OT: Is this odd?

[Babydoll]

Sometimes I feel odd that Im not ready to settle down. Im 23, and living in university for a few more years untill Im finished my degree.


A few of my friends have just had/ are having children, and 2 couples that I am close with are getting married within the next year.


I still feel like I'm a kid. I was an only child growing up, but I was the youngest of all my cousins who I consider secondary brothers and sisters.I don't know if this has anything to do with it. I don't see the rush of growing up. I'm mature enough to make my own decisions, live by myself ( even if it is in a university setting) and have a job.


as for getting married and starting a family, the thought makes me want to scream and hide - and it has nothing to do with emet. I just feel like you only have so much time for yourself before you have so many responcibilities.


My boyfriend is always telling me I need to grow up. Is there something wrong with enjoying kid activities almost as much as kids do? I don't know, it seems to me, at least in my circle of friends, that its not the norm to not be thinking of settling down and having a family at this age.


any thoughts?

[hippychick]

Two of my friends are married, one even has kids now. The ones who are not married have long term career goals etc. How old am I? 21!!! I'm going to be 22 this year, I have no career plan to speak of, no desire to settle down OR have kids. I spent my teen years indoors agoraphobic because of this illness and I intend to do all the things I want to do before I consider settling down. I enjoy the childish things in life and see nothing wrong with it, so maybe I'm not the best to ask [img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]you only get one life honey, live it how you want.

[tcsarah]

I feel pretty much the same as you - not quite ready to get married (although I've been engaged for four years!) and don't feel ready to have kids and I am 36!!! I'm young at heart and think I always will be, my best friend's the same- when we get together we are so silly and giggly like school kids most of the time, but we sure have fun!


So at 23 you definitely don't have anything to worry about! You'll know when it's the righttime to settle down, don't let anyone convince you otherwise. Carry on having fun girl[img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]

[laneyb]

Well Im now 37 and havent got kids, Im not that bothered, I have 3 nieces and a nephewthat I love.


I got married when I was 32 (to a 27 year old!!!!!)but were still just a pair of big kids, we love the Simpsons, have a rabbit called Ralphy, and just enjoy ourselves (when we can, my emet allowing this).


Im lucky in that my hubbys a nutcase and we have a similar sense of humour (weve been going thru a rough patch but can still laugh)


When the times comes for you to grow up and settle down, you'll know it. Having said that I dont think I will ever be anything other that the childish nutcase that I amnow!!!


Be yourself andtry to have fun!!!


Laney

[crimgoddess]

Jill- I totally wouldn't worry. 23 is SO young- there is definitely no rush- you have plenty of time left, and who knows, you may decide that you NEVER want to settle down, get married, have kids, etc- and that is completely fine. My mom is one of 11, and a few of her brothers and sisters aren't married and have no desire to ever have kids- they figure why would I want any of my own when I spent the first 20 years of my life taking care of my brothers and sisters?


I say enjoy your 'me' time- just think of all the things that you can do and the freedom you have, that those who have settled down really young and have kids to take care of don't. I know I definitely want kids- but NOT right now. I enjoy being able to pick up and travel when I want to and having disposable income that I don't have to put away for braces, college, running shoes, diapers, etc.


My boyfriend and I are planning on getting engaged this year- but that doesn't mean that we are anywhere near ready to 'settle down'- hell, we still go go-carting and play video games! (not to mention get up early on Saturdays to watch cartoons [img]smileys/smilies_09.gif[/img]). Besides, being a bona-fide grown-up is really no fun. Ask your parents, haha.


Turst me, when you're ready to get engaged, start thinking about kids, etc., you'll know. Rushing yourself or feeling obligated to do something will inevitably end in disaster.


*amber*

[Hale]

I am 23 and got married last year. We were engaged for 4 1/2 years before we got married, have our own 3 bedroomed house and I love it but so many of my friends are years away from being ready to settle down and there is nothing wrong with that. Each to their own!

[kate1966]

Babydoll...do not feel rushed to getting married or having kids...I am going to be 40 this July and I have been married for 17 yrs in April....and believe me, I do wish I would have waited now....you need to finish being a kid if that's what you really want, or else you will just feel tied down and resentful. Keep on having fun while you are still young. You should just follow your heart and just let things happen naturally and not worry about what others are doing or saying about what you do.....girl, go out and have some fun now[img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]

[harmonygirl72]

Well, my mom gave me this advice: (Because she got pregnant at 21 and got married, had to drop out of school) "It's okay if you want to have sex before marriage, but whatever you do, don't get married too young!" Haha! I always thought that was the opposite of what most moms would say, but not bad advice. And, so far, I have taken it! I am 33 now, and finally feel like I am in the place where I am dating the guy that I want to marry. People keep telling me that it's okay to have kids at 35 and later, so I hope they're right!


