and when the pill was making me ill, he didnt believe me. Ermm. its seriously complicated and takes a long time to swap over here though- theyre all really full. Edited by: Eternity

[shiva]

I don't at all think you're mad. I just think you've let this stuff get out of hand and need help with getting better. Can you have your doc maybe write you a script for something to relax you and have him refer you to a therapist? You could maybe take the medication before leaving and going to get help with someone other than him.


I don't want you to hurt yourself. There must be a lot of pain inside of you to want to make yourself bleed. I remember those days... Even anxiety can build up and become pain and depression. I just want you to get help and realize that sometimes people need to reach out to professionals for the help they need. I understand not wanting to forever be hooked on medication, but perhaps you should look into it to get over this hump. The only thing is that I am a firm believer in medication only in conjunction with therapy and we still have to figure out how to get you to therapy.

[japa]

I'm trying desperately right now to remember the title of the play that I acted in as part of a community theater production and competition. It was over 10 years ago, but I'm a lit. major, so I usually remember titles. This play was about a perfectly healthy man who checks into the hospital, and he won't leave because the hospital is an escape from life. It is predictable and stable while life outside the hospital is not. I played the minor role of a rigid nurse who cannot handle the disorder of having a strange, healthy patient in the hospital.


This play (someone must know the title) reminds me of you Eternity because of what you have said in this post and in the previous post about how the phobia made life more stable, and it gave you something to focus on. And you have said the same thing about the mental hospital. Actually (once again over ten years ago) I worked in a mental hospital for a brief stint. Some homeless people would pretend to be a danger to themselves in order to have the cops involuntarily commit them. Then they would have to stay in for three days with meals and a nice bed to sleep in.

[japa]

Nah, you're not crazy. Have you ever been in therapy before? I'd imagine that you'd probably evenenjoy therapy because you seem like an introspective person who likes to figure things out about yourself. It can be great to have a person who listens to you for an hour and whose only purpose is to try to help you out.


For meds, there's controlled release Xanax for anxiety. This is much milder than regular Xanax, which ended up being a street drug for addicts. These you would just take for certain anxious situations, for example, if you needed to go somewhere for a few hours.


Some anti-anxiety meds are also anti-depressants because they affect serotonin, the brain chemical that promotes positive and relaxed moods. These would be Zoloft, Paxil, and Prozac. I don't know what these are called in the UK. You would take these each day, and it would take several weeks for your body to feel positive effects. You would take them for a few months, maybe even up to a year, until you have stabilized your situation. Then you would gradually come off them under the doctor's supervision. You already have serotonin being produced and broken down in your brain each day. These pills just slow the break down of the chemical so that you have a bit more of it present within your brain at any time.


By the way, I doubt that you'd be given any drug with similar problematic effects to what your father has been taking. 30 years ago anti-depressants were in a rudimentary state. Newer antidepressants are mild, well tolerated by the body, usually intended for short term use, and non-addictive. Edited by: japa

[japa]

Oh yeah, one last thing, what was the reason again as to why you are sure that you're not depressed?

[samara's on tv]

I take Zoloft and Zyprexa. I've been on Zoloft for most of my life...since I was like 12. As for Zyprexa I was just recently put on it...like sometime last year. I was SO incredibly unstable before I went on my meds. I have emetophobia now and it's REALLY bad but I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like if I didn't have my meds. I remember once a few months ago I went off my meds for a week and I actually thought about killing myself because my stomach hurt so bad. Medication and therapy is nothing to be ashamed of. IF you need help then you should ask for it! I'm in therapy and things are going just great! Try it...if you don't like it then you can stop.


As for the cutting thing. I used to cut myself all the time, really big gashes on my arms. The last time I cut myself was about a year ago and I still have the scars to proove it. Don't do that to yourself it's not the right way to get attention. If you want attention that badly then you should just be able to stand up and say "I need attention look at me" LoL I know that sounds weird but...when I was in like 11th grade whenever a student acted up (Which was A LOT in the school I went to) the teacher always told them to say, "Look at me I need attention!" and so whenever I feel flustered or frustrated I say "Look at me I need attention." And it usually works. It took me a while before I could even get to the point of saying that, it always seemed stupid to me but it works!


