Sex life with emet.

[lozzag]

No guys, this isn't going to be a descriptive account of a sexual encounter, so if that's why you're here close the window now [img]smileys/smilies_32.gif[/img]

I was just wondering if anyone finds that quite often they feel too 'sick' to get things happening in the bedroom if you know what I mean... (I'm sure you do, don't play innocent with me!) I know this used to happen to me quite often (I'm getting better with it now). I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I'm very susceptible to urinary tract infections, which can cause you to feel n*. Practically everytime my boyfriend and I had sex I'd get a UTI, and now I think I'm a little bit conditioned to associate sex with sickness...

Has this happened to anyone else? I need to know how to overcome this fully, this is the worst problem I face with emet, because I know that the poor boy isn't happy with how often we have sex at the moment because of my fear!

Oh and I'm very sorry if this has been too graphic or sexually explicit! I didn't go into graphic detail, I'm just in need of some advice [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]

[grgygrl]

I can honestly say that I've nerver felt to ill for sex, no siree. But I can see how it can hinder things in the bedroom. Just take things slowly and on a good day, maybe make a trek to the bedroom and get to it. Keep unsweetend cranberry juice on hand for UTI's but its not a substitute for doctors script if you do get one. Do you take alot of baths too? That can also cause UTI's

[kckitty]

Yes! I've been feeling yucky a lot lately and I feel like my sex life is definitely suffering because of it. My husband thinks that I am not attracted to him but this is not the case at all! All the bouncing (lol, sorry!) makes my tummy upset sometimes and having an orgasm gives me a stomachache too so I can't get into sex without worrying about feeling n* after. Kind of sucks.

[lozzag]

Thanks for the advice grgygrl! I'm always in the bath haha so it can't be a hygiene problem [img]smileys/smilies_11.gif[/img] but the cranberry juice is definitely a good idea!

And I totally sympathise with u kckitty, all the roof-shaking bouncing doesn't help things at all! Lol! That's exactly my problem, worrying that after I have sex I'll feel n* [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img] so even if I get started I can't get into it, and where's the fun in that! And my boyfriend feels the same way too, he's always asking me if I'm sure I'm attracted to him, but I can't make him understand what's going on inside my head... It's too embarrassing! [img]smileys/smilies_09.gif[/img]

It's gotten so bad that prior to any sexual activity, even just the thought of starting something up makes me n*... So then I couldn't even make a few raunchy moves if I wanted to! I'm in my last year of a psychology degree I should know how to solve this, which is the most frustrating part for me! [img]smileys/smilies_07.gif[/img]

But just on the side... I find a few shots of vodka will allow me to get into it a LOT easier... Nothing excessive just enough to make me lose some inhibition [img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]

[grgygrl]

[img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img] LOL. I didnt mean you had a hygeine problem [img]smileys/smilies_03.gif[/img] I meant that sometimes taking baths, the water and whatever is in it (excess cleaner from the tub or whatever) can get up your yahoo and cause problems. Believe me, the cranberry juice works but you must drink the organic kind that is totally unsweetened. [img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]

[toblershark]

Baths really do NOT help urniary tract problems. Sitting in any bodily cleaner (especiallu bubblebath; they alter the pH of your system) can really irritate a delicate tract so make sure you stick to showers only and wash with something v gentle like Satin.
Crandberry juice, lots of water, a good diet, maybe try a detox, and I'd recommend a probiotic suppliment like acidophilous.

[lozzag]

HO S**T so baths are bad?! Ugh ok point taken [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img] I will defs be trying all these ideas (as I'm desperate) so thanks for all your advice guys!

[jezebel89]

This is such an interesting post!

