How did it all start for you?

[*C*]

Hi guys and gals,

As a newbie, i just wanted to hear your side of the story. I'm hoping that this might help me to accept that I have a phobia and find ways to get on my life rather than have it revolve around one small bit.

So... how did it all start for you? How do you cope?

For me, it became very prominant last year and was diagnosed by my doctor. Since then I am seeing a councillor and she's bringing up all lots of things that i have been ignoring for years. After a really poniente session, i felt ready to try to move on... but then the school stomach bug has started up today, and the frustration of poorly students being forced back into lessons. I want to be able to be strong with this and not have a very big urge to wash my hands repeatedly. Its really hard, as we had this stomach bug last term and i was really hoping it was just colds and flu season. I didnt cope well last term, but i really want to this term.

I was hoping to find some support and advice from people who fully understand of what I am going through.

Thanks

C

[nagisa]

Hi! First off, welcome to the forum. Feel free to ask/post whenever you feel like it. Misery loves company right? : )
School bugs are never easy. Probably the worst part is not being able to control others actions when they get s*. Just wash your hands regularily (but not obsessively!) and stay away from contaminated places and I'm sure you'll be fine.

As far a I know I've had this phobia all my life, so 21 years. I know that there are emetophobics that go nearly their whole life with out v*ing, but I haven't been that lucky unfortunately.
Even as I tiny kid I was afraid of v*ing, but it probably got even worse when I was about 6 and had the most horrible Noro experience in my life.
Honestly, when it comes to coping, I don't. I take anxiety meds, but before that I didn't even leave the house. Now it's much better and I don't think about the sv unless someone I know has it, or I see it happening somewhere, or of course I feel ill myself.
When I feel n* I always try to distract myself by reading or watching TV, and of course reminding myself I am in a safe place. I do still get panic attack though.

[rexymeteorite]

When I was a kid, I dunno what happened. My family made it worse by calling me crazy, threatening to take me to a mental hospital, making v* noises, threatening to put ipecac in my food. They were terrible, not understanding, and most likely made my emet 10000000x worse. Another common refrain I heard from them was "you must be the only person on earth with this". I love my family but they had NO idea how to handle this.

[Rls1994]

Hi, and welcome to the forum.

My emet started when I had some sort of stomach virus when I was 10 years old. I was sick and had d* for 2 weeks straight and I lost over a stone. After that, I said 'enough is enough. I never want to suffer that bad again so I'm going to avoid it at all costs'. Shortly after, I developed OCD because of the constant hand washing. My emet wasn't bad at all when I first had it. Between the ages 10 - 17 it was completely in order. But then when I reached last October 18, everything started going down hill and my emet has gotten SO much worse than NEVER before. I'm depressed because of it.

Rexy, that's awful! I've also been told that I'm the only 'awkward' person in the world because of my emet.

[Jackiek31]

Mine started with a stomach virus when I was 19. I was so deathly ill, for days and days. After that I started having panic attacks, etc. anytime I thought about it. It became much worse when I became pregnant with my first child. The morning sickness really compounded my emet. Ever since then it really has become a daily struggle. I wash my hands constantly, hand sanitizer, clean with bleach, I will not eat anything that anyone else has made, if anything is slightly close to an expiration date or "looks" bad I will not eat it....the list goes on.
I also avoid a lot of social situations, I can't remember the last time I drank enough to get drunk because I am so terrified I might V*.
I am also scared to tell anyone about it. My husband knows that I have panic attacks, however I have never told him what triggers them. He does not believe that my panic attacks are real, I can only imagine what he would think if I told him what they were about!

[Aspie Grrrl]

My phobia started at age 2. I don't recall the exact incident, but mom says it happened when she was sick (which makes sense because she gags super loud lol). As a child I was only scared of mom getting sick. Eventually the fear spread to include anyone other than myself, and finally, myself as well. It's actually gotten much worse with time.

My dad, aunt and grandpa all have the same fear. Grandpa hasn't v*ed since 1973, and dad has only done it once in my life (I'm 28). I didn't "learn" it from them though. They all hide it really well.

