In which I break my 10 year no v* streak

[x hannah x]

***Possibly Graphic***

The ridiculous thing is, I have always had such a strong stomach - even when it comes to drinking. You always hear these things from well meaning people who tell you "Never mix wine and spirits," and I just waltzed merrily through life thinking that rule didn't apply to me.

Apparently it does.

I went to a party on Saturday night. It took me an hour to find the place, so by the time I got there everyone was a bit tipsy and encouraging me to keep up.

I was persuaded in to tequila shots with one friend, sambucca with the birthday girl, a couple more shots with other people, and too many glasses of wine. It was more than I've ever had before, I don't know why I never stopped to think about how much I was having and what a bad mix it was.

On the car ride back home I felt dizzy, and increasingly sick, then it suddenly felt very different, and much more urgent. I made my mum pull over to the side of the road and I didn't even have enough time to panic, because I knew I was going to v* and I didn't want to do it in her car. We stopped a couple more times on the way home too, and the whole time I was thinking "This is something that other people do, this can't be me doing this thing"

My ex boyfriend/best friend was at the party with me and realised I probably shouldn't go home on my own, and I'm glad I had someone with me - although I feel mortified by it now. After 3 stops on the road I then spent an hour in the bathroom, where he very sweetly did the hair holding and back rubbing that I've never been able to do for anyone. I went back to his room trying to convince myself I was finished with it all - this was a bad idea. I had to put my head out the window (and clean his roof off the next morning)

The next morning my head was killing me, and I was completely shell shocked that this had happened after so much time. The weirdest thing was, it was unpleasant, but I didn't die. And now I think, whats the worst thing that can happen to me? (Barring death and major accidents obviously) because I've already done what I thought was the worst thing in the world, and I survived it.

I posted this message on the other IES site, along with a blow by blow account of how the actual act occurs. I thought it would be helpful for people in my situation who hadn't v*ed for years and years, or since they were very young, and weren't sure how it worked. I think it would have helped me not to see v* as such a big scary unknown. It doesn't seem to be going down well on the other site though, so I won't post it here. But if you PM me I can copy and paste it, or answer any questions.

I feel like I was a v* virgin, and I could really have used someone telling me what it was like before I did it for the first time.

But anyway, that was my experience with v*. I'm not a fan, but I'm not so scared anymore. I just have to keep this feeling going - it didn't kill me, it didn't kill me.

[party_boi3423]

EXCELLENT!! I am very very very VERY proud of you! I did this a year ago and my emetophobia has become very weird... I actually don't freak out about getting sick when i'm drunk anymore; just get freaked out about an sv*. I am so proud of you and you can see now that it is such a simple act (vomiting) really! I had an unpleasant alcohol-related incident last year, in which I ended up being very sick and, indeed, it was gross but I immediately thought after I did it (I vomited twice in a row), "is that it?!" and I really did realise that my body can cope with vomiting and that I just need to let my body deal with it.

You are going to university in a couple of week, yes? I am sure you feel much more prepared for it now that you have done "it"? That may just be me lol!

But congrats again! Another great leap towards recovery!
Take Care,
Chris xxxxx

[party_boi3423]

ps oooh btw add me - [email protected], if you would like lol
xxx

[x hannah x]

I do feel so much better getting it "Out of the way" before university. I'm off in 6 days actually! But I feel so much better equipped to deal with other people doing it now as well, because its not such a big scary unknown thing.

And you're added

[SimplyMe]

Wow! Good job on handling it and I'm so glad its made you less afraid of it. Keep that feeling!

[kendall]

[img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img] great job!!!!!!

[Kazzia]

I'm glad you coped so well with it! The better thing about v* when drunk is that even though it's still very unpleasant, the alcohol relaxes you to the point where you don't really panic (providing you're still quite intoxicated when you v*). Did you feel quite relaxed compared to how you normally did when n*?

I had a similar episode when my drink was spiked so it was like being drunk x 100. I was so incredibly out of it that when I dry-heaved (that's all I did) that I just let it happen...in fact I was annoyed that I didn't v* that night as the nausea was so bad it drove me mad!

I'm sure we can agree that sambuca and tequila are big no-nos. The times that I've had n* from alcohol have always involved wine, rum and sambuca (but still I drink them [img]smileys/smilies_05.gif[/img] )