Introducing Myself...

[MmHmm]

I've lurked a little bit and now just deciding to introduce myself and background...I've read through a lot of these posts and I feel I am quite different than most. I definitely consider myself emetophobic, but I do not fear throwing up myself at all. I don't know why, actually. It really doesn't bother me at all to do it myself, not that I do very often because I just don't get sick in that way often, but I'm not scared of doing it. I'm scared of others doing it. I'm not scared of contracting the illness or anything like that. I just do not like IT. My emetophobia doesn't "rule my life", however it does give me paranoia/anxiety in situations that I know the chances are increased of it happening. I think when it started for me was when I saw the episode "Chuckie Loses His Glasses" as a child. I don't remember how old I was but I'd guess around 8.

*Graphic description to follow*: In the episode, Angelica throws up after wearing Chuckie's glasses. But she does it POV to you, so it goes all over your TV screen.

For some reason I found it VERY disturbing. I think my mom was around and I think I remember asking her something like "Wasn't that horrible?" And she was like "I mean it was gross" But she didn't seem really disturbed, like I felt. The fear developed. I got to a point where I didn't even want to go to the movies anymore for fear that it'd show up in the movie. I remember going to Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets with my family keeping my head down most of the time because I just didn't want to chance seeing it. And for those who have seen it (hopefully most!) I happened to look up at the part where Ron goes "Eat slugs, Malfoy!" and his broken wand reverses the spell on him and his cheeks get puffy like he's going to be sick and I freaked out and was telling my mom not to look (because I feel the need to protect others, too). I went through a period of time of keeping my head down at movies to one time saying I was sick and needing to leave (I really did feel sick but it was because of my anxiety), to one time causing myself to hyperventilate and my family having to take me to ER. I love roller coasters but I went through a period of time when I stopped going to theme parks altogether because I had too much anxiety that someone would be sick on a ride when I was on.

At some point my fear decreased on its own. I did find the website kids-in-mind and started checking for it before I went to see movies. Even when I don't have kids-in-mind, I am pretty good at predicting when it'll happen and just close my eyes before it does. Because I am so good at predicting it, I almost never see it in TV or movies. And if I ever do catch a glimpse I instantly shut my eyes. I started going to amusement parks again, as well. In fact, I even forgot that I made the conscious decision to stop going until my mom reminded me.

I guess IT still does bother me pretty intensely. But I haven't had as much of a fear of it happening. It obviously does still bother me, which is why I choose not to look at it in TV or movies. I still get anxiety when I go to the amusement park but I just hope and pray for the best and don't let the anxiety rule me so much that I don't go do what I enjoy doing. I feel like overall other than having anxiety in certain situations (planes, amusement park, etc) I have operated pretty normally for a while. However, recently there was a post on Facebook, which kind of triggered something again...

There has been a post going around on Facebook, which could pop up in your newsfeed. It's a news story about a dad dealing with his toddler that throws up. In the post though is a picture of the toddler with v* on him. I found this to be very rude and inappropriate to include. Well, I decided to click on it and read through the comments and was horrified by what I read. All these parents sharing their own stories about their kids. And it put in my mind that I should be afraid any time I see a kid!! After that, I became obsessive and started searching for more stories, and the stories are endless! I was trying to find out if people thought it was rude for their kid to be sick in public, and the consensus seemed to be that it wasn't!! It actually makes me really upset that people don't find this rude. I mean I know that you can't control your child from being sick. But, you should understand that people don't want to be subjected to it! Just like no one wants to be subjected to someone pulling their pants down and going #2, no normal person wants to be subjected to someone being sick, emetophobe or not! It's another bodily function that should be private and a worse one in my (our) eyes. Like I said, I know parents can't control their children, but it disturbs and scares me that parents wouldn't make more of an effort to prevent the public from having to deal with this. For example, multiple mothers mentioned their children having reflux and doing it on a regular basis. In my opinion, you shouldn't take that baby out then. I may sound harsh, but I feel like it's inconsiderate to take a baby/child out who you KNOW gets sick on a regular basis and know that there is a good chance you're going to force others to see it, especially taking the baby out to eat and making others see it when THEY ARE EATING. Idk, I guess I thought parents would be more considerate of this and the fact that so many seem to see it as okay and even wanting others' sympathy, it is actually making me think do I need to literally be afraid to go ANYWHERE I see a baby/child?? It has made me think do I need to fear baby/children?? Are they that unpredictable and ready to be sick at no notice?? I feel like the whole thing has given me something else to fear. And even made me wonder if I'll be okay as a parent (I'm not, yet). Now, I find myself aware of all the children. And there are MANY, let me tell you, lol. I went out to eat today and was just watching all the kids come in through the door. It was like every party had a baby or small child or both. I eat out ALL THE TIME, and I don't want to have almost like a NEW fear now. Or maybe even two new fears...fear of eating out and fear of children. I feel like I'm okay, I just feel kind of weird, like I wish I never read all that stuff because I was doing overall fairly well before, but now I have this stuff in the back of my mind.

