Showing emotions

[shiningstar]

Does anyone else sense a connection between their fear of V* and a fear of showing emotion?


Ithink this is quite a big part of it for me. i.e fearing that there areemotionsinside me such as anger or tears that might 'come out' and not be accepted...


I'm just beginning to admit to myself that Ihold back tears (esp in public) just as much as aI hold back V*.Ifear weeping as much as V*. And actually its as embarassing to admit that as it is to admit the phobia!


I won't go into why I think that might be here, but just wondered if anyone else is in a similar place?

[tcsarah]

OMG I've never made this connection before, but I am SO that way! I feel dreadfully embarassed about crying in front of anybody, especially in public even if it's over something that anyone would normally openly cry about such as bereavement. Even after I lost my mum to cancer I could not cry in front of anybody and if I did break down felt awful about it and so embarassed afterwards. I know this is totally bizarre as you should cry, it's good for you and part of the natural grieving process. I remember my doctor being concerned about mebecause I wasn't crying after losing mum, but it's just that I wasn't crying in front of anybody - did plenty when I was alone.


I do show more emotion when I've had a few drinks, and have on a few occasions had a good blub in front of somebody else after being under the influence of alcohol, but the next day feel embarassed again!


This is an extremely interesting connection you've brought up, shiningstar. Why do we feel this way I wonder?


Tracey

[shiningstar]

Thats such a relief to know I'm not the only one!


I think really this is the heart of the matter for me ... i've had a lot of therapy over the years, both counselling and behavioural type,and for me there are layers and layers of stuff, and its all inched me forward.but just to find the reason for fearing v*, or even fearing emotion, doesn't actually solve the problem. cos at the end of the day you gotta find a way to deal with it. But its a start!


I didn't cry for about 10 years and then after a bit of counselling i kinda 'taught' myself to cry (in private) but still can't do it in public and even in private its never really spontaneous. I think its something to do with worrying that I won't be accepted, that it'll be rejected or i'll be left alone with it. Even though i know in my head - as you say Tracey - that most folk would be really fine with it, even pleased because its a normal thing. Its very deep rooted i guess, and a lot to do with what was, and wasn't, allowed or acceptablein childhood - either overtly or in hidden messages. Do you think maybe folk with this phobia have a common thing of displaying emotion not being acceptable as they were growing up?


I get so mad at myself though cos even tho i 'know' this connection is true for me and that it would be ok to 'practice' crying now with one or two folk in my life i still just shut down, back off, get freaked out. and then the emotionsjust ends up turning into physical symptoms which is v frustrating!


Its a control thing - i know people have posted here before about 'control'and maybe ... something about 'bringing up' whatever is inside.. but the other daythis 'backing off/shutting down' thing happened again and it really hit home in a new way how alike that reaction was in me to the one i would haveif someone was feeling s* near me. I run away - either literally if its the V* or inside myself if its the emotion.


Does that make sense?Anyone got any ideas what I could do to 'allow' myself to cry in public?I know that might sound wierd to some but its a huge thing for me. I really just want to be spontaneous and 'normal'!

[Babydoll]

I'm the the queen of emotions, lol. I have no trouble letting someone know how I feel - and I love a good cry - releases tension for me. SO no connection there for me.


I do see how for some it could fit into the issue of control, though.

[bexcelica]

me too babydoll.. i am overemotional

[2jo2]

I am also very stoic. Although, as I've gotten older, I have learned to show a bit more emotion, but when my husband and I were still dating, he told me he found it odd that I would not cry at some movies. I never told him that sometimes I do hold it in. I am just not an emotional person in public, sad or happy. Maybe it's how I was brought up, we were not the type of family to be all hugging and kissing and stuff, so that could very well have added to how I am. I never did put the emet and emotions together, but it's a really good observation!

[littlebebe]

Now you bring it up, its made me think, I never cry in front of friend,
and very rarely get emotional, and for me the emet is mostly about the
fear of v*ing in public, which I suppose when you think about it is the
same thing as not wanting to show emotion, that is deinfetely something
to think about!!
Edited by: littlebebe

[littlebebe]

Even after I lost my mum to cancer I could not cry
in front of anybody and if I did break down felt awful about it and so
embarassed afterwards. I know this is totally bizarre as you
should cry, it's good for you and part of the natural grieving
process. I remember my doctor being concerned about
mebecause I wasn't crying after losing mum, but it's just that I
wasn't crying in front of anybody - did plenty when I was alone.


Tracey

Oh my god thats exactly the same as me, and when my Dad died I was the
same, people kept giving me weird looks, I was quite young when my Mum
died and I remember the kids at school asking the teachers why I wasn't
crying!

[meercat]

I think some of you hit the nail right on the head!! It's probably a "control" issue! Since we feel we don't have much control over our phobia, we DO have control over our emotions. So we shut down, in front of ppl. I do that too. Oh once in a great while, in front of a "select few" i can cry, but i have a hard time even crying in front of my own mother (who is a very caring and compassionate woman), yet i rarely allow myself to show it. I think it makes us feel..oh i dunno..vulnerable, and not strong. But boy when i'm alone...i can sob like a blubbering idiot!! haha! I have also been called "cold hearted" because if i see someone crying (like family memebers and such), i have a hard time being a comfort to them...i may sit there and just let them cry. I HATE being like that, but it's almost become second nature to me...i have to somehow stop that!!! I have no clue as to why i'm like this..Is it connect to my Emet? The answer is...Maybe, or maybe not!

