I understand your pain with this....a big part of the problem though is being so damn hard on yourself and beating yourself up about it (easier said than done, maybe I should take my own advice...) I am sure that you are an intelligent women who has it together in most areas of your life. I understand how extemely frustrating it can be. I also understand the weight gain as I was on paxil and gained 20 pounds. It helped me tremendously with the phobia and I never even really worried or thought about it. I have been off of it for about 6 months and here I am again...I am trying Wellbutrin now, suppossed to actaully make you lose weight!! I'll let you know how it works if you are interested, but again everyone is different.