Stories of how we got Emetophobia

[slinki_milinki]

Ahh I'm from QLD to! By the way it seems this post started a new page, I have another post on the last page that I'd like to know stuff about.Edited by: slinki_milinki

[nyxy]

I cant pinpoint what made me have this phobia, but I can guess...


When I was about 7 or 8 I tasted some of my parents wine. I liked it, and was quite an innocent, so I kept sneaking back to get more. I started to feel sleepy, so went to lie down, but when I did I felt like I was going to die. I strted screaming and v*ing, my mum rushed in and smelled the wine and lectured me while cleaning up.


When I was 11 I had a breakdown due to a bad family situation. I had stopped eating, and was classed as anorexic, even though my not eating had nothing to do with body image. I was institutionalised, and while there, I felt sick in the night. I got up to go to the bathroom, and the night nurse followed me, heard me v*, and I got punished, I think because she had assumed I was bulemic (never was, no way no how) and had made myself.


For as long as I can remember, I have felt compelled to look at/listen tov*,(from a non-germy distance!)fascinated almost, even though I know I will be repulsed and wont be able to get it out of my head for ages. If my dog ate grass, I would watch him because I knew he was gonna. If my husband gets up in the night, I snap wide awake, heart pounding, listening till he comes back to bed. If my kids look tired or unhappy, I immediately ask them if they feel sick. Even if they say no, but dont look good, I will limit breathing in their airspace.


I wonder so much about my morbid curiosity, why I would obsess about something I hate so much. It feels like it is beyond my control. Am I the only one who does this?

[moonshadow]

No, Nyxy, you're not. I'd guess that the great majority of the several thousand members of the board are exactly the same!


[img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]

[velvet]

[img]smileys/smilies_12.gif[/img]

Hi, I'm new
I've had emetophobia as long as I can remember. When I was 2 I went in
for surgery for a tumor in my ear- I am not sure if that started it as when
I was 4 years old I had the misfortune of seeing a drunk man choke to
death at a diner.
I also had many surgeries up until I was 12 on my ear and I think
between the surgeries (the anasethic would make me really ill) and
watching the poor man die as he did the fear of vomiting developed.

There have been times in my life it's been worse than others, for the most
part I only really suffer when I feel nauseated or someone close to me
does. That said, all those weird compulsions and obssesions common to
emets like only eating places that are recommended, never touching a
public door or anything in a public washroom, excessive hand washing
or using antibacterial hand cleaner etc are more or less so ingrained in
me that they've become part of my person.

I have to say I do go out, I go on trips, I manage fairly well I just always
go with anti emetics and I often will have a plastic bag in my purse if I am
in what I call a flare up.

I have endometriosis and often have reproductive issues with cysts and
fibroids which make me feel sick and these trigger ibs like symptoms at
certain times in my cycle- these side illnesses I have tend to exacerbate
the phobia. It makes me sad that I simply cannot differentiate between
panic and nausea. Sometimes even if I get the runs I immediately get
anxious which in turn triggers nausea and all because I worry that my
upset tummy might mean I have a bug.

I also do strange things (well not strange to us perhaps but strange to
someone without the fear) such as clean up my entire house or go out
driving or clean out my purse if I am in a car or go walking at 4 am if I
feel sick. I will do anything to distract myself so I won't vomit. I literally
exhaust my self at times and I also have to be alone when I feel sick.
Fortunately my husband understands and I have told both my boys about
my phobia and they really support me. Ever since they have been little
they try and handle things when they are sick. I don't mind making tea or
hot water bottles but they know that mom can't be with them when they
are getting sick and they have always been troopers about it.

I am terrified of doctors, dentists and I am so scared of getting all kinds
of diseases such as cancer for instance. I am more afraid of the vomiting
that might come from the disease or chemotherapy than I am of dying it
seems.
=(

There are so many quirks that go along with thise phobia that sometimes
I feel like a big mental mess.

Still I am often proud of the things I have conquered and that I still try
and live my life as actively around the phobia as possible.
It feels really good to be here and read about others who have
experience, first hand experience with this awkward and limiting
sickness.

[antz]

Hi


I too am new to this site. I have been thinking over the last week as to when my emets started and to be brutally honest, I can't really pinpoint it.


I don't really have any tragic stories as a child that would have instiled a fear of vomiting into me as I didn't really get sick as a child. I can count on my one hand the amount of times that I have had an sv and I am now 30.


A pshychologist has suggested that my emets is a learned behaviour in that both my mum and my nanna would pace about the house if they felt nauseous. Where my mum is good now my nanna still has this great fear that we all share. I could never go to either one of them if i felt sick as a child as they would try and palm me off. Fortunatelyfor me, i wasn't sick often....lol.


Icould definately say that within the last 10 yearsmy emet has been aproblem.Ilived with an abusive boyfriend (why, I don't know) and suffered a miscarriage. When I woke my boyfriend to take me to the hopsital, he yelled at me for waking him up, he then made my drive, as he was tired and left me at the emergency room doors. It was from this point that I suffered from panic attacks. With my panic attacks, I suffer nausea and this is where my emet starts!!!


I dealt with itby myself for many years, (raised a child by myself and he left me standing at the alter)mainly the panic attacks, and it wasn't until that I met my husband and we too suffered a miscarriage that all ofthe previous issues that had been undealt with came flooding back. My husband in one night lost a child, found out his wife suffered with emets and panic attacks and had to admit me to hospital as I was uncontrollable. As itturns out, we separated. Ineeded time to deal with my issues on my own.


After counsilling things improved greatly. We got back together and are still strong 7 years later. My anxiety still comes to an ugly head when things are really stressful as to does my emets but I have found that as the years go by, it is getting much easier to deal with.My eldest son understands that mum isn't the best to talk to if you have a sick stomach orrunny butt and he knows that dad will deal with it. The youngest is yet to learn that mum isn't the one to talk to!!My husband automatically takes over when the kids are sick. He is a wonderful man.


Where i have learnt to deal with panic attacks and hence emets to a certain extent i still do wash my hands obsessively, quiz people over why they were sick, analyse every symptom that i might have and pace about the garden if i feel sick. I am learning to deal with all of it, but it is still one day at a time. I am sick and tired of feeling the way that I do when my anxiety is at it's peak. I don't eat, I bite my nails til they bleed, and basically do odd jobs, major projects at odd hours to keep my mind of it. This is turn wears me out and I end up exhausted.


It is a very real phobia and I am so glad that I have found this site. If you mention to someone that you freak out about vomiting, they laugh and say nobody likes it, but they don't realise how much an emet doesn't like it.It is very comforting to know that i have support 24/7.

