Unpretty

[punchbuggy]

I hate that this happens , and I know it happens to most girls but I always hate the way I look. I dislike everything about myself and I hate having pictures developed of myself because I look soo disgusting in them. I dont know what to do I would give anything to feel pretty and just be satisfied with the way I look on the outside but I cant . When ever I bring this up to my fiance ( which I dont think I should) he gets mad and tells me that to him Im the most beautiful woman he has ever seen in the world. now I know thats what every guy is going to say to his woman. I think I feel this way because I have been hurt in the past where I felt that the person would never go behind my back and cheat on me with another woman and he did, this not only hurt me but also made me feel like I wasnt good enouph. I dont know how to stop feeling like this because it really upsets me and I just want to stop caring already but I cant. I have this problem where I always compare myself to other people and I always think that they look so much more attractive.


I really do not want any sympathy , I just wanted to see what you all had to say about this.Thanks for replying

[kristin1980]

Hey i go through this crap all the time.. i do photo shoots and have modeled for swim suits and i am constently comparing myself to others and i always see what others have that are better than what i have.. no matter what it is.. hair, butt, long legs, skinny all over , nice boobs while i lack in boobs and i have huge thighs thin hair and circles under my eyes.. i hate the way i look and then everyone tells me i look tired and i am sorry but to me that is a polite way of saying i look like hell..


I do group photo shoots sometimes with other girls and the photographers are always like "yes.. yes.. great.. beeeautiful" and me they dont say crap and its so frustrating and i wonder.. why am i even doing this??? cuz im so damn ugly sometimes its so frustrating..


i have the lowest self esteem that i dont even ever stand up for myself when i should... i hope i can get through it..


your not alone


keep your head up girl! and try to keep smiling

[daffodil]

I feel ya. I am constantly comparing myself to other women, and dwelling on my flaws~ stretch marks, saggy boobs, bad skin, etc. But we all have flaws, and we all have things about us that are beautiful. In fact, I think people who are too perfect are kinda scary. And really, nobody is perfect, some are just better at pretending they are.
I have no idea what I was trying to say. So, yeah...

[glitta_fairy]

Sounds like you're really critical of yourself... I know how you feel though- when people hurt me sometimes i think it's all my fault, and i'm not good enough... But at the same time i know it's not true! If guys have cheated in the past, it's not because you're not pretty, it's because they have issues of their own. I have a friend that's not that pretty, but guys are still really attracted to her cos of her attitude and personality. And another friend is gorgeous, and guys are less attracted. But if that's you in your avatar- you're really pretty anyway! I've complained about everything i hate about myself to my boyfriend as well, and he's hated it. Now i just try and make the best of what i've got, and accept myself as i am- that's all we can do.


Kayla

[kimmyc24]

Yep hun I hear ya too - loud and clear! I have ALWAYS had very low self-esteem, for as long as I can remember. I used to be bullied -by2 of my (male) teachers and other kids when I was in junior school, and I know from seeing pics of myself at that age that I was pretty unattractive to say the least. I have fair skin and freckles so they used to call me (don't laugh!!) Freckle-Fairy Fart Face etc.


I started wearing make-up (mascara and foundation) to school at 13 and did so almost every day until the day i left school at 18. I have never felt comfortable making eye contact with people or initiating conversation in a group or attracting attention to myself if I have no make up on. I feel like everyone is staring at me and thinking how ugly I am and thinking, who does she think she is.. does she realise how rough she looks? If I were her I wouldn't be so confident, etc. So I never have been.


I have been modelling for the past year too, and have received a lot of compliments from photographers, and am slowly starting to see what others see. I still HATE my face when i have no make up on though. I have fair and few eyelashes and freckles on my cheeks. I also STILL get spots at 26!!!! Whats THAT all about????


So yeah, you definately aren't alone,and judging by your picture, you definately shouldn't be so hard on yourself - you look lovely!


As my CBT Therapist told me, no matter how many compliments you receive, if you have low self esteem you just hear them and brush them aside almost instantly. No amount of compliments will work if you don't believe it yourself. We also always seem to explain away compliments eg - 'she's just saying that to make me feel better'.. or 'Why she/he being so nice, what does she/he want from me' etc etc.


Grr. I'm not sure how to fix it. I guess by focussing on the things we do like about ourselves, and trying to downplay the bad things..

[tcsarah]

I know how you feel too. I hate having my photo taken and think my chin always looks so big on photos - I hate it. People have always told meI'm really pretty and like your fiance, my fiance tells me I'm the most attractive woman he's ever seen but I just feel like a total ugly dugly especially without make up. I have to wear glasses/contacts and if I ever have to wear my glasses to go out in I feel ever worse and my confidence in the way I look goes totally out of the window, even though people say glasses suit me.


