What would you have done????

[2jo2]

I really needed the site and it wasn't available.... [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]


My in-laws were supposed to come out to visit us this past weekend. I worry more than anything about someone sick contaminating my house. You guessed it, my father-in-law calls last Thursday evening and in the midst of the conversation, says that my mil didn't go to work that day, that she's got an intestinal flu. Great. He said hopefully she'd be better when they leave on Saturday. I immediately called my husband and said that his mom was sick and that they couldn't come. He called and told his mom and she apologized, as if it were her fault. This made me feel like a monster. I started to get very emotional and all down about the whole emet thing, and why me, etc. My husband was really of no help. My mil knows about my fear, but doesn't know the intensity. My fil doesn't know... he's not a very sensitive man... he's the type that would put a bandaid on a cut that obviously needs stitches. Anyways, I felt like I lost their respect, and just felt awful, but there was no way that I was letting anyone come that had the bug just a couple days before. She never v'd but had bad diarhea for 2 days. Who knows if passed to someone else, if it would involve v'ing and I didn't want it passed around at my house! Would you have done the same thing????? I just couldn't bear to chance it. My emet is better to the point that I didn't panic or obsess about her diarhea, but that I just couldn't deal with it in my house. I feel so ashamed. I can't wait to talk to my therapist this week..... it didn't help that I cancelled my therapy appt. on Friday in anticipation of their coming to visit, and then when this site was not working, I was sooooo distraught!!!! I still feel very bad about telling them they can't come, but I just couldn't let them. [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img] Tell me what you would have done... they live 300 miles away and couldn't just go home if someone else became sick.

[murphy]

2jo2,


I would have done the same thing without a doubt. If I were you I would call and explain it to them. I am sure they will understand. Discuss another weekend they might be able to come. Don't fret about this. You did what you needed to. Hang in there.


Murphy

[tayda]

I would have done the same thing... I mean, I don't understand why someone would want to travel like 4 hours aftr being recently sick anyways..

[kmjundt]

That is what I would have wanted to do, but since I'm too embarresed to tell anyone about my phobia, I would of said nothing, they would have come and I would be in a panick for a week. But you shouldn't feel bad, I just wish I had the guts to tell someone about this.

[silver]

I think that hardest thing is beating yourself up about it. I get angry with people when they have had an sv* and then come around me, then I get so upset with myself for being angry. Its an awful cycle of blaming yourself and feeling guilty. It is a phobia and what you need to understand is that having them in your house to emet would be like being in a room full of spiders to someone with aracnaphobia. It is terribly frightening. It is ok to not be ready to expose yourself to that...it is not being irrational. I think that if you explain things to them, they will understand. You don't need to appologize to them for your fear, just explain it. I think that most people here would have done the same thing or like Kmjundt said would distress about it for a week afterwards.

[dord]

I'd have done the exact same thing - I'm sure most of us here would! I would have told my husband that I'd be a nervous wreck and he probably would have told me I was being ridiculous and to take an ativan. Normal people without emetophobia just don't think it's that big a deal, they also don't realize how we wish we felt that same way. If I could change anything about myself it would be having this curse of a phobia!I'd have been nervous that the fil would have gotten sick while at my house. At least you found out before they got there. I'm glad your husband was empathetic enough to call and I think you mil should feel bad for even considering coming - especially if you have kids.

[purpleteacher]

I would have just recommended to them on the phone that this weekend might not be in "their" best interest to come, especially since someone has been sick. Traveling or visiting friends and family right after being sick isn't always a good idea. You could have also explained how you did not want anyone else to possibly pick up what she was sick with.

[2jo2]

Thanks guys. I hate how down on myself this phobia makes me. I havethe ultimate people pleasing personality and tend to worry about what people think of me, and even tho these are my family members, I still worry that it's tainted me for life in their eyes. I hate appearing weak and I feel like they think I'm weak. I don't know..... It's a very shameful feeling.


My husband is usually supportive to a point, but he has no clue how deep this goes. How can anyone, really? Unless you've walked in our shoes, you don't know. Unless you have a phobia, you don't know.... and I'm not talking like ooh, I don't like spiders, I'm talking phobia like we have.


I just cried and cried on Saturday, I was so overly emotional about the whole thing, really wishing I could disappear from the world for a while. Why do we have to be like this???[img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]

[stella9]

Excuse me ----- why on earth do you feel guilty about this? Regardless of emet, I would not want anyone coming to stay with me if they had been sick recently. A week ago and still coughing, maybe, but newly recovered (or maybe not) no way Jose. The person should be apologizing should be the one who would even entertain coming into someone else's home sick. PERIOD


Several years ago, my sister and brother-in-law had some friends stay with them. One of them was v*** and had been doing so that entire Friday afternoon. Still, this moron thought it was okay to go to my sister's how. Well she v**** most of that evening. She was "better" the next day. After everyone left on Sunday, my sister and brother-in-law got so sick. They had V** and D*** at the same time and had it for days. What was this b***h thinking?


Sorry, but I feel as though you are absolutely in your right to protect yourselfand family. And don't you dare feel bad about it. Emet or not.


Stella


w

[stella9]

Excuse my typos - I am pretty heated about this one.


Stella

[2jo2]

Thank you!!! Sometimes I don't know if what I'm feeling is justified. If the situation were reversed, I would not go anywhere! Hell, I get a rumble in my gut and have to go home, as I hate so much as peeing away from home.


But thanks for all the support. I'm glad I stood my ground. It would have been a horrible visit on edge and everything.

[hanarky]

same thing
or rented out a hotel for them

[jenny.preston]

I think I agree with what Purple Teach said about reccomending another weekend that might be more convienent for all parties involved. It's hard to do and maybe with my own parents I could have told them to stay away, but I am not sure about my in-laws.


Jenny