Is emet. related w/ childhood abuse?

[pumpkin3800]

I'd like to know what Sage's knowledge is on this question. The rest of you can also contribute to this question if you feel comfortable enough.


I keep reading in professional published articles that childhood abuse is found quite a bit in emets. I'd like to know roughly what the percentage of that is. Is it about 50 % of all emets? or less? I'm curious because I happen to be a candidate of a childhood sexual abuse from a family member, I'm wondering if my emet stemmed from here? I wonder because since I've never sought counseling for this past abuse, it is still unresolved and perhaps my subconscience is repulsed by these memories that still linger and therefore bring upon this fake nausea. I call it fake not because it is not present but because it is not the kind related to a churning stomach about to get sick. Does anyone out there understand me? I'm just seeking answers to all my questions, and I just NEED to know where my emet stemmed from? childhood abuse or was I just genetically predisposed to anxiety and nausea? I never had a traumatic sickening experience with myself as a child to produce this emet. I dealt w/ my little sister always getting sick at night but I feel I was already an emet so where and when did this begin for me?


Your answers will be greatly appreciated.


Pumpkin

[kate1966]

I for one was molested as a child by a neighbor man. I think it may contribute to the feelings of loss of control. I also have IBS...which i also think has been worsened by that.

[pumpkin3800]

Thank you for your honesty. Since you feel some relation to the worsening of your sickness w/ IBS, perhaps I am right too in believing that my nausea was worsened by the abuse and how it digusts me now since at the time I didn't know it was wrong or that I was suppose to feel disgust. Maybe now that I know the diff. between right and wrong, I am now feeling the disgusting feelings as I see this family member often. It brings back old memories, odors, feelings, etc. thanks anyway for yourinput. I am very grateful. Have you sought counseling? Has this relation to the IBS and molestation been discussed w/ a professional and what did he/she say or think?


Pumpkin

[kimmyc24]

I was sexually molested by a strange man in a store when i was about 9, and although I know now that it is wrong and a sick thing for someone to do, I didn't know it then. If we didn't register it as a disturbing or traumatic event when it happened, would it be a likely cause of our Emet? or some of our symptoms?


I have wondered that before.. I also had a pregnancy terminated 3 years ago and never told my parents.. I then moved over to the UK and after a year or so started having anxiety attacks.. I assumed it was from my termination and keeping it a secret, so I wrote to my dad and told him - but I still have panic attacks so theymust beconnected to my Emet and nothing else.


Grr.. wish it was all a lot clearer!


x Kim x

[pumpkin3800]

Kim,


I DO believe that those of us who were abused in some way which includes molestation as a young child, are suffering now with diff. symptoms but the most common is anxiety, panic attacks and depression. Why? I believe and it is solely my opinion, that like you said, as a child we didn't know any better. We were vulnerable, defenseless and so innocent. We didn't know that what was done unto us was wrong. We learned it was wrong much later in life through an educational child abuse movie that advocates for abused children, or perhaps in school or our parents. Either way, we learned this much later in life and now we live with the guilt, anger, frustration and other feelins as well. Some of these feelings I still deal with. I feel angry at my mother and hold her responsible for not being there to defend me. She wasn't a bad mom. She just happened to be working. I feel totally responsible for what happened to me. I feel that some of these feelings come back to us as our memories are triggered. For me, when my husband and I are intimate, some of these memories comeback and it ruins my mood. So having many suppressed feelings such as anger do lead to depression. We lost control then. Now we seek control over everything to make up for then and nothing satisfies us. It is a vicious cycle and that is why we must seek some kind of therapeutic counseling to help us overcome these feelings and thoughts that torment us through anxiety, panic and depression.


Thanks for your feedback as well.

[Girlygirl1980s]

I was never sexually abused as a child. However, I did have a lot of anxiety as a child (and still do). I grew up not knowing who my father was until I was 17. It would be interesting to know if anyone who had a "completely normal" childhood has developed this phobia.

