Hello!
I'm new in this site but in reality I have this pfobia since the age 10. Now I am 18 but nothing changed. When my mother first noticed that there is something wrong with me it was too late, I constantly thought about suicide, because I thought that I am a freak who does everything wrong. My mother and I went to a psychiatrist who said there is nothing wrong with me and I have only depression because I was bullied in school for years before we went to her. She gave me Xanax and Escitalopramon and I had them for years. When I became 18 in 2015... So last year I needed to change doctor because I wasn't a child anymore. The new doc said the same and I had the same medicines too.
Now I had enough because I want to live my life like before this fear. I told my mother that I want to find a psychologist who will really help me and I think we found one. But I am very scared because he game me a "mission" (sorry if I made a mistake, I am hungarian), that I need to eat in school every day for two weeks and I need to write about my feelings and thoughts when I eat there. The thing is I haven't eaten in school since this fear started and in middle school I haven't eaten at all. So I am very scared, because I fear if I eat then I will get anxious and I am going to be s**k. I have made the decision that I am going to try everything, because I am the only one who can make a change, but I fear even now.
Sorry, it is very long, but I needed to talk to someone who actually understands what I feel and not just says that he/she understands.