Life is what you make of it

[Babydoll]

Maybe its just me, but I notice alot of .. the glass is half empty.. outlooks on this board.


I know that emet is a hard battle to fight, and we all have our ups and downs, but generally I get a bit depressed after reading some of the glum replies here. Im not saying that we ll have to have happy attitudes 24 hours a day, but I cant imagine living my life and thinking that, life stinks, Im sick, and I hate the world.


Think about all the great things in our lifes. And even if today was a bad day, tomorow is bound to be better.


There is a reason we all have this phobia and I dont think god makes mistakes. We all have different reasons and most are unknown, but we all have so much to be thankful for and appreciate in our lives.


Im lucky to have 2 very loving parents, my kitties, an oppurtunity to attend university, my boyfriend, good food to eat, good friends.... the list goes on and on.


The reason Im bringing this all up is because I think most of you dont realize how hard you are on yourselves. you are all wonderful people with amazing qualities. You guys makes me laugh, and cry, and are most sympathetic people I know.( online, that is)


anyways, I hope you guys read this and realize that there is much more to life than fighting this phobia, and many many wonderful parts to enjoy.

[madisonsmom]

[img]smileys/smilies_39.gif[/img] I totally agree!!

[shiva]

YAY BABYDOLL! What you posted is soooo true! I love when I get on here and read positive posts! Have you noticed though that the positive ones don't get half as much attention as the negative/scary ones? That is messed up! It's almost as if some people here thrive on this sickness... I didn't say that to get anyone stirred up. And, it attacks no one personally.


AND, if anyone feels compelled to lash out at the comment I made, I suggest thinking long and hard about what it means to you and why it would make you defensive. I was defensive for a long time aboutmy phobia, until I decided that I was ready to REALLY try to free myself from it.

[hippychick]

I personally love my life. Ok maybe I haven't acheived everything I want to yet or anything like that but I am challanging and beating my fears everyday, I have also tried to start positive posts here many times before because I believe there is more to everyone than this phobia. But I understand. For example, I always write in my journal when I am sad but not when I am happy. when I am happy I don't wanna be writing it down!!!!!!!!!!! So maybe that is the case here?? who knows but its nice to see positive attitudes here. I don't mean to offend anyone because I know why it is hard to be positive when you are panicking and scared.

[rachelle]

I love this message. Its what I have been saying to another IES member for a long while now.


Yes, this phobia is difficult to deal with but y accept it? Why let it drag u down and stop u doing things u want to do. So many people live by the "if i think i cant then i cant" rule, which i dont agree with. How do u kno wat u can or cant do until u try?


Like hippychick, I love my life - im doing all a girl my age could do and im thoroughly loving every minute of it! Yes, ther are times when things get tough but hey, thats life right? I have to deal with it, things DO get better.


Every single one of us is special, in our own individual ways. This phobia is not something that should make us feel badly about ourselves or negatively about our lifes. We r all strong people for coping thus far with it and we should think of this as one of the positive aspects of it. Think now, on all of ur achievements in the past week, and be proud of urself. Its the only way forward.


Rachel x x x

[ejb199]

i know its good to be positive - but can you guys honestly say you feel 'positive' if you REALLY believe it is ur turn to vomit? and if that is everyday for some of us - then its real hard to keep positive about 'life'.

I just continually feel selfish and am beating myself up mentally for obsessing about this phobia, when on paper my life is 'perfect' - good upbringing, good degree, good job, homeowner, steady and happy in my relationship, frequently go on holidays....but i STILL feel crap!
whats wrong with me?

ems x

[hippychick]

I understand I really do, in fact I felt a little harsh writing what I did because when I was down there was just no way I could have seen the positive in life. I thoughtI would V* anytime and as a result I never had a second peace from anxiety. So I know that it's hard to be positive. I just wish more triumphs got posted here, and even when they sometimes do people don't respond half as much to a negative thread and I know thats because people are so sweet in offering support but really...when there is so much crap and stuff in our lives sometimes its nice to focus on something positive even if it's a tiny thing like ..."I really like eating pea's" or "My cat is pretty" you know???

[ontariogirl]

I agree. I felt really good about myself when I went to the dentist, I was petrified and with some help I did it and I am no longer afraid to go there. When I am feeling down I write in my journal to get my feelings out, when I am great and things are going fantastic I don't write it down but I am going to start. I had a rough weekend, the worse in a longtime, I was looking so forward to seeing my nurse practitioner today and than I got the phone call. SHe has to leave until May9th, she has to attend a funeral! I am devastated to the point that I was crying. There is my doctor who works with her so I have chosen to see him on Wednesday at 11 am. He isn't the same as Janie but if I don't see him I am afraid that I won't get out of this, I am trying to tell my brain to relax, I should paint and focus my thinking on that but it is hard. We all have our ups and downs and the down sucks big time!