[hippychick]

I was never sexually abused either. Edited by: hippychick

[kate1966]

I have never spoken to a professional about this...i was always too scared to tell it really. I only recently told my parents about 10 yrs ago actually, I am almost 40 now, so i have kept that in for a long time....


I have to say it does effecty my relationship with my husband too, b/c he is such a touch feely person, and i CANT STAND for him to grab me anywhere private on my body, b/c it just infuriates me to no end. He knows why...and he finally stopped doing it. Anyway, I just the 2 go along together as far as having so much anxiety and panic and stress related issues. And especially loss of control like you said Pumpkin, it all stems for that I know.

[pumpkin3800]

Hmm, I guess now I know two people here who never were abused. I didn't doubt there were; I just wanted to know some to support the research I've read.


Halfoverthefur, yes, I agree with you in wanting to know if anyone completely normal suffers from anxiety, panic and depression? I guess someone could suffer from these same symptoms and never been abused but have suffered other tremendous tragedies such as loss of both parents at young age and having to raise younger siblings, or being a foster child due to being abandoned etc. I don't know what other tragedies to think of but all I know is that they have to be traumatic for people to undergo these symptoms that haunt us for so many years even with meds and treatment in some cases. I'm still pondering why panic, anxiety and depression are so strong that they have such dominion over us? Sorry to think aloud and ramble.


I welcome more feedback and comments. I don't mean to offend anyone at all. I am just doing my own research since there isn't much out there done with phobias. Apparently mental health prof. don't give it much value and probably think it has already been solved. They probably believe it is all chemical and just prescribe meds to solve it. I just refuse to believe that and wish more research was done using diff. treatments, integrative approaches while scanning our brain to see what is actually going on in our bodies as we experience our fears. This way we can better understand each individual and then plan a treatment plan just for them. What do you all think?


Pumpkin

[cloughie]

I had a traumatic time. No child abuse though.

[laneyb]

I didnt suffer any abuse and think I can say I had a "normal " childhood.


Two parents (still together), two sisters, happy family life, apart from normal teenage issues (didnt get on with mum for a while) and3 accidents relating to sports - cycling, gymnastics and high jump.


And although Im now 37, I can remember suffering from emet from around the age of 6/7/8 (sorry its a long time ago!!) altho at that point I didnt know what it was.


There is nothing that I can attribute me having this phobia to.


Laney xx

[pumpkin3800]

Thanks Laney. That's interesting. Sounds like a pretty normal life to me but yet you do suffer from this. Hmm. I'm still convinced that our backgrounds contribute and become factors in this emet thing but it sounds like there are other contributors as well. I wonder if some of us are just genetically predisposed to anxiety and phobias? Ok next question.


How many of you have family members who suffer from anxiety, panic or emet? Let's see what the answers to this question are.


Pumpkin

[cloughie]

I never met my mum but that was because she was in what used to be called a mental hospital in the 1960's she died not long after. I don't know what she was in for perhaps a breakdown.

[kate1966]

My mom suffers from panic attacks as well as me...and her uncle had severe panic disorder...so hey it's hereditary too!!! My brother has semi-panic attacks sometimes.

[confusedgirl]

Hmm I was never abused, had a pretty normal childhood.. no one in my family is an emet either. I think mine MAY be from the fact that my family is full of perfectionists and control freaks lol. My parents were a bit overprotective.. and also liked (and still do like) to tell me what to do and when/how to do it. So maybe I inherited their feelings of wanting control, but I was not able to get control myself (because they were the ones controlling me). That is really the only thing I can think of... espescially because what really scares me about v* is the lack of control and a fear of the unknown.

[daffodil]

Pumpkin, This is a good thing to talk about, though it is hard. I have thought about this a lot, too.
I was molested at around 4 years old, and I remember it vividly. It was another child, a few years older, in my home. I suspect another incident involving an an adult, but I don't know for sure what happened. I am starting to feel queasy just typing this.
I think for me, this incident(s) are related to my emet. Loss of control over my body in any way puts me into a panic. Having had two kids, I can say that I get panic attacks during labor, because this thing is happening to my body that is uncomfortable, and out of my control.
I also have a history of depression, probable OCD, and alcoholism in my family. I grew up in an alcoholic home, and that is scary, not being allowed to question or have it acknowledged that something is wrong. Being forced to censor my thoughts, and having my mom, who is supposed to keep me safe making it plain that I can't trust my own instincts, that they are wrong, is scary for a child. I still to this day am very secretive about my thoughts and feelings, though I don't even mean to. It's from years of habit. People find it hard to get to know me.
Well, I'll stop rambling, but I think you have something there, Pumpkin.