[luna13]

I don't know excatly what started my phobia. I asked my mom, (who 3 months ago told about emetophobia. I feels good to let it all out![img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img])


*************MAY BE GRAPHIC**************************


She told me she got very sick with me when she was pregnant. I don't know if it can start THAT early. Other than that I've had this for as long as I can remember.[img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]

[momof2]

Hello-


I believe that I got this awful disorder when I was 5 years old. I remember being at a fast food restaurant with my mother, who was pregnant with my sister at the time. She apparently felt a bout of morning sickness coming on, and forced me to go into the bathroom with her. That was only the beginning.


Since that very first experience with her vomiting, she has haunted me. As I grew up, she always had migraine headaches which made her v*. The sound is etched in my mind.


At ages 8-12, I was very sensitive to others being sick.


Through high school, I was fine.


Through college, I was okay.


Through morning sickness with my son which was 4 years ago, I dealt with it.


But then, I had my daughter. My beautiful daughter Kendall. Ironically, I made it through pregnancy without ever getting sick. But when she was born, she constantly threw up. Hours after she was born, she began projectile v*.


They said she was fine.


A month later, she was admitted to the hospital.


Throughout the first year of her life, she v*. She lost weight, went to the ER, received IV fluids, was admitted, and so on. She saw many doctors. Eventually, they said she had a mitochondrial disorder, which, if you don't know about it, is a very grimm diagnosis. At the same time, ironically, a friend of the family died from a mitochondrial disorder.


As it turns out, they misdiagnosed her. She has a metabolic disorder, that's all! And I am thanking God every minute of every day for that.


How's that for irony? The person who is afraid of v* get a child who does nothing but v*.


So...I believe that my daughter's condition really was the trigger that has pushed me to this breaking point that I am at.


She is now 2 1/2 and did I mention gorgeous? And healthy!


However, I have now been diagnosed with OCD, PTSD, specific phobia...obviously, depression, and an anxiety disorder.


I have been in counseling for over a year but could not face the exposure therapy.


I will be trying something new within the next week.


I have read many of the "cured" stories and can only hope to eventually write one. They give me hope. This site makes me feel like I am not alone.

[rhi_and_moi]

Hello everyone, I am new here, and I am glad for this internet world so that I a can find other people that know what it means to not just dislike v* but to be scared of it.

For me I am more scared of v*ing myself than other people v*ing. Although, I don't like seeing, hearing, smelling, etc because then I start thinking "This is so gross, I am going to V*." Then I get really anxious and actually make myself n*. Unfortunately, unlike many other emets I do V*. I have migraines, and also a weird tummy. Sometimes it seems like I will V* for no reason. I am mostly scared of v* if it is because of migraines or some other permanentish condition. I don't think I am scared of sv or eating something off, even though I know that might make me v*. Maybe because I know it will go away. I am a very adventurous eater, and I am not overly precautious about washing my hands or not being around sick people, other than not wanting to be around them if they are going to v*.

I don't have a single traumatic moment that started my phobia, but when I was 17 I had my tonsils removed and this stregthened my gag reflex. Every little thing makes me gag now. It is so scary. I feel like I am dying. It gets my anxiety going and then I get n*. Then I get really worried that I will v*.

Like I said earlier, sometimes I will v* for what seems like no reason. When that happens and I feel totally fine before and after, and I don't have a chance to anticipate it then I am ok. But if I have even 5 minutes of n* before then I get full of anxiety and negative thinking. Then I start obsessing about a v* episode from the past.

I feel like maybe I am getting worse, and that I am developing a full blown panic disorder, because I am also terrified of the dentist because of my gag reflex. I force myself to go, but I can't get x-rays done anymore. And I am also getting scared of sitting on the inside seat on a plane or at a restaurant because I am worried that I might get n* and I won't be able to escape to the restroom. Also I know it is irrational, but I refuse to go to a psychiatrist or a psychologist. So then I wonder how am I going to get better if I irrationally refuse to go to a doctor?

[shanns_babe]

ok well im gunna tell u sum of mi stories


dey both happnd last yr wen i was in yr 7


it was da first day of term 2 and we were goin 2 camp. i was sitting next 2 mi best frend Andrea and she was fine. we were mucking around reading dolly doctor and evrything. den i turned to da side and startd talking 2 mi mate Chelsea. When suddenly i herd da sound i dreaded the most. i turned back to Andrea and she had her hands over her mouth but some of it had spilled out. it was awful i put mi hands over me ears and shut mi eyes tightly. i stopped breathing. eventually i think sum1 tapped me and i came round and Andrea goes go and get Mr stagat (our teacher) i walked 2 the front of the bus very unsteadily but ervyone just thought it was coz the bus was moving. all i sed was "Andrea just threw up" and Mr stagat and Mrs Cugley (another teacher) went and saw to her while i stood at the front of the bus looking round. i dont really remember much after that but i was paniking and i was made to sit in the same seat as she had with Mr stagat in mi seat. some of her v* had gotten on the seat and i was freaking. all these ppl kept asking me how much and wot it looked like but i just ignored them. we were at camp 4 3days and i avoided her most of the time the bad thing was we were in da same group and all dat. i freaked out bcoz about 10 other ppl got sick none of them were mi frends.


the next time was later dat same yr da munday b4 skewl ended.


we were in our Indonesia lesson and everything was fine until mi frend Elodie told mi other frend Becky dat she felt like she was gunna v* and i herd so i tappd the teacher on the shoulder and told her she then said to elodie 2 go outside and elodie only just made it out side


i didnt see it or anything and i had already told Becky, Andrea and Elodie about mi emet and they knew dat i didnt want 2 go near elodie. later ervyone was looking out the window at Elodie except me and the teacher thort i was just being good. but i was freaking i dug mi nails into mi skin so much i startd to bleed. wen Andrea and Becky came back they kept saying are u ok and im like yea im ok. but i was panicing so much


elodie had to come back inside to get her stuff and i didnt want to look at her i was so scared. Becky went with her to the sick bay while Andrea stayed with me.


im glad i told them or they wud hav been really worried. coz i stopped breathing for about 1 and a half mins.


i just startd at a new school and i havent told anyone there about mi emet but ive made the decision to tell this one girl who i can share anything with.


im not sure wen it started but i have hated it mi whole life.


mi earliest memory was mi bro sitting on mi mums lap he was about 1 i was about 4. mi mum suddenly goes uh oh no u dont and i looked over and saw her grab a glass i quikly looked away then ran out of the room and crawled under mi bed and shook i cried for about 2 hours.


it was the scariest thing that has ever happened to me. i neva want to travel or go on roller coasters incase someone gets motion sickenss. but i want to overcome mi fear becausei want to have a baby someday and i dont wanna freak out evrytime i get morning sickness.


neways dats mi story sorry bout the slang and that im just used to using slang on msn


mi addy is [email protected] add me if u want


anyways bubi

[citysides]

Hi Everyone!


