School Help?

[curlylocks]

I hate going to school, so very much. Every day is full of panic and constant paranoia. I want to go to an online school or homeschool instead of my HUGE public school. But, my parents won't let me because of it being a "good experience", but it is still way too much for me to handle. I know they mean well, but going to school every day is horrible. Has anyone else gone through this? School is coming up soon and I'm already freaking out....

[Jess44246]

I 100% agree. School is full of triggers, and causes many panic attacks. I could rant on for HOURS about how absolutely horrible school is. Because of Trombone, I need to stay in the public school i'm in. But school is just pure torture. It's summer break and I love it. There aren't nearly as many triggers (although I haven't made it a day without one).

[Dairyfreelife]

I thought and was the same way. If it's any consolation, I made it through fine. I now appreciate school and value you a good education highly, but I understand how you feel 100%. Online school or homeschooling was not an option for me either. It seems so hard, but you will make it through. I would have daily panic attacks as well and it was very hard, but I somehow survived and you will too. Promise.

[Jess44246]

School is just brutal. Triggers are everywhere and panic attacks arise from them. It feels so much safer to be in my clean home without as many triggers. My best school tip to avoid all the germs would be to always wash your hands before eating. You can't avoid the triggers and panic attacks, but must just deal with them.

[thecheesecake17]

I would honestly just try focus on the good stuff even though that sounds like a get out for advice. I was homeschooled throughout high school and as much as I escaped a ton of triggers and potential germs, I sincerely did miss out on the best friends, the laughing in class, the better education and moreover just being a proper student. I'm sure you have friends and acquaintances who will stick with you for the rest of your life ; I recently had a reunion with the girls from my first school and lo and behold, they are all still a huge clique 20 years on, crazy.... I feel sad about it tbh.

Also if you are super cautious about hygeine I really think you'll be fine!

[Jess44246]

I'm so clean as careful in school. Hell, I've refused to eat my packed lunch (salad, every day) because I did not have any of my hand wipes with me (we are not aloud to wash hands before lunch because, being a bad school, kids abuse their bathroom privileges)

[tiredofitall]

My advice would be to confide in your guidance counselor or a trusted teacher and develop a plan should you have a panic attack or become triggered at school. I am a teacher and had an emetophobic student a few years back. We actually developed a connection prior to her being in my class because a student in her class v and her teacher, who is a very close friend of mine and knows about my phobia, brought her right over to my class so I could comfort her and keep an eye on her while the custodian took care of the situation in her class. The next year she was one of my students and we actually discussed the fear multiple times. It was very helpful for both of us. I think you would feel much more comfortable and at ease if you knew there was someone and/or somewhere you could go to when you feel anxious and scared at school.

[Jess44246]

I really wish I could have did thin like that happen! I'm positive I'm the only Emetophobic in the school as of now. You're "lucky" that you have a student around with the same horrible, so-rare-most-dont-know-it-exists phobia! I need somebody like that in my physical life! When I had a horrible panic attack last school year, the teacher was extremely helpful and understanding. But she's not even going to be in my school next year. Yes, it will be a good idea for me to work our who I trust, establish a bond with them, then tell them so that they can help me in school. I've spent way too much school time panicking and I should have somebody there to help me manage that better. It would give me much more security. So, next year, I think I'm going to work out who I trust most, bond with them, then lay it gently on them and hope they take to it!

[crazycatgirl]

What specific things in school scare you? Because if you can face those things in really little doses before school starts you maybe can work up to being more comfortable in school.

[CMM811]

Throughout junior high and high school I never really "suffered" I had my days but I focused on school and making the most out of it. Especially high school! We we are able to eat off campus and I never even gave a thought to wash my hands before eating. I may have had one virus during high school, but I also had just started birth control pills and no one else in my house nor my boyfriend got sick. I feel for you as this is probably so hard being a teenager and not being able to do "normal" stuff. I agree with Tired, find someone to confide in, a mentor, or even someone who will just lend a ear and shoulder! And do your best at not letting the fear control you but just living. High school can be so much fun!

[Jess44246]

I'm terrified of people talking about v around me, which sends me into panic (graphic = panic attack). I'm terrified of people that v, almost v, and feel ill in the school because my mind instantly gives me a panic attack because somehow that could make me v. I'm terrified of catching a virus such as noro because it makes you have d, n, and usually v. I'm terrified of everything in school because everything is risky. Eating lunch is risky. Walking in the hall is risky. Sitting next to another person is risky. Literally everything is risky for v talk, ill people, and spread of germs. There's no safe place to go to get away from those things. It's horrible and I can't live the life of a normal teen. Instead of looking forward to my advanced studies and the fun that school offers, I fear all the triggers I will experience. I do suffer, and dont focus on making the most out of school as I should be doing. It is so hard not being able to live a normal teen's life at school and with everything else. I guess I've just got to look towards all the fun Trombone things I will be doing and try to put aside all the worry about the triggers and the panic attacks they cause.

