How to be a good wife. (Funny)

[jennyleigh1975]

I thought this was so funny. This is an excerpt from a 1950's Home Econimics book, intended to teach girls how to prepare for married life.



1. Have dinner ready: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal — on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.

2. Prepare yourself: Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.

3. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift, too.

4. Prepare the children: Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces if they are small, comb their hair, and if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.

5. Minimize the noise: At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of washer, dryer, dishwasher or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and be glad to see him.

6. Some Don'ts: Don't greet him with problems or complaints. Don't complain if he's late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with what he might have gone through that day.

7. Make him comfortable: Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and unwind.

8. Listen to him: You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first.

9. Make the evening his: Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment; instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home and relax.

10. The goal: Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can relax.

[Carolee]

Wow, I think the women of this world, have alot of thanks to give to the Feminists who marched for our rights! The ones who made th echanges, while getting looks from other 'housewives' and men...It wa svery brave,a nd I am thankful for them that I don't have to live in a world where this is how women are thought of!

[jennyleigh1975]

This is even funnier, I should have posted this one first.



The following is a reprint from The Madison Institute Newsletter, Fall Issue, 1894:


------------------------------------------------------------ --------------------


INSTRUCTION AND ADVICE
FOR THE
YOUNG BRIDE
on the
Conduct and Procedure of the
Intimate and Personal Relationships
of the Marriage State
for the
Greater Spiritual Sanctity of this
Blessed Sacrament and the Glory of God
by
Ruth Smythers
beloved wife of
The Reverend L.D. Smythers
Pastor of the Arcadian Methodist
Church of the Eastern Regional Conference
Published in the year
of our Lord 1894
Spiritual Guidance Press
New York City



INSTRUCTION AND ADVICE FOR THE YOUNG BRIDE


To the sensitive young woman who has had the benefits of proper upbringing, the wedding day is, ironically, both the happiest and most terrifying day of her life. On the positive side, there is the wedding itself, in which the bride is the central attraction in a beautiful and inspiring ceremony, symbolizing her triumph in securing a male to provide for all her needs for the rest of her life. On the negative side, there is the wedding night, during which the bride must pay the piper, so to speak, by facing for the first time the terrible experience of sex.

At this point, dear reader, let me concede one shocking truth. Some young women actually anticipate the wedding night ordeal with curiosity and pleasure! Beware such an attitude! A selfish and sensual husband can easily take advantage of such a bride. One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: GIVE LITTLE, GIVE SELDOM, AND ABOVE ALL, GIVE GRUDGINGLY. Otherwise what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust.

On the other hand, the bride's terror need not be extreme. While sex is at best revolting and at worse rather painful, it has to be endured, and has been by women since the beginning of time, and is compensated for by the monogamous home and by the children produced through it.

It is useless, in most cases, for the bride to prevail upon the groom to forego the sexual initiation. While the ideal husband would be one who would approach his bride only at her request and only for the purpose of begetting offspring, such nobility and unselfishness cannot be expected from the average man.

Most men, if not denied, would demand sex almost every day. The wise bride will permit a maximum of two brief sexual experiences weekly during the first months of marriage. As time goes by she should make every effort to reduce this frequency.

Feigned illness, sleepiness, and headaches are among the wife's best friends in this matter. Arguments, nagging, scolding, and bickering also prove very effective, if used in the late evening about an hour before the husband would normally commence his seduction.

Clever wives are ever on the alert for new and better methods of denying and discouraging the amorous overtures of the husband. A good wife should expect to have reduced sexual contacts to once a week by the end of the first year of marriage and to once a month by the end of the fifth year of marriage.

By their tenth anniversary many wives have managed to complete their child bearing and have achieved the ultimate goal of terminating all sexual contacts with the husband. By this time she can depend upon his love for the children and social pressures to hold the husband in the home.

Just as she should be ever alert to keep the quantity of sex as low as possible, the wise bride will pay equal attention to limiting the kind and degree of sexual contacts. Most men are by nature rather perverted, and if given half a chance, would engage in quite a variety of the most revolting practices. These practices include among others perform

[pianolover]

A friend of mine has, in all seriousness, the first article (how to be a good wife) posted on her fridge. I see a lot of good things in it! What seems weird to you guys? I'd be curious to know!


I had read the second one before - now THAT's funny!!

[crimgoddess]

What's wrong with the first article? Well, this is how I see it.


Perhaps the fact that apparently the wife's job is to be in servitude of her husband without any other identity. Everything, according to that article, revolves around him- his needs, his comforts, etc. Apparently the woman doesn't need to be pampered, doesn't work outside the home, or doesn't have the right to ask that they do things together as a couple.