Anyway good luck and I hope that you get the treatment you need!


~Monica

[Eternity]

VALIUM. Thats the one- that my dads on I mean.
Tell me more about the stuff you guys are on? What exactly do they do, and what side effects? Anyone know any good sites to look medications up? I googled it but most of the sites I found involve wading through mountains of useless info before you can find what you want.
Is anyone in the UK and maybe knows the system a little bit? Im told that a doctor wont come out and see me unless Im dying (figuratively at least) but maybe I could see a community nurse or something? Is it unheard of for therapists to do home visits?
My Inbiz lady actually came to see me today, and she said, that I can continue self employment on income support, as long as its only part time, if a doctor signs me off sick.... see I dont KNOW this stuff, where dyou learn whats avaliable ? Where dya learn where to start?


Edit: Im so sure Im not depressed because I dont feel depressed? Depression is serious. Im reacting in afairly logicalway to emetophobia and panic attacks,thats all.if those things went away noone would tell me I was depressed. Edited by: Eternity

[japa]

O.K. Valium is for anxiety. It's a bit like the regular Xanax (not controlled release). There is a high possibility for addiction with Valium, so it makes sense that your dad might take it in excess. Valium is not an anti-depressant though. It's actually a depressant, a tranquilizer, a downer. I'm sure that it would calm a panic attack, but there are better, less potent and addictivethings out there.


Most well known drugs have websites. I think that the web is probably the only way to research the meds, unless you go to a library and check medical journal articles or newspaper databases to pull old articles about the drugs. To learn about the most common class of anti-anxiety meds, you might try doing a google search for "SSRI" or "selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor." You'll probably get a combination of informative websites about how they work, some positive websites, and some negative websites. There is a substantial contingent of people who simply "don't believe in" medication, so you may read about that too.

[trinity_13]

Eternity i can tell you that you aren't going to get anywhere on the NHSunless you go to a doctor as they are your first step to getting refered for ANY treatment, unless of course you can pay for private therapy, which i presume you can't as you are on benefit. The only other thing i can suggest if you refuse to see your doctor is to try your practise nurse (if you have one) as they may consider mediating between you and your doctor. The other thing is you need to go see your doc anyway to get signed off sick. Now that you have told your mum what is going on with you, why not ask her to go with you and even stay with you when you go into see the doctor, for some support.. I don't wish to sound harsh but you can't expect everything to come to you, if you really want help and to start on the road to recovery you have to put alot of effort in, i know as i have been there as have most of the people who come to this amazing site.


Personally i have found google excellent for looking up medications and have done it alot when i haven't been too sure of side effects. I just type in the brand or generic name and it always comes back with results for me.


I really do help you try to get some help as i think you do really need it and the thing is, the longer you take about getting it, the harder it becomes


Take care and be brave, go see your doc

[Jenneh]

community psychiatric nurses make calls to your house........


thats what i have.. even tho i go to him >.< lol


just thort i'd let you know..


xxx

[2jo2]

Ativan is what I take for anxiety when needed, and its affects last a relatively short time (2-3 hours), and it has no side effects that I've ever experienced. I'm also on Zoloft (anti-depressant), which helps tremendously with my OCD. I really do think that you should seriously consider drug therapy. Break the cycle of logic that you're in, because you're your own person. You aren't your dad. You are not a clone of him, and therefore will have your own effects from a drug. (this can mean good affects too!!) Also, I highly doubt any doctor would prescribe an addictive drug for you to take continually, like Valium. I take Ativan as needed only, as it has a tendancy to become habit forming.... and this simply means that it'll take more and more to bring your anxiety down.