Good luck and stay young as long as you can!


Mary

[suze]

I got married at 28 and had my first child just before my 30th birthday. I was ready then as I'd spent my twenties being quite wild, travelling alot etc., plus i reckoned my liver needed a rest! Anyway, it's not really being married that changes things, but having kids definitely does, more than you could ever imagine.


If you're not ready then feel free to have a blast...you won't regret it one bit, and just think of the stories you'll have to tell your kids if and when you do decide to "settle". You're still young, so live for it, there are years ahead for all that serious responsibilty stuff!

[Babydoll]

thanks guys, I feel alot better. whats the fun in being a grown up anyways? hehe.

[crimgoddess]

lol- you know what's scary? My mom got married at 19, and had both me and my brother by age 25. So, at my age she was married for 5 years, had a child, and was pregnant with another.


Even scarier? If I was my grandmother I would have 4 kids by now.


CREEPY


*amber*

[purpleteacher]

I'm 23 and I am wanting to settle down, but not settle down at the same time. What I want is a stable job and my own apartment --- but I don't want to get married or work forever, as I dream of going back to school to get my Master's. I want to have fun and go on road trips on weekends and stay up late and talk to friends and experience life. I don't want to settle down, minusthe good and stable job.


I want to become independent and responsible for myself, but I am never going to grow up. Growing up isn't for me and it isn't for everyone.


Don't let anyone force you into growing up too fast. Take it at your own pace and have fun because life is waaayy to short!

[Kazzia]

Life is definitely way too short...and forcing yourself into thinking you should be "more grown up" is a bad idea. Everyone is different. 23 is still very young and I'm not surprised you're feeling like you are. The best thing to do is enjoy every moment you've got being young...maybe one day you'll naturally feel like settling down but it's certainly not unusual not to want to in your early 20s.


I'll be 21 in July but I don't even feel like a proper responsible adult yet. I'm still at Uni and having a wild time and I love every minute of it. The thought of "settling down" is miles off and to be honest, a hurrendous thought, especially considering the fact I'm still, and always have been, single (I don't consider it a bad thing). A friend of mine from primary school is getting married in September to her long term boyfriend, and they have their own house. She said she couldn't wait to move away from a student area!! (She's doing Occupational Therapy at Uni). I don't understand her...she seems too grown up and dull to be quite honest, but it makes her happy.


As for children, I can't stand them and don't want any. One day I'd like to get married though, but I believe the right man will come along at the right time. I want to travel and have fun in my 20s..I've started as I mean to go on!

[danforth]

I'm turning 21 this year and I still feel like i'm 15. You're not odd at all, just young and heart and that's a good thing!

[samara's on tv]

I just turned 21 last year (In September) And I am totally not ready to settle down, I mean the closest and longest relationship I ever had was a very unhealthy one and even during it I knew it wasn't going to work out. She was a psycho...end of story. Anyway all that has changed for me is that I know now I want to have a kid. I don't want to have one like RIGHT NOW but sometime in the future when I can support myself and have a partner. Sometimes I feel weird cause I'm 21 and I still love playing with my Gameboy Advanced ALL the freakin time! I take it with me no matter WHERE I go and I probably enjoy it as much as a kid would. The only thing that is different about me is that I'm able to drink. Other wise I just like to have fun, go out drinking, hang out with friends. I want to go back to school within the next year but I doubt that will happen. I guess what I'm trying to say is don't worry about it you are still VERY young! Just because everyone is settling down and having babies does not mean that YOU have to.


~Monica

[trinity_13]

Well i am 36 in a couple of months time and i still act like a big kid hehe[img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img] I am in a great relationship and i feel totally settled with my boyfriend, we have just done the 'grown up' thing and bought our first house and in the next year i would love to start a family but i still wouldn't consider myself a fully fledged 'grown up' We both still love to laugh at juvenille things and still have pillow fights and still watch way too many cartoons. I just think the older youget the more comfortable you become with life and you tend to know more of what you want out of it. I say live your life to the fullest and don't give a crap what others think, be yourself and fly free!