I found this site several months ago, but did not feel ready to post until now. I have read every single one of your stories and can't believe how similar all the symptoms are of this phobia.


WARNING....IS GRAPHIC and LONG!


I am not sure of the exact time when the phobia began. I know my Mom is an Emet...but only for herself getting s*, not seeing someone else. I did have a very stressful childhood, and we were made to feel like we were losers anytime we were s* with anything. I also dealt with a lot of physical, emotional, and sexual abuse, and I feel that is why I have this phobia...the lack of control and constant anxiety.


As a child, I hardly ever got s* with anything. The last time I v* due to a sv was when I was about 5 yrs old (I am now 33). I remember my brothers both had the sv. I didn't see or hear them get s*. I felt so n* the whole day. It was awful. I wasn't sure of what the feeling was, I just knew I didn't like it at all. So my Mom brought me downstairs to give me some medicine. After she gave me the spoonful, I started to v*...she put her hands out to catch it. I told her I had to v* more and I was making my way to the toilet. She said, just do it right here on the kitchen floor. I continued to v* while she washed her hands. I felt much better afterwards. In the middle of the night, I jumped out of bed and ran to the toilet to v* again. I went in to tell my parents, and they asked if I made it to the bathroom..I said yes, and they told me to go back to bed. I don't think I was scared of it then, but I just didn't like it.


The first time I can remember being afraid of it was when I was about 6 or 7. It was the night of our school pageant. We were all lined-up, ready to go on stage, when everyone started to back-up. There right in front of me, was a young girl v*. It was the most horrible experience ever. The smell, the sound, everyone's reaction to it. I was absolutely terrified. I remember going to my cousin's house afterward and talking about it over and over again. My cousin, who was one yr younger, brought out a book about the body, and in it it had a section about v*...with a drawing of a person v*. I kept reading it, and trying to understand what was happening to the person...but I was just traumatized!


I do think a lot of my phobia also stems from watching TV and the fact that I was raised Catholic. I went to Catholic school and I was deathly afraid of the Devil and hell, and movies like the Excorcist, made me associate v* with being possessed or evilness. People who drank too much would v* and drinking was a sin...and poison.


When I was in my pre-teens, my Mom took my girlfriend and I to the movies. I wanted to see something, but it was sold out, so my Mom took us to see the Fly II. It was soooo horrible. So much v*. I actually got up in the middle of the movie and sat in the lobby. I told my Mother off for making me watch that...and said it was rated R, how could she make me sit through it?


In my early childhood, I can remember a few more episodes when other people v*. My brother had a sv and we had to drive home from our beachhouse (3 hr drive). I begged my Mom to let me go in my cousin's car...she said fine. My brother didn't v* in their car...but he did for 2 hrs straight when we got home. Also, he v* one night when my parents were out and we had a babysitter. I didn't see him do it, but I could hear it, and I just sat in my bed with the pillow over my ears and my eyes closed. The babysitter came in my room and told me that v* wasn't such a big deal, and I shouldn't be afraid...but I was! While I was in church 1 yr, praticing for a ceremony, one of the girls started to v* down the aisle...I saw the whole thing and was horrified...shaking. I just wanted to

[falon_17]

I think I've always been mildly an emet. I can remember being very young and holding my breath around my brother if he had a sv, and even up to high school I can remember avoiding my friends if one of them had been sick. I just didn't want to catch it. But it was in no way something I thought about every dayor something that controlled the things I did. If I did catch a sv, I was fine. V*, go back to bed. No big deal. I have been so sick before at times, if I had been an emet I would have wanted to die. I've become so dehydrated from v* that I had to be put in the hospital. But it never stressed me out.


Then I got pregnant a month before I turned 19. I was away at college, alone...not even my bf was near. I was nauseous a lot, close to v* a couple times, but not scared. My son Jackson was born after I transferred to a community college in my hometown. My obstetrician recommended Depo-Provera injection as a birth control. I had never been on birth control before and it sounded great, so I took it. It was 3 days after my son was born. 2 days later, I felt like a sv was coming on. I felt nauseous, had extremely painful abdominal cramps...and I was thinking "who will take care of the baby? what if I make him sick?" Jackson's dad was turning out to be a piece of s**t which I had known all along, but now I was stuck with him. I didn't trust him to help me with the baby...not that he actually offered to help. My mom (a nurse) gave me some Phenergan during her shift that night and my bf and I took the baby to my dad's house so he could help until I felt better. The next morning I still felt nauseous, then in the evening came the cramps again. Once again, I worried about Jackson. The next day, the same thing happened. And the next. And the next.


After 5 days of not eating and trying to breastfeed an infant, I wanted to know what was wrong with me. My mom suggested that maybe it was the Depo. We began to research it in her drug textbooks and online and we were SHOCKED as to what we found. Women were taking it and becoming depressed, having anxiety attacks, nausea, diarrhea, mood swings, gaining 30+ pounds in one month, having bleeding for 3+ months continuously, losing their sex drive, losing their hair, becoming infertile, and becoming suicidal. Some had actually killed themselves. I knew then that Depo had caused all my problems.


I went to my gynecologist at my 6 week post-partum checkup. I told him about how sick I had been, and it was beginning to cause me to have anxiety about not being able to take care of my son when I was that ill. I desperately wanted to be a good mother and be self-sufficient, because my bf sure wasn't helping much. My doctor gave me Zoloft. I took it for 3months during which it helped with my post-partum blues tremendously, but I was still having anxiety.


It all came to a head one night when I was still living with Jackson's dad. I woke up in the middle of the night, so nauseous and in the middle of what I now know as a panic attack. I carried my blanket and pillow to the bathroom, where I had d* and tried to go back to sleep. I couldn't. I called my mom and she tried to talk me out of the panic, but it was no use. About an hour later I heard Jackson crying in my bedroom. He was hungry. I prayed for his dad to wake up and get him because I was so scared of being sick that I could not pick myself up off the floor. I cried listening to my son, who was crying for me, and I couldn't make myself go to him. After a few minutes his dad woke up and yelled for me. I told him I was sick in the bathroom. He came in cursing that he would have to take care of the baby alone. I told him to leave Jackson with me. And there we slept, the two of us, in the bathroom floor with our blanket and pillow, me nursing him.


I moved back home with my son when he was 2 months old. I thought that if I had someone dependable there to help with the baby (my mom), my anxiety would go away. Wrong. Every night she would go to work, I would panic about being alone with my son

[fujiko]

Hello!

I guess this could be an experience of how I am living through my emetophobic life.
I still cannot figure out how my phobia developed, yet, this phobia basically controls my daily life.