About the depression, I think you are looking at things backwards. You say it is the emet and panic attacks that make people think you are depressed.... but are you still not depressed!? My emet causes me to have ups and downs and bouts of depression; I simply was not born with depression as an imbalance, it is my emet that gets me down, makes me not want to go out at times, well that and the OCD I've developed because of the emet. But I still have OCD and depression. In the long term, I am working on therapy to help my emet, but I am treating my depression and OCD in the interim, simply because, excuse me for my being blunt, you have to work hard at getting rid of emet, you cannot merely turn off a switch and it's gone. You must treat the symptoms caused by it in order to get those out of the way and begin to work on the root of the problem. The long term goal being that the emet is dealt with and you would no longer have the symptoms. You cannot treat the emet without treating the depression/panic/OCD/anxiety. You just can't. You are a very intelligent person, and you have to let these health professionals do their job and help you. Don't do their job for them.


About you not wanting to go into a doctor's office - I have my therapist who works out of her home. No big office with other people, no waiting room. Just a home with her dogs! She was willing to come to me if I couldn't get out of the house. Maybe this is what private doctors will do in the UK, I guess I'm not familiar. But use all your resources to find someone to help you. There has to be a sympathetic/empathetic soul who will.

[Eternity]

trinity- Im not being facetious you know, I want a home visit because I cant step out of the house right now without feeling like Im going to die, let alone a crowded doctors surgery (its the only one in town) full of people, and sick people at that. The surgerys are tiny with the blinds drawn always and they have the heat up far too high. ok ok so I shant die if I go in there, but I will panic until I either walk out or pass out, I cant do this right now, if I could I would never ever consider medication, therapy or admitting Im in trouble.


Its crazy its like.. people expect you to be this ill before they will believe you, but expect you to turn it off when it suits them and go in there...



Anyhow, update- I phoned the surgery today and was told I need to phone back tomorrow and talk to the site manager type person who will advise me whether Im entitled to a home visit. The receptionist said I might possibly qualify as housebound. Oh, and I have a new and different problem now too- Im not actually regestered with a doctor here. I have been my whole life, but for 6 months last year I went away to uni, and somehow got cancelled from this surgery, so now I need to have a new patients examination thing as well. God save me from the system?


Community psychriatric nurses? What do they do exactly? Therapy or are they sort of social workers? Edited by: Eternity

[shiva]

I'm glad you called for some help. Let us know what happens and good luck with becoming registered again in the system.

[tayntedhalo]

My depression started when I was 12.Its hereditary on my fathers side of the family.I have been on meds since,and i will be 35 this year.I think alot of people,even doctors see how a person reacts to EMET and it has some of the same symptoms of depression.Being depressed doesnt mean you are just suicidal or cut up your arms etc.There are many forms of depression.When a doctor sees you pull away from the reality of life,(I have been there)like not being around anyone, getting upset about the slightest things,uncomfortable in different situations,when it effects your life and how you live and feel or judge things,depression could be the cause.


When I lived with my EX if we got a shut off notice,or something just unexpectantly happened,I would freak out and bawl like a baby and call my mother and ask for help.


I was confined to my apt for over a year back in1992.I couldnt go grocery shopping,or even walk outside the door for fresh air.I would get a panic attack and run back into my apt as fast as I could,as soon as I was in I was fine.My EX fought with me about this saying I was dumb and I was acting silly.Back in 1996,my daughter had a picnic with her kindergarten class.we were asked to bring in covered dishes and treats etc.I made a huge crock pot of mac n cheese.I sat down and my daughter went off to play with her friends,I got myself into a panic and ran to my daughter and told her we had to go home.She was crying and I felt terrible.I even left my crock pot behind.I felt so sick.


Anyway talking about hospitals,I went into one when I was 12, again at age 18,then back in 1998.mostly my depression, plus I was in a very bad marriage and my shrink thinks my ex had alot to do with my depression and anxiety.The hospital wasnt that bad at all.It actually felt like a mini vacation the last time I was in. Someone posted that some people feel safe there, its very true,when I went in there was this young girl and she was in for suicide attempt.She was to go home the next day and she told me she cant go back home,she felt safe there.She ended up,after a suicide attempt in the hospital,staying longer.


