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  1. #1
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    Are there any women on here who have no desire forchildren?Maybe something is wrong with me. I am 30 and my clock is not ticking-think there is no battery. Since I was 15, I told my mother I didn't want kids.She remembered mealways stating this ( much to her dismay).I have been on birth control for a long time but I know I can't be on it forever. I sometimes wonder about tying my tubes but that is serious. I mean, what if I wake up one day at 36 and want a kid.-who knows where mymindset will be 6 years from nowIt's a serious decision but I don't picture myself being a mom. I also worry because though my boyfriend has a wonderful son, I know he would want another kid one day. (sigh) Plus my mother has only one grandchild and she is 3 and lives in CA now with my sister. I don't feel pressure but I hate how society pressures you have get married, have kids..it's so annoying. Luckily, my family isn't that bad.I am scared to hold babies( not an emet thing, just afraid I will hurt them and they always cry and I don't know what they want!), don't know what to do with kids or babies, nothing. I have seen some funny, adorablekids on the street that make me think maybe I should have one one day and then the thought quickly vanishes after I hear babies screaming at the mall.Anyway, I just hate how people are constantly asking me when I will have kids...sheesh. My co-worker/friend suddentlyis telling me that since she turned 32 this week, she is in a hurry to have kids before 35 because the older you get, the chances of having a kid with "problems" increases and she has pressure from her family. Sheesh...
    -Bridgette

  2. #2
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    I am pretty sure I don't want them either...Sometimes I think I might regret not having them, but I like my life the way it is, and I want to do certain things in my life, and kids don't really fit in...I am 28, and we are both still young, and maybe we will change our minds, but the more I think about it, the more I realize I am happy just the way things are...except I do want to be married.


    I want to have a farm. I want to get up really early in the morning and feed my animals, play with all my dogs and cats, cook dinner every night for me and my husband. I would be very happy just doing that!

  3. #3
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    Sounds like a nice life! I love that idea,too. I love the country.[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]
    -Bridgette

  4. #4
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    Well, I think that a woman should never be judged for choosing to not have kids. I also think that if a woman chooses to hae 8 kids, more power to her. I get really mad when I hear that family members pressure people into parenthood, when it is their own business and prerogative whether they do or not.


    It's your choice hun, and you have to do what feels right for you and the man in your life. Loved ones and true friends shoulld support your decision either way.
    ~*~Charlene~*~

  5. #5
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    I think you're being responsible by doing what you feels right for you. That's better for everyone in the long run. As for the tubes tied thing, I'd definitely be careful on that one. I NEVER wanted kids. I mean, I like kids, I coached swimming, taught lessons, volunteered in my mom's classroom and all that, but I didn't want my own. Never swayed was adamant about that. NO KIDS EVER.

    Then one day two summers ago, I was driving back to college from an uneventful trip home and daydreaming as usual. I saw all of these kids playing outside on beautiful summer day and it was like BAM! I want that. Outta nowhere, my daydream shifted from a nice quiet house on the edge of a lake with a nice guy to hold me as we watched the sun set and played with the dog in the yard to playing with the dog and the kids in the yard. From then on the biological clock is ticking like crazy and the emet is the only thing putting the brakes on it. It was really weird and totally unexpected. So just be careful on that one. But trust your heart on whether you do or don't, it really is better for everyone involved when you choose what's right for you.


  6. #6
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    I'll be 37 in a few months and I still don't want kids! I've never felt comfortable around babies and todddlers, although I do like kids as they get a bit older. My fiance's daughter is ten now and when she came to stay with us last I really enjoyed her company. She said I was like her best friend and sister rolled into one and gave me the biggest hug and told me she loved mewhen she had to leave for home (she now lives in Canada with her mum and step-family). It's moments like this that you stop and think, am I missing out. My cousin and best friend from school days have just had babies and I have come round to being more comfortable with them and they are lovely, but it's just not for me. All my maternal feelings go on animals!
    .•:*¨¨*:•.Tracey.•:*¨¨*:•.