My guess of how I got to extremely fear v* is around the age of four when I had some strange SV that caused me to v* for about 4 days straight. And being only four years old at the time, traumatized me. Also when my mother was pregnant with my sibling, I remember her getting s* and v* all the time which left me hiding in my bed with pillows over my head and humming loudly to block out any sound.

My constant fear of v* gives me anxiety, which often gives me stomach problems and I am often left nauseous, which as a negative response, makes me worry even more about v*.

Overall, I have taken a step to somewhat overcome this phobia, but I do have a long ways to go, and I am afraid I cannot cure it. When I see someone v* near me and I see it on the sidewalk I have an episode and cause scene which people tend to see as if I am a psychopath.

Still, my emetophobia has restricted a lot of things in my life. Though some restrictions are well, good restrictions, I stay away from drugs and alcohol, seeing how v* has a connection with them all. But, the negative outweighs the positive ten folds. I eat selective things and I stay away from most foods that resemble v* or are easily v*ed back up; dairy products, seafood, certain fruits and vegetables. I stay away from pools, oceans, and have no trash can in sight (they are strategically placed where I would never think of v*). I keep all toilet lids down and my room and bathroom are spotless. I stock up on sanitizers and cans of disinfectants. And in the worst case, when I have a cold or something, I take every homeopathic treatment to get over my illness (I will not take a drug OTC or prescription in fear of getting even s*er). I never sit on the passenger side in fear of getting car s* and I never set foot on a rollercoaster (I avoid all amusement parks). Also, I rarely go to movie theatres. Also I am heavily relied on this Asian herbal digestive medicine (it aids digestion and relieves n*) and I sometimes take them even if I do not feel s*. It has taken such a toll that I swore to never have children (my mother had morning s*ness and I heard that if the mother has it the daughter will also).


However, my biggest disappointment is of my emetophobia acceptance or rather unacceptance.
People around me take it as a big joke and make me feel rather stupid
and childish for having such a phobia. My parents take it as a joke and dismiss it. My friends like to purposely
gag and emphasize the words relate to being s* and v* and it leaves me
horrified. Yet, I guess their exaggerations have allowed me to get over
the fear of hearing those words and I can use it freely in my
vocabulary. And I stopped crying hysterically if I encountered a v* situation (now if I could freak out quietly!)


Well, that's major load off my chest. haha.

[bigemet]

Hello there, I'm a new member. I'd like to share my story as well.... Just as a warning, I do use the word and its variants and this story is quite graphic.


It all started whenI was 6 i think. I had a bad illnesswith a fever and aches and pains for 2 days and at the end of the 2 days, at nite, I woke up and realized that I was throwing up into a bowl. It was like I was asleep when I was first nauseated and told my grandma i was gonna be sick. Coz I didn't remember waking up my grandma or anything. At the time I wasn't scared. I went back to bed, feeling ill all over from the fever. And I was telling my grandma that I wasn't feeling well and that something was at my throat coz I started to get nauseated and I didn't recognize the feeling. She got up and brought the bowl back and my mom came in too. And I started to vomit violently, i remember getting scared that time. I was crying coz i wanted it to stop and it was so uncontrollable, it kept pouring out and out. It turned out that I had hepatitis A from eating contaminated food. Good thing I'm now immune to it, i'd hate to get it again.


Ever since this incident I became kinda curious about vomiting. I thought and talked about it more often. I'd be thinking of how it smells or tastes or what color it can be etc. 2 yrs later, I had the flu and I threw up from all the discomfort and high fever. It was a lil bit and I don't remember getting that scared. But i thought it was kinda creepy and gross. I kept thinking of it, the act was replayed in my head many times. But I wasnt' such a big emet during most of my childhood. It was when i turned 16, my lil sis one day complained of a headache for 3 hours. I wasn't so worried, i gave her some headache medicine and she was lying downon the couch and i was sittingat the foot of the couch,watching tv.Suddenly I heard this noise of something pouring out and I lookedat her and to my horror, some nasty curdled milk likeliquid was comingout of her mouth and I just screamed. I didn't think I'd be that scaredbut i jumped up and screamed and ran away. I was babysitting her at the time. A part of me was so mad that she couldn't tell me how she felt and just did it without warning but shewas only a child, she wouldn't know. I was also very angry at myself for my reaction. I told her to go upstairs into the bathroomandit took meminutes b4 i went to the bathroom after her. There, I wasall shakyas Icleaned her up. But i couldn't go backdownstairs coz of the horrible smell which I can't describe rite now. Luckily she didn't do it again. Her headache was gone after she threw up which was interesting. We spent the next 4 hours in the bathroom, not once going downstairs.Then mom and dad showed up and mom cleaned up the couch mess. Ever since this incident, I became quite phobic, both myself and other ppl throwing up. It became such a horror to me.


But, the phobia didn't reach its peak till I got a kidney infection in Oct 2005. I was feverish and had a pain in my kidney and coudln't sleep for2 days. I was pretty nauseous and was scared to death i'd get sick. It was like hell. Then a month later, i came down with some mysterious virus that gave me a very high fever and a bad headache. It was then I became a major hypochondriac,I started thinking of not only vomiting but sickness in general, everyday of my life. I took my temp all the time, couldn't go anywhere without a thermometer. Couldn't concentrate on school, was depressed and anxious as hell. I went to a hypnotherapist who took away the hypochondria but the emetophobia still lingers on. I realized that a part of what's makign this phobia linger is my desire to not let it go, in other words, im too scared to change, coz it's been too long, i've been obsessed with vomiting for way too long it seems. But I've become a better eater since the hypnosis, i'm not as scared of eating.


I really wanna be free of this phobia but som

[lyndsayanne]

hi


i cannot really pinpoint where my phobia began but as a child my father was sick on a daily basis he was an alcoholic and he also had anxiety issues he was nevera quiet v*er and i think it is pretty scary for a small child to listen to one of their parent puking alot my mum also had this phobia although it was only a fear of herself doing it as she was a nurse and worked with sick people alot my emet only became abig problem after the birth of my second child although i do remember having problems with anxiety in my early teens as well but had put that down to a bad home life and being bullied at school i used to creep through to my parents room and get my mum to promise me i would not be sick cos i woke in the night alot feeling n* now it is just all the time and every day that seems a problem it is lot more of an issue now i don't know whether it was allthose years of listening to my dad v* (i used to stick my fingers in my ears but could still hear him) that has made me this way or not cos there is never a time that i can remember not being scared and now it rules my life


my partner is always saying you cannot change the past and that i should just get on with it but i still cannot even listen to someone v* without panic rising.


one day i really hope to beat this phobia and lead a more normal life than i do now and to do the things that i am to scared to do just now


lyndsayanne

[joygurl105]