[pumpkin3800]

Daffodil,


I'm so sorry to have made you queasy. This certainly wasn't my intention for anyone here. Nevertheless, I admire you for coming out to verbalize what you kept as a secret for a long time. I remember when I never spoke of this for years until just last year. What a therapeudic approach it was to just say it once. The more I told it, the more comfortable I felt in acknowledging that it is a part of my past; that it happened. I don't have to like it and I don't but I can now concentrate on getting help to resolve those issues I have w/ this family member and getting my stored up feelings out. Perhaps my anger is stored up in a very far away secret place within me and it is manifesting itself as something else such as anxiety, panic and depression. Let's face it. Stored up anger is not conducive to our physical well being. Studies show that people who have had recent arguments, or some hostile verbal moment w/ someone experience increased blood pressure, chest pains, or other pains such as headaches, dizziness faintness etc. Anger has been linked to some physical problems. do you know of someone who has a majorily short fuse and is always getting into it with someone else over petty things? To help you understand what kind of character I'm talking about, think of the character Archie Bunker, Sanford (Redd Foxx), and other similar ones. These characters were hardly happy. If we had a personality like theirs, we'd be in serious trouble physically speaking. So if anger can do us harm in this way, what kind of harm can it do to us in the long run when it's hidden within ourselves? It has to come out at some point and maybe some of us show it as depression or anxiety. That's why I believe I need to continue this pursuit in resolving my past issues and emotions so I can face my fears and the need to control things in my life head-on.


sorry to ramble on-Again. daffodil, sorry to encourage you to speak of the unspeakable but I do believe that it is therapeudic to speak about it. congrats to you for being brave and sharing with us. I definitely don't feel alone now. Now I know you guys understand me. No one can understand you unless they have experienced the same.

[pumpkin3800]

Cloughie and Kate,


I can see that you have some relative with a similar issue that you are currently undergoing. But Kate, you are fortunate in the sense that at least you have family members who can surely understand you. I wish I had someone in my family who understood. My grandmother was depressed and anxious like me but she passed so I can't discuss this with her. I'm alone in my family. Use your family as a comforting refuge to go to during your time of need.


confusedgirl,


You said that your family are all perfectionists or controlling. I think that might have inherited some of this but mostly you learned their behavior. We learn from our parents and even pick up their ways of being. So yes, I can relate to you in the not having control to prevent v*. That part scares me the most--Not having the control over the v*ing. Interesting. Do you think you could ever feel comfortable w/ situations where you won't have control? Would this be with or without counselling that you could achieve this?


Pumpkin

[tiffanator]

I was never abused as a child... actually had quite a normal childhood in most people's eyes.Myfamily history was not so perfect. My grandfather on dad's side had anxiety and panic, although they neverknew it, I can now relate to much of his behavior.My grandmother (dad's side again) is a hypochondriac, and I think I get a lot of that, although unlike her, Iavoid doctors like the plague. My dad's brother (I know, my dad is the only normal person in his family) is manic-depressive and a severe alcoholic. I got the manic-depression, not the alcoholism thanks to emet. I was kinda a weird kid though, very VERY shy, (still am), and always played by myself with my stuffed animals or Legos. I had very few friends, and even fewer friends as I got older. I am very private, I tell no one of my problems. I didn't tell my parents about my anxiety until I had suffered in silence for almost 10 years. It wasn't until a year or two after I told them I had anxiety that I told mom about the emet. She still really doesn't understand, so I just don't talk about it.


Ok, well, I've rambled enough...

