Board Rules? More Admins?

[asianeko]

I know we have some amazing admins on here, and I appreciate all the hard work you guys do I also know that many of you are very busy with your own lives, which is totally fine and awesome. However, there has been lots of drama and anger here recently that doesn't get taken care of. Two things popped into my head as possible solutions.

The first sounds simple, but I know it probably isn't. More admins. Even just one or two who may be able to be online at different times than the current ones. There is just so much drama that runs rampant.

The second may sound simple, but could be complex. A welcome forum. This could be a section (similar to the Private and General sections) that has a few stickies that newcomers should read, and perhaps veterans review. The following stickies are things I would recommend:

Rules: A kind welcome to the board, and an overview of basic rules. The rules could include things like no personal attacks, and no graphic images, etc.

Admin list: This way people know who to contact if they are having problems, or feel that a thread with drama should be looked in to. It could also state a little bit about the admin if they so choose.

Abbreviation List: This would help out those on our boards who don't know SV, D, etc. Though not required on our boards, they are very commonly used.

Introducing Yourself: A quick example of how to introduce yourself on the forums, also explaining that linking to your facebook and other personal info should be done in PMs. This lends the rest of the forum (non stickies) to a little intro thread, where anyone can tell us about themselves, and even perhaps keep their own progress threads!

I may elaborate more on this as things pop into my mind. But yeah, just wanted to offer my ideas

[hippychick]

At the top of every post there is a report button. It is a black circle with the word rep in it. I urge everyone to report any post that is questionable. I am on here most days but things can be missed. For example I did not see some recent drama until a 2nd thread was made.

Mostly anytime you see a post that isn't being taken care of PLEASE hit the report button and put a lil note in about the post. This alerts all mods and will make us come and look.

[Sheesh4]

Your ideas sound amazing! Especially the abbreviation list!

[Sheesh4]

Oh, also you can get a full list of administrators by clicking on View Forum Leaders.

[asianeko]

At the top of every post there is a report button. It is a black circle with the word rep in it. I urge everyone to report any post that is questionable. I am on here most days but things can be missed. For example I did not see some recent drama until a 2nd thread was made.

Mostly anytime you see a post that isn't being taken care of PLEASE hit the report button and put a lil note in about the post. This alerts all mods and will make us come and look.

This is information that I know since I frequent many forums, as is the admin list mentioned in the post above. But does the average poster know about these things? That's what I'm trying to remedy.

[hippychick]

Oh absolutely. A newbie forum may work, although in my experience people don't like to stray out of one or two areas. I thought there was an introduction thread somewhere around here. I'll have a look.

If there are any other ideas people would like to see incorporated then let me know. I may write up just a brief "welcome to the forum" sticky topic.

There used to be a list of forum rules but it seems to have disappeared. On that note, what do people think the forum rules should be?

[Jen06]

I think these are all great ideas. I didn't know about the 'report' button or the 'forum admins' either. I'm glad I know of them now, though. An intro would be amazing for newbies. It takes awhile to catch onto all of the abbreviations, actions, etc.

As for rules... yes, drama has been HORRIBLE lately. Once again, can't say I'm innocent. Everyone gets touchy when sensitive areas are brought up. We're also much more likely to speak our minds on a forum like this than in 'real life' because we do feel so comfortable with one another. That being said, though...

1) No drama. If drama is found, thread will be immediately closed. There is a BIG difference between drama and friendly debates. The line needs to be drawn.

2) To reduce drama, all off-topic threads MUST be posted in the 'Off Topic' section of this forum.

3) Panic posts should be posted under a section labeled 'Panic Posts'

4) Personal opinions should be kept to yourself. Whatever that entails. Not everyone is going to agree with you. You shouldn't expect them to, and you wouldn't want them to push their ideas on you... so don't think it's okay to do it to them.

5) If rules are broken, there should be a suspension process. Maybe it would make people think before they speak (well, type haha)

All in all, I think this forum has way more positive than negative, but it does seem that there is MUCH more drama lately. This should be a place we go to feel comforted, reassured, loved, and supported. Not attacked, doomed, or alone. I posted on this recently.

I can say, from personal experience, it is horrible feeling alone. Especially in a place that is supposed to make you feel at ease. For most all of us this forum is the ONLY source of comfort we have in our lives (for emet). Many of us do not have others in our day-to-day life who understand us in our 'freak-out' moments. If they don't understand, they can't comfort. I just wish we could all learn to bite our tongues and get along. With that in mind, we have to remember we are very much like one, big family. We love one another, support one another... and with this many members of a 'family,' there WILL be drama... and there WILL be disagreement.

Take my rules with a grain of salt. Just some suggestions. You guys do a great job. Thanks for all that you do!

[asianeko]

If rules are going to be that strict, I think we should be able to have a free for all forum. Personal opinions being taken out of a support board is severely limiting.

[Rebecca85]

I was going to say, I think it's fine to state your personal opinion so long as you make it clear it's your opinion (not fact) and you do it in a way that is respectful to others opinions. For example 'I think dogs are better than cats' is OK, but 'All cats are f***ing stupid and anyone who owns one is too!' is not!

And of course, if anyone does find something upsetting or offensive report it or PM an admin, otherwise ot tends to start an argument.

[becca44]

Im fairly new (within the last 6 weeks) and read a lot of posts and overall everybody seems very supportive of each other, i cant say that ive noticed any nastiness at all.

[harmonygirl72]

I skim the board every day, but I can't read everything. I trust someone will let me know if there is something I missed!

