A thought about non-emets

[mjewell]

There is always a lot of talk on here about how non-emets aren't bothered at all by the same things we are, and that we are trying to create our own little germ free bubble here and not considering the feelings of non-emets. The health clinic in a grocery store thread is the first to come to mind as an example. Many people were saying that to non-emets it isn't gross, and we need to remember we are the ones with the phobia, the world can't revolve around us, etc. I do agree with this, but I was thinking of something...


I'm not sure non-emets are as carefree about v* situations as we sometimes think they are. I know lots of people who couldn't care less about V* one way or another, but MOST people I am related to or friends with aren't happy about V* to say the least. I always hear people say "when i have kids I cannot deal with puke" and things like that. When I was in grade school and someone would puke in class, I was definitely not the only kid who booked it out of the room or plugged their ears. Many girls I know cry when they V* because it is awful and they hate it so much. Many people I know get very nervous when they feel nauseous and freak out a little. Many people are very bothered by undercooked meat, germy bathroom handles, etc etc.


I could go on forever with examples from people I know, but I guess my point has been made. I just wanted to bring up the idea that maybe our phobia isn't as weird as we think. Maybe It just sounds funny to other people when we say we are afraid of it or fear it. It probably conjures up images of a V* puddle chasing us down a dark alley - maybe they just don't understand what we mean when we say we are afraid of it. kbye

[mjewell]

I guess that wsn't a question. I meant to say at the end...what do you guys think? LOL

[Carolee]

I think it really depends on who you talk to...I think most people are afraid of germs in general... and are careful to cook things, I know alot of people who don't like v...and I know alot of people who couldn't care less...but it is a good theory about how maybe they understand what we mean when we say 'afraid of v' good point!

[happyteacher]

No one like to watch someone vomit. In fact, there are 2 teachers at my school AND my Vice-Principal that have to walk away from any vomit because they are instantly ill and can't handle it at all. They aren't emets, it doesn't scare them, but it bothers them in other ways. I find they can relate to my issues a little better than everyone else.

[purpleteacher]

Some people aren't bothered with V* at all, while others cannot stand the sight of a spider and will do EVERYTHING to avoid it. I honestly believe our phobia is very similar to other phobias. Not many people like spiders, but not everyone has a phobia of them either --- just like I know many people who don't like to V*, but they don't go out of their way just to V* whenever they can either.

[californiagirl]

My best friend of 30 years (JEEZ!) is in nursing school (RN program). Well, she has always been ok with her and her daughter getting SV's, BUT, now she is reconsidering her nursing degree/career because she said thet she can't handle people's V* and D*. So, MJEWELL, you're right. It does bother non-emets as well. I don't think she worries about the contagiousness of it, but she has a hard time with the gross-ness of it all. When her and her daughter get SV's, I talk to her on the phone, and she doesn't panic at all. I find that strange, because I'm an emet, but she thinks of SV's how we think of the common cold. Colds don't bother some of us, we just think of them as a part of life. I do envy her that she is able to think of SV's this way, but then again, her guard is down and they catch them easier. So, maybe the non-emet public is somewhat like her, in that they don't like the icky-ness of the V* ? Also, I'm sure if you were to ask a non-emet if they'd protect their kids from catching an SV*, they would, but in the same fashion of protecting them from colds, strep, etc. They don't FEAR SV's, but really don't wanna be exposed to them or any other illness either.


Am I making sense?[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[shiva]

I think that is both why this phobia is a little more challenging for people to understand though. Because no one likes (well, I guess the post about emetophilia proves this statement wrong.. but) no one likes to puke. No one likes to see people do it, nor do they like to do it themselves.


I am constantly having to defend my phobia to people who challenge my thought process with such comments like... "Well, lets take a vote and see who does like to vomit." (I don't know if any of this made sense or was relevant to the thread, but it's what came to my mind


But, you have a great point. When I was doing exposure therapy, I had some people at work check out some of the "graphic" images. (of course I did not look). One of who was a med student at the time. They all said that it was difficult for them to look at and that it even made some of them feel panicky. When I asked my fiance if he would help me with my exposure therapy and explained that I would need him to tell me the image before I look at it myself to help with the anticipatory anxiety, he looked through them on his own, then I asked how they were. His response was.. "Difficult to look at".