[mjewell]

I had a very normal, loving childhood.

[laneyb]

Hi pumpkin!!!


Well I just wanted to say following your "follow up" post that my dad suffers from anxiety, hes now 65 and it only really started a couple pf years ago but its got really bad lately in that he doesnt like to go out and about and especially not abroad (much to my mums complete disgust!!!) apparently my grandmum (my dads mum) suffered with anxiety and depression on and off thru her life (she died in2004 aged 93) so maybe its genetic.


I dont know, Im still trying to getcontrol of my life now!!!


Laney xx

[kate1966]

Well, i had a very very normal loving stable childhood...i could not ask for better parents....i was never unhappy or anything until i went to my neighbors house...he had a daughter one yr older than me, and so we were very good friends...but anyway, other than that, my childhood was wonderful. I know how my emet got started....and i think that the molestation was magnified from that. Who knows....but they all go hand in hand for me...As for me finding comfort in my family with this.....no i don't. I don't talk about it at all really. Not even my husband of 17 yrs this sat. knows i have emet....i was always to embarrassed to tell him...and he still doesn't know. He would understand i know, but i just havent' gotten the nerve to tell him. That's another vulnerabilty that would be broken i think. Another loss of me controling something. You all are really the only ones i can talk to openly about this...thank god for this site and you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[csjones]

I was not abused and in fact was fortunate enough to be born to two wonderful parents who are extremely supportive and great people, but I think you have a very good theory. Emet seems to me to be a definite "loss of control" related phobia and molestation/abuse could be a major cause for that feeling. I am still trying to sort out a "why" in my case. I think most of my problems personally stemmed from being in a really lousy school situation early on in childhood.


-Carolyn

[Galadriel]

You know, this isn't surprising that emet can be in a lot of cases linked to a childhood where the child felt they didn't have a lot of control.


With myself though I wasnt sexually abused, I think I was pretty messed around with mentally by my mother (who has definate mental issues), and I know from hearing from others (brother and father) that she was very controlling, and well hey, I realize pretty much every single phobia I have stems from loss of control of myself (emet, fear of loud noises can't control the noise, fear of doc don't like someone messing with me, ect, don't like being sick or feeling sick in general and get anxiety about that) It can all pretty much be traced to that.

[jay_rough]

I wasphysically abused about 3 by my stepdad, pretty badly too, although I'm over it, I'm not sure if it's what caused my emet, I think my emet was caused by my traumatic experience.

[sage]

hey - it's been a long day at work so just weighing in on this thread now. how interesting to hear everyone's input. Pretty close to what I've discovered about emetophobia - that is, that everyone has a different story and there is therefore no one single "cause". Not genetics, not abuse, not trauma. Some people have these factors, others don't. Some apparently have very little contributing factors at all. In every case it seems to be a "perfect storm" of a lot of factors coming together.


I was never abused, sexually or otherwise. But I understand how my clients who were could end up with emetophobia. When people are abused, they feel sick (who wouldn't - it's such a sickening thing)...and this gets mixed up in the brain with the loss of control and the terror...makes sense.


Working on the abuse issues will also help the emetophobia, therefore. And addressing the phobia through cbt only may mean that the symptoms of anxiety arise again sometime, or arise in a different way. CBT is great for symptom relief, but the real "cure" is in working through all that early stuff in one's family of origin.


It's very interesting the variety of backgrounds, huh?

[x hannah x]

I wasn't abused as such, but I was physically and verbally bullied at school from the age of about 7 andI'm sure that the anxiety and nausea I felt at the timecontributed to my emet.

[shiva]

Though I was never sexually abused, I was physically and emotionally abused by my dad, physically abused by my brother and abandoned by my mom. For me, I think there is a huge connection.

[kimmyc24]

Well after mentioning that I wasmolested by a stranger when I was 9, and now reading all of your posts about other types of abuse, I thought I would say that myself and my CBT councellor have come to the conclusion that my Emet was caused by bullying/verbal abuseat school, both my teachers and fellow students, and mainly at the age of 12/13.