I don't believe in a division of labour according to the sexes. I work, I have a life, and I can't be expected to cook and clean for the sole purpose of making my home a "sanctuary" for my partner. We both need to do our own share for things to work.


My response to the first article is:


1) When we both put in a full day of work we are tired. Dinner will be served when it is ready, and we will take turns cooking it.


2) I was on my feet all day, in business wear, and all I want to do when I get home is wash my makeup off and put on a pair of sweats. If my man doesn't like the way I look when I am not "made up", then perhaps he is more shallow than I thought.


3) I am responsible for my own mess, he is responsible for his. I am not a maid, and am not expected to clean up after another adult who is fully capable of doing so himself. When we have children, we will both be responsible for cleaning up after them until they have reached the age when they are able to do so themselves.


4) Children should be presentable, but not for the sole purpose of showing the man how great his offspring are.


5) I work too. The laundry and dishes will be done when I have time to do so, even if it is when he gets home from work. He should be happy and thank me for doing the dishes or laundry anyway, and if the first thing he mentions is noise and not a word of thanks, he is ungreatful.


6) If he tells me he is going to be home by a certain time and is late, I have a right to ask for a reasonableexplanation. if the roles were reversed, I would expect the same.


7) Take of his shoes? Are you F*ing kidding me? This doesn't even deserve a response.


8) His wants/needs and what happened during his day is NOT more important than mine. If I have something to tell him or ask him, I am not going to wait until after he has gone over the ever-so-more important details of his life. Listening goes both ways- no person is more important than the other.


9) Make the evening his? How about make the evening OURS. It shouldn't be dictated solely by his wants and needs.


10) The home should be a place of peace and comfort where we BOTH can relax...and it needs to be kept this way by both parties.


*amber*

[Galadriel]

Wow lol, the first one, yeah I gotta agree with Amber, while I like to make my husband comfortable and such its not just a one way street. Actually, I'm the one who goes out of the house for work, so the roles are reversed in a way. It reminds me of Leave It to Beaver...gag! Lol.

The second article, geez, is that for real? Thats like asking for one or the other to cheat on their spouse. The poor man would be driven off within a month of this horrible treatment. Yikes!

[pianolover]

Wow Amber, thanks for your detailed response.I see marriage so differently than you do! I wish my life could look a lot like this article - I guess I've always wanted to be a housewife. Right now my husband works full time and I'm going into my last year of a music degree next week. I have been enjoying August so much because I have had no classes or outside obligations, besides practicing piano, which I can do at home. I really love running a home - I kind of wish I didn't have to go back to school, but I know it's important for me to finish this degree at least. I love having dinner ready; I must admit I often get myself ready for him too!; keeping the house tidy is a joy to me; we don't have children, so that part doesn't apply yet!; I might ask him why he's late if he is, but I won't complain - the article never says not to ask!; I love making him comfy and would wash his feet if he'd let me. I guess I was meant to live in the fifties, lol. I wonder if your perspective will change when you get married?? But I know it would be different and maybe I'd feel different if I worked full time as well, like you. Anyway, that's how I see it, sorry it got so long!


pianolover / husbandlover

[crimgoddess]

I really doubt anything will change once Chris and I are married- except that maybe I will have one more piece of jewelery to put on in the morning, and will have a big fancy dress in storage that I paid a lot of money for and will never wear again. I'm not even down with changing my last name- I will probably hyphenate as a compromise.


We already live together, are committed to one another, and are learning how to co-exist without major conflict. Marriage to us isn't the start of anything new- it's just the final step in showing everyone what we already know, and celebrating it. I am also finishing a Master's degree, and will be starting a PhD next September. Chris has a fantastic job that he is good at, but when I am done my education I will likely be the major "earner" in the household, in a job that is very time-consuming and requires long hours. I don't see that as making my career more important than his, but also don'tthink that I am automatically expected to do more because I have a vagina and not a penis. And I am happy to say that Chris doesn't expect me to either- in fact, he is really pushing me to keep at it with school, and is prepared to move anywhere my career may take me (he is a nurse, so can find employment anywhere).


I think a lot has to do with how I was raised. My parents both worked, and as such were both expected to hold up their end of the cooking and housework. My dad actually does more than my mom- he is usually the one responsible for the laundry and dishes, and straightens up the house on his days off. He also does his fair share of the cooking, which was a relief to us all, considering mom's lack of skills in that department.


Chris is also from a single father household. His parents got divorced when he was young, and his mother moved a few hours away. His father basically raised the three boys on his own, and there was never any talk of "women are supposed to do this, and men are supposed to do that". If he didn't want to cook and do laundry, then he wouldn't eat and would have to go to school in dirty clothes, simple as that.