I take prozac,I know people call it the "crazy" drug, but I will tell you that his pill has helped me beyond belief!I take Klonopin for panic attacks,and I have taken Xanax since age 12,I am not addicted to it though,I use it as needed,it wears off quickly though.My doctor put me on trazadone to help me sleep,and sometimes it makes me feel better through the night because it knocks me out LOL.Nothing could wake me up, so that if one of the kids got sick,I would be to out of it to deal with it.BF could handle it !I dont take it often though because it makes me so sleepy the next day.


I dont like doctors offices either,especially when I have to take one of my kids there.I worry they will catch anything and everything thats there.I usually have someone go with me,and as they wait in the waiting room,I go outside and smoke and then they come out and let me know the doctor is ready LOL.


I know i have depression for alot of things in my life,too many traumas to mention,and before today,when I found this forum,I felt hopeless and like a terrible mother.who cant take care of her own kids when they are sick,cant ride anywhere in the car with them...I felt so stupid and alone.


Thank you to all of you for all you have shared here,I know nowthat my problem has a name,there is hope,and that I am not alone in these fears.SOrry for the long ramble!Hugs Kathy

[trinity_13]

Eternity i wasn't for one moment suggesting you was being facetious, from what you have now described you are agrophobic andi didn't realisethat, some of your posts previously have come across to me that you desperately want the help but was turning away suggestions. So please accept my apologies.


I know what it feels like to be agrophobic, i had a nervous breakdown 10 years ago and was unable to leave the house for 3 years, so i know where you are coming from when you get that extreme panic feeling and feel like you will die if you step outside. I still get episodes of it when my emet is really bad.


I am so pleased that you managed to call your doc's to try and get something sorted out, unfortunately the nhs system can be such pants at times, i really hope that they can send a nurse or doctor out to you to do your examination so you can getthe ball rolling for treatment quickly

[Eternity]

Well the site manager person was horrid, I knew she would be. And after insisting and insisting that I could not come in to be seen I actually got her to say that she would ask the doctor, and Im to phone back on monday morning to see what they say, but she sounded doubtful. She didnt f***ing believe me. Pointed outtheres nothing in my record about panic attacks and Ive not been on medication before. Well of course I f***ing havent, I Hate pills, I hate doctors surgerys, I hate the idea of therapy, if things werent this bad then Id never ever consider doing any of these things, but because I havent made a fuss before or had meds she didnt believe me, I could hear it in her voice, thinks Im a stupid neurotic kid whos making it all up.. I knew this would happen...


..what the f*** will I do if I cant get a home visit? I felt like telling her that if she didnt send someone out to see me Id kill myself but whatd that achieve? Why is it that the people who are supposed to help you when youre ill are the most horrid people you could ever hope to meet?


Edit: Ok Ive chilled out now n Im pissed off.
Have they any right to refuse me treatment if I cant go in there? I know I can threaten them with the BMA (british medical association) but can I really because Im not a registered patient anymore. I wonder if theres any legal precedent on such things (i used to study law before all this) must find out.
Ive been reading on the net for what drugs might be sutiable too, and I came accross some stuff on depression. Apparantly symptoms include loss of concerntration and SLOWED THINKING christ I thought I was going crazy, could an anti depressant make me smart again? Because for quite some time now Ive felt like theres a wall of fluff between me and the straight A student I used to be. I suppose in retrospect I have one or two other symptoms too.. I cry really easily in the last year or so and before I Never ever did, not really. And if I was upset I got angry at other people, rather than feeling hopeless. I want to sleep all the time, but when I go to bed Im not tired and I end up lying there watching Tv.. I dont want to see anyone or do anything. My eating patterns are weird- some days I wont eat anything but a few biscuits to keep from feeling faint, and others I'll be hungry every few hours... although.. thats less so recently. Most of the time now I dont feel hungry atall, just sleepy. Like everything is shutting down...