I threw up in school in when my crush was right in the classroom. My mom was getting surgery and I didn't feel well the morning, but I figured it would go away. So about 10AM I started throwing up. Then, everyone looked at me in a weird way and they kind of never treated me the same...[img]smileys/smilies_16.gif[/img]

[jd morrison]

hi, im new to this site, its wonderful to know that im not the only one and that im not just freaky and strange he,he! i think my fear started when i was pregnant with me son who is now three months old. towards the end of me pregnancy i had terrible food poisoning, afterwards i didnt eat for weeks for fear of being s*ck. the fear just never went away, if im out i have to plan where to be s*ck if i feel i need to, i wont eat out and i can only eat what i consider "safe foods" ( things that i dont think will make me ill) i have irritable bowl syndrome and when that flares up i think im going to be s*ck all the time. i get really constipated and think that theres nowhere for the food to go so i just dont eat which makes me feel s*ck anyway. i feel so stupid for feeling like this, its so irrational but the feeling is so real. does it get better? is there anyway of stopping this feeling? if anyone has any advice please mail me.

thanks
jade
xxxxxxxx

[chica_mc]

Wow, these stories have made me feel a lot better about my problem...I also feel lucky that my phobia hasnt gone as far as some people's...


i really didnt have emet until recently...I never really liked v*, im sure no one does, but it didnt really get bad until my 8th grade field trip...i was so excited because we got to go to a university to eat lunch at their wonderful cafeteria and see a scary play...when we got to the cafe, my friends all sat at a big round table and ate our lunches. when we were all full, we sat and talked. meanwhile, at the table where all the goths and punks sat (i have nothing against them), they were having an eating contest. It wasnt your average see-who-can-eat-the-most contest, but a who-can-eat-the-grossest-things contest.


*graphic*


one boy, alex, decided to eat a ham and cheese sandwich with cherry jell-o in the middle, when he started to gag. i remember watching him and thinking, He's gonna v*. Then he v*ed all over his plate. O god im sorry guys i even get shaky thinking about it. He was only ONE TABLE AWAY!! I got up ad pulled my friend with me to the bathroom where i almost broke down in tears...when she finally convinced me to go sit dow at our table again, i looked and saw alex and his friends laughing!


If that wasnt bad enough, another girl ate too much adn v*ed on the teacher. THen i had to sit near her on the bus back to school. I barely talked the rest of the day. I just sat and tried not to think about the incidents of the day.


Then my phobia really got bad when PSSAs came (only a month later...i had been dealing wiht a lot of v*, my brotehr and my mom both had the stomach virus the week before also) We were all anxious and nervous about the test, so our teacher gave us snickers bars. After i had finished mine, i was about to get up and throw the wrapper away when i got a funny feeling. I dedeided to stay in my seat. About two seconds later, a kid in my class v*ed all over the floor. I ran out f teh room wiht my shirt over my nose and stood outside. We all went to take the test in another room while the janitor cleaned up the mess. But i couldnt stop worrying that it would happen again.


Now i cant do anything without thinking, what if someone v*s. My worst fear is of someone v*ing on me. I even have dreams about it. I am at teh point where i want to get help, but my parents think im over-exagerating and im scared toat the same time because i think maybe they willmake me face it. Ugh.


Whenever i'm feeling jittery, it helps to write down how youre feeling. One day when i gater up enough courage, im going to take my "notes" to the doctor so i can sort of proove that im not making a big deal out of nothing.


thanks for all your support and help, you guys are really great.


Tori

[xroofusx]

I don't think it was one time that made me scared, i think it came on more over a few months. I know that when i was a baby and younger i have v* quite a bit, i asked my mum how many times have i v*, and she said she couldn't count how many as i had quite a bit, i would say i used to v* at least every 2 years, with a sv or just v* from eating to much or something. I remember when i used to wake up in the night when i was about 11 just feeling n* and sitting in the bathroom with my mum and playing games like eye-spy to try and take my mind off it. I remember when i had a bad sv which started in the night, i just remember the night as i remember seeing everything i had eaten that afternoon, including strawberry lace sweets, i now can't even look at them without gagging, a few years back my old friend didn't relise i couldn't stand them and started eating them in front of me and i stood there and began dry heeving. I then remember i think it was 3 years ago now, i must have v* over 20 times in a matter of 3/4 hours. I still to this day don't know exactly what it was, the thing was i never once felt sick..The day before my period had started and my stomach felt a bit off, but by the morning i was fine, i had cereal and then some crisps. It was about 11am my period pains became very painfull and it was very heavy, the pain kept getting worse, so my mum told me to have a warm shower. So i did that and felt a little better, i then went downstairs and had some tea and cookies. The pain came back on again about an hour after and then i had d* a few times. In the end i went in my garden to get some air as the pain was really bad and i layed on the floor holding my stomach. I got up to go in as my mum was walking downstairs, i then all of a sudden just v* in the garden. I ran to the downstairs toilet and kept v* every few minutes. I had got everything out after a while and thought i was ok, i then got the pain again and ran upstairs and then v* in the upstairs bathroom, it was just water and bile in the end, i never felt sick though, the only time i v* was when this wave of pain went across my lower stomach and back. I remember sitting on the bathroom floor while my mum was on the phone telling her friend she couldn't come into work to look after me, i sat there waiting to v* again as i still had the pain, my mum came in and said i looked completly white and drained. When the pain went off i had a bath and got cleaned up and got into bed, the thing was i never felt n* and it was like period pain just more painfull. I fell asleep for about half hour, woke up and v* one more time, then fell to sleep for an hour. When i woke up, i sat with a hot water bottle on my stomach and watched countdown with my mum, the pain had gone and i was starving!! i know you shouldn't eat only a few hours after you v*, but i was so hungry i went down and got some toast lol, the colour had come back into me and i felt fine, i had no more d* or v* that day. I woke up the next day and was fine, all i felt was weak from v* so much, the next day i went back to eating normally and went to a concert. I thought my phobia came from that, but what i don't get is i ate for months after that not worrying, then all of a sudden would only eat toast, biscuits, cheese spread and only sometimes a meal. I have v* 2 times this year from having to much stomach acid, i thought for a bit i got over the phobia and wasn't scared anymore, but after a few months it came back..i still don't know when it came about fully though..

[lkaye29]

I know what started my fear. I was in 3rd grade and getting ready to turn 9. My mom was an alocholic and she drank big time. I remember visiting her in rehab and she was constantly sick. She went home some time later and was doing the same thing again, all over the toilet. I wound up cleaning it up. A month after that, I got a really bad case of the flu where I would get sick all night for 2 nights. It was horrible. Ever since then, I can't stand the thought of me getting sick again.

[snakemed]

Ok, will try and keep this breif . . .