Just have fun, life is too short


Trinity

[ontariogirl]

Babydoll. There is no rush. My son is 22, he is in college. He has had girfriends here and there. We were talking and I told him there is no rush for a steady girlfriend. He has 2 more years of college, I told him to get his schooling done first, find a job and then settle down with the RIGHT girl.
There is no hurry at all. Now a days people are getting married in their late 30's early 40's and having kids later on.
You have fun and enjoy it all. When the time comes for you to settle down, you will know.

[kmarie]

I got married at 19...and i think had it been to the right person it
would have been wodnerful. I have known since i was like 9 that i
wanted to be married and have children young. Im 22 (be 23 in
august) and if I could be married..with a child..a home and a good job
I would be in a heart beat. I am currently dating a man who i am
ehad over heals for..he feels the same way..he will be 25 in less then
a month and is depressed because he had hoped to have a wife a child
and a home by his 25th birthday. I think yiu can "settle down"
and still be young and have fun. You can do silly things you jsut
do them with the one you love. It is important to em to find my true
love and start a family early because i want to achieve these goals and
we never know how much time we have on this earth.



That being said its not for everyone..if you dont feel ready then
DONT...enjoy the time while you have it..do what you want to do..when
your time comes you will know.

[shiva]

Considering I was married at 17, had a child at 19, was divorced by 22 and starting my life over again, I would say you are not the odd one. This would simply make you smart [img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]

[stella9]

You've received a ton of good advice. I want to add that it does not matter what anyone else does. You have to look at how you feel and what you are ready to embrace.


Getting married is a pretty easy proposition. Getting divorced is not. Considering the divorce rate is extremely high, somewhere around 60%, waiting a bitbefore taking the plunge is probably a good idea. Also keep in mind that the success of marriages forpeople who marry younger than age 27 is very slim - statistically.


Now, lets take the statistics out of the equation.Look at what you wrote and then respond to it from logical standpoint. You are only 23 and will be living at the university for a few more years until you acquire your degree. Where and when would you combine a husband and children into that lifestyle?


I remember when I was in graduate school and was young, around 24, I saw people who were in their 30's and 40's struggling misearbly just trying to get halfway through the program because they had the responsiblity of children. I can't tell you how many times I was so grateful to have the responsiblity of only me for that time.


Children are absolutely wonderful. Its a magical time for them and you and you should be able to embrace the time with them. Being a student at the university, you would not be able to be a full time present mom.


While you think many of your friends are getting married and having children, most are not. The average age for first time marriages, in the Industrial World, has risen for woman to be somewhere around age 28 with a first child coming at the mother's age of30.


Being a parent is very difficult. These days it takes so much more awareness and life understanding to raise children than in generations past. Look at what so many of us here deal with where sickness and emet is concerned. Imagine school decisions, camp, activities, emergencies and the rest of the 24/7 time that is part of being a parent. It is also costly. Many people just don't think of these things until its too late.


Lastly, raising children takes an enormous amount of mental fortitude. Children need love, but lots of people "love" their kids and abuse the heck out of them. What children need is security. They need the security of two parents who can provide a safe place for them to fall. Even if the foundation of their lives crumble due to divorce or the untimely death of a parent, the main caregiver needs to have the maturity to help the child (children) through that transition period. This is huge, because its pretty easy to emotionally damage a child through poor modeling.


Stella

[shiva]

Well said Stella.

[Babydoll]

thank you all again. You are right, stella about my life situation in university affecting my feelings about growing up presently. I realize I am in an entirely different world than my friends who are gtting married and having kids ( the kids weren't planned, lol) but ironically, they arnt the ones who are getting married. My friends who are getting married are done school, and live together with their Significant others.


you guys are making me feel better by encouraging me to take my time - I never realized how much the divorce rate declines after the age of 27ish.


23 is an odd age, at least it is for me - still feeling like a kid, yet you have so many adult responcibilites (sp?). I found I've always felt younger than everyone else - I always was the youngest of my friends as well, I started school about 5 days after turning 5, so I was always the youngest in my class - plus for some reason, people think I look like I'm 15 still.


anyways, I do feel better, and I just figured out alot of the reasons why I feel so much younger than everyone - I AM younger, lol. thanks for making me feeel normal!

[japa]

Well, I plan not to marry. So I certainly don't think you're odd [img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]