For sage and others...

[crazy_me_84]

Hi,


Just wondering about the psychology of the phobia. I'm a psychology graduate and understand the links between two events that can create a fear. The fear started (I think) after a traumatic experience and although the psychologist has helped me to dissociate between that traumatic experience and how different it is to now (which has worked). I know the situation now and during the traumatic event is very different and it cannot happen again, butI still don't understand why I fear v* so much. Could it be that it wasn't that strongly linked to that event? or maybesomething else is going on here? I'm confused. Why am I so fearful??? Any ideas? [img]smileys/smilies_12.gif[/img]


Annabel


xxx

[sage]

Hi Annabel,


In my study and reading of the literature on phobia (which is extensive...my study of it I mean!) I am convinced of the same thing as most all scholars: PHOBIAS DO NOT HAVE A SINGLE CAUSE. A phobia is like one of those "perfect storms" on the water...you need several factors coming together to make yourself a bouncing baby phobia. The other thing everyone agrees on is taht it begins in childhood, and is related to our earliest experiences (some of which we cannot remember)


Some of the factors that scholars consider must be present to result in a phobia (or at least more than one of them) are:


1) trauma (of course) but even a traumatic "vomit" event does not cause emetophobia in every child. So trauma is never a single cause.


2) anxiety in the household/family of origin from abuse(physical or sexual), neglect, death of or trauma to, orloss ofa significant other such as sibling, parent, grandparent.


3) attachment issues, such as anxious attachment from birth-9 months [refer to Bowlby/Ainsworth's work for an explanation of this] Loss of a primary attachment figure at a young age, even temporarily (sometimes it's even as simple as mother going back to work)


4) an anxious or depressed mother or primary caregiver, who does not "attune" with the baby properly during important brain development times


5) hereditary factors/genetics (although no gene for anxiety has ever been found)


6) anxious focus onone child in a family that seems "perfect". The family singles out one child who is either "sick"/helpless or "a problem" or else "perfect" and demanding lots of parental attention because of it. The phobic is usually another child in the family who absorbs the family's leftover anxiety that is not being directed at the focused-upon child. Sometimes, however, the phobic IS the one focussed upon, and usually very anxiously.


7) being frightened of an angry parent, or a "bully" sibling


8) parental conflict (very obvious)and/or relationship issues that are hidden such as addiction, a helpless parent the other one "looks after", etc.


Again, it is not necessary for all 8 of these to be present for a phobia to develop. Just how many factors need to come together for phobia to result is unknown. But it is most certain that more than one of them is necessary. In your case, the trauma alone is not the full story. You may wish to explore any of the other 7 that may "ring true" for you with your therapist.


Good luck!

[jennyleigh1975]

I have a question about this. If you dont remember the tramatic event, how can it have any affect on you? You see, when I was a baby, my mother was killed in a car wreck. I dont even really remember her. She was separated from my father at the time of the accident and we were living with my grandparents. (Her parents, and they raised me.) I have been told that there were some pretty wild times during the marriage and I know I spent alot of my baby and toddlerhood at my grandparents house. So I dont know if 1,2,3,or 4 could have attributed to my phobia. I honestly cant pin point anything.

[shiva]

I would say that even if you don't remember it, it probably still left an impact on you. It's said that everything we look at, hear, smell, feel.. is stored in our brains, we cannot always easily retrieve the information after it is stored, but it is there. I am venturing to say that considering there are so many aspects of this phobia that seem to be on a subconscious level, your feelings of abandonment you may have experienced as a baby (even though you don't remember) could be part of why you have developed the ability to become a phobic personality. I'm not sure, but it seems likely to me.


My mother wasn't killed when I was a baby, but when I was one she left our family and I was sent to live with my Grandma as well. I don't remember any of this, but I have been told stories of my how badly I screamed for her everynight and would not sleep. I suppose that has probably left some long term effect on me as well.


Although I do believe it is important to understand the origin of this phobia in us, I think it is much more important to decide that whatever the cause we are going to beat it. When I was going through trying to find out exactly why I have this, I found myself feeling like a victim, and I didn't like that because it made me feel like I could just give up because of all of these terrible things that happened to me. Sometimes I still have the tendancy to sit and think about how much it sucks to have lived through some of the stuff I have. And then I get really upset at myself for playing the victim role and I find strength. I tell myself that despite what life and genetics has given me, predisposing me for this crap, I will learn from it and overcome it.. that is that. It is hard, though. Very hard. Sorry for going off on that tangent. It just came out... [img]smileys/smilies_09.gif[/img]

[samara's on tv]

I relate to SO many of those things on the list it's scary. I was adopted (Abandonment issue) and I was always the scape goat in the family. Growing up it was always made apparent that I was the "troubled" child. I was always in therapy, always on medication, always getting negative attention. When I was a baby my sister was born 11 months after me. My mom would often hand me off to a neighbor to take care of me while she was taking care of Liz (My sister). Although I don't remember any of this I now think that may play a major role in my phobia. I don't really know what caused this, maybe it was the way my sisters were treated differently from me. Maybe it was because my mom handed me off to a neighbor when she couldn't handle both of us, and maybe it a control issue I don't know. Whatever caused this phobia needs to go away and I'm trying to work through it in therapy. Anyway That's all I have to say.


~Monica

[sage]

Gosh - thanks for that wonderful insight, all of you. Unresolved attachment issues are the #1 contributing factor to panic disorders, and you three are absolutely "classic" in this area. (Me too!) It's true one does not have to "remember" separation from mother to be traumatized by it. Our brains have a complete system, which is absolutely instinctive, for "attachment", or bonding to our mother. If this gets disrupted, the wiring in our brain is 100% disrupted. There WILL be an effect. The problem is that nobody knows why it's worse for some (the effect) than others...or why it is manifested differently in each person.


The answer to attachment issues is always finding a safe, trustworthy attachment figure to "work it out" with...and the best bet is to keep looking until you can find a therapist to whom you can (eventually) attach. When this person sees and hears all your "garbage", and still cares about you no matter what, eventually the attachment is resolved, at least to enough of a degree that you can carry on a normal life. It may never be 100% resolved.


We often think a partner will do this for us, but we are usually disappointed. Because a partner comes with his own issues (and we usually choose mates at about the same emotional level as us - believe it or not)...so our mates have family issues as well. Either the mate will "look after us" meaning he'll feel our feelings and get anxious (something a good therapist will not do)...or else he'll get fed up eventually, become needy, angry or rejecting...(something else a good therapist will never do). This retraumatizes us, often over and over.


It's good that you all know these stories about yourselves - they are "core narratives", and rich for the work of therapy. All the best to you as you work through them!