[jennjt]

Wow, Aspie, that's really interesting that it's in your family-- wonder if there's a hereditary factor to emet? I'm not sure really what started my emet. There are several things that I remember happening as a child that all deal with v*, but it's one of those things that other people experience and have no problems with, you know? For example, in 2nd grade, I got the chicken pox, the flu, and strep throat back-to-back; I remember missing a lot of school and v* with strep throat. My panic attacks began at age 7. I also remember several vivid instances of kids v*ing in school; remember my brother getting car sick and v* all over the car as we were on a 2-day road trip to Texas (I tried to jump out of the car while it was moving!); also remember being at Girl Scout Camp and having to go home early because several the girls there were v* and I freaked out. Not sure why I reacted with such fear, though? And why it stuck for... well, 24 years and going strong (I'm 31 now).

I did have several years where I rarely even thought about it, though, unless someone was v*, like, right in front of me. I think I masked a lot of it with "partying" in college and opiates, etc. I got clean, though, in 2010, and exactly a year later, my phobia was back with a vengeance. There were three things that happened that really kicked it off (besides being 100% drug and alcohol free)-- 1st, I got the sv* for the first time ever in October 2011 (I had mono, so my immune system was not up to par); 2nd, my 2 yr old at the time, v* in my bed (some got on my face...); 3rd, my best friend passed away from colon cancer in January of 2012, and things have just been kinda crazy since then.

[Rob1989]

For me i think it started when i was about 7 or 8 years old, on holiday in Spain i heard my dad V* in the bathroom one morning too, pretty violent actually, like h*ing and everything, at the time my mum told me it was because he had too much to drink but ive never really believed that, my dad has never been one to drink too much, but im almost sure thats what started it, just the sounds he was making. On a positive note my emet isnt as bad as it used to be, pictures now dont bother me, and the sound of other people V* doesnt bother me that much, but whenever i know my dad is unwell i have to have headphones on with loud music or be out of the house completely, i avoid hearing that sound again like the plague.

[redscared]

My phobia started in the second grade, when I became sick in the middle of the night and v* on my pillow and later on my bed. My mother was upset with the mess that I made and gave me a bucket. She told me if I was sick again, I would have to clean it up myself. So...from that incident on, I have been afraid of it. I especially fear v* at night or in a public place. I always sleep/travel with a water bottle, for many years hated eating out, often avoided buses and cars, feared amusement park rides, and so on. It was much worse growing up and when I was younger, since I didn't identify it as a phobia. It was always something that existed outside of my self...like this demon that sometimes possessed me into anxiety and misery. Because of that, I really couldn't think rationally about it. I couldn't think...you've gone a hundreds of car rides, never got ill, why now? Or, you haven't thrown up since the second grade...why this restuarant, why now? It wasn't on my radar as a thing that could possibly be a phobia. ...so, it was more like a curse or strange, miserable personality quirk.

Realizing that it was a phobia, learning that others also feel almost exactly the same, and that 90% of how I feel is related to my thoughts...has really helped me be less anxious about it. I would say that it only significantly bothers me a few times a month (as in panic attack or lost sleep), whereas for years, it was almost every night. However, it remains a fear that looms over my hopes and goals. For example. I love to travel! I have traveled many times, but often get an upset stomach. So, it is my biggest worry with travel. I would love to someday not care and travel anywhere, without worry of the food and water (well still worry within reason). Granted, I am generally healthier than those I am with because of my cautions....but, it is a constant fear when abroad. It would be nice to not care so much and be free.

[stopthissong]

Welcome to the forum! My phobia I believe originated from the morning I ate breakfast when I was 12 (about 7 years ago). My Mum had made chicken the night before for dinner. She used a separate bowl for the raw chicken and put it in the dishwasher. The next morning I woke up and thought the dishwasher was turned on that night but it wasn't. The bowl looked clean to me so I te my cereal out of it. I remember there was just so much panic in the house and that's when I think I must have associated that it was really bad to v* and that it was the most terrible thing that could ever happen.

[Maige]

Hello and welcome!

Mine...well, I was always fearful of getting sick. When I was little I would just start whining a lot if my stomach felt upset, even if I wasn't about to get sick, and as a baby for the first few months after my birth I was constantly ill.
It escalated when I was in the seventh grade and was falling into depression because of the school I had been at, where my body figured that it could vamp my fear so I wouldn't have to go to that school; by making me feel like I was going to get sick almost every minute of every day. I still remember it clearly because I had just been walking to school and felt a strange feeling in my throat and ran home to call my Mother and tell her I wasn't feeling well. It went insane form there.