[shiva]

Of course we are all going to have a fear of vomiting.. Afterall, that is why we are here. I don't feel that it is at all unacceptable to come on here and look for support when we are scared. I also have no problem with graphic posts about personal experiences with someone getting sick themselves and being OKAY afterward. I also think that off topic conversation is nothing that should offend anyone. There is actually nothing wrong with any given post because each of our feelings are valid, and how is anyone to tell YOU that you cannot feel what you are feeling? And, anyone should be able to come here with any problem and feel better from the responses by the end of the day.


HOWEVER... It is just very sad that it seems that some people are just very happy being victims. It's frustrating. Even though we've ALL been there, the ones of us who have finally gotten sick of it wish we could just shake the rest of you becuase your lives don't have to be overtaken by this. I understand, though. There was a time in my life when I would have scoffed at this post. It would have offended the bejesus out of me. I guess that is becuase we all have to get there at our own pace and on our own time. I know that each day that my what if's do not consume me are a blessing. I also know that any stressful situation in my life can knock me back into a world of no sleep and agoraphobia.


Bottom line is... until you are ready, you will not rid yourself of this. This is made up in OUR OWN heads. WE are the only ones with the power to defeat it. WE have enabled it to take over our lives and we are the only ones who can kill it. However, we must REALLY want it and really be ready to do all it takes to become healthy. Also, the ONLY way to conquer a fear is to face it and look it in the eye. I know this is very scary. It still scares the crap out of me. But, it's true. That is the only way.


SO, yes.. I do think that we are enabling eachother sometimes when we sit here and tell eachother that you will not get sick because of this and becuase of that. Because what we need to be telling ourselves to be able to get better is that "YES, we might get sick! It's always very possible! It is scary, but your body knows what it has to do to care for itself. Trust your body!" And trust that if you do get sick, there are people here who know how scary it was for you and then they can offer support and tell you how GREAT you did and you will know you are one step closer to being healthy.


I realized a long time ago here that if you don't post "there, there.. you're going to be fine" and "no you wont get sick" posts that not many people reply to you. I think that is just giving lots more strength to your fear. When that is all you want to hear, that is just making this sickness grow inside you and take over. Challenge yourself to get better! I remember months ago I started what I thought to be a great thread about coping mechanisms that take us one step closer to conquering this fear. It only lasted one day! There were a couple great responses! Someone yelled at their scared self in the mirror when they were nausiated, taking control back. That is great stuff. That is what we need to be sharing with one another. I have seen BABYDOLL try to challenge this board over and over. BECAUSE she cares and wants all of us to feel stronger. In the past people just get mad and defensive and do not realize that this girl goes through the SAME exact s*** you do! She just decided she had had enough and decided it was time to take back the control. Anyone who came to this conclusion would want to share the feeling with the people she cared about.

[Jenneh]

i certainly don't see myself as a victim generally; but if you are overwhelmed with depression it's hard to be positive 24/7. depression after all is an illness. it's not a choice.


xxx

[rachelle]

Shiva, I agree completely - I really couldnt have said it better myself.

I believe that u cant really get over this phobia or perhaps deal more with it, until u r ready. Some people I have spoken to, almost dont want to be without it?!

None of what I have said is meant in a offensive way, im sorry if i have upset anyone. But remember that I'm not speaking as a non-emet. I have been through hell and I have definately had my share of rough times in dealing with this. I know what its like, but iv come through it. All id like to do is help anyway I can to enable others to get better too, and face this awful phobia head on.


Rachel x x x

[terified girl]

Funny how this post makes me want to cry. I am in an attack right now, and Saturday I was feeling a little gassy but decided, what the hell, I was going to go out with my bf and his kids and not worry about my stomach and the normal pains in it....Well turns out that not only did I start feeling worse but I was trying my new techniques of positive thinking and telling myself I was fine, only to end up breathing so hard and feeling so nauseaous and helpless.....


I am trying dammit to not let this fear beat me but everytime I go out, its with me, haunting me, and torturing me....


I am so not in the mood....Sorry

[shiva]

Trust me when I say I know that feeling. You are not helpless! You can help yourself and each time you go out and attempt to make yourself better, you make yourself one step stronger! As you get closer and closer, this phobia IS going to fight back! And I know it is hard as hell, but you have to show it who is boss and you have to do this for you! For your life! Because there is simply no other choice! You can do this! And don't be sorry for expressing being frustrated with this topic!


