--May be graphic for some--
--and wicked long--
--end disclaimers--
Having children has always been a looming fear for me, because of my emet. I've been worried that once I had kids, if and when they got sick, I wouldn't be able to... cope, basically. Or even look at them, you know? I have a DEEP aversion to people that vomit, and I have actually gotten angry-- like, REALLY angry-- at people who do it around me. (I know, I'm a horrible human being, being angry at sick people.)
But this afternoon at work, I endured a common nightmare for many emets: whilst in a stall in the restroom, I heard a child come running in (Mom right behind) and start vomiting. I had a flash of horror-- the mother exclaimed, "Oh honey, not in there! Well, I guess there is fine..." and I thought oh HELL, not the sink, pleeease not the sink!
(It wasn't the sink. THANK YOU GOD)
Debating whether to hide in the stall until the "threat" had been removed, I craned my neck to try and see if there were any splotches to dodge or if the child was moving around or anything. He seemed content to stay at the trash... and I was supposed to be working, after all. I steeled myself, and trotted out as calmly as I could to wash my hands.
I chanced a glance over at the "offender"...
And oh my God...
The poor little thing!
He was so pitiful, and sweaty and miserable-looking! My heart broke. He'd gotten every bit of vomit safely into the trash, and was trying very hard not to cry. Divine Miracle!! I was able to look directly at him, and say in comforting tones the, like, normal things people say to sick kids: "Aww, sweetheart. You feel any better now? You're so brave. I'm so glad you didn't make a mess, I hope you feel better now. Do you want a glass of water?"
And I was so... SINCERE!
Like WOW.
Normally I would have either hidden, panic-stricken, in the stall until someone came to save me, or dashed straight out to a different bathroom to wash my hands! I feel reeeally really really proud of myself, but more than that, RELIEVED that maybe I won't be a horrible mother after all, even if my kids DO puke! (Maybe :-P)
I was even able to change the bag in the trash can with relatively little freakoutage and frantic handwashing... and though I kept a wary eye on the child when he was walking about in the store, I didn't dissolve into fits or have to get out of there. I just... handled it.
Yeah, so, super pleased and really hoping that this little bit of real-life exposure therapy will help even more. I'm even eating dinner right now, without any qualms! Hope on the horizon. :-D
Normalcy is merely indicative of a lack of courage.