My sister has become an emet

[donna1216]

I have a 19 yr. old sister who has always beenan emet--but just of others doing it, not of herself, but lately she has become afraid of herself doing it, too!! And the thing is, she is a puker--she gets sv's and v's, she gets throat and sinus infections and v's. She now has become one of us with pseudo-nausea, she won't eat out because she's afraid of fp, she won't hold my son because she's afraid he will "barf" on her, she asks me if my kids are going to v* all the time, she is an aide at the elementary school my mom works in and this week in one class 5 kids threw up on the same day and then the next day 4 more from the same class got sick at school, so now she is totally pancking because she helped in that class on both days, she is convinced they had an SV and that she is next!!! (Sound familiar) Anyway, if her stomach even feels slightly off, she makes my mom come home and stay with her, if she is sick v'ing, she will sleep in the bathroom by the toilet, but she makes my mom SLEEP IN THE HALLWAY outside the bathroom, so that she's not alone!! I feel bad for her because I know what she is goiing through--how can my familyproduce 2 emets??

[purpleteacher]

What worries me most is that your sister is 19 and still having to make mom stay home with her from work --- that scares me... I mean, when I was sick in high school, my parents went to work and called to check on me. When I'm sick as an adult and still living at home, nothing has changed. I'm sick, I'm home, and I'm responsible for myself. Your mom must be ultra awesome to be willing to help your sister THAT much!!! But your mom missing that much school is going to potentially hurt her job too and your sister needs that important fact brought to her attention.


Working at school can trigger me, but it is also helping me deal with my phobia. Maybe your sister needs to re-examine what she wants to do with her life. Not everyone is cut out for the classroom and unfortunately, teachers have to deal with sick kids - in addition to educating them. You can't be missing work left and right as a teacher just because you are afraid you will be getting sick. You have to face it and go to school as an aide or as a teacher. It is part of it.


Sleeping in the bathroom makes perfect sense to me. I knew someone who did that when she was sick --- heck, I'm going to be doing that when I get sick with the SV and have to V*. I also camp out in the living room when I get sick with D*because it is closer to the bathroom than my bedroom. When I get sick-sick, I do wake up someone in the house and let them know I'm not okay and to keep an "ear out" in case I pass-out or need emergency help... but they don't sleep with me in the living room or bathroom. I tend to get dehydrated really fast and I want someone to be aware that I'm not okay so if I need help, it isn't a surprise.

[violet]

Im so sorry to hear that you have found out your sis is an emet but i suppose in the end you are both now able to give each other support through it.


I have to ask though one thing that has worried me, I get sore throats and VERY bad sinus infections, can I v* from that I never have before,and I hope not to EVER....


You sis is the same age as me and sounds alot like me as well apart from being v*er as I thank god dont alot,thing is from my other thread I do spend time alone but not out of my own choice .


If you sis needs a friendly ear from someone her age then im around hun,you as well


I dont really know if she may have become more and more scared of it over time,with working with children and her actually being a quite s* person herslef because it really must not be nice.


xVx

[lucinda]

purpleteacher: I have to comment on the Mom staying home. As I think its a bit wrong to assume because you are strong enough to deal with your emet alone not everyone is so its probably not the right forum to pre-judge andsay things like that.


I am an EXTREME emet, I am 26 years old, and last time I v* (last year) my Mom stayed home with me. While I am a responsible, self sufficiant,sane, 9-5 working adult I do still need my mom if I V*. Probably because I am so extremely horrified of the act thatI would honestly kill myself rather then V* if I am alone when it happens.I have been in therapy for 10 years for this phobia and although I have almost tried to convience thereapists and doctors that I am anything but sane because of this irrational fear, they all insist I am.


Sorry if this is kind of snarky but its that same attitude and judgement that keeps alot of emets suffering alone. This is a support forum, its ment to be postive NOT to put people down. I donate to this site for that same reason. Non-judgemental support and help. Edited by: lucinda

[purpleteacher]

purpleteacher: I have to comment on the Mom staying home. As I think its a bit wrong to assume because you are strong enough to deal with your emet alone not everyone is so its probably not the right forum to pre-judge andsay things like that.


I am an EXTREME emet, I am 26 years old, and last time I v* (last year) my Mom stayed home with me. While I am a responsible, self sufficiant,sane, 9-5 working adult I do still need my mom if I V*. Probably because I am so extremely horrified of the act thatI would honestly kill myself rather then V* if I am alone when it happens.I have been in therapy for 10 years for this phobia and although I have almost tried to convience thereapists and doctors that I am anything but sane because of this irrational fear, they all insist I am.


