I'm new to this. I need help.

[RudiL94]

Hi Emetophobia.org. My name is Rudi and I have suffered from Emetophobia for as long as I can remember. I don't know if there was one single event that caused my irrational fear, all I remember is that it's been a burden of mine for my entire life. There have been many V related incidences in my life, mostly due to other people and not myself. These thoughts almost never leave my mind and I cannot go one single day without reluctantly and unwillingly reminiscing about them. During my mid-teenage years (14 - 17) my Emetophobia got a lot better, the anxiety and OCD side of it anyway, but the fear never left. Regardless of the fact I was a lot less anxious about public places and going out with friends, if an event were to occur that caused me to believe I was in danger of V, I would have full blown panic attacks and would be extremely anxious for days.

I recently turned 18, and for some reason my Emetophobia seems to of taken a turn for the worse. Over the past few months my anxiety has been building up, and over the past few weeks it has become extreme. At this moment in time I feel as if this phobia has taken over my life. I used to be a regular party-go-er and social person. All that has changed recently, I have stopped going out, I am going to school less and less, and in the past week it has been so bad I have barely even left my room. I am constantly washing my hands, checking my symptoms, checking food and avoiding contact with anyone (including family). It has gotten so bad my Mum, who is just about the only person in my life who knows about this, has advised me to start therapy. I am now having CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy), I have only had 3 sessions and I am sceptical that it's going to work.

I feel so depressed, scared, anxious and stressed right now in my life it's almost as if I can't cope. I am staying up all night and I have changed my lifestyle to accommodate this completely irrational phobia. I feel like everyone around me is unwell and a potential threat to me. At times, I have even caused my Mother to cry, which makes me feel like my phobia is a burden to her. It makes me feel like I've failed her, as if she expected better of me as a son. It makes me realise how different I really am. I try to mask my fear, but lately that has been impossible. This is the first time I have ever posted anything like this on the internet, so it's kind of a breakthrough for me.

I feel as if I am in serious need of help, does ANYONE know how to cope with this horrible life changing phobia? Are there any success stories out there of people who have overcome this? Is it even possible to overcome it? Please reply, I apologise for the essay. Thank you for reading.

Rudi.

[lilwng]

I think a lot of us cope by coming here, so you're doing the right thing. Sometimes just knowing that other people feel the same way as you and that you're not alone is a tremendous help. Exercise really seems to help me a lot. The more physically active I am the better my anxiety is, so I try to get out and move every day. Know your limits, if something is really bothersome to you and you're aware it triggers a memory then avoid it. Understand that for many of us, this anxiety tends to ebb and flow. I think we all have periods of good and periods of bad. This isn't the abyss, there is a way out. Be open and receptive to your therapy and work really hard at finding your rational inner voice. Every time one of those memories pop up, change your focus, task, orientation... whatever, just get your mind on something else. Good luck.

[RudiL94]

Thank you for the advise lilwng. I too find that being active can help my anxiety, however recently I have felt completely lacking in energy due to a mixture of depression, stress and anxiety. I might begin exercising, but I don't think I could cope with going to a gym... All that dirty machinery will only fuel my fears. Thanks again.

[lilwng]

Oh I'm with you on that! I let my gym membership expire. I have children, so I walk or run with them when the weather permits it. There's all kinds of great exercise programs you can do at home, though. I know the tired feeling of depression, but if you just make the first step it will lift you up like your wouldn't believe. Keep us posted!

[RudiL94]

I think running sounds like a good option for me, and I can always buy a few weights to train at home with. I'll give it a try. Anything to help cope with this is good. Thanks again lilwng.

[Sunpeach]

You are at a time in your life that is naturally a time of intense change and uncertainty, so it is not surprising at all that your emet is at a high. The CBT will help, but you have worked on this brain loop for your whole life, it is going to take some time to undo. I would highly recommend the addition of an antidepressant. They can works wonders over time for loosening the grip of this phobia. I have taken several different ones over the years and have never had n* or v* from any of them. Exercise, deep breathing also good things to do. It will get better, you're taking a very brave first step. Be proud of that.

