Wow. I'm sorry to hear that. I know first hand how hard it is to deal with the death of someone close to you. My mom died 6 years ago, and I still have grief over that. I think it would be helpful for you if you went to the gravesite since you were not able to go to the funeral. Also, talking to his/her parents may be helpful for you too. There is no magic pill to make the pain go away, I'm sorry to say. I wish you all the best.