Sorry if this is kind of snarky but its that same attitude and judgement that keeps alot of emets suffering alone. This is a support forum, its ment to be postive NOT to put people down. I donate to this site for that same reason. Non-judgemental support and help.

I was not meaning to step on toes and obviously my comment was taken the wrong way by you. I do appologize for possibly writing something that would offend someone because I had not meant to do that.


Another thing to mention is that you were not the original poster of this topic and it would have been much more professional and tactful to address this issue with me privately, instead of publically. I will send you a personal message regarding this issue instead of making it as public as your feelings were made toward me.

[ontariogirl]

Wow Donna. I truly believe this phobia is so out there. How is your sister?

[happyteacher]

Lucinda I'm right with you!


Until I met my husband (which was when I was 25)and learned to trust him as much as my Mom, I would have had her stay with me if I was sick too (its been 19 years)!


When I was a child, my Mom was my "safe" zone. I had severe separation anxiety until I was 13. I wouldn't even stay at a friend's house over night. Although I learned to enjoy my independance, I have to sayI probably wasn't ready to move out until I was 25.


Purpleteacher -


While I understand that you can't miss alot of work as a teacher and that you must rise to the occasion professionally when neccessary (and I have), if I was in aclassroom where 5 kids vomitted on the one day and 4 the next day, you bet I would be taking a day off to regroup. Last spring, I had to come home from the Grade 8 end of the year trip because I witnessed a 5 kid chain reaction of vomitting and professionally it was the best option. I was in no state to look after those kids. They needed all of me and I wasn't able to provide that in my mental state. It took me months of therapy to regain the progress I had lostand to recover form the guilt I faced by allowing myself to avoid yet another situation. As you know, we need to be in our best condition in order to be the role models we need to be.


My emet mostly lies in the fear of others, not necessarily in the fear of catching something like you. You say that sometimes "you have to face it and go to school", however your recent posts show that you don't necessarily "face it" in a way that issafe yourself. You have to understand that this phobia comes in many forms and everyone has their specific fears and avoidance behaviours. We must all be respected for our differences. It isn't fair to suggest that someone change their career unless you have walked a mile in their shoes.


Family relationships also vary from person to person. My parents have shown me my whole life what unconditional love is. They give everything and ask for nothing in return. If that meant being with me when I was sick or scared then that's what they would do. I guess, I'm one of the lucky ones like donna1216 and lucinda. It isn't fair to judge other's family relationships. Parents like mine would do whatever it takes; it's just the way it is, I guess.





happyteacher

[crimgoddess]

I personally agree with PurpleTeacher. Everyone wants what's best for their children- but you shouldn't always do what they want. Support is essential in order to get over this phobia- but that support does not necessarily have to come in a way that poses a problem with that person who is attempting to support them.


For instance- if your child has a nightmare, they may want you to stay with them until they fall asleep- or to sleep with you. This is completely fine occasionally- but can and should not be done everynight or frequently. This may be a very bad habit to break, and you don't want to be stuck doing this everyday until they move out and go to college. On the same token- if Donna's mom gives in and does this everytime her sister's stomach is off, it can become a routine- and it is completely unreasonable for a 19 year old to expect her mother to sleep outside the bathroom anytime when she feels slightly ill. There are other more productive ways of support- including finding proper treatment, helping with treatment excercises, and trying to use rationality to talk them through the situation. After reading what purpleteacher wrote, I don't think she is making any harsh judgements, or putting anyone down- she just seems to be commenting on the situation as she sees it, and relating it to her own experiences. You have a right to disagree with her (or me for that matter) if you so choose- but I don't think it's right to state that she is in some way being disrespectful, when that was not necessarily the intent.


Now back to the original topic at hand- Donna, it sucks that your sister has befallen the same fate- but maybe a positive can result? At least you can relate to each other as it pertains to this phobia, and maybe work together via counselling or treatment to get over it together? Also, if your sister is just developing this now (in terms of fearing doing it herself), maybe it's possible to get help for her before it gets worse.


Sorry that your sister (and mom) are going through a rough patch!


