Going to the ER on sunday....voluntarily

[Malalcala]

Hello All.

I joined this forum over the summer because I was curious to know if there were any fellow emets out there pursuing a career in medicine.(I will be taking the MCAT in May and applying to med schools this cycle) Since then I haven't checked in a lot except to browse occasionally. For me sometimes reading all the fears about flu season ect can trigger panic that I can generally keep in check.
However, I am now being faced with a situation I just can't discuss it with my fellow non traditional pre meds....(I keep the phobia pretty much to myself or downplay it...who wants a Dr. who is a afraid of vomit??)
So here's the story: For the last few months I have been volunteering in an ICU unit at a children's hospital which has not been a problem...Whew!! But this coming Sunday I have been given the opportunity to shadow a really wonderful MD. in the ER. This is an AMAZING opportunity for me, It is absolutely essential to my application that I shadow and I am lucky to be able to follow someone who I know fairly well. HOWEVER..... If I could have picked a specialty to observe...EM would NOT have been my first choice. I sort of feel like I am throwing myself off the deep end here. It doesn't help that my mother (who is super supportive but still remembers my younger days of jumping out of moving vehicles and refusing to go to school) keeps asking me if I am "sure" I want to shadow in the ER ; )
The answer in..um no..But YES, yes I really really do! I am excited.... I am just totally terrified that I might make a complete fool of myself!! So I have a plan and I have mapped out "worst case scenario" in my head... which includes taking a preemptive ativan.
I am almost fully confident that I will be able to just avert my eyes and "deal" ,even if my heart is pounding, in the event that I find myself in the room with a vomiting patient. But in reality I do not really know what to expect and it is fear of the unknown that is driving me back to this forum : ) My theory is that I will be fine because I HAVE to be. Can't go running and screaming down the hall in front of poor sick kids and a Doc I really want to act like a professional in front of. Might be weak sauce but thats all I've got.

I suppose what I am looking for is encouragement...from people who know what its like.

[daffodil]

I think you are very brave! Don't let emet get in the way of your dreams.

[HEH18]

Wow good for you!! This is the ultimate way to challenge and learn to manage your phobia! I think going into it with a plan and the commitment to deal with it, is your best bet. Also totally admire that you aren't willing to let your fear decide your future!

[Grace47]

You can do this. You're going to be a great doctor, because you already have empathy for your patients. I admire you for your bravery. I don't think I could do it.

[spilled_milk]

Good for you! You are following your dreams and you refuse to let emet stop you. I completely commend you for that, you should be very proud of yourself

[chris_alice]

Go for it! You can do it! Don't let this phobia interfere with your dreams! Remember, phobias lie. The fear we feel about vomiting isn't in proportion to what could actually happen (as with any phobia). Also, my doctor said that doctors are human and get sick from tme to time too, but no more than the average person does... even though one would expect a doctor who is around sick (and contagious) people EVERY DAY to get sick much more often. As a med student you know our immune system is ADAPTIVE so by being around all the "stuff" you'll actually become immune to a lot of it and healthier in the process. According to my doctor, the first year of med school everyone gets sick at some poinet... often with colds and things like that... but after that first year, the playing field levels out and, as I've already said that she said, doctors don't get sick more often than anybody else and, in fact, probably get sick less often because their immune system adapts and become stronger.

You're going to be an AMAZING doctor because you have the added bonus (yes, I said bonus lol) of dealing with something that can be so debilitating, yet so misunderstood, and so that will give you a very "human" edge as a doctor that your patients will absolutely appreciate. There's nothing worse than a cold detached doctor who can't relate to what it's like being sick and scared.

[Malalcala]

Awwww!! Thank you all so much for the kind words and support! It really does mean a lot coming from people who have experienced the fear. I am always impressed and inspired by the moms on this site who just do what needs to be done and face the fear calmly and with empathy when their kids are sick... Even if they secretly wanted to jump out a window

It is my goal to be like that, in medicine (and of course as a mom some day soonish).

Thank you again for the encouragement !!!! I will let you know how it goes tomorrow (eeekkk) maybe I'll get lucky and this first time shadowing will be a slow day : ) Or maybe i wont get lucky but I will find myself to be as strong as I hope I can be...