What should I do if they refuse me a home visit? Advice...?Edited by: Eternity

[2jo2]

Ive been reading on the net for what drugs might be sutiable too, and I came accross some stuff on depression. Apparantly symptoms include loss of concerntration and SLOWED THINKING christ I thought I was going crazy, could an anti depressant make me smart again? Because for quite some time now Ive felt like theres a wall of fluff between me and the straight A student I used to be. I suppose in retrospect I have one or two other symptoms too.. I cry really easily in the last year or so and before I Never ever did, not really. And if I was upset I got angry at other people, rather than feeling hopeless. I want to sleep all the time, but when I go to bed Im not tired and I end up lying there watching Tv.. I dont want to see anyone or do anything. My eating patterns are weird- some days I wont eat anything but a few biscuits to keep from feeling faint, and others I'll be hungry every few hours... although.. thats less so recently. Most of the time now I dont feel hungry atall, just sleepy. Like everything is shutting down...

The feeling like sleeping, not wanting to see anyone or do anything, and concentration loss were the big symptoms for me. I woke up and went through the motions of going to work (I'm an engineer at a power company, and therefore, slacking off is not an option) and thought all day about going home and laying in bed watching tv. It was a chore just to do normal things.


If you can't get the doctor to come to you, keep looking!!! You'll just have to be vigilant and firm. You'll find someone. And about the receptionist not believing you, who the f*** cares?? She's not the doctor and has no right to be acting all anything to you except that she asks the doctor and gets back to you. It's not her that you want to talk to anyways, so she has no say.

[tayntedhalo]

Hi Eternity!


Have you ever tried to call a mental health center? I would think they would be more understanding of your needs. There are alot of people in the world who cant leave thier homes or do certain things.


My 13 year old daughter has a therapist who comes to my home 2 hours every Tuesday and Thursday.They call it "Wrap Around" care here.


From my depression and anxiety, I have alot of memory loss too.There are times I will drive to a store and not remember how I got there.I forget appts all the time and I forget to call people,I forget things that go on with my kids and school. Ugh LOL


Dont give up though, you are not alone!!!


Hugs Kathy














Edited by: tayntedhalo

[Eternity]

I havent called a mental health center.. I didnt know there were such things here. I shall look it up on the net seeve I can find one.


I do think its mean of that receptionist to leave me to sweat all weekend before I even find out whether I win an appointment too, s'hardly something thats going to help chill me out.Grr Bitch. I get the feeling Im going to be disgusted with the NHS before very long.. before this Ive only had two run-ins with it really- once when I wasvery ill at uni, and they wouldnt send someone 5 minutes walk accross campusto see me.. and then when I did go in they thought I had meningitus n got s*** scared, which would have amused me greatly if I hadnt been feeling so ill at the time (it wasnt meningitus in the end anyway) n the other time when I was 11 and I had a operation to cut the some of the muscles in my neckbecause they werent growing properly. That was pretty nasty too... I felt really sick from the anasthetic and they still made me lie down, n I had this awful neck brace thing that pretty well tied me to the bed. They actually roped it around the headboard!
I wonder whether anyone ever actually has pleasent experiences of doctors and hospitals... or theyre all totally traumatic lol.

[Galadriel]

Eternity,


I am wondering, why are you afraid to go to the docs? I'm just asking because it helps to know why, is it all the people that are there, fear of the doc itself, or not wanting to go out of the house? See, I was like terrified of the doc (like the whole erm exam part) and well, I was prescribed lorezopam, so I could make it thro the visits, I had an issue that I needed to get taken care of (I ended up doing good and not needing them everytime). Would it help to say talk to your doc over the phone or a nurse practitioner and explain your situacion? See, if your afraid of the doc part like I was, make it just a talking visit (ie no medical stuff) and explain that you need something to help you get thro it, and it will! Or, is it your afraid to go out of the house to get to the doc? It helps to specify, cause I may be able to make suggestions. Believe me I know what its like to be horrified of something like docs, and it really really really sucks, but theres ways to get past it without losing it. I hope this helps, please reply.

[Galadriel]

I havent called a mental health center.. I didnt know there were such things here. I shall look it up on the net seeve I can find one.