I love my boyfriend (and future husband)- but I don't think loving him requires me giving up a lot of what makes me "me" to tend to his needs. Not working or doing something productive outside of the home would make me feel like less of a person, and like I am not being true to myself or living up to my full potential. I can respect anyone who chooses to work in the home, but know that it would make me dreadfully unhappy. I never really had that ambition, and was never raised with that as an ideal.


lol...and you thought yours was long!


*amber*Edited by: crimgoddess

[pianolover]

I was raised in much the same way as you, Amber - for as long as I can remember, my Dad has cooked dinner most evenings and done lots of work around the house and yard, and both my parents worked outside the home.


My husband encourages me in my music career, more than I encourage myself, in fact, and is willing to move where it may take me. But having my own career doesn't exempt me from doing as much as I can to care for my husband.


It seems sad to me that marriage has become just a formality, just a ring and a dress in storage and maybe not even a name change. What happened to two becoming one at marriage, and the committment that it signifies, over and above a dating relationship? I guess I believe that marriage is a partnership, yes, but the two partners have different roles. I think ideally the man can protect and provide, and the woman can care for and encourage. And I wasn't raised with anything like that view - I have come to it after much searching for truth.


As for having a vagina rather than a penis, I don't think the point is anatomy. I think the point is roles, and how the roles of men and women are and should be different in society, no matter how much feminists may assert to the contrary!


I definitely don't think it's bad for a woman to have a career. I think it's important, unless for some reason she's really wealthy and just wants to sit around her whole life, or alternatively,can afford to stay home with children, do volunteer work, etc. I respect that you want to have a career, but I'm not sure it's good that you'd feel "less of a person" somehow if you didn't have one. You are more than your career!


Sorry it's long again . . . I seem to have a lot to say on this idea!!

[crimgoddess]

Okay- here is my response....another long one, but what else would you expect from someone like me? lol


<<It seems sad to me that marriage has become just a formality, just a ring and a dress in storage and maybe not even a name change. What happened to two becoming one at marriage, and the committment that it signifies, over and above a dating relationship?>>


This isn't sad to me at all- in fact it seems comforting to know that I know all the intimate details of my future husband, and have worked out all the kinks in living together before we get married. I truly know him, and that makes me "know" that this is someone I would like to spend the rest of my life with. It isn't a guessing game. It's not an all of a sudden- OMG, we're MARRIED and needing to adapt to that. We already know that we are committed and love each other, all a wedding will do is dot the i's and celebrate this fact.


I also don't feel as though I should have to change my last name- I see this as a bit of an outdated ideal based on ownership- why shouldn't he take my last name? I kinda like my last name and what it represents- the family that I came from and their pride. I am hyphenating because to me this is saying that I am not giving up the person I spent 25 years as, but I am also making a commitment to another person.


As for two becoming one- I see marriage as a partnership and a commitment that bring two people together- but identities outside of that are also important. We aren't always going to agree, or present a united front on every issue- and that is okay. To me, marriage is becoming a "unit"- but also being able to have separate identities outside of that. My boyfriend and I work in two completely different fields, volunteer in extremely different organizations, and have separate passtimes that the other doesn't necessarily enjoy. To me this makes our relationship better, because we are able to have our own time away from each other, and don't feel forced to give up the things we enjoy because the other doesn't.


<<guess I believe that marriage is a partnership, yes, but the two partners have different roles. I think ideally the man can protect and provide, and the woman can care for and encourage>>


To me, this is an outdated sex role stereotype that says that if you don't fit into these pre-defined roles, you are somehow inferior. Why should a man have to "protect" me? I can protect myself, and resent the idea that I need protection. As for providing- thisidea that a man must provide for a woman lead to a lot of women in the past facing a lot of difficulties if they wanted to leave their husband because they were being treated badly. many woman in the 60s and 70s stayed with abusive partners because they had no other way to provide for themselves or their children. I think it's important that women know how to provide for themselves, because who knows what may happen in the future. Not necessarily in terms of divorce, but what if your partner died?


I also vehemently dislike the idea that women must be 'caring nurturers' while men must be 'macho' and it's acceptable for them not to show their feelings. This dichotomy is what makes little boys who cry easily, don't like sports, and prefer stereotypically 'female' activities get teased for being 'gay' or a 'sissy'.


I am also one of those women who isn't particularly emotional, or necessarily a 'caring nurturer'. I'm more of the logical solutions-oriented type, and am not one to coddle, or wash things over with 'it's going to be alright'. That is not who I am, and my partner knows and accepts this (in fact, it may be part of why our relationship works). I resent the idea that I "should" be like this because society dictates I should- or that it makes me less of a woman if I am not.