[Grace47]

I know it got much worse when I was 12. That was when I saw my favorite aunt die shortly after v*ing. In addition, in first grade, I was stuck sitting next to a boy who v*ed everyday right next to me. In 6th grade, he found his father dead having committed suicide. Poor child! Who knows what trauma he was going through when we were so little? At any rate, it really got bad about age 12. After high school, I had very few problems with it until a few years ago when my daughter had v for six months. In addition, I do not think growing up with a bulimic helped. I was around a lot of v growing up. Way more than the usual noro.

[chris_alice]

Welcome to the forum! My phobia I believe originated from the morning I ate breakfast when I was 12 (about 7 years ago). My Mum had made chicken the night before for dinner. She used a separate bowl for the raw chicken and put it in the dishwasher. The next morning I woke up and thought the dishwasher was turned on that night but it wasn't. The bowl looked clean to me so I te my cereal out of it. I remember there was just so much panic in the house and that's when I think I must have associated that it was really bad to v* and that it was the most terrible thing that could ever happen.

I HAVE TO ask... did you vomit or get sick in any way?

[stopthissong]

I HAVE TO ask... did you vomit or get sick in any way?

No I didn't. My Mum made me drink these probiotic drinks afterward but I can't imagine them doing much. It's pretty surprising really.

[Evee]

Hello and welcome!

I've always been this way. I remember hiding under my covers at night as a kid, covering my ears and trying not to scream when I heard someone up being ill. If anyone around me ever said they felt sick to their stomach, I would hightail it out of the room and made sure they stayed far, far away. It sucked. I'm still the same way now, except worse. I don't really have any way to cope, but I've got some good outlets like writing or drawing. It helps keep me sane when the world around me isn't.

[lbckid1]

I can say I've always been afraid to vomit, but it started getting bad after the first time I got really intoxicated!..which was about 4 years ago. Ever since then it just took off and its gotten 100% worse! I wish I could have ANYTHING else besides this because you can't avoid these feelings! You can get sick or feel sick ANYTIME, and its unavoidable. FML!!!!

[emet-ana]

Welcome to the forum *C*. It's good that you're seeing a therapist to help you through this phobia.

Washing your hands before eating, after using the loo and when you get home from school should be enough but I know it's easy to say that! 20 seconds is a reasonable length hand-wash so that's the amount of time it takes to sing the alphabet song!

I have emetophobia and severe ocd, it started when I was 7 after a family member v* blood and fitted before dying (he was severely disabled and had a condition that killed him, v* was just a side effect of his disease) and because my younger brother used to choke a lot with another condition and it reminded me of v*. Also I was kept away from my Mum when she was in hospital because I got a really nasty tummy bug so that didn't help!

I hope you find lots of support on the forum

[brigitte14]

My phobia started when I was seven years old. On Christmas eve, I didn't feel well and the next morning, on Christmas, I threw up while opening presents. Since then, it's been my biggest fear and I worry about it on a daily basis.

[aquamarinist]

My phobia started when...
I was a very curious child, I always wanted to learn things. When I was 7 my father bought me the Merck Medical Manual and I learned way too much about illnesses, and he bought me other books about diseases, and then when I was 8 at summer camp the girl in the bunk above me v'd in the middle of the night and that combined with the trauma of not liking the camp & knowing too much about viruses etc started mine.

[hairyfairy]

Iv`e always really hated vting for as long as I could remember, I never realised that I could actually prevent it, & I seemed to get sick on a regular basis when i was small. I could never figure out what caused it, it seemed like an act of god! I suppose that Iv`e always had emet tendencies because I can remember being scared if I felt ill in any way, because I associated illness with vting, & the fear sort of got stronger the older I got.