    Fall seven times, stand up eight.
    - Japanese proverb


  7. #7
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    kids are not for everyone...you should not feel bad or let anyone else make you feel that way this is your decsiion.

  8. #8
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    I'll be 35 soon, and I still have absolutely no desire to have kids. I am an animal person 100%! Kis are just not for me. I am such an animal lover, and I know that my purpose in life is to take care of God's furry little creatures.[img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]

  9. #9
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    I'm 46 and don't want kids, i never have wanted them. I have never had those maternal feelings that some people have.

  10. #10
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    I'm only 22 so maybe i shouldnt really be posting this but i know for certain i never want children, i think im too selfish to have them lol. I think my emet plays a massive part in the way i feel. Like if they had a stomach bug i would actually leave home to be away from them i knowi would, that sound awful but its true, and the fact i'd be constantly asking if they felt ill or if any1 was off school. My niece who is ten only comes round once a week and ireally annoy her by questioning her so i dont know wot my children would think if i had them.
    kath x

  11. #11
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    Thanks everyone for your comments. sheesh, I am so confused.This is something that I have been thinking about lately. My sister ( who is 41 this year), had her child at 38. She said after 9/11, she wanted to have one. Maybe because she thought that "hey you only live once and never know when your time will come to an end" or something. She is so happy with her little girl and she told me that she wished she'd had kids earlier and that she can't remember what life was like before her!! I thought it was very interesting. A friend of mine was about 41 when she had her child. She said she was like me-didn't want to have any, but then she said her career was good at 40 and then she decided to start trying, and she is so happy with her little girl. I think I will hold off on the tying tubes thing because I get worried that my mindset will change years from now. Only God know what he has in store for me.


    Stormchaser,I have done that,too. I would see kids playing happily at the beach or in the parks in the summer and I think a part of me feels like crying and sad because I didn't have a dad growing up ( he and my mother broke up when I was 7 and I never heard from him again) and that I would want to do things right if I had kids. I would want the best for them and everything I didn't have, I'd want for them to have. I was a very lonely, shy child.


    I don't know! I guess I have to give it more time and see how I feel as the years go by. It seems like a lot of older women I know who just had kids thought like me. I think if I don'twant anyby 37, then that is it! I know a lot of women are dying to have kids and want them so bad and I feel bad in a way for talking like this because I am sure I am very fertile-my body is so strong and have a very regular menstrual cycle and the "child bearing" hips..hahah. However, I don't want to bring a child into my life until I am mentally stable (haha) and financially stable.


    Thanks everyone. I feel better now.
    -Bridgette

  12. #12
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    I certainly do not think you are a bad person for not wanting to have children. I think you are making a responsible choice. I think that what is worse is people having children for selfish reasons, like ....... because they think it will improve their marriage/relationship, ect ..... I, personally, knew I always wanted children, even with my emet. My advice to you would be, dont shut the door completely on having children. We all grow and change as we age, and who knows, you might change your mind. Also, dont let this emet stop you either. If you ever do decide you want a child, it is all so worth it, even if you have to deal with emet.




  13. #13
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    You know I feel similar. I never really have had the desire to have any. I am only 23, so there is still plenty of time, but for now I don't really want any. Ive never had that mother instinct.

  14. #14
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    It isn't bad at all. Everyone is different and makes different choices, there's nothing wrong w/ that. Unfortunately our society has no problem w/ a man not having children but believe a woman should want to, what cuz we have a uterus? Please! I think you're smart to think about the future and realizing that you may want to later and not doing anything drastic. You never know but if that maternal thing never kicks in thats OK just as it is for someone who does have/want children to have them. Its weird we get judged either way.
    \"As soon as you trust yourself,you will know how to live.\"
    Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
    \"Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.\"
    Benjamin Franklin

  15. #15
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    Im nearly 38 and still dont want children, I love my nieces andnephew but its not for me!!!