[RudiL94]

I have always been reluctant about taking antidepressants, 1: because of possible side effects of n* or v*, and 2: because I am afraid of any effect on my body in which I have no control over. Do these antidepressants make you feel different in any way? If so I don't know if I could take them. I might just man-up and try them anyway. Deep breathing does work very well. Thank you for the reply

[Amanda Pomerenke]

I've never taken anti depressants, but a lot of people on here have and they have said there are no side effects involving v. If you don't want to take them, you could always do therapy. Make sure they specialize in phobias and anxiety though, because it sounds like your depressions is rooting from this fear Until then, think positive thoughts, do some deep breathing, exercise, try and eat healthy(it's a lot better on your tummy, it improves your immune system, and it just lifts your spirits). Also, if you are feeling particularly anxious, this is what helps me. Don't try and reassure yourself. Lets say for example, one of your friends is sick. Don't keep saying to yourself "well she didn't v near me and we haven't hung out recently, so I should be okay". That kind of shows you anxiety you have a reason to fear v, when in reality you don't. If you say to yourself "If I am sick, I will get through it because I am a strong person" or "I will be okay, if I just relax everything will be easier" then it will be more empowering, and if one day you are sick, it will be much easier to cope with. Sorry if that doesn't make much sense. I hope this forum helps you out a lot, it certainly makes me feel less alone!

[RudiL94]

I am currently having therapy for my phobia, I hope it will help I am only 3 sessions in. What you said about not reassuring yourself makes perfect sense. I have found in the past when I have come to terms with the fact I might be sick, my anxiety was a lot better. I have thought to myself "if I'm sick, then I'm sick and there's nothing you can do about it, so you might as well relax"... It's just hard to be able to get into that state of mind when you're in the middle of a full on panic attack! Thank you for the reply.

[Maige]

Feels are all over the place.

As I know many are the same, I can relate to everything you said. I'm 17 myself and during the years between being 12-15 I had the agony of feeling like my phobia was a complete burden on my parents as I caused my Mother to cry many times, which naturally isn't a good thing to a kid who's still living with their parents...but...if they're a good parent, their tears are more for the fact that they're upset that you have to go through such a horrible fear - but they're not angry or disappointed or anything like that. I thought that at first too; I kept wondering why they didn't just kick me out because we had a ton of arguments as well, until eventually learning that they were more just frustrated with themselves with the fact that they couldn't help as much as they wanted to.
I don't know your Mom but I can bet that she's not angry or upset with you at all. Many parents obviously just feel...weak...when their child is going through something like this. They just want to help but are unsure because extreme phobias are difficult to deal with. The unfortunate thing is she might feel like this for a long while - but it's not your fault. Don't think for a second that it's your fault because no one can help their fears, especially when they get to a point where you can call it a phobia.

Now, for coping...that's up to you.
See, everyone has different methods for themselves. Some work for others while it'll do squat for anyone else. The trick is to search.
One of the things that I learned is to not think about sickness at all. Don't think 'I won't be sick' and don't think 'If I'm sick I'll be sick' because it's still on your mind. You have to completely replace it with something else which, yes, feels like the hardest thing in the world. But if you focus, focus, practice, work and work and work on it it, you can control your mind. Your mind is powerful and can drive bad thoughts into your head, but you are much more powerful than it.

One of the great things that helps emets is this: distractions.
Myself, if I'm at home, I can distract myself by watching something on youtube, reading, or playing a slow video game like Pokemon. All of those things pull my focus away from my stomach. Outside of the home, I have a keepsake that's precious to me - a Buddha bead bracelet that reminds me of my Dad for the smell of sandelwood pushes down nausea for myself. I just count each bead with a special mantra and it disappears for me.

But, then again, I'm one of the people on the site who are really close to surpassing their emetophobia. I get a little panicked if I really start to feel sick, but if I truly feel sick I just pop in a gravol or gnaw on some ginger and I'm good as new. Clearly it's going to be more difficult for someone who's in the eye of the storm...but with help here...with help on the outside...I'm sure you can get to a better point. c:

[Sunpeach]

I've never had n* or v* from any antid. I've been on, and I've been on several, going back to pre-SSRI's. They do make me feel much different- I feel more able to cope, more able to let go of repetitive thought patterns. That can be scary. :-) but for me it literally saved my life. I've had panic attacks that stemmed from my emet since I was seven, before anyone had any idea how to deal with a panicky, worried, obsessive kid. I say try'em. Get a doc who can help you start teeny tiny dose and work up and remember it might take months and months and trying a couple different ones, but one day you will wake up and realize-hey I'm better, I'm functioning, I'm not as afraid. It COULD really change your life.