If that's you in your avatar (I assume it is) you look really pretty! But when people tell us this we never believe them huh?[img]smileys/smilies_12.gif[/img] Keep your chin up hun!

[tcsarah]

[QUOTE=kimmyc24]


I still HATE my face when i have no make up on though. I have fair and few eyelashes and freckles on my cheeks. I also STILL get spots at 26!!!! Whats THAT all about????





I'm the same - hate the way I look without make up! I look so ill without it, so pale with dark circles under my eyes, and I'm 36 and still gets spots!!! I thought that was at least one thing I could look forward to getting older - apparently not![img]smileys/smilies_12.gif[/img]

[angel13]

Don't worry punchbuggy, you're not alone in feeling this way! We're constantly being subjected to this "perfect" image of the woman, from when we open a magazine or even just walking down the street and seeing an advertisement on a billboard. Some daysI wake up and feel blessed with my looks - others, I feel like I'm the unluckiest girl in the world - which sounds terribly selfish, I know...but when you're trying to live up to an ideal sort of image, you can start to get down on yourself over the smallest things.


But you know (and this always comforts me), the most beautiful women in the world *aren't* Barbie doll clones. They have individuality,AND flaws. But thats what makes them beautiful, IMO. Beautiful people have character.

[punchbuggy]

Thanks for all your relpies you ladies have some good points and a lot of encouraging words I really appreciate that for all of you who took the time to post [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img] It is true about the perfect "barbi" look though those kind come a dime a dozen so to say. You girls seem so strong to me , I wish I had that in me !


Oh ya and something kind of funny .... okay when you put your make up on even though you do it that same way everyday does it ever look horribly bad or exceptionaly good to you ? Its such a wierd thing , I do mine the same everyday and somedays it makes me look so good other days the exact same make up makes me look like i was hit by a truck. I think we only notice it on our selves though but its still kinda wierd.


Once again thanks for all of your great posts you ladies are truly wonderful. I wish we could all meet up for coffee of something that would be sooo awsome [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]( if we all didnt live in diff. countries)

[Babydoll]

let me ask you something. Do you think there is a girl out there on this planet that doesn't like something about herself?


even the stars, like nicole richie for example. Have you seen pictures of her lately? can you say eating disorder? she looked perfectly fine before, and now shes 86 lbs ( at 5 foot 4)... talk about a distorted body image.


we are our own worse critics.. think about all the " imperfections" that make stars stand out - Ive read articles that said cindy crawford wanted to get her mole removed when she was younger because she hated it - now thats what she's known for!


when I look in the mirror, sometimes, yes, Im not happy with the way I look - but then I look at my thin brown hair and see my moms hair.. and my funky little pinched up nose, and I see my grandmother's nose. I see my dark circles and I think of my grandmothers big brown eyes ( with dark circles, lol).


you see, its all in your perspective. Right now I have a thread up about loosing weight, but thats just as much as a health thing as it is a get in my old skinny pants thing [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]


when it comes down to it, any guy who doesn't appreciate a girls beauty, or would rather have fake boobs or fake hair, or fake anything... is not worth your time.


we all have good hair days, bad hair days, break out days, fat days... and then we have days were we just feel fabulous.. I hope you have more of those!!

[confusedgirl]

I have those days too, where I just hate the way I look. Though I pretty much whine to my family, who are so sick of hearing about it. I feel so bad thinking this, but a problem I have is comparing myself to other women, looking at parts of their bodies that I don't like, and then thinking, "I hope I don't get that" v_v it's so mean, but I can't help it..... and then I have just never been happy with my stomach area and thighs, I remember being in 4th grade and thinking about how my thighs compared with the other girls in my class, and wondering if I was fat. o and I never believe compliments either. Someone can say something as normal as "nice talking to you" and I assume they are lying - though why would someone lie about that? insecurities suck.

[tcsarah]

Oh ya and something kind of funny .... okay when you put your make up on even though you do it that same way everyday does it ever look horribly bad or exceptionaly good to you ? Its such a wierd thing , I do mine the same everyday and somedays it makes me look so good other days the exact same make up makes me look like i was hit by a truck. I think we only notice it on our selves though but its still kinda wierd.

I definitely do that - sometimes to the extent where I'll redo my eye make-up orkeep changing the colour of my lipstick! It's usually when I'm going out and know we are going into busy pubs that I feel my make-up looks bad or the clothes I'm wearing don't look good on me! I could use exactly the same make-up and wear the same thing and just go somewhere quiet, round to a friend's house or something and think I look ok. It's obvious I'm being extra critical before I go somewhere busy cos my self-confidence is lower in those situation. The good thing is I'll get out and after a few drinks I've relaxed a bit, so when I then look in a mirror in the loos in pubs or whatever I usually think I look ok afterall!