    I think you have to decide what you want and if its not babies theres nothing wrong with that.I went thru school witha girl who wasnt wanted as a baby,her parents didnt want kids and she was amistake, she was lovely butvery unsure of herself and ended up getting involved witha very dodgy guy and she ended up in Holloway Prison for drugs offences (not v nice UK womens prison) she has now sorted herlife out andhad a happy family life, and Im so pleased for her.


    I just wanted to make the point that if youre not sure about having kids dont do it and mess their lives up!!


    Laney xx

  16. #16
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    I'm young... but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to have kids. Not only emet-reasons, but I'm also very selfish and I feel that I would be way to abusive of a mother. Don't get me wrong, I love kids, and sometimes I even long for my own. But I don't know, I just can't picture myself being a mother. I do hope that someday my sister has excellent kids and I can be a great aunt to them.

  17. #17
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    I never wanted kids...Never ever...Not only because of my Emet, but because I thought I was way too selfish for them(being honest). Well right when I turned 28, my clock started ticking...It is the strangest feeling to me because it's like I MUST have kids...I need to nurture or something...My sister is 32 and doesn't want kids and her clock never started ticking...I guess it's just a case by case basis. But no, You know what is best for you...If you don't want children then their is absolutely nothing wrong with that and don't ever let anyone tell you differently. Maybe you will change, maybe you won't...be true to yourself

  18. #18
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    They sure aren't cheap, and once you have them you can't get rid of them....If you don't want them DO NOT have them I will tell you however, I never did either, now I can't imagine my life without them. They saved me from being absorbed by my anxiety and emetophobia cause when your child has the flu you can not walk away and seeing it, seeing they get over it it and move on and it is no big deal--YOU BECOME SOOO MUCH STRONGER by not being able to walk away...does that make sense? They saved me....don't get your tubes tied just yet you still got time. [img]smileys/smilies_46.gif[/img]
    You MUST do the thing you fear the most- E. Roosevelt

  19. #19
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    I am 37 and never had the desire to have any children. My Mom and friends have pushed me hard in the past. Both of my brothers are gay, so my Mom is concerned that she will never be a grandmother. But when it comes down to it, it is just your life, no one elses. So you are the only one who can make that decision. Be true to yourself, hun. You will be ok!

    --Kim


  20. #20
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    45 and never had any. Didn't want any. I am married with 2 step-sons. They are grown and that is fine with me. I do have 2 nephews and 2 nieces. Those are all the kids I need. I have my pup Katie. She is my baby. That's all I need!

  21. #21
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    It's such a personal decision. You are in no way a bad person for not wanting kids. It would be bad if you felt pressured into having them when you didn't really want them. I never wanted kids. For whatever reason when I turned 36 that changed. If you would have told me at 35 that I would have a kid when I was 36, I would have laughed my a** off and thought you were crazy. Don't know what changed. Maybe things will change in time and maybe they won't. Either decision is great as long as it's the right decision for you...

  22. #22
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    I'm 26, and I'm about 95% sure I want kids. I love my niece and nephew, and feel such a strong, "I want one!" vibe when I see a baby. But then, sometimes, I think about my own childhood, and my mother who influenced me in my emet. I wonder if it would be wise to bring a child into the world who might have the same anxieties that I do. Should I have a baby, when there is great potential that he/she could have my same phobia? Anxiety and/or depression is greatly inherited. Is it so wrong that I WANT to have children, when I could very easily pass my problems on to them?


    On the other hand, I think there is nothing wrong with not having a maternal instinct. Some greatly dislike children; some simply don't want any; some are indifferent; some desire them; and some just have the "whatever will be, willbe," mindset. It's all good.


    If you aren't 100% sure you never, ever, ever want kids, then I suggest not doing anything permanent. Use protection until then, if need be. Like others have said, your mind can change. No matter what, it's just important to be sure.

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  23. #23
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    There is absolutely nothing wrong with not having kids. I am 36,
    kid-free and (except for emets!) care-free. I have never had a
    maternal instinct and never will. Our friends all have kids and
    while we enjoy their visits, we don't feel the temptation to have
    any. I'm also in the education profession, so I work with people
    of all ages. That takes care of any residual lonliness right
    quick! Both my husband and I are only children, and we are used
    to each other's company. I can't imagine kids in our
    relationship. Sure our parents aren't so pleased, but they have
    chosen long ago to not ask questions about grandkids.