[RudiL94]

Thank you for the advise Maige, and I'm glad to hear you're close to surpassing your emetophobia.

[RudiL94]

Okay, I'm really considering talking to my doctor about antidepressants now, I think it sounds like a good idea. I just want to know if they make you feel "different" as in, do they make you feel 'high' or anything like that? Because I wouldn't want that.

[Sunpeach]

Okay, I'm really considering talking to my doctor about antidepressants now, I think it sounds like a good idea. I just want to know if they make you feel "different" as in, do they make you feel 'high' or anything like that? Because I wouldn't want that.

No they do not make you feel "high", they'd be a lot more popular if they did. They make me feel more like what I imagine "normal" feels like, and to be honest it takes a long time for that feeling to really take hold, it is not something I even noticed for a long time. They are adjusting your brain chemistry, which is out of whack when you are obsessing and ruminating constantly, depressed, have any sort of anxiety that interferes with your daily life. They are not magic, happy pills.

[Ana Bellini]

Okay, I'm really considering talking to my doctor about antidepressants now, I think it sounds like a good idea. I just want to know if they make you feel "different" as in, do they make you feel 'high' or anything like that? Because I wouldn't want that.

No... Last year I felt so bad, so sad, and when I took the anti depressants I felt happier. Not high, but, not sad. You get what I mean? For some time I could forget about my problems and live. Of course, only the meds aren't enough, but meds + therapy are doing a great job in my opinion!

I'd say, go for it! In my opinion, meds are amazing, as long as you don't overtake them. I had nausea when I started with Risperdal, but I give you my word, I didn't v* and none of the people I know did.

[RudiL94]

Okay, well thanks for the advise Sunpeach.

[RudiL94]

I feel like I'm in the same state of mind you were in last year. I feel terrible at the moment... Like there's no escape from this. I think I will try the anti depressants after all. Thanks for the help.

[JessicaVictoria]

Oh my god, you've described my life. I'm 17 and my emet has gotten awful over the last 6 months, i miss school i don't go out much anymore when i used to go out a lot, i feel like a burden to my parents and friends. I understand EXACTLY how you feel, and don't worry it won't be like this forever. Im in a bad spot at the moment but i for weeks i was functioning, even though i was anxious i still managed to go to parties and school. You'll have bad times and good times and eventually the good times will take over, trust me I'm also doing CBT!

[*C*]

Being active is very hard, i find it difficult to get out of the door because it is so cold or im tired. Try and fight these excuses as it has definately helped me in the past. I just need to wrap up warm and go gyming too.

With the councillor i have found it really helpful but you do have to go sideways before you can go upwards. Its a rocky road but you do feel better as you start to get a better understanding of it all. With my councillor i have been told to chnage the way i think about the situation. what i do to remind myself to relax and see reason. Its helping a lot.

Good luck x

[Maige]

Okay, I'm really considering talking to my doctor about antidepressants now, I think it sounds like a good idea. I just want to know if they make you feel "different" as in, do they make you feel 'high' or anything like that? Because I wouldn't want that.

Well, what I take make me feel more mellow than anything, and I think most people go from between feeling just extremely mellow to just feeling absolutely normal.

[Hockey87]

Hi, I'm new to this too and I found this website reading about my fear on Yahoo answers. I have been fine, not even catching the regular flu, for 7 years (I'm 16 now) but my fears are greater than ever! Every night I'm up until the morning hours worried that ITS going to happen, although my thoughts are completely irrational. I've taken all the necessary precautions, i wash my hands and use the hand sanitizer my school offers as much as possible. My friend had the stomach bug but that was three weeks ago but every little stomachache i have feels like its going to be the one that makes me v*! I'm too scared to look up the symptoms because I'm also a hypochondriac so i'll think I'm going to v* every time i have them. I don't know what to do, I've missed more and more school because my anxiety is out of whack and no matter what I tell myself, I can't calm my mind, because every day is a new day and it's still flu season. I'm a worried wreck