The first time I remember being terrified of v* was when I was 10, on holiday with my family in Mallorca (Spanish island). One night (Sunday, 10th July 1994 to be accurate!) I was sharing a room with my mum and sis, and my dad was asleep on the sofa - completely out with drinking so much alcohol. My mum said she felt sick, but that she would be okay. We all lay down to sleep and I remember feeling anxious. When I put out the light, she got up and went to the bathroom, my sister, who was 7 following and saying "Mummy I'll come to the bathroom with you". I stayed on the bed, pretty scared, and I heard some noises. I could see my sis looked worried, so I joined her outside the bathroom and the rest was a hellish nightmare.


GRAPHIC****


For the first time I could remember, I saw *it* happening. Perhaps it was because it was my mum - she was in control, usually took care of illness things with my sis - and dad wasn't exactly there to help. It is the first time I remember seeing it all so graphically - this vile substance pouring out of my poor mum. She made the most terrifying noises too - like when a cat is ill, and I remember thinking it sounded like she was shouting "who . . ate" over and over. My God.[img]smileys/smilies_10.gif[/img]


Therapists have since asked me if I was scared she was going to die. It wasn't and has never been that, I was just scared it might never stop. I remember crying and my little sister was looking up at me and crying. I was trying to shut the door so I wouldn't see and she was trying to open it to check mum was ok (lol)


Apparently, she had been extremely sick, eg- food poisoning/stronger drinks measures? From that point I was constantly checking she was ok, and began trying to "protect" her from germs and the outside world. I guess a lot of it was about control (or percieved control) over my mum's life and experiences.


I have been diagnosed as emet and suffer from depression and OCD, as well as anorexia which developed in late teens (not really connected) - On a positive note though, Ihave studied psychology and mental health and now work helping others who have mental health probs. Ihave gained insight into different fears and disorders and want to help others.[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]


Thanks guys, I love you all and send big hugs your way!


x[img]smileys/smilies_46.gif[/img]

[valkyriegrl]

Hi! I've been an emetophobesince I was 10. I'd been sick before that, but the year when I was 10 I attended a birthday party where the hosting family had been very sick a couple of days beforehand (unbeknownst to me at the time) and EVERY single guest had caught it, and there had been a houseful there. I mean kids, adults, everyone. It was a bad one, I v*d 10 times in5 hours, along with everyone else in my family. My mom is an emetophobe, too, so we were left to clean up after ourselves, take care of ourselves, you know. She wouldn't letmy sister and Idrink even a mouthful of water, so our throats were very sore. For about a month afterwards I thought about it all the time, obsessing over it. I didn't v* again until I was 15 at a party when I discovered that I have a bad reaction to beer - after 2 beers I went blind for 20 minutes and started v*ing blood(sorry about that mental image, just trying to get the trauma across!). Everyone at the party was scared I had alcohol poisoning, but being teenagers they did nothing but stick me ina spare bedroom. I had the DH's all night(god, that's awful) until someone felt sorry for me and brought me an advil ( placebo effect, but it worked!). Ever since then it's been all downhill! When my kids get sv's I immediately start cleaning with lysol, I wear gloves until the contagion period has passed, and I starve myself throughout the whole ordeal. I let my kids sleep in my room when they're sick, but they have to sleep on a mattress on the floor. I avoid ever being a passenger in a car, I always drive or at least sit shotgun. I avoid alcohol and drugs like the plague - when I did drink and smoke pot in the past I'd spend the entire time worrying that I was going to v* and I didn't enjoy myself in the least. I've mastered all kinds of surprisingly effective mindtechniques to get rid of nausea if I don't have any gravol handy. I'm afraid of ever having surgery because I know most people get sick after the anasthesia lifts, and I found that I'm not alone inmy fear of getting cancer, not because I might die, but that the chemo will make me sick. I used to think I was a complete nutcase to think a thing like that, but then I read a post on this site that mentioned this same chemo fear! I've rambled long enough, that's how I came to be an emetophobe! Bye for now!

[snakemed]

Wow, I have never admitted that I am scared of ever having cancer or my family having cancer because of the chemo. I have never felt that anyone would understand, but here I suppose a lot of people would understand. I feel guilty, because for most people, the chemo would be ok - anything to stop what must be a horrendous illness.


Sometimes the phobia makes you think in perverse ways -


eg - Death is definately better than being sick. At least if someone dies, you know they cant be sick again?





I really hope I haven't offended anyone. I am just trying to point out how warped our thoughts can become. Fear of cancer and death are high on any average persons list, it's just that, for us, v* is also on that scale - perhaps at the top.

[obituarymambo]

Dangit i just typed a ton and accidently hit something.. im so upset now.. Anyways
Hi, i'm Nene and i'm 19 years old..

basically my entire life i've been terrified of v*ing, seeing someone do it or hearing someone do it. it all drives me crazy to the point where i shake , feel naucious, and think about it for weeks or have nightmares.

ever since i was a little kid (im 19 now) i wont go on busses due to fear of someone v*ng on them, my mom had to drive me to school every day. I also had fear of public bathrooms and school bathrooms due to fear of someone going on there to v*, i actually used to have accidents when i was little because i'd refuse to go in the bathrooms, i was that terrified.

On trips i tend to plan out what i'd do in case i DID have to v* for some odd reason, and i'd plan out my meals and what i'd eat according to what would be the least disgusting to v* back up. I'm terrified of alchohol and drunk people or getting drunk, because of the whole v*ing from drinking too much.

I also , as a kid, used to obsess over v*ing, and if for some reason at school i saw someone do it, i'd talk about it all day and ask about it because i wanted to know why they did it and i didnt want to end up gettign whatever caused them to do it

One time my mom forced me to go to summer camp which meant a 5 hour bus ride. ..yes.. BUS!!

i was crying before i got on, and shaking on the bus the entire time
i was terrified. i wanted out immediately. i actually had a panic attack and they had to stop the bus for me to get off because i was freaking out.

I also had an experience when i was 13, someone in a movie theatre got sick, and now im terrified to go in movie theatres because everytime i go in one, that scenario pops into my head...

It gets way out of hand, and ruins a lot of things. Its not as bad as it used to be, i CAN ride a bus and i CAN go to a movie theatre now, but i tend to get very nervous and jumpy. and i do plan in my head where im going to go if i have to get sick or if someone else gets sick.

I also have reoccuring dreams of being on a bus and people v*ing . and i have nowhere to go or no way to get away from it. its terrifying. I also wont go to amusement parks or ever go on rides, simply because i'm terrified of being around v* of any kind!!

I also sort of developed a fear of being in vehicles with young children, because i dont trust them not to v* everywhere, for some reason.. agh. it's horrible.