I do think its mean of that receptionist to leave me to sweat all weekend before I even find out whether I win an appointment too, s'hardly something thats going to help chill me out.Grr Bitch. I get the feeling Im going to be disgusted with the NHS before very long.. before this Ive only had two run-ins with it really- once when I wasvery ill at uni, and they wouldnt send someone 5 minutes walk accross campusto see me.. and then when I did go in they thought I had meningitus n got s*** scared, which would have amused me greatly if I hadnt been feeling so ill at the time (it wasnt meningitus in the end anyway) n the other time when I was 11 and I had a operation to cut the some of the muscles in my neckbecause they werent growing properly. That was pretty nasty too... I felt really sick from the anasthetic and they still made me lie down, n I had this awful neck brace thing that pretty well tied me to the bed. They actually roped it around the headboard!
I wonder whether anyone ever actually has pleasent experiences of doctors and hospitals... or theyre all totally traumatic lol.

I understand about traumatic doc experiences!! Ugh, thats how I became like petrified of them. I thankfully have gotten over it some, and well I've found that explaining to them that you have a fear, and that you mean it, and if they could do something to help really helps. Like with anesthesia, I had surgery like 2 weeks ago, and explained to the anesthesiologist that I was really afraid of V*, and she took the hint very well and the stuff they gave me actually combated nausea, and was anti-emetic. Usually if you talk to them (which is hard to I know, but they've heard lots of stuff) they are good about helping you feel more comfortable, and if they don't act kindly or try to help, then its time to find another doc place! [img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]Edited by: Galadriel

[Eternity]

Hmm. the thing with the doctors is a combination of factors really. Above all I dont want to be in a enclosed building (no windows) with only doors at each end and the surgery I haveto go to right in the very middle. In amongst all those people, God. No.
Then when you do actually get in to see the doc its another small enclosed room, that you cant leave without having to walk through a huge waiting room of people, and its so hot, and it takes so LONG.. and my doctor is horrid and ever so slow and 'one thing at a time' about everything, and probably wont believe me anyway... and theres always the danger of getting sick from someone else, or him, imagine how many bugs he comes into contact with on a daily basis, n then hes going to breathe all over me, yuck.


But most of all I suppose Im afraid of being trapped in there, in case Im sick or panic badly, and cant get out without being seen by a lot of people who will think Im a headcase. I know that if by some miracle..I managed to go in there Id be so horribly uncomfortableand stressed that Id say anythingjust to get out. I wont ask all the things Im desperate to know, I wont tell the full story,I'lljust agree to anythingso that I can get out... and probably end up with some pills that are unsutiable which I'll then throw tothe back of a draw and not take, the way that I have done with almost every medication perscribed to me for anything.


Edit: the only part Im not actually afraid of is the being poked and prodded. Lol. I dont mind examinations atall so long as they dont want to stick stuff in any of my holes I dont mind needles, and Ive had blood tests a few times when Ive been ill with physical stuff. I hate injections though, because of one time in primary school when we were all vaccinated against something and a few of the kids in my class felt sick/ faint after. I hate them so much in fact that I havent had some of the highschool ones, I simply refused to show up on injection day, and then again on the day when they catch all the ppl whove managed to avoid it. I had a radar for those days. Lol. I think I missed meningitus, and the school leavers boosters. =/ I know I should have them, but quite frankly Id rather take my chances right now than do anything that could make me ill. Ohhh irony huh? Edited by: Eternity

[Galadriel]

Hmm. the thing with the doctors is a combination of factors really. Above all I dont want to be in a enclosed building (no windows) with only doors at each end and the surgery I haveto go to right in the very middle. In amongst all those people, God. No.
Then when you do actually get in to see the doc its another small enclosed room, that you cant leave without having to walk through a huge waiting room of people, and its so hot, and it takes so LONG.. and my doctor is horrid and ever so slow and 'one thing at a time' about everything, and probably wont believe me anyway... and theres always the danger of getting sick from someone else, or him, imagine how many bugs he comes into contact with on a daily basis, n then hes going to breathe all over me, yuck.