If I could stomp out the what if's anyone can! I still can't get rid of them all of the time, but I am working on it daily and I never give up! If we give up on fighting, we give up on any chance for a different life and I am not willing to give that up.


There was a time in my life where I DID NOT LEAVE MY HOUSE! I stayed with an abusive husband just incase our child got sick! I was so messed up it wasn't even funny. It was no quality of life for myself or my daughter. All I know is that to live like that again is not living. And, FOR ME, the second I let this succumb every thought of mine again is the second I may as well just end it! And to come on here every day with "oh my god this happened and it's the end of the world", is just feeding into that kind of destructive behavior! All I am saying is come here and say "This happened to me and it sucked and it was hard, but life is going to get better and I am going to work hard until it does!"


It's as if we take life itself for granted. We wish away winter. We can't wait til morning. We can't wait until those 36 hours are over. I f***ing do this to! All I am saying is WE DON'T HAVE TO live like this! And, I am trying hard as hell not to! And I sit here and type like this and come here often because I want to be that strength that someone might need and because I want others to understand me. I am trying to find strength within a group of people who happen to have my same shortcoming. I don't think support comes in the form of enabling others weaknesses!


I have come here before with "oh my god's" and "what if's". And I have recieved great support.


I think sometimes it is just too hard to hear people taking their lives for granted. I don't want to get sucked back into that. But, I need this place for support as well. I understand we all need something different to cope and deal. We are not all the same. This is like a support group and support groups work out so well because there are different ideas and personalities and strenghts within the group.


But the bottom line is still and will forever be.... Until we face this fear, we may as well be accepting this life of hell because that is the only way it is going away.


Germs aren't going away. Our bodies are definitely not going to stop v*ing, so we need to learn to somehow accept it. I don't see what is constructive about shooting down people just because they are offering this kind of advice and help. It's simply the truth.


The original post was titled "Life is what you make of it" And, this is completely true. We can be upset because we have to deal with this s***ty phobia. We can take our lives for granted and obsess over something we have no control over or we can LIVE and enjoy every second of every day of our lives! Why do people get so pissed off over this suggestion?

[Babydoll]

I really dont want to offend anyone with this post... you know there are alot of things that are wrong with my life.. but If i choose to dwell on those things day in and day out I would never go out and live my life.


I dont want anyone to miss out on all the good things that could have happened to them because of this phobia, thats all. I want people to see that you can choose to live the way you want, its all up to you in the end.


I understand depression is not a choice with some people. but you can choose to live with the depression or phobia, and let it consume you, or you can find help and medication to deal with it. Im not saying it magically happens, and I know its tough, but really when I look into the eyes of a cancer patient my illness seems so trivial compared to it.


I cant change people, I know that, nor do I want to.


whats that saying, life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what your going to get...


Its just we all have sucha short time here. you only get one life to live... live it well..and know that being happy spreads happiness to other people


okay, Im going to go before the violins start playing haha.

[mitch04133]

I think you are all right. It's all about your attitude. If you feel down, and depressed, then things will be down and depressed. If you can change your attitude, and just go out there and try your hardest to live the best to your ability, then I fully believe that we can learn to live and cope with this phobia. I was so depressed for so long. But I decided one day f*** this, I am not living the rest of my life in my bedroom. I am going out, finding a job, recover from my illness, and live life. I think that it is a choice to fall into depression, and it's a choice to bounce out of it (sorry if that sounds mean). I decided I will not be depressed anymore. What's the point. Sure I still have this phobia, sure I might still get scared to eat certain foods, but I am not going to get deprssed over it anymore. I will just deal with it. I am still scared everyday that I might v*, but I choose not to let this fear stand in my way of living my life. I am not over my fear, but I am learning to live with it. And maybe as time goes on I will be able to think less and less about v*, and even if I don't, I am still going to choose to live my life. We only live once, and why waste it on v*?

[shiva]

Exactly! And, we do have the power to change. We are the only ones who can pull ourselves out of being depressed. It is very hard and challenging, but if we want to live our lives, then it is all we can do!


I hope that everyone on this board understands. I hope that people still come here for support. That is what it is about. But, I am thinking and hopeing that this could really help make things more positive around here. I think that would be great for everyone!