All my friends and people i know that either get sick of get drunk and v* treat it like its no problem, like 'oh , its just v*ing, big deal , you feel better afterwards!'
..but for me, its the most terrifying and most uncomfortable thing imaginable, if i feel like i'm about to v* i basically think i'm going to die, i have no clue why..technically i KNOW i wont DIE from it, but i panic and freak out and get this fear that im never going to live through it..
what's even worse though , is
i havn't v*d in over 9 years
And i KNOW i will have to sometime soon because thats just too long to go without getting sick.. and it haunts me, and im always preparing for it and terrified of it.

yuck!! :/

-Nene

[xexxhoshi]

This may be graphic or whatnot, so read with caution.

Anyhow.

I've been thinking about my phobia recently and have perhaps been able to identify why my phobia has come the way it did.

Well I know I wasn't born with it, because I remember in Year 2 (or in year 1) some kid just threw up right in the middle of the class, and it didn't affect me at all. Maybe because I was a naïve little kid then, but whatever.

Several incidents involving vomit during my childhood (up to this next one) didn't really affect me. Even some strange fit my brother had and only had once where he v*ed quite a bit didn't affect me that much.

Anyway, I remember at about....7 or 8ish? I dunno, but it was before I was 10 I think the main trigger happened. I dunno how it happened, perhaps it was gastric flu, but I had a sandwich with (I dunno why this is significant but whatever) Jelly Babies Jam. IT was this brand of jam which was like strawberry or whatever but that is insignificant. Anyway, I was watching the TV, when I felt a bit weird and my stomach began to ache.

I then went to my mother and said "I don't feel too good". I must have looked pale because she was all like "GET A PAN" (I dunno why it was a pan but oh well). I then v*ed about 9 times in total for the rest of that day.

---GRAPHIC-----

It's weird though, I remember it starting off being typical v* colours, but then at the 9th and final vomit, it was clear with what looked like bits of chewed up bread in it. Dunno what that has to do with anything but whatever.

Also instead of taking little sips of water I remember taking gulps of water, I dunno if that had anything to do with me continually v*ing.

----END GRAPHICNESS-----

Anyway, I think a few more experiences haven't helped. I can't remember one right now, but there was one, the last time I v*ed which was when I was 11 (I'm 18 now), and I had eaten this strange cereal (it was this allbran horrible crap type stuff which sucked) and I didn't feel so good after that (I had been having bad d* for that day anyhow and felt kinda bleh during that day)

Anyhow, I remember getting downstairs, and this is the weird thing.

---GRAPHICNESS again-----




I went into the front room, and felt dizzy, and felt the rising type feeling. I thought "oh god this is gonna be it". The thing is (I can't remember if I feared vomiting before that, but I wasn't keen on it to be honest since the 9 times incident). I said to my mother "I think I'm gonna be sick", and she told my sister to get a bowl, and she did, and both my sister and brother both ran away like the wind after they'd given the bowl to me, which is pretty much why I must be a little " [img]smileys/smilies_05.gif[/img]" about the vomit thing today, i.e. usually if we had to "get a bowl" someone was gonna be sick, and we (me or my siblings) ran in with the bowl and ran out as fast as we could. Maybe we were emets back then?

Anyway, I remember head over the bowl, my mother going "alllriight....it's ok....it's ok...." and thinking "this is no good, I've got to do it" and so I pushed, and gave two huge belches, and then v*ed. I remember v*ing twice, one sorta wave, and then another, and it just looked like the cereal I ate floating about in sorta yellowish liquid





---END GRAPHICNESS---


Ever since then I've been afraid to v*. Over the years it's got somewhat worse and I didn't realize I was suffering from emet tendancies until I found this site.

I'm not the sorta "disinfect hands every second type" but I'm not exactly the "well I can v* but not see others v*" type.

I want to find treatment but living in Spain it's a bit hard to have treatment here. Mainly because I can't express myself too well in Spanish as I can in English, and also because I'm not too sure how phobia therapy goe

[staceyrangers]

omg all u ppl out there have the same experence as me i thought i was the only 1 but i joined this website to try to cure my phobia but nothing seems 2 work welli got ma phobia when i was 13 i didn't really care about v*but one day i remember was when i was in history class and when the teacher was telling us about vikings a girl i never really knew sitting behind meput her hand up and sed that she felt sick and the teacher sed if she needed 2 go 2 the bathroom then just go so she continuedtalking when all of a sudden there was a strange burping noise outta nowhere we all turned 2 see wot it was and the girl behind was v*ing brown chucks she ran out of the room and the teacher followed her when she left the room every1 was going OMG SHE P* the boys were saying COOL P*but i just stayed still i couldn't wait 2 get 2 mi nextclass 2 get away from the v*that night i had a dream about 'it' for the rest of the week i wanna find a cure but im only 15 and cant find a cure that doesn't cause money does any1 have any ideas? if u do then plz tell me

[Melikasa]

Well I reading all the new members here on this link. Its amazing still how many have emetophobia.
I am Melissa I am 27 years old an I have emet since before I can remember my mom told me a couple of years ago when I told her about my emet that I was terrified of being sick since I was about 2.
I am not sure where my fear began or what made it intensify. It controlled my life A LOT when I got older and was going to highschool especially. I was letting emet make vital decisions like having children. I refused to think about it because if I got pregnant I might have morning sickness. I wouldn't go for car rides anywhere because I might get car sick THEN I couldn't leave the house because I might see someone get sick or what if I got sick? Emet and Agoraphobia went hand in hand for me.
Through high school my mom thought I was anorexic becauseI didn't want to eat while we were out or before we went out (which was often) my friends and doctor didn't know because i was afraid to tell them and when I tried to tell my mom and a good friend they just said well no one likes getting sick......"BUT" i wanted to say....."I not only dislike it...I am TERRIFIED of it."


This site has helped me a lot. I think just knowing that there are others out there and that there are people that understand. I am married with one son who is now 3 years old.
It still controls me once in a while but it took a lot of mental conviction, prayers, breathing techniques. If I feel sick it bothers me more than knowing someone else might feel sick. I will do everything in my power meds and all to keep from being sick. Anyways....
I hope to see a cure for it all one day but for now I am happy to see sites like this.

[victoria018]

I've read a lot of the stories you guys have written on here...and they made me feel so bad for you and I cried. I'm so sorry you guys have had to deal with this fear too.


As for me....I'm not entirely sure how I developed this fear. I have some theories...but I'm not sure. I haven't been sick a lot in my life (like most emets).


When I was in 2nd grade, I got a stomach flu from my brother. It was pretty bad....I got very sick. When I was in 3rd grade, I got sick one night and then when I was in 5th grade I got sick.


As sick as I was when I had that flu, I don't think that caused my fear. I cried when I was getting sick, but after I was sick, it didn't bother me and I wasn't upset.