[maeflower]

I remember that episode of Rugrats. I was already emetophobic and found it quite disturbing too.

[crd08]

omg, when I think about my childhood that episode totally made me panic. It's one of my earliest emet memories. I didn't know why it was happening or what was happening, but I remember I felt really anxious and I would leave the room when that episode came on after that. I wore glasses and if people wanted to try on my glasses I wouldn't let them because I thought they too would be sick. There's another Rugrat's episode where Tommy gets sick and it really bothered me as well..
I was the same age, around 8, when all this was happening

Welcome to the site! It's nice to know you aren't alone

[MmHmm]

Welcome to the site! It's nice to know you aren't alone

Thank you!

It's strange for me to find others that this episode actually registered with, but comforting! Especially since it was a kid's show and animated, not even real. But yep, my earliest memory of it bothering me.

[MmHmm]

Then again, it was like oddly graphic for an animation and for a kids show. So maybe not that strange lol

[thecheesecake17]

That freaking toddler pic really messed with my head haha they should have warned us!!!

You sound very chilled compared to the usual intro stories and I'm curious to see/know how you deal with a n* attack...... I thought I was like you in that I was ok with myself doing it but Nah...in Feb it nearly happened and I wanted to die haha....

I'm also like you in that it doesn't rule my life....at least not anymore, one year Norovirus took my friends by storm and it sent me into a horrific state where I lost 24 pounds within about six weeks as I was petrified of eating and getting sick....

[MmHmm]

That freaking toddler pic really messed with my head haha they should have warned us!!!

You sound very chilled compared to the usual intro stories and I'm curious to see/know how you deal with a n* attack...... I thought I was like you in that I was ok with myself doing it but Nah...in Feb it nearly happened and I wanted to die haha....

I'm also like you in that it doesn't rule my life....at least not anymore, one year Norovirus took my friends by storm and it sent me into a horrific state where I lost 24 pounds within about six weeks as I was petrified of eating and getting sick....

Yeah, I don't think it's right to have a graphic pic like that in an article. And yeah, it's crazy because in my family and friends, I'm as bad as it gets. But come to find, there are actually plenty of people much more intensely phobic about it than me. I get sick about once every two years. I usually just do it once and feel 100% better. It never bothers me! I actually prefer doing it over the nausea. I've even tried making myself do it when nauseated, but I couldn't. Wow! That sounds awful. I really just fear others doing it. And I've had that happen at least twice, and I cried and hated it. But my worst fear honestly is to be in a situation where someone did it on me and/or not being able to get away (like on a ride ) I honestly hope if that ever happened (I PRAY it doesn't) that I'd pass out from the anxiety so I wouldn't have to be conscious through it lol. One thing I forgot to mention is my dad is/was actually emetophobic too. It's weird because when I became emetophobic I don't think I knew he was. But then it's possible his phobia further influenced mine after I found out (not sure, there didn't seem to be any conscious influence). I remember him taking me and my siblings to the movies when I was 10 and telling us he was going to warn us when to cover our eyes on a scene where it happens because he thought it was kind of gross. And I remember him telling me how he hated them putting it in movies. I found out he had the same fears as me, like someone might do it with motion or heat sickness whenever we went to amusement park, etc. Recently (like within the last month) he actually told me it didn't really bother him anymore. That it didn't bother him in movies/tv at all and in general he just wasn't as bothered by it. He said he didn't know if it was just age or what. I feel really glad for him because I'm very protective, and I'd always fear for him too, maybe even more than for myself.