Mitch, I am so glad that you have decided not to take your life for granted. That took a lot of strength! I am sure that you are enjoying your life so much more these days

[mitch04133]

Someone posted that depression is an illness, not a choice. I wrote that depression is a choice. And let me clarify that I feel that depression for me was my own choice. I think I let myself get depressed, and I was the only one that had the power to get over it. I think that everyone falls into depression for their own reasons, and we are not one to judge what those reasons are. But I do think that we all have the choice to overcome depression, if it's talking to a friend, or going on medication, or seeing a therapist. Depression is only an illness if you choose to not makethe choice to try and overcome it. I believe that it is serious, but in order to get better, WE have to make the choice to get the help we need.

[Jenneh]

this post is going to anger me COMPLETLEY in one second.


you CANNOT sit there and judge that we all sit on our asses and wallow in depression.


i am TRYING to get help - back in January i went to an adult mental health clinic, is it my fault that they're only just trying to help me, now?!


i am back on anti-depressants for ur information, so i'm not just sitting here wallowing in my depression and choosing to live this life.


it's not just emet i've got to put up with. it's social phobia. it's another strong phobia which i doubt any of you know even existed. it's anorexia. it's a hell of a lot of complexes from my childhood e.t.c.


now tell me that i don't spnd EVERYDAY fighting to actually STAY ALIVE.


Edited by: Jenneh

[hippychick]

I think what this stems from is that..when you actually start fighting your phobia it feels so powerful and good that you want other people to fight in the same way, you wanna say OMG look at this. But you can't because everyone is different and everyone takes their own time and Jenneh I know you fight so hard, I read your posts and wish I knew how to help you because you are so young and you fight so much. I don't dispute it for a second ok honey?


Depression is very hard to get over and get rid of. I can really undrstand why those who are getting better want to bring everyone with them, to say "look at this...what YOU can do" but i think depression strips people of their power sometimes and it's up to each person to do what they can to get that back when they can and how they can.


Now my points were not about this, I simply wish we all as a group celebrated the triumphs a little bit more than we do sometimes here.

[Jenneh]

i flipped... sorry... i came on here to delete my posts... but i don't think i shud do that... maybe i shud just apologise for sounding a bit harsh there. just i honestly am having the weeks from hell, i didn't tell any of you this because i don't generally write about me on here anymore. but these last few weeks have exhausted me from the levels of anxiety and stress i have been dealing with and so to come on here and read that this should be such an easy thing to get over and move forwards from, really offended me.


i am sorry for being so bitter. funnily enough - there was a time when i would have come on here and ranted on about how positive energy is all you need to overcome this - then i realise the battle i'm fighting is going to take more work than just positive energy from me - however much i give of that, i need to actually be psychologically re-trained.


i'll stop rambling,


Jen xxxxxx

[shiva]

I understand what you are saying. I never suggested that anyone sits and intentionally wallows in their own self pity. There is nothing consciously intentional about what we do. We are not your family members or people off the street who don't know what you are going through. We have the same experiences that you do. We live through the same hell as you.


Positive thinking is the first step in anything if you want to succeed. The second you doubt yourself you may give up trying. Yes it takes a lot more than thinking positively. Jesus, I spend 30 minutes a day looking at those freaking images of people being sick. I go to therapy every week. I fight with my family about this s***. My mom tells me I'm going to make my daughter crazy. I hate my parents for what they did to me as a child.


Right now I am stressed as well. I cannot pay my bills. I am a single mother of an 8 year old. I work full time in a pretty stressful job, plus I go to school full time and finals are in two weeks. For some reason it is my job to keep the peace between my mom and younger sister even though I don't live there and have never lived with them since I was kicked out at 16. My daughter has asthma and I have to take her to immunotherapy shots every week. s***.. I know stress. But, sitting here and posting to you guys about all of that isn't going to help. Yes, I know it is gratifying to hear back from people who understand, it's nice to hear from someone that your feelings are valid. Of course that feels good. But sometimes what feels good is not always what is best for us.


We are all great people. And yes, come here and post when you have problems. I just feel like there are times when I read posts where someone is having a hard time and I want to reach out and tell them that they can do it, or give advice on how something hard can be done. But I don't. I don't because this is what happens. People get offended. It's just another kind of helping. It isn't putting anyone down. If you can look at everything that has been said objectively and not take it personally and get defensive you will see that it is all very positive and inspiring.


I just wish people would stop getting offended and realize that we are all here to help one another.

