Just a warning, this could get long. I dont know who else to talk to. I just feel so frustrated. It has nothing to do w/ emet or anything. I guess it relationship issues. Or maybe its just me and my insecurity. I've got a great guy, I really do. I know that most guys arent serious about relationships and feelings and all that stuff. I just worry all the time that he's going to get bored or someone else will come along. I want to know that he wants to marry me. I dont even think he thinks about a future w/ me. I guess I feel like I'm at a point now where I dont want to date around anymore. When I'm dating someone I want it to grow and I want to know that I can be w/ that person for the rest of my life and it might work out and it might not, but I dont want to just date around anymore. I just dont feel secure at all. I have told him this and probablybrought it up more than I should b/c I can tell it gets on his nerves. I know he shouldnt have to tell me all the time that he wants to be w/ me but its like I constantly need reassured or something. Earlier tonight I was asking him if he ever got hit on by other girls and he said yes and I was asking details about it which is stupid on my part b/c I know its going to make me jealous, but whatever. So he's telling me about this waitress that said he was hot and wanted to give him her number and he told her that he had a girlfriend and she said, well thats too bad. But the guys he was out to lunch w/ were telling him that he should of got it b/c you never know, me and him could break up next week or something. This guy that told him that I really liked and it just really pisses me off that he would tell my boyfriend to do something like that. Does it not mean anything to him? I'm not expecting for him to be all lovey dovey, but I am. I dont know what I want. Sometimes I feel very happy and other times I'm just lost. Why would he want to stay w/ me. I'm totally scared out of my mind of getting sick, I have panic attacks all the time, I never want to go out, I never party, I dont have any friends, I go to bed early......etc. So therefore I have no self confidence and if you dont like yourself then no one else will like you, right? How the hell do I change all this?!?!?! I want to be more out going, I want him to know that there is more to me. I want him to want me. I know he likes me, I just dont know whats wrong. I always want more I guess. When we hang out all we do is sit around my house. We play games sometimes and watch a lot of movies, but I feel like I'm holding him back from having fun and stuff. We go out sometimes but I always get tired and want to leave and there have been a few times that he's complained about it. I think I just got hurt b/c that guy told him he should of taken that girls number. I dont want people to put thoughts in his head like that. I know I cant help things like that and I just have to hope that he cares enough about me. I cant talk to him about it anymore b/c it just annoys him. I need to change I guess. Sorry this was so long, I just need to let some things out. I'm just feelin very down I guess. GRRRRR!!!!