*amber*Edited by: crimgoddess

[asagao]

All I can say is it's a damn shame she became one as well. I hope in the end we will all find a cure-all to this problem rather than just finding ways to cope with it. I recently entered a panic attack when my sinuses were draining from a cold. I felt like I was going to v* from the build up of mucus. My mother laid down beside me, held my hand, and tried to get me to calm down. As usual, I fought with her and was verbally abusive. You want the aid but at the same time youyearnto be self-sufficient.It's nice to have people like that in your life, but at the same time you feel so incredibly weak and controlling because of it. When I was still a young teenager that emotional support wasn't there. Through communication I was capable of forming that bond with my mother as the years progressed. I agree with purpleteacher's comment, which was said earlier. Not all of us are as strong asthose who can work 9 to 5 jobs, and I applaud anyone who is capable of keeping a job rather than receiving the pink slip after a few weeks of working.It's bad enough some of us have to live with this reality personally; it's even worse that we're criticized by the way we attempt to cope with it. As many other emets say, I'd rather die than v* again. I'm so sick of dealing with this problem it's depressing. Good luck with your sister. The best thing you can do for her is stand by her side at all times. She will remember you forever. If I went off on a tangent I'm sorry. I'm just stressed at the moment.

[asagao]

I meant Lucinda not purpleteacher; sorry for the mix-up. And looking back it appears you can keep a 9 to 5 job, so I erred again. I quit postingfor tonight!

[purpleteacher]

Apparently I am coming across the wrong way in my response and I appologize for this misinterpretation. I had never meant for it come across that way. I am blunt and sometimes my comments do come out wrong, but that is never my intention and never will be my intention. I tough love and don't believe in coating a situation in sugar to make it easier. Sometimes my words come across with negative intention, however they are always made with the best of intention. In real life, I am often known to lack tact --- and I'm working on that too!


Bottom line, I wasn't trying to me mean or offensive with my original post. I would really just like to drop this issue and spend more time focusing on the original poster --- who is obviously concerned that her sister has the same phobia that she has. If you continue to have personal issues with to tonality of my posts or anything related to my posts, please take that up with me privately and not publically.


Since you and your sister are both going through this issue, have you mentioned to her this website? Have you sat your sister down and talked with her about how you share similar feelings? Maybe letting her know she really isn't alone would be comforting to her. This website has opened my eyes up a lot and has encouraged me to keep facing my fears - maybe it could help her?

[tabycat]

I only know one other person in real life with this phobia, at least that I know of and she is slowly but surely getting over it. She can deal wtih her husband and stuff like that. And she has a refillable prescription for phenagran so when she feels sick she just takes that and is fine. I know that's a bad way to cope but I mean if it works, it works. It would be nice to have someone else that was close to me that could understand the way that I feel so when I am having an episode they can understand what I'm going through. Having friends with phobias helps but having a friend with this one woul dhelp so much more. I duno. I hope that you and your sister get better, but I totally know how she feels. I was doing my pre teaching in an elementary school and I was helping in the after school choir practice, one of the girls came up to me and said that her tummy hurt, but she was fine when she sat down. I thought I handled it pretty well, no one else seems to, but whatever. I told her to sit down on the riser and if she felt the need to v* to just go to the bathroom, she sat down and was fine. But enough about me, I just hope that y'all can work together to get through this

[kel12347]

My mom has been my rock through rough periods of this phobia. When I had a really hard time in August and September, I called her probably four or five times a day, crying because I was so afraid. Normally, I am very self-sufficient, and I keep most things regarding this phobia to myself (I had panic attacks since age 11, and I didn't tell anyone that something was wrong until I was 18...stupid, I know). But if I am "for real" sick, I would want my mom. Last time I was nauseated, I was still living at home, and I did make my mom wake up and sit with me. If not, I probably would have killed myself. I now live with my boyfriend, whom I trust completely, and I live 5 hours away from my mom. My mom definitely expects to receive a 3 am phone call if I am actually sick, and I would probably beg her to come down here. I don't know whether she would, though, as its an awfully long drive.


I do see Purpleteacher's point as far as things becoming a routine. Luckily, I have learned throughout the years the difference between anxiety and nausea, so I would not call my mom telling her I would be sick when I'm just anxious. I do think, though, in a time of crisis (sv), that mom may be needed, not only for support, but for safety purposes. Like I said before, if my momhadn't been around the last time I was nauseated, I probably wouldn't be here.

[lucinda]

Sorry for the delay in responses.


Im not the best at explaining my feelings but I did feel very hurt by what purpleteacher said also I do come here for a positive support of my issue that I've been struggling with for so many years. Its just very upsetting when the one place I look forward to reading and commenting with out feeling belittled or enbarrassed ends up giving these feelings. I go to my therapist for professional guidence with my issue I come to the forum for non judgemental support and to give support when I can.


