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  1. #1

    Unhappy Debating ending a relationship over this phobia.. :(

    Hello. I'm Lauren, 19, and I just recently started dating someone about a little less than 2 months ago. We've been friends for about a year though now, and he's always known about my anxiety, but he never really understood the whole phobia part. Lately my panic/anxiety attacks have been happening very frequently. One of my biggest things with this phobia is that I tend to feel nauseous or have an upset stomach a lot because that's just how this phobia works, and then of course that sends me into a downward spiral of panic again, and it's a never ending cycle, it seems. My boyfriend is so helpful and caring with this phobia, and I know he wants to help and be there for me as much as possible, but I almost feel as though this is going to get very old for him very quick. He likes to eat out a lot, and although I do go out with him a lot, I barely ever eat. I am complaining of a stomach ache like half the time we are together, and I feel like I'm almost too much of a burden. I don't drink because of this, so I never go to parties with him in case someone gets sick at the party, and I just avoid a lot of places/situations because of this and I feel like it's going to end up holding him back. I don't think that it's fair. I know he really cares for me and would like to make this work, and is serious about our relationship, but I don't feel like he deserves to be put through this constant crap that I'm dealing with. Eventually it's going to get old, and by that time I will probably like him even more and I'm afraid it will be even harder to let go of the relationship. Should I end things with him because of this? Or should I just let him know how I'm feeling and that I don't want to become a burden? I know his response is going to be something like: "You would never be a burden to me, I would do anything for you", but still, I feel horrible constantly putting him through this. It's so hard being in a relationship with this phobia. But I do care for him. I don't know what to do.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    United Kingdom
    Posts
    5,885

    Default Re: Debating ending a relationship over this phobia.. :(

    I do not think you should end it! He sounds lovely. I think instead perhaps it's a good time to seek therapy of some description to make your phobia easier to deal with. I know it's daunting, but I really think it can help. I'm emetophobic (obviously!) but I do feel able to cope with parties and such so it is certainly possible to live a full life with it. Of course in time you could be cured completely. That can take a little while, but improvements in severity of the phobia and its impact on your life - I believe they can happen fairly quickly. It would be a real shame for the phobia to rob you of a loving relationship. I think you should speak to your doctor and also your boyfriend and think about the progress you would like to make. xxx

  3. #3

    Smile Re: Debating ending a relationship over this phobia.. :(

    Quote Originally Posted by cinque View Post
    I do not think you should end it! He sounds lovely. I think instead perhaps it's a good time to seek therapy of some description to make your phobia easier to deal with. I know it's daunting, but I really think it can help. I'm emetophobic (obviously!) but I do feel able to cope with parties and such so it is certainly possible to live a full life with it. Of course in time you could be cured completely. That can take a little while, but improvements in severity of the phobia and its impact on your life - I believe they can happen fairly quickly. It would be a real shame for the phobia to rob you of a loving relationship. I think you should speak to your doctor and also your boyfriend and think about the progress you would like to make. xxx
    Thank you so much for your advice. I guess you do have a good point. I shouldn't just deprive myself of a good relationship just because of this phobia. I have been wanting to do some kind of therapy but it's just too costly for me right now. I want to get better. :/ but I am definitely going to have a talk with my boyfriend and my next doctor's appt is set for March 15th and maybe there I can discuss some options for getting better or at least, like you said, helping me to lead a more normal life. Thanks for all your help, it's good to know other's opinions on the matter God Bless!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    United Kingdom
    Posts
    5,885

    Default Re: Debating ending a relationship over this phobia.. :(

    That's all right! I think it would be so sad if you ended a budding relationship over this phobia; there's no need to do so and I think it's great that you're going to talk it over with him and also your doctor. He could be a good support in overcoming your anxieties and trying new things etc! xxx

  5. #5

    Default Re: Debating ending a relationship over this phobia.. :(

    I would just like to update anyone who commented on this thread! It's been about 6 months now and we are still together. He knows all about my phobia, and although I know it can be a struggle at times, he does his absolute best to keep me calm and has actually stayed up with me on the phone for hours during one of my panic attacks when I had influenza. He is very sweet and a good listener. I'm very happy to have someone so understanding. Thanks for all of the advice and helping me see another point of view

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    California, USA
    Posts
    742

    Default Re: Debating ending a relationship over this phobia.. :(

    Nobody can really tell you what you should do about your relationship. It's up to you, if he's fine with it and supports you, he's a keeper. My phobia among other things has taken a toll on my relationship. But my husband always complained about what I won't do. He's very adventurous and because of this fear I am very cautious. Well the two don't mix. My husband is only supportive when he feels like it. But it also prevents us from doing stuff together. He likes me to ride with him on his motorcycle which is fun, but sometimes my brain tells me this can make you sick and then what, my head is stuck in a helmet do I start to panic over that. And I don't drink, and I don't like to be around drunks, I can't handle long car rides, etc. well so it does affect the relationship. I have become a boring burden to him. But if your man is ok with it, and you're ok with him going to do things without you, then I say stay with him. As long as you guys meet eachothers needs and are happy don't ruin it with your thoughts. Your young, be happy!

 

 

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