In my sex life, it's actually quite the opposite of what you're describing - I LOVE having sex because it's the ONLY time that I'm NOT thinking about my emet (my therapist jokes, Oh well you should have sex all the time and then you'll be cured! Haha). As soon as things 'settle down' all the fear comes rushing back and it's the most frustrating thing ever. I'm really not worried about the bouncing and stuff because my mind is too preoccupied! But sometimes, because of this, my boyfriend is just like... sick of having sex. It's kinda sad... =/

As for the UTIs! I too have a problem! Every time we'd have sex I would have to go to the doctor's for antibiotics. What my doctor did was give me three prescriptions for a 'tube' each of kinda 'hardcore' antibiotics that I only take ONCE after I've had sex. Also, cranberry juice is good (I'm glad someone said organic too! All the sugars in other stuff really irritate my emet), but mostly I've found it's ANY liquid (ie, water, chicken broth). Some doctors/people say that there's a vitamin in cranberries that help, but most of the specialists I've been to say it doesn't matter what you drink and that water is best, but salts and some sugar are also essential. Orange juice, if you can bear it, helps too (or so one of my doctors said) because it's super acidic and helps kill some of the bacteria, but it might make you hurt more too D:

About baths - the doctors said the same thing too about that with me, so when I do take a bath I just use water and no soap (usually baths are more relaxation-related, not exactly for hygiene for me - I'll take a shower in the morning and a bath in the middle of the day, lol). Although the following are not PROVEN I've heard of people getting UTIs from tampons that aren't changed a lot, not wiping from front to back, thong underwear, not changing condoms when you go from... 'back to front door,' and also I've found that different kinds of condoms make me more prone to get UTIs =/

[thegoldsky]

Yes. Yes, all the time, yes. Half of the time, when my boyfriend tries to initiate sexual activity, I have to turn him down because the thought of all that bouncing makes my stomach anxious. Sometimes I can let myself go and get into it, but my emet gets in the way much more often than I'd like. Oral sex is also very difficult for me, for similar reasons.

[SimplyMe]

Interesting topic. For me, if I feel yuck BEFORE is the only time its an issue. Maybe if you're worried about bouncing etc try not to have a full stomach? Doesnt do much for sponteneity (sp) but will possibly help you not to feel like you're going to upset your stomach. I know this gets said alot too but maybe some therapy could help. Changing your ideas about sex/n can change how you feel about doing it.

[lozzag]

Gosh I'm sooo glad to hear that it's not just me lol! Thanks all for being so open and honest, I know it's a slightly embarrassing topic [img]smileys/smilies_09.gif[/img]

It sounds like I need to get me some of that miracle cream jez, because literally everytime I even THINK about doing the dirty I get a UTI! Also the different types of condoms thing is really interesting, I think I need to look into that more! What types have you found are good for not getting a UTI? I also find oral sex difficult sky, because you can also contract germs that can also cause you to have a UTI!

It's so annoying for me because I've almost completed a psychology degree and I can't even fix my own problem... How the heck am I supposed to help other people?! I can give myself the right advice, but I can't follow it! Arrggghhh!

P.s. I have a UTI right now because I had sex 3 days ago (for the first time in like A MONTH) isn't that just charming [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]

[grgygrl]

Baths in general are not bad but the soaking in soapy water or whatever u use in the tub is not good for the ole va jay jay LOL [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img] Showers rule [img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]

[allypally.]

Reading these posts is such a relief!!

I have this problem too sometimes, and I have been thinking its just me and Im some sort of abnormal wierdo!! lol
So now I associate sex with feeling n* too, and I guess i expect it to happen which is not good, cos I know that can make it happen. It doeant happen every time, but does more often than not which tends to make me dread it a bit. I also often find sex incredibly painful. Anyone else???

I also sometmes get really really bad stomach pains after ive had an orgasm. Anyone know what might cause that??

Its strange, cos I used to be EXACTLY the same as Jezebel. Sex never made me feel n* or anything. It was about the only time i never thought about it. In fact, if I started to feel nervous, anxious or n* I would jump on my boyfriend cos it seemed to be the only thing to make it go away!! I soooo wich it was still like that!! So many if my exes used to complain i was a nymphomaniac and there was something wrong with me!! ha ha [img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img] Can you believe they complained?? lol.

I feel so sorry for my boyfriend cos he has such a high drive, and I do too (in my head!! ha ha), just cant make it a reality. Im really lucky cos my boyf understands and knows how much i fancy him, so hes really supportive and never puts any pressure on me or makes me feel bad. Not that he has to, i feel like s**t about it anyway!!

