Very depressed

[crazy_me_84]

I'mvery, verydepressed and have previously had thoughts of self harm these have now turned into thoughts of death. I don't want to be here but I cannot go either as I'd feel so guilty. I cannot leave people behind. There is no way I'd do that but keep having the thoughts. Nobody knows I feel like this, not even the psychologist I'm seeing. I'm worried what she'd do if I told her how I feel. Would she refer me onto someone else? or would something happen to me? I don't know what to do. Should I tell her?



Annabel


x

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Annabel,


Don't worry as Im sure most of us on here have had thoughts like that-I know I certainly have. I often think of ways to kill myself and harm myself, and even others! [img]smileys/smilies_03.gif[/img]But this is just a sympton of my OCD and I cant help it! [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]


I do feel incredibly down at the moment though and know how you are feeling. I would feel terribly guilty leaving my mum and dad behind after all they have done for me. And i also support you concern of telling you therapist-as you fear you might be put into a mental home or something?! I know I do!


Maybe you should tell your therapist though as they are used to people with these symptons and they may be able to prescribe something for you! [img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]


If you want a further discussion, add me on MSN and il be more than pleased to speak to you,


Take care


Felicity x


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[SimplyMe]

I think if you phrased it to your therapist as you did us it should be OK. That you don't want to and would never kill yourself but the thoughts are there and you dont' want them then s/he can help you to get rid of them maybe? I hope this helps and that you do talk about it so you can start feeling better!

[shiva]

I think there is no question that you need to tell her. How can she help you if she doesn't know what's going on? Tell her. Things will be okay. Meanwhile, try to keep your chin up and do the best you can.

[2jo2]

I agree that you should tell your therapist. They are trained to know the difference between someone who is thinking of death because of depression/OCD and someone who is sincerely planning to commit suicide. You need to tell them before you feel worse.

[crazy_me_84]

Thank you all sooo much for your replies. Ther're really helpful especially with how I've been thinking, that I can't even make decisions for myself. I saw my therapist today and I had written down my thoughts of death and I mentioned that I wouldn't end my lifebut the thoughts are there. I was so scared she might think I was a high risk client that she might refer me to someone else or put me in a mental home or something. She was really nice about it although I could sense seriousconcern in her voice. She suggested that it will be easier for me to take my antidepressants and to get that strength back to face things. I'm not taking them because of the potential side effects- nausea and v*. I cannot take that risk because in some ways, I'd rather be depressed than risk v*, if you get what I mean.


Thanks for all your advice anyway. These forums are the only other place I can get support from people who I know will understand.


Take care


Annabel


xxxxx

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Hi Annabel,


I understand your concerns about v* with the anti-depressants, but I think it would really help if you take something. I am currently starting to take Diazepam-and it works really well-no side effects that are a threat to us either.


I think you need to tell you therapist if you plan not to take the medication because quite often they up the dose (thinking your taking it and its not having an effect), then this can get out of control.


Anyway, enquire about the Diazepam-its really good for calming you down.


Felicity x</TD></TR>
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[Jenneh]

if you are having thoughts of killing yourself the best thing you can do is tell your psychologist. she will not refer you to someone else - but she may "analyse" how serious ur threat is and whether it is necessary to admit you somewere where u will be safe. i.e. a hospital.


i've been where u r. deep deep depression due to this emetophobia. it's not a nice place. but you can and will get out of it. maybe you need to be on some anti-depressants if you're not already?


where abouts in the UK are you?


my MSN address is in my signatue.... feel free to add me if u need to talk ever.


Jen xxxxxxx

[crazy_me_84]

Yeh you were right, I don't think she will admit me or refer me to somebody else (thank god). She understood that I was not going to carry out the act but also how desperate I am. She suggested St John's Wort because it has less side effects (I think) but may not be as good for moderate to severe depression. Need to talk to my GP though and ask some more. I've been prescribed sertraline and she told me there were less side effects with that- but I'm still terrified! I'm in S.London btw.


Thanks


Annabel


x

[Jenneh]

S. London is close to me.


I've tried St Johns Wort... Allbeit not for very long because i had little faith in herbal medicines and wanted to get back on the stuf that i knew helped.


which is citalopram. i recommend it to eveyrone and anyone.


it's good u told ur therapist tho.. thats a very good start.


Jen xxx

[crazy_me_84]

I read on one of your other posts Jen and realised we have very similar interests... I too want ot become a clinical psychologist and specialise in phobias or anxiety disorders. I've just graduated with a degree in psychology and am a little nearer to achieving this... although the depression is holding me back big time.... I know it shouldn't but it is......


Annabel


x

[Jenneh]

hey,


although that is no longer the plan for me... I think you are very very brave for going down that road and think it is a wonderful idea!


i kinda lost the faith in myself.. and went back to my old old career plan of becoming a social worker. i will always have psychology at the back of mind and so can take it up again if i want to....


btw you have a beautiful name! random.. but it is lol.


good luck w/ everything. i'm on MSN if u want to talk.


Jen xxxxx

[soluene]

hi you guys,


The topic is exactly how I feel, so I am just going to post here. I go to bed thinking about killing myself, and I wake up thinking about it, too. I sit at work my eyes fill with tears, and I feel so lonely and hopeless. I have never been so depressed in my life. I left my husband, and moved to an entirely new area withentirely new people and an entirely new job. A dream job. What I had always hoped to find. And yet, I am so unhappy. My husband was/is a good man, but I was/am a bad wife. I can't imagine I'll ever find anyone again, and I won't trust myself to be a good wife anyway. This pain and suffering that I feel - I deserve it all. I go through each day with nothing to look forward to, nothing to hope for. I thought by now - by the time I went through all that school - that I would have the job I always wanted. But now I do, and my family - even my dogs - theyare all gone. I have moved in to a small apartment from a 3 bedroom house, and I don't even have any furniture. Why bother to make myself comfortable? I dont' deserve it who cares if it is just me here anyway. No friends, no guests.. I hate my life, I have no heart, I'm just an empty shell. And yes, I know therapy could help, but I have no reason to improve myself. My dreams are shattered and I shattered them myself.

[soluene]

haha, I haven't posted in a while. I forgot whatI hopeful signature I had. Well, I cheered myself up a little anyway..