[sage]

I used to be similarly obsessed with looks - I have a big nose, one ear that sticks out and one crooked tooth in the front. Yada yada yada....I could tell you every hair and freckle out of place. But once I got cured of this phobia and my anxiety in general, that sort of went away! I guess it's all anxiety related - the fear of rejection in general. That's why we don't want to throw up, I think...in part, anyway. From tv shows we all know that makeup can make the nastiest girls look fabulous anyway. And "fabulous" girls without their makeup usually look quite shocking except for a few rare beauties. I used to be late for something rather than not do my makeup, but now I don't even wear makeup every day.


So...perhaps if you could work on your anxiety then this will get better too.

[*mandi*]

I go through the same thing all the time and it really brings me down. I see all these gorgeous women out there and I feel so ugly all the time. And of course my fiance' tells me im beautiful and everything...but I just cant see it. I HATE having any pictures of my self b.c. I sit there and complain about how gross and ugly I look. I even go to the extent of begging people NOT to take pictures of me so I dont have to look at myself. To me I look totally different in pictures than I do when I look in the mirror. So Who knows what I really look like? The pictures or the mirror? ya know?


I think one of the reasons i might be like this is b.c. people use to tease me when I was little saying im too skinny and things like that. I guess it really messed with my mind.


I am constantly comparing myself to other women also...and it really is sickening. /but I cant help it ..I wish I could just accept myself as I am and get over this! sO I totally know how you feel. But I think you are gorgeous

[*mandi*]

[QUOTE=punchbuggy]


Oh ya and something kind of funny .... okay when you put your make up on even though you do it that same way everyday does it ever look horribly bad or exceptionaly good to you ? Its such a wierd thing , I do mine the same everyday and somedays it makes me look so good other days the exact same make up makes me look like i was hit by a truck. I think we only notice it on our selves though but its still kinda wierd.


I get the same way! I do my makeup exactly the same everyday...I have been for years...and some days it looks so awesome...and some days im just like GOD! Ilook so horrible!

[punchbuggy]

Mandi thanks for complementing me. you yourself are probably a beautiful girl, it just really a shame that we ourselves can not see that. And the picture thing I do the same thing sista. ohhh us crazy women , what are we going to do with ourselves.


oh about how people made fun of you when you were young , this happened to me too ! people said i had a big nose , so now even to this day I dont like when people look at me from the side becasue I think they see a mountain or something. I always cover it witn my hair in class or look another direction so they can only see me from the from and not the side.


Again , thanks everyone for replying you guys are all so great !

[angel13]

Oh I hear ya on that one, punchbuggy! I actually broke my nose when I was younger, and ever since its never been straight. I feel like its the most noticeable and most awful feature of my whole appearance, but on those days where I'm feeling good, I realise that it really isn't =] its such a small flaw in the big scheme of things, when you start thinking about those poor children who are born with malformed feet and hands, or only one ear, or an incurable illness.


It really, really hurts when people single out something about your appearance, because you never forget what they say. Funny thing is though, if you've been complimented hundreds of times, but only insulted once, you're bound to remember that one insult until the day you die, and forget all the good things!


I'm with you girls on the makeup thing, lol!! Same with clothes...when you first buy a new skirt or something, ya feel like sex on legs! A week later, you've already made up an internal list of everything wrong with it! "My bum looks big, it makes my legs look short, it makes me fat around the waist..." etc. [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]Whereas it looks just as good as when you first bought it - you yourself just can't see that, sadly!

[HDogg]

Who wouldn't like to be gorgeous, 5'6' and a size 2? I know I would. But then, I wouldn't be me. I'd be worried all the time about guys looking at me like a piece of bacon, instead of a human being. So, I'm glad I'm flawed.


I was always the "ugly geek" when I was in school. I was overly self-conscious and would never dare leave the house without makeup. To be honest, now I really don't give a damn. My husband lets me know often how attractive I am to him, and after a few years of marriage, I finally believe him! Even when I gained 40 or so pounds after getting married, he still thinks I'm a hottie. That's good enough for me!


Now, instead of body image, I compare myself to "successful women." The ones with college degrees, living in a suburban home with a white picket fence and 2.5 kids. I have to admit, I envy that. But on the other hand, I enjoy the freedom of being a little bit rednecky---there's less pressure to perform when you're a redneck woman! Yeehaw! [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]

[rainy]

Hey, I live the lyric from Pink's "Don't Let Me Get Me"...

"Every day I fight a war against a mirror, can't take the person staring back at me, I'm my own worst enemy."



And why do other girls hate on you if you look different? I'm a
size 2 and have been my whole life. I don't diet or
anything. But some girls basically decide I'm stuck up or
something just because of my size. I hate that!