[Jen06]

If rules are going to be that strict, I think we should be able to have a free for all forum. Personal opinions being taken out of a support board is severely limiting.

Yes, that's true. I suppose it should just say, "don't push your own beliefs onto someone else." If anything is 'off topic,' it needs to go into the off topic forum.

[asianeko]

Yes, that's true. I suppose it should just say, "don't push your own beliefs onto someone else." If anything is 'off topic,' it needs to go into the off topic forum.

That sounds perfect!

I really don't feel this is a place we should encourage debating, but a free-for-all forum may be nice too, where any topics are welcome. This could also include the more adult topics that get put up every now and again. That way there would be a place for (civil) debates to go on as we know they will anyways.

[Jen06]

That's a brilliant idea. A free-for-all! Love it! I know what you mean... Debating always seems to lead to drama, but if there is a specific place for it... people enter and speak at their own risk.

[barbiegirl]

In my opinion, having too many forums and too much structure will just result in a lot of empty, dead forums. I have seen this happen many times on other forums, it just doesn't work and people just go back to using one or two categories for everything. People like having a single, private area to discuss whatever their present issues are both on and sometimes off topic. Opinions on all topics should be voiced (civilly); I think trying to censor the expression of opinions from the forum will also kill it in the long run. No one wants to go somewhere in their free time where can only talk about unicorns, happiness and rainbows because someone *might* disagree with them and cry. There is a HUGE difference between stating your opinion and even debating it and "pushing" it onto other people. Saying what you think and what works for yourself personally is not even close to "pushing" it onto other people.

The problem of course is when people throw fits, cry, play the victim and attack people because someone doesn't agree with their opinion (or whatever) and then start multiple drama threads. For those who crumble when someone else feels differently on any given topic, perhaps they *should* avoid expressing their opinions to avoid feeling crushed. Not as a formal rule (again, excessive structure and policing lead to stagnation and retaliation), but in general if it hurts to do something, don't do it. But for everyone else I think opinion sharing and debate should be encouraged as it leads to further understanding as long as it remains civil.

[lizzo]

I second what barbiegirl said.

[Jen06]

I'm happy with whatever the decision-makers decide... whether that be change or not.

If we don't have a certain spot to place our panic posts... maybe as someone else said... they can label them like we label our off-topics with OT?? We have to be mindful of everyone in this situation.

I panic post when I'm very anxious/nauseous, so I am not biased in my opinions. I see the panickers' side... but I also see the benefits of some change. I'm WORKING on my frequent posting because it's just a personal goal for myself to try to recover... or at least improve. But I've come to realize not everyone wants to be rid of this phobia.

It would stand to reason if we can abbreviate words for the consideration of others, we could give fair warning of graphic or panicky posts. I know 90% of panic posts are obvious in their titles... but once in awhile, you get slapped in the face, so to speak, with a surprising post full of panic/graphic material. We SHOULD as adults have enough self-control to stop ourselves... but most of us give in to temptation, even though we know it's not a good idea.

Everyone is at different stages with their phobia. Some are worse than others. Some handle things differently than the rest of us. We're all different. Some are triggered by words or stories. Some aren't. It doesn't personally bother me to see/read panic posts... and if I'm feeling nauseous and think a certain post will be particularly graphic, I avoid it until I know I can 'stomach' the story. I try to help others who are panicking as much as I can because I know what that feels like.

I just want our 'positive' posts to be recognized as much as the panic posts, is all. I think they're both equally important and panic posts are by NO means 'negative.' It's a sort of exposure for those seeking recovery, IMHO. Maybe just re-naming certain forums and ridding ourselves of the ones that are never used anyways, as someone else said. That way, our 'positive' posts... or ones of triumphs/encouragement, questions... etc. can be in one specific place on days that someone may be feeling a bit down or discouraged. I don't think panic posts will ever, ever go unnoticed or ignored. We thrive on them, whether we want to admit it or not. Well, most of us. It feels good helping others... and it also feels good knowing you have support when you need it.

BUT that being said... you're right. There is a BIG difference between civally debating... or even just debating or voicing our opinions... and arguing over meaningless things. I'm all for people having opinions and voicing them. It's when those opinions turn into personal attacks and isolating someone to the point that they feel singled out and invaluable to their community (whether their 'community' is this forum or not) that I don't like. People, in general, don't like confrontation because all too quickly, it turns into drama. Especially in a place where 'tones' can't always be understood over the internet. The same sentence can have several different meanings if you can't hear how the person is actually SAYING it.

Too many forums WILL most likely be overwhelming and confusing. I think maybe condensing what we DO have may help organization... and leave us with as few unused forums as possible. Some of them have been unused for a LONG time.

[barbiegirl]

It's when those opinions turn into personal attacks

The problem is when people misinterpret a difference of opinion as a personal attack. Most often it is the former being perceived as the latter.

[KaydeeJayde]

Sometimes the personal attacks are just blatant and hurtful though.

[asianeko]

I agree that many people here take difference of opinion as personal attacks. But it would be up to the admin to differentiate between the two if action needs to be taken. I only consider it a personal attack if it's specifying one or two people. There has been some nasty ones going around lately too.

[Jen06]

Yeah, sadly that's true. I have to constantly remind myself that what someone says... isn't necessarily meant to be hurtful. It's so hard to interpret tones in text because you aren't actually HEARING the WAY they are saying what they're saying. In most cases, you've gotta give them the benefit of the doubt.