[curlylocks]

I had a rough time last year. Six people v* in front of me. I have therapy to help me but I am so nervous about school because thats where it all happened. I have developed PTSD from those events and i get flashbacks of them happening. Certain parts of the school scare me for that reason... I can't even go to the bathroom because my anxiety is too high. People at my school LOVE to joke about v* too. I hate it and I just want to be in smaller classrooms with my own space :/

[Jess44246]

Last year (lucky if I believed in luck) I know of 5 v's and 1 bad almost v. Two I heard kids gossiping about, two were v I saw on the floor (places I clearly avoid), and one where I saw a kid v in a trash can (walked in, saw smiling kid with face buried in trash can and heard teacher say on phone to nurse he was v, ran out and hid in auditorium). The almost v was actually the worse, as the girl fainted on me from a conversation about blood clotting 5-10 seconds before she was holding a trash can and I had to hide for 10-15 seconds behind the back lab table until the side door to the connecting room was opened. <-- why I don't sit next to people

If I'm near or at a spot where I know v happened or near a person who was recently absent or has v before, I will do anything (even be late to class daily if I had to) to avoid them. I get those flashbacks to the incident too and they just make me feel even more anxious and sad. I will not be near the trash can, use the bathroom, go near the janitors, enter or pass closely by the nurses office, have conversations, and sit next to others if I can help it. Every single day the kids who love to joke about v go at it near me, and I just need to get away or shut them up! Everything is funny to them - a kid gets up abruptly and runs to slam dunk a gum wrapper in the trash can, the class laughs, I have a panic attack and go to calm down at my locker. I am so tired of the constant daily triggers and I just wish I could have a safe place in school! It's kind of like being on a plane or an amusement park ride in school - you can't escape when something (anything triggering at all) happens. I hate it and I'm so tired of all of it! Summer is halfway done, and I can't stop worrying about next year's triggers.

[PsiRockin]

School is hell for me too. Last year I sat near 4 kids that felt n* (2 V* outside thankfully) I also had to watch that horrible scene in supersize me and a 10x worse salmonella video that haunts me every time I eat chicken. And I have a problem with texting my mom to pick me up a lot from anxiety n* .Had bad attendance because of all this and the bag of chips that is me having no friends at school and no also motivation to go to school. I do see a therapist though.
I felt like this too the year before last but I had an extremely fun class that i looked forward to everyday. So I would suggest finding something, a club, an instrument, a person, whatever that drives you to go everyday. I also suggest if your panicking in class to hyper focus on your work maybe take a break if needed and wash your hands before eating/face touching. Argh I wish summer wouldn't end

[Jess44246]

For me, the ONLY thing that keeps me going to school every day is trombone. Starting next year I get at least two periods a day of trombone, where for the past three years I had at least one period of trombone a day.

For me, the best way to calm down during a trigger not involving actual v (such as a video, book, joke, gossip, etc) is to remove myself from the situation. The panic rapidly exponentially builds into an attack when I'm "lucky," but with more graphic triggers (realistic video, detailed book, detailed conversation, etc) it just explodes in my body (instant panic attack). I usually (pretty much the only time I talk) raise my hand or walk up to the teacher and request to go to my locker, where I can drink water and take deep breaths. But if it's bad, I will (and have) jolt out of my seat and demand to leave or just leave. I then go to my locker and do the same with the water and breathing until calm enough and sure the trigger is over. Severe panic attacks (a kid v, a kid almost v, v on floor, etc) leave me running off to somewhere far removed where I can curl up and calm down I peace (biology supply closet, backstage of auditorium, hallway, etc). I always have an escape plan no matter where I am in the school. And if I can't escape, I can hide. If I'm trying to escape and I'm being stopped, I'll fight. I'll do anything to be safe.

[curlylocks]

I love art and thats the period I look forward to every day. I just hate the school surrounding. School starts on Thursday for me and panic attacks have happened just out of fear. It sucks so much. This fear has taken over my life, its incredibly annoying. But thank you for all of your responses

[Jess44246]

I'm only halfway through break then it's off to my third-freshman third-sophomore third-everyone-good-at-instruments year (im in the advanced program allowing me to be a grade ahead in certian subjects). So 1 month left. Vacation from wednesday to tuesday then it's time to think about school again...

[tiredofitall]

Your school should have a psychologist or a student assistance counselor. You all should really make an appointment with this person over the summer to discuss your situations and to come up with a plan if/when you panic and need to remove yourself from the situation. You have no idea how many students suffer from anxiety for a variety of reasons and need to have a plan in place. Doing this should greatly ease your worries about the upcoming school year. Education is so important and high school should be enjoyable not terrifying. I am a teacher and I've dealt with students with anxiety many times. There are things that the school can do but you need to let them know you need help.

[Koizumiii]

When school starts up again, I'll be a junior. I've made it through the first two years of high school without getting sick (one exception, I'll get to that), the last time was in 2nd grade. Funnily enough, the only time I got sick since then was when I was on vacation and hadn't been in school for a week! Last year I was even in the clinic for a bandaid (I hate PE, I'll take any excuse to get out of it) and a kid came in with v all over his pants. I freaked out, of course, and ran out, but I touched the door handle that he had, and I breathed the same as for a good minute or so, and I was 100% fine. Right now I'm even almost recovered!

[Jess44246]

I really wish I could go to my counselor! But my next year's counselor is not trusted by me. I don't know their name or face, even! I can't have them thinking it's a good idea to tell my teacher and/or parents (even if I tell them not to I don't have that trust yet). After hearing what you all have said, though, I would consider going to my counselor setting up where I could go for safety if I were aloud to be in contact with her. She helped my best friend who was having issues with two "friends" for the past two years, so I know her personally.

Koi, I would've ran too! You couldn't catch from the air, but you could from the door handle if you didn't wash your hands then ate (getting particles in your mouth, because if there was v all over his pants his hands were most likely carrying particles, which would infect you if he had a sv). Glad you didn't. Also, nice to hear you're almost recovered! I wish I could make such progress someday.