Anyway, thank you to those that messaged me privately and responded here, I appreciate it


donna1216: I'm really sorry both you and your sister have to deal with this. I definately relate to your sis with needing her mom when she is sick (as I posted before.) Sorry for cluttering up your thread as well.


happyteacher: thanks for the understanding! I have lived on my own, had my own apartment a few times, (longest was a year, I am back home again currently) it was hard but I'm glad I did it. However I honestly do not know how I would have delt with it if I actually had gotten a SV or FP alone. I always had a roommate but none ever really understood, and spent alot of time worrying if they would get sick or asking too often if they feel alright. also thank you for your post, you explained a lot better then I could about coping.

[tabycat]

yeah well I currently live away from home but it's anly a little distance away, so I can call my parents and pretty much no matter what they are doing they can be here within the next 30 minutes or so, which has been really nice for me. In the almost 1.5 yrs I've been living on my own I've gotten sick 2 times, once I stayed with my parents, the second time my dad drove me to the doctors and my boyfriend stayed with me till I fell asleep pretty much. So yeah it's nice to have people to take care of you. I don't know what I'd do without a support system

[crimgoddess]

Lucinda-


I appreciate why you come to this forum- which is the same reason why most of us come here as well. But I really don't see how purpleteacher's original post was belittling to you. We all have different experiences when it comes to this phobia- not to mention come from different places, with different social backgrounds and positions in life. You are completely entitled to feel the way you do in regards to your emet- but I don't think that because someone presented an opinion that was different than yours they should be accused of ill intent. We are all bound to have different opinions when it comes to different subjects- no one is necessarily wrong, or necessarily intending to hurt someone else. She didn't single you out, or accuse you of being inadequate in some way, as that would definitely have been inappropriate- she was expressing her opinion as it relates to her experiences- should she really be chastized for this?


I'm sorry that this does not relate to the original topic (Donna- my apologies- and I wish the best you both you and your sister)- but I get really frustrated when someone gets punished/criticized for expressing their opinion, ortheir opiniongets misconstrued as a personal attack. Everyone is always free to disagree with one another- in fact the world would be a pretty scary place if we all agreed on everything all of the time. But please, just because your experiences are different, or you don't agree with the opinion that was expressed- don't assume that, that person is in some way trying to offend you, or make you feel inadequate.


We are all here because we have the same phobia- but how we deal with it, and how that phobia presents itself is different from person to person, so there are bound to be some differences of opinion about that and other things


*amber*

[spilled_milk]

Well said Amber.


Donna, I am so sorry about your sister. I don't really know what to say to help...hopefully one good thing that will come out of it is that you both can support each other, and share experiences. Myabe you could help her with her new-found phobia? I hope that both you and she are alright...


<3 Anya--

[donna1216]

Some of these replies are starting to border on the rude side--it needs to stop. And let me clarify about my sister--she sleeps in the bathroom and has my mom sleep outside the bathroom only if she is actually VOMITING, not if her stomach feels off. She doesn't call my mom at work to be withher unless she is really sick, she will call if mymom is out running errands or whatever. I think that as emets coming here for support, you should not be attacking your fellow emets coping mechanisms,people have varying degrees of this illness and coping strategies are going to vary along those lines, as well as your personality types, family support systems, etc. We are here to support not to critique!!

[violet]

Some of these replies are starting to border on the rude side--it needs to stop. And let me clarify about my sister--she sleeps in the bathroom and has my mom sleep outside the bathroom only if she is actually VOMITING, not if her stomach feels off. She doesn't call my mom at work to be withher unless she is really sick, she will call if mymom is out running errands or whatever. I think that as emets coming here for support, you should not be attacking your fellow emets coping mechanisms,people have varying degrees of this illness and coping strategies are going to vary along those lines, as well as your personality types, family support systems, etc. We are here to support not to critique!!

Well said...


Hope you and your sister are well..


Take Care


xVx

[curly wurly]

Sorry to hear about your sister Donna.


It must be awful to know that someone so close to you shares your biggest fear. A fear that causes so much pain and worry. I am lucky that nobody else in my family has emetophobia. My dad is not good with anyillness but is definately not an emetophobic. My sister, who is not an emet, is very supportive and helpful to me. She talks a lot of sense when I am having an irrational moment. I hope you and your sister can help and support each other in times of need.