[rubberduckies]

Mine started when I was about 7 or so, and my grandmother was sick with intenstinal problems, but didnt want to tell anyone or get treatment.. One night she was acting baby-ish and threw up all over her room.. I was at a neighbors house, and didnt hear her calling me.. I thought, at the time that I made her sick.. I guess the sickness was making her "not right" at that time ( the whole acting babyish/weird).. She was only in her early 50s at the time, and that instance scared the crap out of me. She died in the hospital... not from the intestinal problems, but from a blood clot from being in the hospital... I suffer with these problems too, constipation and all of that... That corroded her intestines.. I live day to day with constant fear that my intestines are rotting out, and that im going to get something that will make me vomit.. It drives me crazy. =(

[arried]

I never had a traumatic experience with v*ing. There were multiple occasions where I got sick during my childhood, but I can't pinpoint a time when I wasn't afraid of v*. Because this phobia affects my life in such a strong way, it really bothers me that I don't know the cause of my phobia. I guess it's possible that it just came out of nowhere, but I'm not sure. I feel like there's something I'm missing. I also just have a phobia of sickness in general and losing control over my body/mind. Does anyone know how the whole fear of losing control of your body/mind can come about? Does there have to be something that causes it or can it just happen?

[Meganx2]

Im new too! Nice to meet you! Mine started when I was about eight. I would always feel sick and thought I was going to v* but it never came I became so fearful of it coming. It escalted though when I was ten My mom and dad were divorced and I use to have to go stay with my dad for the summer six hours away. I did not like it. When I arrived at his house the power was out and it was super hot so we went to bed and I v* on my pillow than went to go tell him and ended getting sick all over him and my step mom. They werent happy about it and made me sleep with a bucket for four days even though I didnt get sick after that point. Ever since than i wont burp, im terrified of others being sick, i hate eating out when i do i usually have panic attacks, the list goes on. Ive been on medication after medication sometimes it controls the symptoms but it never goes away. Ive seen counselors tried being hypnotized you name it. I hate this and wish everyday I didnt have to deal with it. It controls so much of my life.

[mamacat]

I am also new...and so hugely relieved to learn that I am not alone My phobia started as a child, around age 9, when my dad got fp while we were on vacation at disneyworld. We were all in the same hotel room, so my bro and I could hear everything, and I clearly remember trying to hide under the bed to get away.
My fear does seem to go through cycles. I did better during my young teens, then got a bad sv in high school which made it worse for a while. Things got better after my first year un college, and I worked as a teacher for 8 years without the fear returning. Then I became a mom, and my DS got a terrible sv when he was barely 2 years old, which he shared with my DH. My hubby was so sick, for days, and he never gets sick,....the fear came rushing back and I have been dealing with it now for years.

[NaiveAndTrue]

Middle school. I never really LIKED it but I wasn't afraid of it as a kid. In 7th grade I started having panic attacks, though. One of the symptoms was nausea. I'm a bit overly-logical sometimes (once w/ the sv* as a kid I was feeling terrible and crying 'I want my mommy', then I realized that was silly, as she was right downstairs. . . so I started crying 'I want a doctor!') so I think in order to feel that scared, I needed something to be scare OF, and those two things just wove together in my mind. I didn't even know they were panic attacks until a health class 2 years later. Then it was still hard to explain that I had PA's, but was only afraid that I would be sick - not die like most people. I think it was around 2010 that I had a bug one night and googled 'afraid to t*u*' and found this forum. I can't tell you how crazy excited I was that what I have has a name! lol.
Now my fears are pretty mild - only afraid of MYSELF v*ing, or being around someone with something contagious. It is still something I think about and deal with daily, though.

[SUM1]

I can't say when it started, because I was too young to remember, but I've always been scared of being sick. I always used to get train sick, plane sick and car sick when I was very young, and in 2008 and 2010 I got ill and was sick. None of these events cured my phobia, they only made it worse. Now that I'm 14 and realise it's my phobia, I stay away from anything that might make me feel sick, and so far it has worked, except for the nausea I get almost daily which I'm getting looked at at the doctor's but it might just be anxiety or a physical problem caused by anxiety as my stomach always clenches tight whenever I feel nauseous.

[chris_alice]

I started taking "the pill" and that made me horribly nauseous, which led to a lot of random retching everywhere I went. Then I started having these god-awful panic attacks which, I guess, I associated with the nausea and retching. Feeling so sick 24/7 led to emetophobia. I eventually stopped taking the pill thinking it would all stop and I'd go back to normal. Didn't happen. The panic attacks and fear of vomiting stayed and got worse by turning into agoraphobia (areabound).