<<<As for having a vagina rather than a penis, I don't think the point is anatomy. I think the point is roles, and how the roles of men and women are and should be different in society, no matter

[pianolover]

Haha, Amber, I can see we're never going to agree on this one! I will just answer the questions you asked:


<<<Are you saying that women shouldn't be doctors, firefighters, police officers, construction workers, etc?>>


No, I think a woman should be whatever she wants to and is able to be, career-wise. (OT, but I'm sure glad there are female doctors!!) I think I should have specified more what I meant by "roles in society," or found a better term for it. Maybe roles in the family structure?? Anyway, I wasn't referring to somehow limiting career options. Granted, there are some jobs that men, because of larger physical build/strength, would have an easier time with than women, like construction worker, firefighter, police officer,or other work that requires lots of strength or physical labour. There are probably also jobs that women would generally have less trouble with than men (I can't think of any, but they must exist).


<<<I'm not sure it's good that you'd feel "less of a person" somehow if you didn't have one. You are more than your career!>>


<<<Would you be saying the same thing if I were a man, seeing as you previously stated that it's important for men to provide for their partner?>>


No, I would not be saying the same thing if you were a man. Of course men are more than their careers too, as much as women are - we are all people. But if a man is to provide for a family, which I believe is by default the man's job rather than the woman's, he has either to work or to have inherited a fortune. And more than finding self-worth and satisfactionin doing a certain job, which we can and should do in places other than our careers, it is principally to earn a living that we work, and principally (ideally) men who need to "earn the living" for their families.

[crimgoddess]

LOL- you're right, we NEVER will agree on this one!


I don't see a career as just work- something you do to provide for your kids and yourself. If it was just that, I wouldn't still be in school! I see it more as a way of life, but I have also chosen something that can be very consuming.


Ah well, it takes all different types in the world! Keeps things interesting!


*amber*

[pianolover]

Amber, just out of curiosity, what IS your career? I know you spend time with prisoners - is that it? I thought that might be volunteer, but perhaps I'm wrong!

[HDogg]

Allllllrighty then. The first article is very Leave it to Beaverish, but if you think about it, it does have some merit. Who wants to come home to a bitching, nagging wife (or husband)? If the roles were reversed, I sure wouldn't. Nobody really wants to come home to snot-nosed, screaming brats, either. Especially if you've had a really bad day at work.


Some women enjoy being housewives and stay-at-home moms. There's nothing wrong with that. It's their preference. Just like the working mother. Both are equally valuable.


So, if you're going to be a housewife, then at least take the time to make sure the house doesn't look like a tornado hit it, and have the kids running around screaming----if you can help it, that is. This is the real world, after all. [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img] So, if you don't take the article TOO literally, you can actually get something out of it.








For the second one, I sure hope that's a joke. Anyone look on snopes.com? What I find truly sad is, the fact this was written by a Christian woman--the wife of a pastor. Everything she said in the article is 100% contridictory to what the Bible says. In the Bible, it is wrong to deny EACH OTHER sex for any reason, except for mutual consent. That is totally opposite of what that lady wrote. The whole book of Song of Songs is about the love of a man and his wife, including sex. Sex is a wonderful expression of love, and to have that written by a so-called Christian woman just gives us even more of a bad rap. Ugh. I hate that! [img]smileys/smilies_11.gif[/img] Oh, and if God designed women to not enjoy sex, would we have a clitoris? That particular part of the female anatomy serves no purpose otherwise. Duhhhhh...Edited by: HDogg

[tayda]

I'm a Domestic Violence advocate; and in one of my DV classes in college; we actually had to write a paper on this very same article. Man, I'm glad times have changed.

[crimgoddess]

Right now I volunteer with prisoners, and with sex offenders who have been released back into the community. I am currently in school to be able to segue that into a career. Right now I have a trivial job to pay the bills while I am in school, but I plan on finishing a PhD and teaching at the University, while doing ethnographic research on imprisoned peoples..


That way, I could be an advocat for people who essentially have little political power or voice, and to teach others about the principles of abolition and tolerance. I have had many fabulous professors who have changed my way of thinking, and I hope to be able to do the same for others.


*amber*

[silver]

Oh good golly gee wiz....hahaha, just kidding.


That is hilarious! I guess that I am a s***ty wife and newly wed!!!!!!!!!!

[jennyleigh1975]

Heather, my husband found that on snopes.com, lol!!!! I thought it was hilarious, esp. the sex one!!!! I got a chuckle all day about paragraphs 9 and 10. The one on how to be a good housewife, hmmm, well, I do think that some of that is right on the money, but I also believe that marriage is a partnership, and that things and people have evolved since the '50's.