Paula

[smaupi]

I totally feel that my emet is a control issue. I have some emotion problems, never cry at movies, not really good at meeting people and making new friends in group situations, (great one on one though). I have been a bit depressed lately though, you know, crying at brady bunch episodes and the like. (however, only by myself, if my husband saw me get choked up that bobby brady was running away from home, he'd never let me live it down!)


I am a huge control freak. I don't fly well because what if i need to get off the plane?!?!? I would rather drive, host the party at my house than go to someone elses, do the project by myself because I know how I want it done. I think my emet has a lot to do with the fact that bodily functions are not something I can control,(even though I try REALLY HARD!!!)

[pianolover]

I am a bit of a control freak too, but not with my emotions - I've given up on controlling them over the past year or two!! I no longer mind crying in front of people much. With complete strangers I will try to avoid it, but I really just need to cry a lot more than most other people I know!

[s0ccer_princess]

Emetophobia can often go hand in hand with social phobia- hence why we often dont like getting sick in front of others.

I myself dont really like expressing emotions in front of my family, although I'm not so bad with my friends. This is going to sound really heartless, but my grandma is getting quite old, and she has cancer- so they say it's likely she won't live for much longer. I'm worried about how to react in front of my family, because I never really show emotion in front of them.

I hate to be alone when I'm ill though, which is surprising. Whenever I think I'm going to be sick I go to my mother's room and say: "Muuum, I'm going to be sick.." and then I go to the toilet. :P

I absoultely cannot be alone when I'm sick, probably because you entirely lose control, and for a few seconds I feel like I can't breathe.

[tcsarah]

I can't believe there are so many people that feel the same! I always thought I was weird because I feel uncomfortable showing emotion in front of others, even though I know there's absolutely nothing wrong with it and it is actually the normal thing to do in certain situations.


Soccer princess, I too find it harder expressing feelings in front of my family, come to think of it with very close friends too. But don't feel so bad in front of my fiance's family and friends. My fiance's brother died last year, so we all went through a very bad time but I found itso much easier showingmy emotions to his family.


My main fear regards emet, is being ill in public or in front of anybody. I guess I think people will react how I would react to the same thing ie I'd be horrified, it would haunt me and it would really upset me. Silly really as if your aren't an emetophobe you would just be concerned for the person and feel sorry for them, not be disgusted by them as I think they would be by me if i was to get ill in front of them.


Tracey

[shiva]

I think mine is more like.. I don't accept any emotional support from anyone on day to day problems. I am actually very embarassed by a there there from someone or when people notice I am off kilter and want to give me a hug or what not. The only time I accept sympathy from someone is when I am sick or panicking about someone else being sick. So for me it's the only time I open up for people to emotionally support me. Don't know if that makes any sense, but I'm thinking that's why I am having a problem letting go of the phobia.

[shiningstar]

It seems there is a mixture of experiences here - some finding they control their emotions very much and others not so much, or onlyin certian situations.But control does seem to be a central feature however it is played out...

[eekelsey]

Add a point to the controlling emotions side.

I always feel emotions welling up as if I'm about to cry even at the tiniest
thing.A long-distance commercial. My prescription is expired and it
can't be refilled that day.I miss the bus.Someone criticizes me.

It's like I'm constantly on the brink of crying and don't, and constantly on
the brink of v*ing, but don't.

I have a new love in my life and he is trying to help me get more in touch
with my emotional self and I know I am going to cry in front of him soon.

I definitely don't fear crying like I fear v* though.I'll avoid it for sure but
once I do it it feels so much better, such a terrific release.It has to be
alone or with a very trusted person.I think this might be similar to the
relief from n* non-emets get from being s*.

[meercat]

Ya know, there's something i forgot to mention...if any of you are on an antidepressant..that, in itself, seems to control our emotions...whether good or bad. I noticed while being on Prozac, that i had NO emotion what-so-ever! Not only did it curb my depression (and thank God it did), but it also curbed my natural abilities for compassion, and for pure enjoyment!! I was living on an "even keel" so to speak...and as much as i was grateful for not having depression, i was bummed for not having much enjoyment!!! So.....maybe, just maybe, what some of you are experiencing, could be the cause of an antidepressant.

I've recently weaned off of Zoloft (maybe about 2 weeks ago) and i'm feeling the effect of not having it in me anymore...so end up crying at the drop of a hat...oh still not in front of anyone (although i cried over the phone last night while talking to my b/f)...but when i'm alone...a friggin COMMERCIAL on TV can make me cry lol!!!

Paula

[eekelsey]

I noticed more that I was totally unconcerned with anything when I was on
antidepressants.

The overemotional response will fade away as your body gets used to
being without the drug.