[AoD]

Great idea, but you're in for a real rollercoaster ride with med school (work-wise), but you'll be fine in the ER I'm sure. And chances are that even if you were exposed to someone being sick, you won't catch it. I know several people who are in med school right now and most of them never catch anything even when exposed. You can do this! And you're not the only emet thinking about med school, I am contemplating doing it too (I finished my engineering degree but I am applying to med school this year).

[Cynna]

Remember every medical professional has one thing that makes them squeamish. My son is special needs so I have talked to lots of people in the field.

Try some positive visualizations. Imagine you handling the worst case scenarios like a pro. Imagine you kicking emets a......

Will the drug make you appear not on your toes? Never taken it so I do not know what it does.

Proud of you for taking the steps to achieve your dreams and kicking emet a....

[Malalcala]

Excellent!! Glad to know I am not the only crazy one out there!! I am well aware that the work is going to be intense. I think the phrase people use over and over is "like trying to drink water from a fire-hose" And i don't know about you but i am getting a tiny taste of that studying for the MCAT while finishing Organic and labs + work and volunteering and life (i am a non traditional student doing a post bacc so I am a bit older than most pre meds and also married ect...) Funny thing is I am not so worried about catching a bug just that I would "freak out" in front of everyone... Don't get me wrong I HATE the idea of catching something but I am in the hospital enough that I just don't think about it too much. Plus I wont be in "contact" with patients (not like I am in the ICU where I hold kids and read stories ect) I am just there to observe.
Its just that I get a bit panicky (possible slight understatement) at the sight/sound and smell and my sympathetic nervous system seems to take over and Im all "fight or flight".
SO the goal tomorrow is just to be aware and prepared for the worst so that I can keep myself in the room with my game face on.

I knew when I decided not to let Emet make decisions for me (having kids, traveling, eating salad from salad bars, pursuing my dream of being a doctor) that this road would be super tough and I told myself that if I could get A's in Physics and Organic Chemistry (which scared me) then I can sure as hell face my phobia....So far I have spent a lot more time worrying about all those other things like "can I handle the workload" "what if I don't score 30+ on the MCAT" and "what will it be like to have a family in med school" so this is really the first time I have had to face "that other fear"
I'd LOVE to hear how you have handled it as well!!
Again I am THRILLED that there is another person out there who is thinking about med school! I still think we are a bit nuts!!! I am just hoping its a good kinda nuts and that we will come out of this better doctors for our struggles!

[Cynna]

http://www.emetophobia.org/showthrea...selves-a-break

Sadie's post is good.

[Malalcala]

Cynna,
Great advice!! That is exactly what I'll be doing tomorrow.!
I am on a super low dose of "as needed" ativan which I have taken on and off since college. It usually just helps me be a bit more rational in a panicky situation. They can absolute make you a bit sleepy but for me the low dose wont be noticeable to that effect. Drugs certainly aren't for everyone but I have never had a bad experience with mine : )

[Malalcala]

It's a great post!!!! and SO TRUE!! I volunteer on a floor where half of the poor kidlets have treachs and it never bothers me. In reality this phobia is at it's worst for me when I am at home and my husband is sick and I am stuck in our tiny one bedroom apartment..and then of course I feel guilty for being the worlds worst wife.
Its true though that we all have our "things". People in medicine seem to have a hard time talking about those weaknesses. No one seems to want to admit it if blood freaks them out or if they are afraid of passing out on the first day of cadaver lab. It's like we are all supposed to go into it with absolute nerves of steel. I know those fears must be out there, and it is great to see a post where someone talks about it!

[kam00096]

Don't know if you can get it in the US but there's a fairly funny comedy in the UK called Doc Martin where the doctor's afraid of blood. Makes me laugh and might help with the whole docs are human too thing. Am super impressed with your career plan and it really does sound like you're kicking emet in the ass! Good luck with it all!