But most of all I suppose Im afraid of being trapped in there, in case Im sick or panic badly, and cant get out without being seen by a lot of people who will think Im a headcase. I know that if by some miracle..I managed to go in there Id be so horribly uncomfortableand stressed that Id say anythingjust to get out. I wont ask all the things Im desperate to know, I wont tell the full story,I'lljust agree to anythingso that I can get out... and probably end up with some pills that are unsutiable which I'll then throw tothe back of a draw and not take, the way that I have done with almost every medication perscribed to me for anything.


Edit: the only part Im not actually afraid of is the being poked and prodded. Lol. I dont mind examinations atall so long as they dont want to stick stuff in any of my holes I dont mind needles, and Ive had blood tests a few times when Ive been ill with physical stuff. I hate injections though, because of one time in primary school when we were all vaccinated against something and a few of the kids in my class felt sick/ faint after. I hate them so much in fact that I havent had some of the highschool ones, I simply refused to show up on injection day, and then again on the day when they catch all the ppl whove managed to avoid it. I had a radar for those days. Lol. I think I missed meningitus, and the school leavers boosters. =/ I know I should have them, but quite frankly Id rather take my chances right now than do anything that could make me ill. Ohhh irony huh?

Welp, sounds like you are fine with the parts I hate, lol. Well, I understand about it being a combination of factors. The whole not wanting to catch something someone has there, not wanting to feel enclosed, not wanting to make a scene if you do panic, that is very understandable. How many docs work at that office? Is it possible to get another one, like say a female doc, or just one that is nicer than the one you have? The guy you have sounds like a real ahem arse. He sounds like he wouldn't understand anything. Is it possible to even find say another office? Anyone you know and trust, maybe ask them where they go, and see if the doc sounds caring and someone who will listen to you. Believe me they are out there. The doc I had (really a RN) she was VERY caring and understanding and really helped me a lot. Believe me there are very nice ones out there, I'd say most of them are nice and they care. Its just when you run into ones like the one you have it can make you very mistrustful of all of them. I've had ones that just were like robot people, and to me that is the worst, they don't even listen to you at all. Some of them I think can tend to be arrogant, like "I am the doc, you shush up and don't question my judgement", and that right there is ridiculus. Your the patient, paying THEM money, and you have every right to get satisfactory answers and understand everything going on.

[carri]

I just want you to know that you are not alone! Hang in there precious one. My heart aches for you right now and I wish i could help. There has been some great advice offered and hopefully it has helped in some way.


Although you are frightened, terrified and feeling desperate someone out there will be the right person to help through this. I guess I am lucky because my doctor's surgery is right next to the carpark and if I don't want to wait in the waiting room the nurse just pops out and signals to me!!!!! So going to the doctor is not an issue. But if it was I would ring around and find a doctor suitable for me.


I have never told my doctor about my phobia but I made him write a letter to a clinic in Auckland (N.Z) and they have accepted me, I am looking forward to the help i might finally receive.


You have acknowledged you have a problem, you are ready to take on board whatever it is you need to do to help yourself. And the right person will be waiting. Don't be frightened of the medication, if you need it take it!!! An anti-depressant sounds perfect for you. Tell your doctor you need it!! It's your body and you have the right to ask for whatever it may be to help YOU! And remember you are loveable and you have abundant talents, you are treasured...we all care about you on this site! Although so many things are so damn hard and being an emet is such a pain in the neck..there is sunshine out there and you are bigger than this problem!!!


Good luck x

[Eternity]

I had to regester back with that surgery to get a home visit, so I did that, I dont know which dr I will get though, theres about 7 at the surgery so I think its just pot luck- you hand in your form and they stick you with whoever has the shortest list. The one who came out to me was someone different to the guy I used to see before. It was 7 o clock at night by the time he got around to me, and he was bored and in a hurry, but at least he wasnt arrogant or nasty. He put me on a beta blocker, propranolol (other thread) n wants to see me again in 2 weeks.
Im thinking I want to be on diazapam (valium) ideally, or something with similar effects. With diazapamthere would appear to be very few side effects and vomitting isnt included on the list I read atall, and it seems just.. more sutiable? Beta blockers do nothing for depression other than make it worse, and they dont help day to day anxiety from what I can gather, just major panic attacks. Edited by: Eternity