I had a pretty happy childhood at home, my parents did everything they could for us to give us the best chances in life.


My mother does suffer from depression and anxiety, and has been on medication for it for as long as I remember. She had a physically abusive marriage before she married my dad, and i'm sureher depressionstems from that, amongst a few other issues.


The event that I keep thinking back to that may have caused my emet was as follows:


Our whole class had to do an oral presentation on our own on the topic of 'What we want to be when we grow up'. Well I decided to do mine on being an air hostess. I had prepared for it really well withsome help from my dad, and when the time came for me to stand up in front of the class and say it, I thought I did a pretty good job. I was really chuffed with myself and went to sit back at my desk. Then my teacher (who all the girls fancied as he was the PT teacher and quite cute) asked me to go back to the front of the class as he had a question for me. So I did. And i'll probably regret it forever. He then said to me: You say you want to be an air hostess, but aren't air hostesses supposed to be pretty?


I was absolutely gutted. I felt so ashamed and embarassed as the whole class burst out laughing at me. I walked back to my desk and sat down with my head on my hands, and tried very hard not to cry. I started to wear make up to schoolfrom the next day, anddid so for the rest of my school days . I don't know exactly when my emet started but I remember having it in those days. The panic attacks only started about 1.5 years ago though.


I wish I could go back to that school now and show that teacher how I turned out. when I think back I feel SO sorry for that little girl, standing inthe front of the class, humiliated. All I wanted to do was be liked and praised by everyone. Unfortunately that was not the case.


I know that this all exposes itself in my life now as this extreme need to be approved of and liked by everyone, by having extremely low self-esteem/confidence and by being a perfectionist.


I spend a lot of time trying tocontrolalmost every aspect of my life now -most things I do are in some form of routine - the way i wash myself in the shower, the way i apply moisturiser to my body, and of course how thoroughly I clean myself and my surroundings.


I know my EMET is DEFINATELY a control thing - when i'm feeling sick, I dont worry too much about being sick once, its the worry that I don't know how many times I will be sick or how long the sickness will last that freaks me out hte most! I also worry aboutwho will hear me and what they will think of me when they do.


Okay this post is very long so i'm going to go now, hope Ihavent depressed you all too much!

[pumpkin3800]

Thanks Sage for your feedback. That was interesting to read- a "perfect storm" of contributing factors. Yes, I agree as I sit here logging who had what kind of background. According to the people that answered here, 17 if I'm counted correctly, of those 17:


29% suffered from some kind of sexual abuse or molestation.


35% of you had a pretty normal childhood w/ nothing negative to say.


35% of you were NOT sexually abused BUT DID suffer from some kind of trauma being verbally or emotionally abused, controlled by parents, bullied, humiliated in school etc.or genetics


Kimmy, I'm so sorry you had to go through that with a teacher. What a jerk! I guess he felt he had so much physical beauty himself that hehad the right toput down others or lacked his own confidence so therefore, had to put others down to make himself feel better. Either way, it is WRONG! Sorry about it. I too relate to you on the little girl. That was the first thing I answered my therapist when she asked me, "what do you feel about what happened to you?" The first thing I said was, "I feel so sorry for that poor, cute and innocent little girl who didn't deserve this." Then of course, she couldn't understand why I didn't feel angry towards this relative. she wanted to know why I was protecting this sick person as she called him. She was trying to force me to feel anger when I was calm about talking about it. I didn't feel comfortable with her approach and never went back. I do wonder though, why do I feel sorry for myself? Why do you feel sorry? Maybe you'll have my answer as well.


I now have a better understanding of my question, "Why do I have emet?" I didn't know how to invest my money. I want to see a therapist and had to choose to either deal with sexual abuse past or emet. I can get free therapy through our city program on the sexual abuse and pay for extra, private and designed treatment for my emet. I had to see what to pay for with the therapist. At some point, I will find out how and where it really stemmed from.


Thank you all for being supportive and open about this difficult topic. We can still continue to share about this if anyone here feels better knowing you are not alone in this. I have no problem talking about my past with anyone here. You can post here or privately.