So no hun, youre not alone!! xx

[jezebel89]

Oh jeez! I would have replied sooner but for some reason the website wouldn't let me log in!!

lozzag - I wasn't given a 'cream' I was just given lots and lots of antibiotics! :O I was given 2 tubes of 500mg cipro and bactrim (what they normally use to get rid of tougher UTIs) and then one of 50mg doxycycline (which is a pretty tough antibiotic itself! Not my favorite - only because it makes me so dehydrated from sucking all the fluids out my body!). I usually take one-half tablet of the bactrim RIGHT AFTER I have sex (and pee, because peeing afterwards also helps). And then I drink a TON of water, and so far that has made me not get them as much!

ally - I'm so glad to see someone with the same 'problem.' Sometimes I feel so undesirable - my boyfriend's drive is super low and mine is pretty high. With pain, usually for me it's because there's not enough lube :O We bought some cheepo stuff to use so it doesn't hurt me as much (It's so funny choosing stuff - we once found like, this 70-year-old couple ALSO trying to find the right lube OMG).
As for condoms, we've started using Durex. The Trojan kind I seem to get a TON of UTIs with, but it's really weird because I've always used that brand, and just about half a year ago all of a sudden I started getting UTIs. Although this in itself is something different - the amazing dermatologist I found and who treats me for EVERYTHING because... HE'S AMAZING, says that I might have lupus and that it might be affecting my kidneys! But that's something different. That's ^ how I deal with UTIs, no matter what the cause is!

[stormchaser97]

hey there. that's gotta be a tough situation. as someone with some serious bladder issues i think i can contribute a little bit too. soaking in baths can cause problems.

One of the best things you can do is pee immediately after sex, it basically helps flush out anything that may have gotten up into your urethra during all the excitement.

The cranberry juice specifically has been proven to help the urinary tract. My urologist said it also changes the pH of the urine so during an infection you'll have less pain.

As for the sex issue, I'm going to speculate that a lot of the stomach pain issues are due to anxiety and less actual mechanics. That said, it might be an idea to try different positions that might take pressure of your stomach and reduce jarring it.

oh and to Jezebel, you might not have lupus, you might have what I have and it's called interstitial cystitis (IC), a chronic inflammatory condition of the bladder not caused by a bacteria but something that your body doesnt' like (like condoms or certian types of foods etc) that stimulates a response akin to an allergic response that feels like a bladder infection that comes and goes. I work in a hospital, if they aren't finding bacteria in your urine but you're having those symptoms that's the most likely cause, waaaaay more likely than lupus although there are some simlarities. You should see a urologist, if you get on the right treatment plan for IC you can see a dramatic drop in symptoms and get it under control before it gets worse. Seriously!

[thegoldsky]

Just an idea, maybe you should stay away from condoms that have spermicides? Nonoxynol-9 gives me wicked yeast infections, and I'm sure it could trigger UTIs in some people.

[lozzag]

Thanks so much everyone for the advice!! I'm trying to be more of a hornbag (haha) and just get to it and forget all the inhibitions, which is definitely helping! But as for the UTIs.....I have one right now as a result of my debauched behaviour recently hahaha... And I totally tried hard to prevent myself from getting one!! [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]

I'm on the antibiotics though and it's already clearing up... I'll have to try that brand of condoms because the one I'm using at the moment really isn't helping! And I think it's free of spermicide though which is good!

I also tried the cranberry juice DAMN that stuff is nasty especially the unsweetened variety! But I'm forcing myself to drink it lol!

[thegoldsky]

As far as cranberry juice goes, try to get the stuff that's 100% juice. Check the ingredients, because they usually mix it with some other juices like apple or grape (instead of adding sugar or corn syrup) it make it not quite so tart and easier to drink. It's also much more bearable when it is ICE COLD.

[gumdropper1]

As far as cranberry juice goes, try to get the stuff that's 100% juice.

LOL, Michelle! 100% cranberry juice would be impossible to drink. Cranberry juice as it's sold in bottles is 27% juice. It is always mixed with filtered water and/or something else.

