***Possibly Graphic***
The ridiculous thing is, I have always had such a strong stomach - even when it comes to drinking. You always hear these things from well meaning people who tell you "Never mix wine and spirits," and I just waltzed merrily through life thinking that rule didn't apply to me.
Apparently it does.
I went to a party on Saturday night. It took me an hour to find the place, so by the time I got there everyone was a bit tipsy and encouraging me to keep up.
I was persuaded in to tequila shots with one friend, sambucca with the birthday girl, a couple more shots with other people, and too many glasses of wine. It was more than I've ever had before, I don't know why I never stopped to think about how much I was having and what a bad mix it was.
On the car ride back home I felt dizzy, and increasingly sick, then it suddenly felt very different, and much more urgent. I made my mum pull over to the side of the road and I didn't even have enough time to panic, because I knew I was going to v* and I didn't want to do it in her car. We stopped a couple more times on the way home too, and the whole time I was thinking "This is something that other people do, this can't be me doing this thing"
My ex boyfriend/best friend was at the party with me and realised I probably shouldn't go home on my own, and I'm glad I had someone with me - although I feel mortified by it now. After 3 stops on the road I then spent an hour in the bathroom, where he very sweetly did the hair holding and back rubbing that I've never been able to do for anyone. I went back to his room trying to convince myself I was finished with it all - this was a bad idea. I had to put my head out the window (and clean his roof off the next morning)
The next morning my head was killing me, and I was completely shell shocked that this had happened after so much time. The weirdest thing was, it was unpleasant, but I didn't die. And now I think, whats the worst thing that can happen to me? (Barring death and major accidents obviously) because I've already done what I thought was the worst thing in the world, and I survived it.
I posted this message on the other IES site, along with a blow by blow account of how the actual act occurs. I thought it would be helpful for people in my situation who hadn't v*ed for years and years, or since they were very young, and weren't sure how it worked. I think it would have helped me not to see v* as such a big scary unknown. It doesn't seem to be going down well on the other site though, so I won't post it here. But if you PM me I can copy and paste it, or answer any questions.
I feel like I was a v* virgin, and I could really have used someone telling me what it was like before I did it for the first time.
But anyway, that was my experience with v*. I'm not a fan, but I'm not so scared anymore. I just have to keep this feeling going - it didn't kill me, it didn't kill me.