When I was sick in 3rd grade, though, I noticed something different. I got really nervous when I got n* and after I v* I got even more nervous. My mom gave me a bucket when I went to bed, and I couldn't stop shaking and crying because I was so scared. Even though I wasn't that sick, it was somehow traumatic.


The last time I got sick, when I was in 5th grade, was not even bad at all. I had fallen asleep on the couch and when I woke up, I remember my stomach felt heavy...and I rolled over and v*. I ran to the bathroom and v* a little bit again (my sister was nice enough to hold my hair) and then I felt completely better. I wasn't even bothered by it.


But a few years after that, I realized I had an irrational fear about v*. I used to be terrified of seeing someone v*, but I got over that when my best friend, who had a problem with bulimia, started eating again and couldn't hold food down well. I held her hair for her when she was sick and I rubbed her back...anything I could to comfort her, even though I felt like I was about to pass out. I still have a problem if someone is sick and I think they may have a virus or something.


Whenever I get the slightest bit of n*, I get freaked out. I have a problem having panic attacks since I have an anxiety disorder already, and I get them whenever I feel sick. It's awful. A few months ago, I think I must have had a migraine...but I started feeling really nauseous all of a sudden and I started freaking out. My stomach felt all heavy and that made me nervous, since I associate that feeling with v*. Well, I never did get sick, but I didn't eat for a few days.That messed my stomach up and I was under a lot of stress....to make a long story short, I realized I wasn't going to be sick from my weird stomach problem (it feeling so heavy even when I haven't eaten...still does that...weird...), so I just ignored it and kept on going. I think that whole experience has helped me deal with n* a little bit better.


The fear has always messed me up a lot...I've been afraid to be around people andto be out in public a lot. Whenever someone around me is sick, I freak out. When I was li

[michelle_xd]

Well I think I started getting really scared when I was about 6.


Well thats my first memory of it anyway


**may be graphic**


I remember being in class and one of my friends telling me not to look back but when someone says that you have to look back and so I did however, regretted it. There was someone v* at the door and I freaked out. I just stood up and I just felt like I had to get outta the room and needed to go to wide open space with fresh air. My chest started to feel tight and I just needed to get out.


Also, when my mum told me that she was pregnant I started to get really anzious thinking about the baby v* even though all they v* is milk. And I remember when the baby was born I went to hug him and he v* and I just walked out the room I felt really clammy. But it was just baby v*.


Another time is when I was on the bus and I was sitting there and there were these 2 girls who were slightly drunk and I remember just being filled up with so much anxiety and saying to my friends I wanna get off I wanna get off but theye were just saying dint worry there not gonna v* dont be silly And I heard one of the girls say I fell sick And I just stood up and looked at her and she v* and I ran down the bus shaking and everyone was just looking at me and there were 2 boys laughing and I just got off the bus. Nobody else moved a flinch though they were actually comforting her and I remember feeling really starange and thinking that there was something wrong with me cos I was the only one who acted so strange.


Also I cannot go in public toilets because I fear that somone will run in and bv* at the doorway and I wont be able to get out and I will be stuck in the toilets and argh tahts one of my worsdt nightmares.


I am also haunted by the memory of being in a maths class with my friend. One of may friends had been feeling very ill all day and I usually sit in front of her in maths class but I siad to her I dont want you to v* on me so can I switch places with you? And she agreed and in the lesson she was violently sick and I just ran to the other side of the class room but I didnt want to run out of the class in case she ran to the toilet and be sick and sshe was sick on my legs instead and so i juust sat by my other friends. And IO always think well what if we ddnt swithc places and she v* on me.





antyway thanks for reading this. There are other experiences but I dont wanna write them.

[agreen87]

Just like the rest of you, I thought I was the only one with this phobia. I do not know ANYONE in my life who is as frightened of v* as I am. I felt so ridiculous last year when I told my therapist how I felt. It seemed to be the first time he had heard anything about it, so I assumed I must be the only one. I HATE THIS!! It controls my life. How can that be? I know in my head that I'm being unrational. It's just a horrible circle of anxiety, feeling like I'm going to v* and then more anxiety because of the nausea. It HAS to end somewhere, somehow.


So, the first time I really ever realized I had a problem with this was when I was at camp one summer. I think I was about 12 or 13 and it was our first night at camp. I was dreaming that my friend was in a burping contest. She let a final burp that sounded like she was v*. At that moment I woke up to the sound of a girl in my cabin v*.Immediately I called my counselor over and told her that I was afraid of throwing up. The weird thing is that I distinctly remember thinking at the exact moment those words were coming out of my mouth "What am I saying? I'm not afraid of throwing up!" How strange to say and feel one thing, but not say and feel something completely opposite?? I feel like I jinxed myself at that point or something. I wish I could go back to that moment and not say anything. If only my thought of "No! I'm not afraid" would have taken over at that point. One split second really can change a life.


Like the rest of you, my phobia has caused me to do some things differently. For instance, in high school I would never use the restroom during class no matter how badly I had to go because I figured that the only people using the bathroom during class would be people who were sick. Before college I remember being so afraid of having a roommate because "what if they get sick? I can't get away from them. I might get what they have!" Also, what about cafeteria food?? What if we all get food poisoning?? I missed out on a lot of the partying in college, too, because I was so afraid of people getting so drunk and then v*. I guess in that case it turned out to be a good thing because I never became a major drinker. Unfortunately, I found a substitute for numbing the internal pain--causing myself external, physical pain. I started cutting myself because it relaxed me when I felt ill. I still have to fight that temptation. I keep trying to fool myself into thinking that I'm over that, but I still find myself digging my fingernails into my arm or scratching blisters into my skin. Anyway, that's a whole different thing. I HATE THIS!! I NEED HELP!! I have to let this go so I can live a normal life again. I'm getting married next year, but one thing that constantly crosses my mind is "what if he gets sick?" I just want to be happy again.


Anyway, it's good to hear everyone's stories. I'm glad I'm not alone.

[neutral]

My story is kind of pathetic, really. My last encounter with *, when I was six (I'm 18), was really no big deal at all. Kind of funny, actually. It was in my parent's car, and to this day they don't know.

But anyway...I've always had a very good immune system. I catch colds and have sinus trouble alot, but I haven't had a digestive illness in seven years (when I did, I remember kind of wanting to vee, and not really being able to, and then giving up and not really wanting to anymore). I think my phobia developed from a) being around others who were doing it, and b) having never done it myself since I was six. Fear of the unknown, really.

I think it is getting a bit easier. I've never been a severe phobe (I always thought I was, until I learned that some emets plan their lives around avoiding the vee), but I have been known to completely flip out if someone around me is having the slightest digestive malady.


Brr...