Daughter scared of spiders.

[shiva]

My daughter just recently started freaking out really bad about spiders. I suggested to her that we look at pictures on the internet and she completely went nuts. No way was she doing that.

She's 9. Should I just give her space? Or try to intercept this phobia from becoming really bad like ours? Any advice?

[Girlygirl1980s]

My mother is afraid of spiders, and she didn't want me to be like her. When we used to see a spider, she'd say, "Oh, there's Speedy Spider," like a pet or something. Well, it didn't work! I am terrified of spiders, although not nearly as bad as emetophobia. I think in general girls are just afraid of spiders.

[samara's on tv]

I don't fear spiders, I used to when I was little, like 8 or 9, but I got over it. I guess I realized that a spider is like a million times smaller then me and it's probably more afraid of me then I am of it. Now my sister and my mother are terrified of spiders and centipedes. I hate centepedes too but I will kill them. The only thing I hate are Silverfish. Anyway did you try to explain to her that the spider cannot hurt her. I mean I know you live in Ohio and the chances of a spider actually being poisonous are like 1 in a billion cause they can't survive the climate. Did you ask her WHY she's afraid? Can she give you any answers? Maybe once she has questions be prepared with answers, that might help.


~Monica

[shiva]

Yeah.. I don't know what her deal is. It's just recently developed. It's not like she is simply uncomfortable about the idea of being near a spider. She checks for them and will not return to a room that she saw one in a week ago unless she saw me kill it. It got really bad, really quick. She doesn't like to talk about it, she just told me that she hates them and that she doesn't want to discuss it anymore.

[suze]

This kind of phobia can become serious. Can you try and talk to her, not about spiders, but about phobias in general. I have a son the same age and he will listen if I say how things can get worse if you don't try and deal with them etc etc. Find some stories on the web of weird phobias, balloons, baked beans, feathers etc. She might find these funny and interesting, but pick up on the serious, debilitating side too. Once she grasps the whole phobia thing, take things slowly. Maybe get her to draw a cartoon spider, then build up to pictures of little ones etc.


I have to admit, I hate spiders but only the big black ones that run fast. Smaller ones I'm ok with. They do send me a bit into panic mode when i see one but other than that I rarely give them a thought. If you're daughter is avoiding rooms etc., it's more serious.


It's a tough call...you could ignore it, but we know phobias don't always go away so I'm not suprised your on high alert with this one. Good luck though!Edited by: suze

[chicajojobe]

I have arachnaphobia too.

I know that since you're an emet you probably have the urge to nip this in the bud as it were, but remember that lot of us have stories about the way that our parents tried to "get us over" our emet when were kids that only ended up making it worse.

I think what someone said about talking to her about phobias in general is a good idea. Since you have one you can relate to her. You know it's difficult. And really you can even understand the fact that she probably doesn't have any rational reason why she doesn't like spiders. Just like we don't have any rational reason why we don't like v*ing.

Some good news. My arachnaphobia got much better as I got older because really there are so many spiders in this world that you're going to have to deal with them eventually.

Overall, I'd just say don't go overboard with trying cure her right away. Obviously if she gets REALLY bad like, for example to the point where she'll refuse to go outside for fear she'll encounter a spider, then she may need some professional help. However, if it's just mild then making a big deal out of it might even make things worse because it could reinforce the idea in her mind that spiders are a big deal.

[klikittyklak]

Maybe talk up their good qualities? Like how they eat mosquitos or something? Haha, I don't know. She's young enough that you might want to try being a little firm about exposure...get it before it becomes too bad and she becomes like us when she's older!

[sage]

I suspect that your anxiety has become sort of "contageous" in your family, and your daughter has now "caught" some. I put these things in quotes because I'm being sort of metaphorical. But the thing is that mom's anxiety can be sensed by children, and it ups their anxiety level. It can actually be sensed by others, too, but children are particularly suseptible to it. The best thing you can do for your child is to seek help for yourself, or if you already have it, to work diligently at your own therapy. If you're on medication for anxiety, you may even need to up the dosage so you're more calm. A recent study done by the American Medical Association showed clearly that when children presented with symptoms of anxiety or even psychosis and their mothers were treated with SSRIs, the childrens' disorders virtually disappeared. It was something that those of us who've studied family systems theory have known for ages, but it was great that this independent study actually proved it.


The more you "fuss" over her spider phobia, I believe, the worse it will get. Try to ignore it, remain calm, and make light of it. Don't worry when she gets upset and panicky. And yes, try to "force" the exposure as much as you can, but in natural ways. Don't go checking rooms for her, etc. Force her to enter rooms where spiders might be. (Pretty soon you'll run out of rooms in your house anyway!) But I wouldn't go looking for pictures on the internet unless she comes to you and says she wants to treat it. If you let her "bathe" in her own anxiety WITHOUT becoming anxious yourself, then she will probably come to you and ask for help. Every time she does, calmly suggest treatment for the phobia, NOT ways to avoid the stimulus.


What I'm suggesting is really really hard, but I know you're a sincere person who really wants to help your daughter. Rest assured that if she ends up with a spider phobia and not emetophobia you can thank God...spider phobias are the simplest ones to cure. Almost all phobia research is done on spider phobia as it's very common and gradually exposing to the stimulus is just a cynch!