[Jenneh]

positive energy can only do so much


i will say this until i am blue in the face. when you are physically ill - you need a Doctor to treat you - and you meet ur doctor halfway by following his orders (staying in bed, taking tablets) e.t.c.


when you are mentally ill - it's exactly the same principle. you need a doctor (psychologist) who will meet you half way. they can do the technical re-training of ur thoughts and u willcome along with the motivation, determination, positive energy - needed to get thru the hard process of recovery.


why else are there psychiatrists out there? why else are there therapies like cognitive behavioural therapies? exposure therapies?


if you are taking part in one of these therapies, it is not just the positive energy that is making things better for you. yes - it will be a GREAT help though.


i get highly frustrated with people who will just refuse to help themselves. i have an anorexic friend who will just not even think about trying to gain weight or stand up to any of the anorexic thoughts. she does wallow in it. and i do get frustrated with her.


but that's not me. here i am - putting weight on however much i hate it. going out to school however much i hate it. finishing my A levels however hard it is. now i have calmed down - i can tell you this - i haven't yet stopped fightingagainst this phobia.


i may have had days where i get depressed because the way my life is going at the moment: i am going to become agoraphobic by the time i leave school, i cannot possibly do what i want and lose more weight without putting myself on deaths doorstep again - but thats me facing up the reality of it.


i really don't know where i am going with this. but i have just finished writing a 32 page discussion on the social construction of mental health disorders - so my brain is rather frazzled. maybe i shud stop here.


xxx

[hippychick]

I understand what you are saying Shiva but the turth is everyone needs help in different ways and responds differently. If I was panicking and someone was harsh with me I'd take it, I respond to that cos it's how my mum is and it works, but other people don't respond to that, and thats fine. You just gotta try and work out when it's gonna be well receieved and not take it personally if it isn't

[rachelle]

Hmm, I dont wana spark up debate again, but iv practically cured myself without going to a psychologist or therapist. I done it solely on positive thinking and pushing myself to do things. Obviously everyone is different and needs help in different ways. But I just wanted to state that I do truly believe that success is about belief.


Hmm, there really was no point in this post but Jenneh Im sorry that uv been going through a tough time hun, I know ur strong and I know that u r fighting this phobia. Keep going girl, u will do it.


Rachel xxx

[hippychick]

I'm the same as you rachelle I have practically cured myself alone, with no therapy and so I understand why people ...really want everyone else here to understand. It's like one day you realise you are in control. But I also believe that some people have problems that DO need outside help, some depression has no cause it is just there and needs treatment and sometimes positive thinking plain old doesn't work. People need to come to terms with things individually and in their own ways.


But this isn't what I wanted all this to be about, I would just like to see some more positive posts here thats all, some more triumphs, some more "Look what i did"'s I'm not saying it will cure people, just that it would be a nice thing to see instead of just coming here to post on the negative

[terified girl]

The original post was titled "Life is what you make of it" And, this is completely true. We can be upset because we have to deal with this s***ty phobia. We can take our lives for granted and obsess over something we have no control over or we can LIVE and enjoy every second of every day of our lives! Why do people get so pissed off over this suggestion?

I for one, was not upset by this post, just sad because everything you said was the damn truth, I want kids very much and I won't ever have them becauseof this, I want to vacation but I won't because of this....But you are 100% right, and thats what upset me.....

[Jenneh]

i think it also depends highly upon the cause of the phobia. how it manifests within you e.t.c.


of course there are books out there to replace the need for a therapist e.t.c! i've tried one of them too >.< not very hard i have to admit but i certainly don't have the time to do that at the moment.


Jen xxx

[kmarie]

I dotnw ant to fight either..i see both sides of this storey..i believe that our attitude greatly effects our recovery..but I also udnerstand everyone is different.


Everyone has to hit rock bottom before they realize that they need help and their attitude needs to change..everyones rock bottom is different and we reach it at different time periods.


and unfortunately, i beleieve that there are some people who may never hit their rock bottom and will continue on in depression and mental health issues until they pass away naturaly..or end up hitting their rock bottom..which is death.


its why they call it mental illness...it is an illness that you need help with...but I do agree if we can improve our attitudes then we can help ourselves a great deal...


all in all..everyone is different...no one can judge here...we all have problems..some of us can relate to others and some can not...we can try and help eachother as best we can..and thats all we can do..each and every one of us are at a different stage in recovery..and have different needs..we need to accept that and be there for eachother.

[shiva]

I think we are all basically saying kind of the same thing. We all want to rid ourselves of this and what helps for some will not with others. I just desperately want us all to be well. I hate this phobia. I hate it so much.

[crazybeautiful]

You can't tell someone how to feel. That defeats the purpose of feelings. If someone feels sad, lonely, happy, depressed, annoyed, excited...who are you to say they shouldn't be feeling that way?


It's hard to smile your way through something if you are sad (I know this feeling all too well) and no one should be forced to 'look on the bright side'.


I know the intent of this thread was to be positive I don't want to be a downer, but I kind of agree with Jenneh, people who suffer from depression aren't going to respond very well.