  24. #24
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    Hi Ginger - when I was in my twenties I wanted kids, but now I'm older (37)I am glad that it didn't work out, I really don't want children now. I have lots of God-children, all of my friends have kids, and I spend a lot of my spare time baby-sitting. Being an Emet there is no way I could cope full time with a child.


    You know we should respect each other's choices and not judge - It gets tiring listening to people say 'You'll wake up one day and regret not having kids', well no I don't think I will, I never think about the tick-tock of the biological clock, its just not an issueas as there isno room for children in my life - maybe a cat & dog would be nice in a year or two [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]! M x

  25. #25
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    I have not been on the site in so long since I am working on getting cured of being an EMET and that is going so incredibly well. I get on here every so often and check to see how people are doing and I avoid any topics about V* and emet issues, but this topic caught my eye and I had to write.


    I was an emet my entire life and I don't know if one can ever be 100% cured since I believe even non-emets don't really like V*, it is hard to say where you draw the line, but I never remember not freaking out over it and I am so much better now. Partly because I have a special reason to want to get better and that is for my son.


    I never wanted kids either and I was very happy alone. When I met my husband, I knew I would rather be with him than alone and I thought that seemed odd for me since my selfish world was so full of me, how could I find space for a man??? Well I did and I love him more daily and we have been together for 10 years, married for 7. We did decide that if we had kids, fine, if not fine and I was pleased with that since i did not really want kids. After 9 months married, we decided to see if I could get pregnant and i was 38. I did get pregnant, right away, and that was an enormous surprise to my OBGyn since I had been on birth control so long and I was not 20 years old anymore. Ihad a picture perfect pregnancy scared daily that I would V* and then what. After 9 months, I held that precious gift and knew that he was meant for me. That said, I NEVER wanted more than the one and I adore him with all my heart.


    He stayed home with me till he was 4 and we did go to do all the things normal people do. We went for library story times, art classes, music classes, zoo camp, bookstore story times, parks and public playgrounds etc. I had to bite my lip, and shke inside for many of the things, but I was determined to never let my son live in my personal hell. My parents were and still are wonderful loving parents. Not emets and not abusive and not selfish. I had a picture perfect childhood and I have no clue where this EMET thing came from for me. I do not want my son to ever experience the world of an emet. Over the 4 years he was home with me, he had 4 SV's and my husband and I never once caught one. My son has V*'d on me and I have been so scared and shaking and I even wouyld cry when I would walk away to clean up, but he never once knew the fear I was going through. A visit to his pediatrician changed my life forever.


    My son was V*ing from coughing and I took him in and I was so scared that the Dr. told me to relax and he would take my son into another room to examine him. He then returned, told me my son was fine, just a bad cough and drainage and we were ready to leave when this man approached me and told me that the nurse would take my son for a minute while he talked to me. The PEDIATRICIAN was the first person to ever tell me that I needed help and that I was going to destroy my son's life if I did not get help. I left that day, I called my MD, she referred me to a psychologist and I went 3 days later. He was terrific and I cannot compare therapists since he is the only one I ever saw, but he was amazing. He has helped me so much and I truly understand how to control this phobia now.


    Back to the topic. No, kids are not for everyone and there is no one that can tell you what is right for you or wrong for you. If it is EMET that is keeping you from having kids, please talk to someone. Dig deep and find out if that is what it is. Mine was and I adore my son and love being with him. He began pre-school last spring and he has had 5 colds, tons of snot and bad coughs, but no SV's and I know it will happen and maybe even today, but my point is, an SV is bad for about 24 hours. Say that 3 people in the house have it for 24 hours each, that is 72 bad hours every few years. Why give up th
    TRY to live each day like it were your last

  26. #26
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    Hey Gubba, what a lovely post - thanks for sharing your story. It's good to hear that therapy has made a big difference with your emet. We need more posts like this! M x

 

 

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