Take care

[hippychick]

I don't have much advice except as others have said, don't make a big deal out of it. My cousin has a phobia of dogs and she is 6. The most annoying thing about it is I think she would be fine if her parents just wouldn't make such a huge deal over it like "OMG There is a dog Cara is scared of dogs omg"

When I was out with her and we saw a dog I was calm and I kept hold of her hand and walked her right by. I didn't avoid it or make an issue or even acknowledge it was there and as a result she was completely calm about the dog. After we were past it we had a chat about the dog, I said I thought it was cute etc. She can be fine about dogs, it's the people around her who are so anxious all the time that make her nervous if you get me?

[chicajojobe]

As someone who has both arachnaphobia and emetophobia, I agree with what sage</span> said about arachnaphobia being easy in comparison.

I didn't want to say that because I thought it might be taken the wrong way, but emet causes me much more trouble than my arachnaphobia ever did.
Edited by: chicajojobe

[sage]

yes, thanks for that contribution. I should clarify what I said, too. When I said it was a "cynch" I meant that structuring gradual exposure to spiders is really easy. I'm sure the phobics don't see it as easy.


But as chica-said, it's way easier to overcome than emetophobia.

[stef]

someone said that it was getting realy serious if shes avoiding rooms if she saw a spider in there... but, dont u think thats fair enough? i mean if there was v* in a room we wud definately avoid that place too! can u see where im coming from? maybe find some similarities wit ur emet and her arachnophobia and let her know u feel exactly the same way about v*... for example if she cant figure out WHY shes scared of spiders then thats a big similarity for us emets as we hav no idea wot it is that makes us fear this bodily function so aggressively... maybe then having someone else that understands how shes feeling might at least make her feel a lil more normal and not alienate herself, and know that theres always someone she can go to... i think a big part of our emet is our daily struggle to figure out WHY? why are we like this? why are we so different? and we;r scared of telling other ppl cos we'r scared theyl judge us and think we'r freaks... and im sure it wud be the same wit other phobias?? does this make any sense?? lol


hope iv helped at least a lil!!

[shiva]

Thanks everyone.

It's strange. Because of my emet, I almost see myself as a 'broken' person. I don't want my daughter to become 'broken' because of me not doing the right thing by her. I don't want her to have a phobia. Period. I just want to stop it in any way possible. I know that many kids have fears, but I do see this as sort of morphing into something worse. I was considering the idea that she had been in a way 'channeling' whatever other anxieties that she might have into the idea of these spiders, but she is so private that I don't really know what her anxieties in life are.

I have been much less anxious lately actually. I was almost wondering if because I wasn't showing any symptoms of anxiety lately, she decided it was finally okay for her to. I don't know if that is worded right, or if it will be fully understood. But my daughter and I have been through a lot together and it's true that perhaps she's had to hold it together long enough for me to get myself together. Maybe it's just her turn to lose it for a while. I don't really know.

We have tried to get her therapy. First, when my ex and I divorced and then when my grandpa died. They always say she's 'handling things fine' and doesn't need therapy. To me it's almost as if she handles things too fine. She's one of these kids who don't show emotion about big things, but loses it over stuff like not being able to find a book. Like, all of her negative emotions come out over a petty book. Actually, looking at myself.. I think I do the same kind of thing.

Ugh.. I want her to know that it's okay to be upset and have bad feelings, that it's okay to express them and let me know what's going on inside of her. I try to let her understand that it's my job to help her and listen to her, not her job to hold it together for me. But, I wonder if it's one of those things that she knows but doesn't truly realize?

I just don't want to mess her up. I look at myself and my life and how my parents were with me. And although I know that no parent wakes up trying to f*** their kid up, it happens. And it happens a lot. I don't want any part of that. I have no interest in being a parent if I can't do it the way that I feel is right. Maybe I have been a little off path thus far with some things. I guess I have just been trying to work things out for myself so that I can be a strong and happy mom. I wish that healing didn't take so much damn time, I just want to be a good example for her.

Wow.. Sorry about that. I didn't even realize that I had some of those thoughts inside of me. Thanks for listening. And again.. Thanks for the advice.

[daffodil]

Shiva, your daughter is lucky to have such a thoughtful, devoted mom.[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]
I have a similar problem with my 3 1/2 year old daughter. Over the past 1-2 months, she has developed a fear of spiders and their webs. She is truly scared. I try to be calm and nonchalant about it, and just tell her they will not hurt her, but this is very worrying for me, because I am almost certain that like Sage said, her fear is a manifestation of my anxiety.
We had a little victory this morning. Her granny's vegetable garden is right in front of where we park, and lately my daughter has been freaked out about walking around it, because of all the spider webs in the plants. Well, the way it is layed out, we have to walk around the garden to get to our house, and she did her usual thing of trying to go one way, then freaking about the spiders, then trying to walk the other way, and the same thing happening. Well, this morning I tried coaxing her like I normally do, and she wouldn't come, so I decided to take her sister into the house, and come back for her. She ended up following me. I don't know if it is the right way, as I don't want to be too harsh, but I really don't want her to end up like me someday. Edited by: daffodil

[neesy]

I also am afraid of spiders - well big black ones anyway (but thefeeling I get when I see a big black spider is nothing like the way I feel when someone is sick- I justscream and run away, but no palpitations or sweaty hands or any sotrt of panic attack)but my son who knows I am scared of spiders isnt he picks them up and puts them out for me!


So thankfully he did not pick that phobia up from me and I am hoping and hoping that he doesnt pick up emet. Although he knows I am scared of other people being sick etche doesnt seem phased at all about it - fingers crossed!


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