Doug

[laylamommy]

I hate sex...I don't know why but I've never liked it...at all. I now think it's gross. I don't think that has anything to do with my phobia...I'm just weird.

[leia]

Have any of you ladies tried Cranberry pills?? I wonder if they help also or if it has to be in liquid form to really make a difference?

[thegoldsky]

As far as cranberry juice goes, try to get the stuff that's 100% juice.

LOL, Michelle! 100% cranberry juice would be impossible to drink. Cranberry juice as it's sold in bottles is 27% juice. It is always mixed with filtered water and/or something else.

Doug

I'm aware of that, but what I meant was to buy cranberry juice that doesn't have high fructose corn syrup in it. Those are sold as 'fruit juice cocktails'. If you buy cranberry juice that says 100% juice (not 100% cranberry juice, just 100% 'juice'), it is going to be cut with other fruit juices, and possibly some water, but at least it has no HFCS.

[wackydeli]

I also tried the cranberry juice DAMN that stuff is nasty especially the unsweetened variety! But I'm forcing myself to drink it lol!

The taste doesn't usually bother me but sometimes if I don't feel like the tart taste, I'll add some water or seltzer water (my most favorite drink of all time, haha) to it and it tastes better.

As for the whole worrying about being s* during sex issue, some days it is a problem for me, and other days it isn't. I think for the most part when it is a problem, it's just because I'm "thinking too much," and in that case I just try to forget about it and enjoy myself.

Also I remind myself that it isn't very fair to my boyfriend. I've never done this, but I think it'd be awful to just stop halfway, or refuse to start at all, because of my stomach, unless I really was sick and about to v*. The way I see it, sex with someone you're really in love with is a beautiful thing, and I'd have to be crazy to not want to have it because I'm worried I'll be sick![img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]

[jezebel89]

Just an idea, maybe you should stay away from condoms that have spermicides? Nonoxynol-9 gives me wicked yeast infections, and I'm sure it could trigger UTIs in some people.

I don't know if this is true or not, but I read somewhere online that ALL condoms in the US contain that (or something similar looking). Buuut, to get around that, I just import condoms! There's a really nice Japanese website that is cheap (and for people who get embarrassed, it's easier getting them shipped too).

I agree with checking the ingredients in juice... as I've said before, my therapist said to cut out bad sugars, like high fructose corn syrup, and my emet has gotten a lot better. Also, diluting it with water really can help with the tart taste. I really like the fact that it's bitter, and for some strange reason, it tastes amazing after I brush my teeth... I'm so strange.

leia:

I bought a bottle of them because my cousin frequently has UTIs and takes them as well... I find that they do no harm or anything, but it's not as if I found a HUGE difference either. They didn't seem to do much for me...
Edited by: jezebel89

[confusedgirl]

I'm so glad to find this topic; I'm not alone!! If I'm feeling gross one day, the last thing I want is physical activity - like sex. If I'm having an anxious moment, I also don't want to start and then have to stop if I get worse in the moment. Also, a lot of the time, it feels like sex is initiated after we've been drinking, and then I don't want it because I'm worried about the movement messing with the alcohol in my stomach! Same with if we start to fool around after eating - I want to make sure the food is digested first. And I pretty much can never get into it in the mornings because I always wake up feeling generally groggy and gross in the mornings, they're my most anxious time of day, and I don't want to be in the middle and then realize I'm sick (haha that doesn't make too much sense, but I know a couple mornings I've woken up, felt fine, and then felt gross maybe a half hr after waking up.. I don't want that grossness to appear in the middle of sex!).

I also think I can't give good oral because of germs and having everything that entails in my mouth..

[mason14]

I used to get UTI's when my husband and I were first starting to have sex when we were dating. You how it is when you begin a new sex life with someone...it's constant. I was getting them so bad that I would pee straight blood and and run fevers. And the pain...unreal.
I started making sure my bladder was empty before and then right after sex I would pee again. Even if I didn't have to I would sit there until I could pee even a little. It helps wash out the bacteria that get pushed up there during sex. Not only do I pee after but I also wipe with a warm wet washcloth. It's been 3 years since I've had a UTI so I know it's working!