[confusedgirl]

Interesting points... I'm just thinking of when my bf had food poisoning (or maybe it was a sv, it didn't last long) last year, he sent me emails upset when he was sick during the night (he didn't know I was emet). He had a miserable time when he was sick, but as soon as he got better it's like he went back to not caring about germs/sickness.... and my one other good friend has said that she is fine being sick (I dunno if she meant v* or sickness in general) at home, but in public like school she hates it... and I know my family is not emet but they definitely don't like to v* either.

[crimgoddess]

Everything can fall into a spectrum, as opposed to fixed categories- and I view perceptions of vomit to be no exception.


At one end of the spectrum, there are the emetophiles, who are turned on by it- at the other end of the spectrum are the severe emetophobics,who get anxious just at the thought of themselves or anyone else doing the act.


In between, there are the people who view vomitting as funny and will be the first to point and laugh if someone in the vaccinity is doing it; those who are completely ambivalent and don't care either way; those who don't necessarily want to see it, but will do it if they have to, etc. The spectrum continues, all the way to severe fear of vomit.


So, some non-emetophobes will find vomit funny, while others really dislike and have a hard time dealing with it, but not to the extent that they will be considered phobic. I think it's really hard to pigeonhole this, as there are so many variations.


As to this phobia not being so weird- I don't even think this is an issue, as whether it's more strange or less strange, if it causes an impairment to someone's life it should not be accepted as 'normal'. My worry with normalizing this phobia and the people do as a result of it is that there is no longer any incentive to beat it. If what we do is 'normal' because other people who aren't emet may share some of the same characteristics, why bother changing it?


*amber*

[japa]

There are also a lot of people who are concerned about germs in general but without a particular focus on vomit. The concern with germs is culturally pervasive, so in that sense, we could just consider ourselves a part of a continuum in attitudes towards germs. Purell and anti-bacterial whatever wasn't invented just for emetophobes.


And about the spectrum of vomit feelings, I agree with crim.

[kristi425]

I actually really agree with that. However, I think there's a big difference between not liking something and actually being afraid of it. I, for examples, don't like spiders. if there's a spider in my room, I'll scream, jump up and down on the bed, and run out of the room until someone kills it for me. I wouldn't call that a phobia though- I don't not go in the room where there was once a spider. I don't get all panicy when I go outside because there might be a spider there.


I think it's the same with v-. Many people don't care at all. Others are bothered by it and don't really enjoy watching others v- or leave the room or close their eyes or whatever. They also stay away from others who are v-ing in many cases. The school has rules against bringing v- kids into the school because they're worried about contaminating everyone, but that's not emet related. A lot of people who are sick don't go to work or leave their home while they are contageous.


However, those people aren't nervous constantly about v- or situations where v- might be around. They don't worry where they sit in the movie theatre for example, because they don't have v- on their minds 24/7. They don't mind riding in the middle seat of the car even though there's people behind them who might v-. They probably won't pull their kids out of school just because another student in their class was sick for fear of infection. They don't have a list of "safe foods" that most likely won't make them sick for fear of v-ing. Those of us with emet. do those sort of behaviors. That's the difference between a casual fear or just not liking something and an actual phobia.

[hippychick]

My mum is my emet hero really. She V* at the drop of the hat and it doesn't even bother her in the slightest. She'll eat something that may make her V* because it's too greasy for her and enjoy every last bite even knowing what might happen next. If I could be like her I'd do it in a heartbeat!


But yeah no one likes to V*. I'm not trying to normalize this phobia but at the same time there is a big culture around emet of secrecy and shame and I think one step to being able to beat emet is not trying to hide it or be ashamed of it because it's "weird" but to step up and say "I have this phobia, I'm trying my hardest with everything I have to beat it and I'll thank you not to take the piss" [img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]


I mean I always think, maybe I'll always be scared when it comes to the time to V*, but.....if I get to a stage where it's not affecting my life, I do all the things I want, eat the things I want and not focus or obsess then I can handle being grossed out and scared when it comes to the moment. Does that make sense?

[mjewell]

All very good points. I guess what i was trying to say is that I think most people do try to avoid sickness whenever they can, but we do it to the point of obsessiveness, and that's what differentiates us from non-emets.