[AoD]

Excellent!! Glad to know I am not the only crazy one out there!! I am well aware that the work is going to be intense. I think the phrase people use over and over is "like trying to drink water from a fire-hose" And i don't know about you but i am getting a tiny taste of that studying for the MCAT while finishing Organic and labs + work and volunteering and life (i am a non traditional student doing a post bacc so I am a bit older than most pre meds and also married ect...) Funny thing is I am not so worried about catching a bug just that I would "freak out" in front of everyone... Don't get me wrong I HATE the idea of catching something but I am in the hospital enough that I just don't think about it too much. Plus I wont be in "contact" with patients (not like I am in the ICU where I hold kids and read stories ect) I am just there to observe.
Its just that I get a bit panicky (possible slight understatement) at the sight/sound and smell and my sympathetic nervous system seems to take over and Im all "fight or flight".
SO the goal tomorrow is just to be aware and prepared for the worst so that I can keep myself in the room with my game face on.

I knew when I decided not to let Emet make decisions for me (having kids, traveling, eating salad from salad bars, pursuing my dream of being a doctor) that this road would be super tough and I told myself that if I could get A's in Physics and Organic Chemistry (which scared me) then I can sure as hell face my phobia....So far I have spent a lot more time worrying about all those other things like "can I handle the workload" "what if I don't score 30+ on the MCAT" and "what will it be like to have a family in med school" so this is really the first time I have had to face "that other fear"
I'd LOVE to hear how you have handled it as well!!
Again I am THRILLED that there is another person out there who is thinking about med school! I still think we are a bit nuts!!! I am just hoping its a good kinda nuts and that we will come out of this better doctors for our struggles!

I'm an older student too, although I'm not married and don't have kids! I'm doing a master's right now and trying to get perfect grades because I slacked off during my bachelor's and my average wasn't good enough to get into med school (they don't necessarily require the MCAT here and look more at the grades). I'm studying chemical engineering and that's a hefty workload already, and my brother is in med school and he basically keeps telling me that "I will have NO life" if I get into med school (he did engineering first too.. says this is a lot worse), but that the pros are worth it (good pay, interesting work). And well, you can't be worse than the students who faint during autopsies :P and there's a girl who studied with my brother who had a fear of blood. So your phobia isn't any worse than hers for this profession. So even if you panic a bit, don't worry, others have done so too for various reasons. Also, it's possible to juggle family and med school even though it isn't easy. As long as you have a supportive family all will be well!

[Grace47]

You can get Doc Martin on Netflix and Hulu. I stopped watching when he did not marry his pregnant girlfriend. I just got so ticked off at him for not doing the right thing. I'm sure you'll both do well in the medical profession. It's nice when the doctor actually understands how you feel.

[Malalcala]

So my Emergency Room experience turned out to be AMAZING!! I shadowed an attending physician for 7 hours last night and I walked away super excited and feeling like all this hard work will be totally worth it someday.
As for my phobia...We DID see multiple patients who came in with vomiting and when the Doc I was with said "agh, I hate vomiting" I took that as my opportunity to admit I was "squeemish" (which was an understatement but I wasn't gonna go into lengthy detail) She was totally understanding and told me I didn't have to go into those rooms...but I was so interested I just decided to go for it. Turns out I didn't actually see anything unpleasant but I felt like if I had I could have handled it.
I am sure there will be times in the future when anxiety kicks in and I have a really bad experience but last night made me feel like not only am I doing the right thing but that I will be able to get through those times!!

P.S I checked out Doc Martin. Very Funny!!!

[Cynna]

GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!PROUD OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

[andee]

Just reading this....SO AWESOME!!! Great for you! Keep us posted. As a former medical person, I would love to get back into it, but for now, it's not in the cards for me. Keep up the excellent work!!!

[KellyBelly]

I'm not a Med student

[KellyBelly]

Shoot, hit reply too soon! I'm not a med student, but I am a nursing student, and as a fellow emet. I know what you're going through! I know I don't want to do ER but that decision actually has nothing to do with this phobia. I ended up having to take my roommate to the ER for a leg injury in Oct. and there were 3 people *Ving while we waited!! Totally traumatic and I thought I was literally going to die while sitting in the ER lol, but I survived and you did too!

[AbsolutelySweetMarie]

Good for you for pursuing your ideal profession in spite of emet! That is so brave. And FYI, I would love to got a doctor who is afraid of v...they would actually understand me!